The Long and Winding Road
by Meri
Summary: Summary: A Master....his apprentice and a forbidden love.
1. Default Chapter

Title: The Long and Winding Road  
  
Author: Meri  
  
Rating: PG for part one, but just to be on the safe side PG-13 for much later.  
  
Summary: Thrown together as Master and Apprentice in a tragic situation, Meri Irhanah must learn to trust her young Master, Alex Arieh. Meri is 14-- Alex is 21 (O/C)  
  
Warning: And yes, you read right, the genre is romance, however you won't find any in Part One. If "romance" between a Jedi master and apprentice disgust you, then please don't read.  
  
Disclaimer: Both Meri and Alex are my creations any other star wars cannon characters are G.L. An-Paj is the creation of Jane Jinn who was very kind to lend me such a great character!  
  
Part One  
  
Meri's Age: 13 years  
  
"Meri!" the call rang through the small quarters and it was only a moment before a pattering of light feet was heard hurrying towards the main room. The Jedi Master smiled to herself. Her padawan--Meri Irhanah--was always quick to obey, and though the young teen did have a dry wit, she was always eager to please.  
  
Yet, there *were* those times when the padawan couldn't seem to stay *out* of trouble. However, those times usually involved another padawan by the name of Obi-Wan Kenobi. Keep the two separated and there was never a problem, but together they seemed to find never-ending trouble.  
  
Hazel eyes flashed in amusement as the young teen in mind swept softly into the room, coming to a stop before her Master.  
  
The padawan immediately noticed her Master's amusement, and a slender brow rose in question.  
  
Ignoring the questioning look, Master Ariana Caer gestured to a stack of leather bound books on the table. "I have an errand for you to run, Meri."  
  
"Joy," the padawan said dryly after giving the stack a cursory glance.  
  
"Such enthusiasm," Ariana teased.  
  
"These books I borrowed need to be delivered back to Master Gallia and since I knew you'd rather do anything but study..." she trailed off, eyes sparkling.  
  
The padawan flashed her Master a smile and moved to pick up the books.  
  
Ariana had to help put the last two in her padawan's full arms.  
  
"Are you sure you can carry all of these? Two trips may be necessary."  
  
Tall and slender, Ariana stood looking at her padawan, a finger placed on her chin in thought. The Master's honey colored hair hung down around her back, free from the confines of a braid for the day.  
  
The young teen shook her head. "No, Master. I can manage."  
  
Ariana shook her head, amusement tipping her lips at the site of the thirteen year old all but buried under the stack.  
  
"Let me get the door then,"  
  
Meri didn't object as she carefully navigated her way out of the apartment, having to peek around the tall stack of books to see.  
  
Ariana stared after the padawan, wondering if she'd make it all the way to Adi Gallia's with the books still intact. Shaking her head, a smile on her face, the Master turned back into the apartment and shut the door.  
  
**  
  
Meri was half way there and breathing slightly faster than normal. It was a challenge to navigate the hallways without running into a corner whenever she needed to turn. Peeking around the tall stack of books she saw the last turn coming up and carefully shifted the heavy books in her arms. The books were heavier than they had first seemed.  
  
//Just a little bit further,// she thought thankfully.  
  
Just as she went around the corner she heard the sound of rushing feet, and before she could get out of the way, someone slammed into her sending she and the books flying backwards. Meri hit the wall with a stunned "Oomph" and the various books scattered the length of the short hallway.  
  
"Sithspawn!" Meri exclaimed in irritation upon seeing the books that were spread all over the hall. The word had accidentally slipped out before she could stop it, and she hoped it was not a Master that she'd run into.  
  
"I am *so* sorry!" The voice, which spoke, was heavily accented, and reminded Meri of Obi-Wan. Standing up, she finally glanced at the young man who had run into her. It was a padawan, she noticed, and he seemed to be in quite the hurry. His jet-black hair was cut in the normal padawan buzz, and a long black braid hung down his shoulder. He looked to be about 20.  
  
"I'm so sorry," the padawan repeated in a rush as he hurriedly picked up the scattered books. "It's okay," she mumbled, bending to retrieve the books nearest her.  
  
"Oh, here let me help you," he said in a rush.  
  
Quickly he stacked up the books and helped her arrange them in her arms. When she held them all once again, he bobbed his head. "Really, I am sorry," he said hastily. At Meri's nod that it was okay the tall padawan dashed off down the hall muttering something about his Master being displeased at his tardiness.  
  
Meri was left to stare after the young man, an exasperated expression on her face. "Boys," she huffed before turning back down the hall. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
One Year Later  
  
An-Paj walked softly into the dark room where Meri Irhanah lay curled on the bed. Coming to a stop at the side, the blue healer's antenna drooped in sadness. The death of Ariana Caer had shaken all who had known her, but it had devastated her padawan. For the past four days, Meri had been in the infirmary. The first day she was treated for the shock caused by the broken bond. The healers had expected her to come out of the daze she was in, but she hadn't.  
  
The fourteen year old stared blankly at the wall, a fixed frown on her small brow, the sheets clutched tightly in her hands. She did not acknowledged the head healer's presence, and did not seem to hear the whispered voices as An-Paj conferred with the healer who had been watching over her ever since her Master's death four days ago.  
  
"Has she said anything yet?"  
  
"No, Master An-Paj."  
  
"Meri?" The healer's soft voice addressed her next, but the padawan's eyes only flickered to show she had even heard him.  
  
"Meri!" he said more forcefully.  
  
//Leave me alone..// The anguish filled thought never reached her lips.  
  
An-Paj straightened up slightly. As a Healer and a Jedi, he had the ability of telepathic power, and Meri had made no effort to shield the thought. It was the first she had responded to anyone since her Master's death, but the way in which she had responded was not a good sign.  
  
"I can't do that, padawan," he said quietly. He refused to speak with her telepathically, knowing he needed to draw her out from the pain she was drowning in.  
  
//DON'T call me that.// Her eyes were now clenched tightly shut.  
  
Again her unshielded thought surprised the healer, this time more from the thought itself, than that she had responded. "Why?" he questioned softly.  
  
//I'm not worthy to be called a padawan...// The thought was filled with burning agony, and the young teen's small frame trembled.  
  
It was then it fell into place for An-Paj. She blamed herself for her Master's death. "No, Meri. This was *not* your fault. You were obeying the Council and your Master. There was nothing you could have done!"  
  
Deep brown eyes full of suffering finally broke away from the wall and looked up at the healer. With lips trembling and a small tremulous voice Meri finally spoke, her voice rising as she did so. "I should have been there! It is my responsibility as a padawan. I took an Oath!"  
  
"No, Meri! This was NOT your fault!" An-Paj insisted firmly.  
  
Turning her gaze back to the wall, Meri acted as though she hadn't heard him. //Please, leave me alone,// and with that final thought Meri's impenetrable shields fell back into place.  
  
An-Paj stepped back, realizing the conversation was closed. Turning to the somewhat startled healer at the bedside, An-Paj shook his head.  
  
"I'll be back in the morning. Watch her closely tonight," he warned softly. He didn't think Meri would try anything drastic, but he wasn't going to risk it. With once last glance at the young girl, An-Paj walked quickly out of room, shutting the door softly behind him.  
  
Once he was gone, the healer by the bed heard a quivering sigh emanate from the girl curled on her side. Yet still, there were no tears.  
  
|====|----------(  
  
An-Paj had just sank into the chair behind his desk the next morning when a flustered healer swept into his office.  
  
"Master An-Paj, I'm so sorry to interrupt but...,"  
  
An-Paj sighed as he recognized the healer assigned to watch over Meri Irhanah. "Do you know where she went?" he interrupted before the healer finished the sentence.  
  
"No, Master. I'm sorry, Master An-Paj. I didn't meant to fall asle.."  
  
"It's alright," An-Paj cut in again. "Send out a search team, then you may be excused Healer Lilia." Nodding her head thankfully the healer slipped out of the room quietly.  
  
As he sat silently in thought his assistant, Healer Zavian walked in with an armful of records. A shy young man, Healer Zavian had just passed from a padawan to a full-fledged healer. One of his gifts was his sensitivity to what others were feeling, and what they were going through.  
  
"Master An-Paj," the younger healer greeted with a nod.  
  
"Good morning Zavian," An-Paj nodded back. For a few moments he was silent as he watched the young healer replace the files.  
  
"Zavian, I want to ask your opinion on a patient."  
  
With a surprised look, the healer glanced up. "Yes Master?"  
  
"You have seen Meri Irhanah recently haven't you?"  
  
"Yes, Master. Yesterday afternoon."  
  
An-Paj didn't miss the obvious sorrow the young man felt at the thought of the encounter. "Your opinion Zavian?" An-Paj asked softly.  
  
The younger healer's gray eyes lowered briefly, before rising again to meet those of An-Paj. "She has a long road ahead of her, Master."  
  
"That is not what I asked, Zavian," the older healer said gently.  
  
An-Paj heard a troubled sigh from the young assistant. "Let me ask you this, Zavian. You have known Padawan Irhanah almost as long as I have. You've helped treat her before, when still only an apprentice healer yourself. So, tell me, do you think she has held a bond with Ariana Caer since her infancy?"  
  
Zavian looked at him baffled, but An-Paj could see he was thinking about it. The older Healer continued, "Ariana Caer was the one who *brought* Meri as a baby to the Temple, and she took her as an apprentice when Meri was only nine. If she's held a bond with Meri for that long...," he trailed off leaving the young healer to finish the thought.  
  
An-Paj let the young man think about it for a minute before prodding him for an answer. "Zavian, your thoughts?"  
  
An-Paj knew what he was suggesting was serious. One of the main reasons that the initiates had a Crèche Master, and were not apprenticed to a Knight, was because they became too attached. A bond that was formed that young was deemed dangerous by the Council, and for good reason. When a child formed a bond as an infant, they became dependent on that bond, and once Knighthood was reached it was an extremely hard crossover for both the Master and Padawan to make. However, if a bond such as that were to be broken prematurely, and by surprise, An-Paj wasn't sure what would happen. He had known many padawans who had lost Masters, and though they grieved, they overcame quickly, and accepted their loss. He had never had one react as Meri was; yet if what he suspected was true then her reaction should come as no surprise.  
  
"Zavian?" An-Paj insistently questioned the still silent healer, "Zavian do you think she held a bond with Master Caer since infancy?"  
  
Zavian's nod was heavy. "Yes, Master An-Paj, I do."  
  
An-Paj sighed, "This is going to very hard on her."  
  
Zavian only nodded in agreement, his gray eyes troubled. 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
  
"I guessed that this is where she would be," An-Paj said as he walked down the hallway with Zavian.  
  
"She is trying to get as close as possible to her Master," Zavian observed softly as they stopped outside a Master/Padawan apartment. Nodding to the healer who had taken guard at the door, An-Paj and Zavian quietly entered the apartment.  
  
Shortly after the search team had been sent out, they had found Meri in her Master's quarters holding on to one of Ariana's old robes and acting as though she would never let go. This was the same scene An-Paj walked in on, as he entered Ariana's old bedroom. Meri sat huddled against a wall holding onto the robe, her face buried in the brown garment. Zavian paused in the doorway, his face frozen in sorrow as he felt the waves of pain and grief rolling off the young girl.  
  
"Meri?" An-Paj asked gently as he knelt in front of her.  
  
To his surprise, he heard a whimper, then a heart-wrenching sob.  
  
The small girl's shoulders shook as the tears fell thicker and faster.  
  
"Master?!" The whispered cry was a desperate plea, but An-Paj knew she wasn't calling him. She was oblivious to his presence, calling out for the one who had left such a massive void in her life. An-Paj could see she was working herself into hysteria as her sobs grew louder, and she started crying out repeatedly for her Master.  
  
With the lightest of touches, An-Paj sent a Force suggestion of sleep to Meri, and wasn't surprised when her body readily accepted the suggestion, and the tears subsided. Picking her up, he frowned when he felt her weight. Just five days had changed a bright and healthy girl into only a shadow of her former self. Gently he placed her on her Master's bed, and then covered her with the brown robe, his heart heavy.  
  
Turning, he saw Zavian standing in the doorway, his gray eyes wet. Neither of them spoke until they were back in the main room.  
  
"It is good she finally cried. Are you going to leave her here?" Zavian asked softly.  
  
An-Paj nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, she needs to stay here until a new Master is found. It is familiar to her, the smells and sights."  
  
"A new Master so soon?" the younger healer asked in surprise.  
  
"As soon as possible. If she won't let me in, she won't let a mind-healer in. The only person she is going to let in is her Master. She doesn't know how to cope without that bond, there is no one there for her. A new Master and bond certainly won't make it exactly as it was, but it will help her learn how to start dealing with this."  
  
"Do you think she'll accept a new Master?"  
  
"I think she will, but we have to find her the right one first. Not many Knights are going to be willing to take this on," An-Paj said grimly.  
  
"Where are you going to start?" Zavian asked.  
  
"I'm going to speak with Master Yoda."  
  
**  
  
It was late afternoon by the time An-Paj met with Yoda. He had already told the Master about Meri's problem, and Yoda had agreed with the healer; Meri had held a life long bond with Ariana. The venerable Jedi Master had sent word for An-Paj to meet him in the main training room. An-Paj was curious as to why Yoda had chosen such a busy place to meet, but he had learned long ago if you started trying to figure out Master Yodas reasoning you'd be "figuring" for a long time.  
  
Stepping into the training room, the blue healer looked around for Master Yoda, and saw him standing in the corner of the large room, watching two Knights sparring. A few other pairs of Jedi were spread throughout the room, some Masters training their padawans, and some simply Jedi Knights practicing.  
  
As An-Paj approached Yoda, the elder Jedi turned to face him.  
  
"Master Yoda," the healer greeted with a bow.  
  
"Hmm," Yoda nodded back. "Something to say?"  
  
"Yes Master, about Meri Irhanah," An-Paj said, glancing at the two Knights sparring near by. A loud THUMP was heard as one Knight threw the other across the mat.  
  
"Hmmm, a great loss was Master Caer. Strong was the bond they held, hard it will be for her padawan," the small Master said softly.  
  
"Yes, Master Yoda. Concerning what has happened I think it best for Padawan Irhanah to have a new Master as soon as possible. I was hoping you would have someone in mind who would be willing and qualified enough to take her on." An-Paj waited expectantly for the older Jedi to answer him, but Yoda instead had turned and was watching the sparring Knights with renewed interest.  
  
An-Paj glanced at the Knights and then back at Yoda. The battle between the two Knights was increasing in intensity, and An-Paj looked closer at the two fighters. One was older, at least 28, his hair a fiery red. Unlike his opponent, the redhead was short and stocky. In contrast the other was very young, no more than 22 An-Paj would guess; he was also much taller than the other was. His hair was a midnight black, and just growing out of a padawan cut, evidence that he had only recently passed his trials.  
  
With a quick move the younger Jedi disarmed the older Knight and stood holding his deep blue blade pointed at his opponent's neck. An-Paj blinked in surprise, he hadn't even seen the move, so fast was it executed.  
  
Shaking his head, he turned back to Yoda and back to the business at hand. "Master Yoda?" he finally questioned the small Master.  
  
Without turning his gaze from the Knights who were turning to leave, Yoda spoke. "Have someone in mind I do."  
  
An-Paj followed his gaze to the black haired Knight and had to bite back the protest that immediately sprang to mind. This hadn't been at all what he'd expected.  
  
|====|------------   
  
Zavian was reading a report when the door to the office swung open and An- Paj strode in. Having known the older healer since he himself was a young padawan, Zavian could easily see that the meeting with Master Yoda hadn't gone well, or at least not as An-Paj had planned.  
  
An amused grin tilting his lips, Zavian shook his head. "That bad, huh? Who is it?"  
  
An-Paj shot the young man an exasperated look. "You'll never guess, I promise you that."  
  
"Oh, come on. It can't be all that bad."  
  
An-Paj was silent for a moment then looked over at Zavian who was looking at him expectantly. "He was only knighted six months ago," the words dropped like a bomb, and for a moment Zavian was too astounded to speak.  
  
"How old is he?" the younger healer finally asked in disbelief.  
  
"I thought he was 22, but I was wrong." The blue healer's face was impassive, but one of his antennas jerked sporadically.  
  
"Ohh, well, that's good. I would think that's a little too you..,"  
  
"He just turned 21." The words from An-Paj stopped Zavian cold. Dead silence invaded the room as Zavian took this in.  
  
"Okay, what is it about this Knight that makes Master Yoda think he can handle this." Zavian's curiosity had taken over the shock.  
  
An-Paj sighed and rubbed his forehead thoughtfully. "Well, you know how Master Yoda asked me to meet him in the training rooms?"  
  
Zavian nodded.  
  
"Well, it seems that the reason he did so, was so that I could see this Knight in action."  
  
"Fighting?" Zavian questioned, perplexed.  
  
An-Paj half nodded. "That, and something else. It seems this Alex Arieh has a special gift with children. Training them. In fact, Master Yoda told me that he helped younger padawans with their studies when he was only a padawan himself. He is very talented, and not just in helping others, it seems. We watched him teach a class today."  
  
Zavian's brow wrinkled in thought. "What did you think?"  
  
An-Paj let out another measured sigh. "He's good. The children adored him," the healer paused. "But Meri Irhanah is no child. She's a *teenager*. A troubled *female* teenager," he emphasized.  
  
They younger healer barely managed to hide his smirk at An-Paj's words.  
  
Zavian knew it wasn't supposed to be funny, but the implication An-Paj was making about human female teens in general amused him.  
  
"And a responsibility held a few times a week, and a responsibility that must be carried out daily, hourly, is much different," the blue healer continued.  
  
"That is true," Zavian admitted. "Perhaps he would surprise us. Youth does not always mean irresponsibility," he winked. "Just look at me."  
  
An-Paj snorted. "That's not all that bothers me, though. They're only seven years apart for sith's sake, and barely that!"  
  
"She's *only* fourteen, Master. I don't think what you're thinking could happen." Zavian was beginning to warm to Master Yoda's idea.  
  
"And he's only twenty-one," An-Paj countered.  
  
"So you've said," the healer murmured. Zavian's voice suddenly dropped into a serious tone. "I don't think it fair to judge a man I've never met, Master. Therefore, I can not judge him on his code of honor. Surely Master Yoda has already thought of these concerns, and if he suggested him, he must have a great deal of confidence in this Knight."  
  
"He did more than suggest him," An-Paj sighed. "But you're right. I trust Yoda's judgment, but let it be known now. I have my doubts. I just don't want Meri hurt further by an act of the inexperienced. At this point I don't think she could handle it."  
  
"They are fair concerns, Master, but I think the two should meet. And something tells me that Master Yoda knows more about why these two should be a pair than he's letting on."  
  
For the first time since An-Paj had entered the office, he smiled.  
  
"Well, I was no where near as shocked as Alex Arieh will be when they tell him this." 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
//What in the galaxy am I doing here?// Alex wondered. Just six months a Knight and he was thinking about taking a padawan. He must be insane. No, Yoda must be insane.  
  
Shock wouldn't be the word to describe what Alex had felt when this whole situation had been brought to him. He was already somewhat of an abnormality in the Temple. Knighted at the tender age of twenty-one, Alex had already been teased by several of the older Jedi Knights.  
  
He certainly didn't think he was ready to take on a padawan, much less a padawan in such a situation as this. Why him? Why not some more experienced Jedi Knight? Yoda had simply told him he was qualified where it mattered, and that the Force had chosen him. Alex wasn't so certain. The only reason he was even agreeing to meet this girl was because of what he'd been told about her. He couldn't turn away from someone who needed his help, even though he wasn't sure he had much to offer.  
  
When he had been told the story something stirred his heart. A young padawan, who held perhaps the strongest type of bond with her Master, had lost that bond. It had devastated the girl, and she wasn't coping well. The healers thought the best thing for her would be to have a new Master. Even more tragic the young girl wrongly blamed herself for her Masters death. When Alex had questioned Yoda about this, Yoda had told him that her Master had gone on a particularly dangerous mission and the Council had forbid her to take her padawan along. The padawan's Master had agreed, and Meri Irhanah was left at the temple. In an outbreak of violence, Meri's Master was killed, and the padawan blamed herself for not being there to protect her Master.  
  
Alex shifted nervously from foot to foot as he stood outside the apartment. He was only here to meet her, he'd been told. It was just a meeting to test the water. The healer had seemed to want to assure Alex of that. Maybe he wasn't the only one who thought he wasn't capable of doing this. The question of "why me" still rang in his ears.  
  
Across the hall the door opened and An-Paj looked out, before motioning the young Jedi Knight over. Alex took a deep breath, and walked slowly towards the healer.  
  
|====|------------   
  
Meri stared at her hands, anywhere else but the healer's eyes opposite her. Her heart felt like it had been ripped to shreds, and totally torn in two. All she felt like doing was crying, constantly, but her stubborn nature kept her from doing so in front of An-Paj.  
  
The darkness beckoned her. The darkness where all the pain was gone, and blessed oblivion took its place. Already a part of herself was hidden away in the deepest recesses of her mind, away from the pain, away from the anguish of it all. An-Paj would say she had pulled into herself, and was hiding from the world. She didn't care. She didn't care much about anything anymore.  
  
"Meri?"  
  
The soft voice of the healer brought her head up slowly.  
  
"You know this is not your fault, don't you?" An-Paj asked gently.  
  
Meri bit her lip and turned her head away. Her fault? Wasn't it though? If she had been there, things could have been different. Her Master might have lived. She wouldn't be alone now. She wouldn't be so afraid, so afraid to live. But she knew the answer he wanted from her. Slowly she nodded her head, her lips trembling as she tried to restrain the tears. A soft sigh was heard from the healer.  
  
"There is someone here to meet you, Meri. Master Yoda thinks that this Knight should be you new Master."  
  
Meri visibly flinched away at the word "Master" but otherwise kept silent, her eyes locked on her hands once again.  
  
"I know it seems quick, but it's for the best, Padawan," An-Paj said quietly.  
  
Meri again had flinched at the word padawan. Master, padawan, two words which had the ability to pierce her heart with pain. She had known something was about to happen because the healers had forced her to take a shower and freshen up. She hadn't been expecting this, though. They wanted to replace the person who had meant the world to her. As was usual for the habit she had fallen into, she didn't reply to the healer. However, she didn't realize her lack of words spoke volumes to the healer, and the roiling of emotions she projected spoke even more.  
  
"This will not be easy for you, I know that. But please speak with him, he can help you." With those words An-Paj rose quietly from his perch on the couch, and went to the door.  
  
Meri watched him go her face blank although her thoughts were going wild. He? It was a man? For five years, a woman had raised her. And just how could he help her? Could he mend her broken heart? One question she knew she didn't have to ask. In her mind, he would NEVER replace Ariana.  
  
|====|------------   
  
There had only been a handful of times in Alex's life where he felt totally uncomfortable with a situation at hand. This--he could tell--was going to be one of those situations. Feeling a hand on his shoulder, Alex turned to see An-Paj looking at him. "She's hurting, and may not speak to you. Let the Force lead you on how to act," the healer whispered softly.  
  
Alex nodded and stepped into the silent room. The young girl sat on the couch, her head tilted down. Unlike some padawan's she had chosen not to keep the short padawan haircut, and her dark hair fell about her shoulders. She didn't look up as he took a tentative seat on the couch next to her.  
  
"Hello," he said his lilting voice soft.  
  
At the sound of his voice, Meri lifted her head slowly, her brown eyes fastening on his. For the first time since he had arrived, Alex saw her face. Her skin was pale and accented by large dark circles under her eyes. Her face expression remained blank, but her eyes captured his attention. He'd heard the expression "eyes are the windows to the soul", but this was the first time he really saw what that meant.  
  
At first he thought he saw a flash of recognition in the brown eyes, but he couldn't remember ever meeting her before, and brushed the idea away as his imagination. As her gaze continued, he met it, thinking she would certainly look down. To his surprise, she didn't and he didn't look away either. Gradually the room seemed to fade around him, and he forgot all about the healer watching. With a surge the Force gathered around the two, and suddenly Alex knew what the young girl before him was going through. Without understanding how, he knew what she had been thinking, how she blamed herself, and just how torn her heart really was. He knew of the sleepless nights, and knew that when she did sleep, she was plagued by nightmares. He could feel the despair, the anguish and torment that each day brought. He could sense that although she rejected the idea of a new Master, of him, that underneath it all she was crying out for help.  
  
He realized that he wasn't getting all this from simply looking into Meri's eyes. For a reason he didn't quite understand, a brief connection had been formed between them. Curious, he tried something he was going to regret a second later. Grabbing onto the Force that stretched between them, Alex sent a thought, instead of speaking. //Meri?//  
  
The result was almost instantaneous.  
  
"Noo!"  
  
The sharp cry echoed through the room as the slender teen bolted to her feet and fled the room.  
  
The Knight's bright blue eyes dropped to the floor, and even though Meri had fled the room, and the connection had broken, Alex could still sense her emotional state. This puzzled him, but he was thinking more of the large mistake he had just made as he felt her churning emotions. //You've really done it now,// he thought with a sigh. He shouldn't have tried it, he shouldn't have pushed her.  
  
To the left of him, the blue healer shifted slightly in his chair, reminding Alex of his presence.  
  
"I'm sorry," Alex breathed; his head still bowed.  
  
"I didn't mean to hurt her," he whispered softly into the silent room.  
  
**  
  
After watching what transpired between the two in front of him, An-Paj was halfway convinced Yoda had been right again. How the wise Jedi Master had known, the healer may never understand.  
  
At the Knight's words of apology, An-Paj glanced up.  
  
"No, Knight Arieh. I don't think you did. At least not any more than was necessary, but from your point of view....what just happened?"  
  
Nervously Alex ran a hand through his thick black hair. "I don't know....I'm not quite sure how to explain it. It was just....I could sense everything she was feeling, and everything she'd been going through."  
  
"The Force was strong between the two of you," the healer stated.  
  
"That is where I made my mistake Master Healer. I...I tried to speak to her..."  
  
"Through the Force you mean?" An-Paj questioned curiously. He'd felt the Force surging around the two of them. It was part of the reason he thought Yoda might be correct. An-Paj had spoken with many Masters, who had at one time or another said that when they first met their padawans-- before they even knew that the youth was the one--they had felt a strong Force connection. It was usually present between a Master and apprentice when they were destined to have a strong bond. He had a hard time imagining that could happen in a situation such as this.  
  
"Yes, through the Force.." the Knight trailed off, his blue eyes troubled.  
  
"That's when she fled." It wasn't a question, but more a thoughtful statement.  
  
"Do you think she's all right?" The young Jedi Knight's concern was apparent in his sapphire eyes, as he glanced towards the room the teen had fled to.  
  
An-Paj smiled softly. He could see that in one area Alex Arieh was perfect for this, if not in experience, he would be completely gentle with Meri. "She's upset, but rightly so. Do not blame yourself. I informed her why you where here, and she knows she is to have a new Master."  
  
"If you do chose to accept her," the healer started carefully. "She is going to have to become used to a new presence and voice in her mind. This will not be easy for her."  
  
"If I am the one to do this--I wouldn't want to take her Master's place," Alex said earnestly.  
  
"Give her time, Knight Arieh. She will realize that soon enough," An-Paj said softly. 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
  
After a few days of meditation, and serious reflection, Alex decided he needed to speak to An-Paj again. Apart from their first stormy meeting, he found he knew absolutely nothing about the young teen. His mind and his heart each were in opposition to the other on whether or not he should take this girl as his padawan. His mind told him he was too young, and that the responsibility was too large. It would change his whole way of life, and he didn't know if he was capable of such a responsibility.  
  
His heart was another matter all together and was very active in the argument. Whether intentional on her part or not, he could not forgot what he had sensed from Meri Irhanah through the Force. For a reason he could not explain he was drawn to her; her wide brown eyes so full of pain and suffering no 14 year old should have to go through, and certainly not alone. //But do I have the ability to change that? Will she let me,// he wondered silently. He knew there was only one way to find out, and that was to take that chance. However, before he made his final decision he would meet with the Master healer. He wanted to know all he could about the girl Meri used to be; maybe, would one day be again.  
  
It was with this in mind that the tall Knight later found himself sitting in An-Paj's office waiting to speak to the healer. He knew that he was here to make a decision, and the impact of that was not lost on him. Deep in thought, he almost didn't hear the healer enter.  
  
"Knight Arieh, what can I do for you?" An-Paj asked pleasantly as he seated himself behind the desk.  
  
"Please, call me Alex."  
  
"Alex, then," the healer nodded, but said nothing further waiting for the knight to speak.  
  
"I came here because, well, because I need to know about Meri Irhanah. What was she like before this happened? I need to know who she was, who she is."  
  
An-Paj smiled softly. "I can't tell you as much as her Master could, but if her Master were here we wouldn't be having this conversation"  
  
Alex only nodded, his face serious.  
  
"Meri is very sweet natured, and is very serious about her training to become a Jedi Knight. As far as I know she was very obedient to her Master and the Jedi code," here the healer laughed softly. "But by all means that certainly didn't mean she never got in trouble, and when she did it often landed her in here. Do you know of Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi?" the healer paused to ask.  
  
Alex's brow wrinkled in thought. "Is he Qui-Gon Jinn's padawan?"  
  
An-Paj nodded. "Ahh, yes. Most Jedi have heard of Qui-Gon Jinn. To continue, Kenobi is a walking accident waiting to happen, and that accident only happens when Meri and Obi-Wan get together. They've been inseparable since the crèche, and I can't count the times they have gotten into mischief and managed to hurt themselves."  
  
Alex grinned, "Was this only when they were young, or has it recently occurred?"  
  
"Oh, there was a recent occurrence having to do with a punishment they received for something else. The two were assigned to scrub the marble floor in one of the hallways. They decided it would be fun to soap up the floor more than necessary and see who could slide the furthest down the hallway," An-Paj's face was amused as he related the story.  
  
Alex winced; sensing what was about to come.  
  
"Somehow or another, but not totally surprising considering who they are, they both managed to fall and hurt themselves at the exact same time. Padawan Kenobi broke a few fingers and received a twisted ankle. Meri on the other hand, had to outdo him as usual, and broke her arm."  
  
"A tomboy?" Alex questioned.  
  
"Definitely" the healer returned dryly. "Especially when younger."  
  
"She doesn't look it now," Alex said absentmindedly. If the young Knight had been looking at the healer, he wouldn't have missed the sharp glance at his comment. In truth, it was the farthest thing from the young Knight's mind. Alex was wondering how the sad girl he had seen could ever have laughed and gotten in so much trouble, and he wondered what her smile looked like.  
  
"No, she doesn't" An-Paj said calmly. "She'll be a very pretty young woman some day."  
  
"Oh! No, Master healer! That's--Er--Um--that is not what I meant." The Knight's voice became very flustered as An-Paj continued to gaze at him steadily. "Oh--Uh--I'm not saying she won't be pretty--I mean--that wasn't what I meant."  
  
The healer on the other hand was wondering why the young Knight was so flustered if it really was not what he meant. "Of course not," An-Paj said with a faint smile.  
  
Alex sighed, and relaxed, wondering just how he'd been caught in *that* line of questioning. Thankfully the healer continued as if nothing had ever occurred.  
  
"As I told you before, she was apprenticed to Ariana Caer at the age of nine. Again, I'm not the best person to ask about this, but I heard she did well in her classes."  
  
Alex nodded thoughtfully, then asked the question that he'd wanted to ask. "How is she? Really?"  
  
An-Paj sat back in his chair and folded his hands. "I don't know if I can say she is doing better, but from appearances it would appear that way. She talks whenever spoken to, but only when spoken to. She still hesitates to make eye contact, and unless you make a point of it she won't."  
  
"But a point of it should be made?" It was half question and half statement, the Knight asking off an instinct.  
  
The blue healer nodded. "Yes. If she doesn't look you in the eye, she won't have to show her emotion, and if she doesn't have to show her emotion she'll keep herself hidden away deep inside. That she made eye contact at your first meeting I found slightly surprising," An-Paj admitted.  
  
"I don't think she wanted to, or had a choice," Alex said softly.  
  
The healer shifted in his chair. "What do you mean?"  
  
Alex shook his head, and smiled faintly. "I'm not sure. I've never experienced anything quite like that before."  
  
"It 'was' interesting," An-Paj murmured.  
  
Alex remembered something and his blue eyes turned to the healer. "She has trouble sleeping, doesn't she?"  
  
Again, the healer nodded slowly. "We have her on medication for it, but I would prefer to have her off it as soon as possible. The dreams need to be dealt with, and not suppressed."  
  
The room was silent for a few moments as Alex took in the new information. He already knew his decision, and a few moments later told the healer.  
  
Taking a deep breath, he looked over at An-Paj. "Well, I just want you to know I've spent much time in meditation about this. I'm not entirely sure I'm the one to do this, and I'm not sure you think I'm the one to do this, either, but I want to try."  
  
An-Paj smiled before shaking his head. "Do, or do not. There is no try," he chuckled softly. "I did have my doubts about you Alex, but I'll tell you now, meeting you has put most of my concerns to rest. I think you can 'do' this."  
  
"Most concerns?" he couldn't help asking the healer.  
  
"I've got one or two left, but not about your capability." The healer said nothing more, but only grinned.  
  
|===|----------   
  
Pulling her thick brown robe closer about her shoulders, Meri's small frame trembled. It was not a physical cold, but seemed to originate from inside and radiate outwards in shocking waves. Nothing could warm the chill and loneliness she felt.  
  
It had been several days since she had met Alex Arieh. At first, she had been surprised that the Knight was the same person as the padawan she had bumped into only a year ago. The feeling did not last. She'd found if she squashed any emotion--even surprise--before it had a chance to grow, she wouldn't lose control.  
  
The memory of that day had brought back so many happy times. Memories she didn't want to remember. However, even now, the day was as clear in her head as though it were yesterday. The flash of humor in her Master's hazel eyes, her long honey colored hair swinging free. The padawan knew that if she had had a mother, she would have wanted her to be exactly like Ariana.  
  
Swiftly Meri slammed a lid on the thought. Balling her hands in her lap, she bit the inside of her cheek, willing the flood of pain to put at bay the tears that pricked her eyes. It was rare since her Master's death that she allowed herself to cry. She knew that it was a dammed flood, that if let loose might never stop. Today, she knew, would test any strength she had left in that area. Today was the day she was to be apprenticed to Alex Arieh. Maybe in another life time she would have cared who the Knight was, but she only cared that the one person she had loved like a parent was lost to her. She only cared that she was being passed to a new Master as though the precious bond she had cherished with Ariana were nothing. In her pain, she could see no good from it.  
  
Silently she sat waiting, her eyes focused on the hands in her lap. Her long hair had been braided and then looped up out of the way, giving the fourteen-year-old a more mature look. Her padawan braid of before, long and slender, hung down her shoulder.  
  
As if from far away Meri heard the door to the quarters open, and she knew that it was time. Not bothering to look up, she heard soft footfalls approach. Taking in a shuddering breath, the padawan let out a ragged sigh as she felt someone take a seat next to her. Slowly she looked up to find the same two intense blue eyes studying her. As before, the brilliant blue eyes caught her gaze and held it, but Meri, remembering what had occurred before, tore her gaze away and looked back down at her hands.  
  
With the only witness as An-Paj, the vows Master and Padawan gave each other began. She answered in all the right places, never once looking up. Then came the question that tore her heart, the oath she was required to make to her new Master, to swear to protect him as he had sworn his protection.  
  
For once Meri looked up, but her fiery gaze was not directed at Alex. Instead, her flashing brown eyes sought out An-Paj. Although he was only asking the traditional questions that formed the padawan oath, she needed to strike out at someone.  
  
"IF I'm allowed," she said bitterly, her gaze challenging. The memory of being forced to stay at the Temple while her Master went alone to her death was never clearer in her mind.  
  
An-Paj never wavered, but gazed at the padawan, his eyes full of understanding tenderness.  
  
The gentleness of the healer worked as a cold bucket of water splashing on a hot flame, effectively dousing the flare of anger. The one thing Meri couldn't bear to see in others was compassion, and all the fight was drained out of her. Quickly she dropped her gaze and blinked back the tears, knowing the hardest was yet to come.  
  
**  
  
Alex had never had such a strong urge to comfort someone, as he did his new apprentice. He wanted to stop her from hurting and make her smile again. The wave of protectiveness he felt was a whole new feeling. He could see that this ordeal had been very hard for her, and he instinctively knew what was about to come would be even more difficult.  
  
After the oaths had been spoken, Alex paused, knowing what he was supposed to do next, but afraid of how Meri would react. An-Paj shot him a glance that said 'go ahead.' So gently, he reached for the braid lying on Meri's shoulder and quickly unbraided the silken cord; stealing small glances all the while at the downcast face so near his own. It wasn't until he was braiding a few short strands of his own jet-black hair into the braid that he heard the choked back sobs. Quickly he finished braiding the dark brown strands and tied it off with a royal blue thread.  
  
By now, his new padawan was shaking with the suppressed sobs, and for the first time in his life, Alex was at loss for what to do. He knew she needed comforting, but wasn't exactly sure how to go about it. Slowly he scooted closer and hesitantly put one arm half way around her, glancing at the healer as he did so. An-Paj nodded at the unspoken question, and Alex brought up his other arm to encircle the trembling girl. Instead of fighting, Meri collapsed against him, too lost in her tears and memories to care who was holding her.  
  
After a while she pulled back with a start, as though realizing what she had just done. Stiffening, she scooted as far away from the tall Knight as she could get. Silently the blue healer handed her a tissue and the padawan scrubbed away the tears trailing down her cheeks with quick swipes. Alex could almost see the walls she was resurrecting around herself, and it was the first time he realized what was ahead.  
  
Rising gracefully to his feet, Alex looked down at his apprentice. "Are you ready to go to our new quarters, Meri?" His lilting voice was soft, yet firm.  
  
Without looking up, or speaking aloud, Meri nodded and gathered her things sitting near her feet on the floor. As she rose to her feet, Alex saw her glance at him, then take a double look. Slowly her eyes traveled up and up until they found his face. At 6'1, Alex was much taller than her 5'5. The healers had once told her she would probably grow to around 5'8, but at fourteen she still had some growing to do.  
  
Alex could see something akin to surprise, and realized she had never stood near him before. She was always sitting down, and even then wouldn't look at him. His height obviously surprised her, but he knew she mustn't be too surprised if she knew Master Jinn. //That man is rather tall,// Alex mused as his eyebrow rose at his apprentice's stare.  
  
Following an inner urge, Alex smiled boyishly at her and then winked. He saw her start with surprise and then look quickly down at her feet. Glancing at the healer he shrugged, and smiled. An-Paj only shook his head, obviously fighting the smile that wanted to come.  
  
"Ready?" Alex asked again.  
  
Meri nodded, hugging her things to her chest, but didn't look up.  
  
After bidding the healer good bye the new pair left, heading towards their new quarters together. Alex felt an overwhelming sense of unbelief at what was happening to him. Those who did know he had taken an apprentice were shocked, and Alex wasn't sure what some of his other friends would think either. There was still Rani. She was away on a mission with her Master and was to return in a few days. What the strong-minded young woman would have to say about this, he could only imagine.  
  
Glancing behind him, he saw his padawan looking quite lost as she trailed after him. His heart softened and he knew he had done the right thing.  
  
As he stopped outside the new quarters, he waited for Meri to catch up and stand beside him. "Here," he said softly. "I want to show you the code. It's 9277, alright?" he asked as he keyed in the code.  
  
There was a few seconds pause before—and to his surprise—she answered him aloud. "Yes…Master." She stumbled over the last part, and Alex knew it had cost her much to call him that. He glanced sideways at her and smiled gently, before ushering her inside before him.  
  
**  
  
Meri paused in the main room of the new quarters and looked about her with a weary gaze. The day seemed as though it had last an eternity, and she was completely exhausted. Her eyes felt full of sand, and her legs felt as though they were trembling.  
  
The emotional roller coaster she had been on that day had left her wanting only to sleep, and go to that dark place of oblivion where pain had no place.  
  
Turning slightly she found her Master's compassionate eyes on her, and to her horror she couldn't stop her lips from trembling as tears rushed to her eyes. Quickly she turned away from him, hoping he would keep his distance. Almost as though sensing his padawan's feelings, Alex remained where he stood, his face full of kindness and concern.  
  
"Meri, why don't you lay down for awhile?" he suggested quietly. "Let me show you your room," he said, turning to walk down a short hall.  
  
The room looked exactly like her old room, except the bed and desk were switched around. Something else was different to her too. Unlike her old room, this one felt empty and cold. Dropping her things by the bed, she sank down onto the soft mattress, her whole body crying for sleep.  
  
Darting a glance towards the doorway, she saw the tall knight still watching her.  
  
At her glance he smiled, then turned and walked back down the hall.  
  
Meri sighed and curled up on her side, pulling the soft blanket up to cover her. As tired as she was, her thoughts still danced wildly in her head. She was angry with herself for crying so much that day. This was a situation she was going to have to put up with, and crying wouldn't help any. And it hurt worse to cry. If she bottled it all up then it didn't hurt as bad. She didn't have to feel anything, didn't want to feel anything ever again, but then every time someone even looked at her she felt like crying. Meri gritted her teeth and clenched her eyes shut tightly. //You won't cry again. You won't let your new...Master see you cry again!// she commanded herself.  
  
The image of laughing hazel eyes flashed in her mind and Meri choked back a sob. //Why! Why did you have to leave me Master? What did I do to deserve this?// she pleaded silently.  
  
Eventually the tormented padawan drifted off to sleep, but when the Master stepped in silently to check on his new apprentice, he found damp tracks of tears trailing down her face. A sad smile came to the new Jedi Master's lips as he saw for the first time the sweet look on his padawan's face. A face only peaceful in her sleep.  
  
**  
  
Later that evening, when Alex asked his quiet apprentice if she was ready for dinner he received a half-hearted nod at best.  
  
"Well, lets go then," he said as he shrugged on his robe.  
  
"Go?!"  
  
A note that almost sounded like panic in her voice caused Alex to quickly turn and face the young girl. "Yes, I'm afraid I'm not much of a cook," he admitted sheepishly. His next words did nothing to calm his worried apprentice. "I always eat in the dining hall."  
  
"I--I uh, I'm not hungry." His padawan almost whispered the words, and her face had gone pale as a sheet.  
  
He knew what she was doing, and he also knew this was something she was going to have to face. She was afraid those she knew would ask her questions about what had happened. Alex, however, knew everyone already understood what had occurred, and if anything, would more likely avoid his padawan because they didn't know what to say. Glancing at his apprentice's thin form, he shook his head. "You have to eat, Meri. Now come along."  
  
She wavered before him, and he quickly reached out an arm to steady her. "Please," she whispered softly, looking up at him, her face stricken and brown eyes wide.  
  
Alex felt his heart clench in his chest, and felt like a brute for forcing her. //Force, what am I supposed to do.// He looked down at her for a moment before sighing. He knew what he had to do, no matter how hard. //Stay the course, Alex, stay the course,// he told himself. "It'll be okay, Meri. Trust me."  
  
She didn't reply, but only looked at the floor as she bit her lip.  
  
//We have a long way to go to even get to an understanding, much less trust,// he thought as he watched her withdraw even further, if that was possible.  
  
  
  
Alex kept shooting worried glances at his subdued apprentice as they walked towards the dining hall. He wondered if he was doing the right thing, or if he was pushing her too far.  
  
At the door to the dining hall, Meri paused, and Alex turned and waited for her. With her head down, she slowly made her way to his side.  
  
Their dinner was silent and Meri only picked at her food, pushing it more around the plate then putting it in her mouth.  
  
As he had suspected no one bothered them besides a few quiet greetings, and they made it back to they quarters without any further ordeals.  
  
That night Alex fell into bed finding himself strangely weary. Sprawled on the bed, he rubbed his face slowly. "Force help me," he murmured. If he'd known what was going to happen later that night he would have realized just how much he meant that statement. 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
  
The sound of terrified screams woke Alex in the early hours of the morning. Bolting straight up in bed, he was pulling on a robe and tripping towards the door before he'd formed a coherent thought. However, he hadn't remembered that he was in a new room, and though similar to his old one, the furniture in this new room was switched around.  
  
He'd gone no more than two or three feet when he jammed his whole foot into the pointed corner of the dresser. "Ohhh, Oh, sith!" he sputtered as pain flooded his senses. //You're a Master now Alex. Masters don't say sith,// his conscience informed him. "Yeah, well," he mumbled. Where was the Force a three A.M. in the morning? Grabbing his toe, he massaged it while hopping down the hall on one foot. The screams had abated by the time he stumbled in the doorway of his apprentice's room, but he heard her whimpering, and her gasping sobs. He'd forgotten she had dreams. He didn't know they would be like this.  
  
Gingerly he set his foot back onto the floor, then palmed the light switch as he limped passed it. Now that he was actually in the room with Meri, he could feel the absolute terror coming off her in waves. The slight girl had pulled herself into the corner of the bed and was sitting with her knees pulled to her chest. Her chin was tucked back behind her knees, and Alex couldn't see her face for the waves of unbraided hair that concealed it.  
  
"Meri? Are you okay?" He stood awkwardly beside the bed, and as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he realized how daft they sounded. Of course she wasn't okay. Not that she answered him anyway. She kept her head buried behind her knees as her gulping breaths slowed.  
  
Alex shifted his feet and absently lifted his hand to scratch a nonexistent itch on his head. He suddenly became aware that he had been sending waves of comfort through the Force and that she hadn't objected. He felt a small thrill of wonder at the progress, no matter how small, and curiously, he examined the thread-like bond that stretched between them. It was so delicate and seemed that at the slightest tempest could be torn asunder.  
  
To cut his height down, Alex knelt by the bed and tried again. "Meri, look at me, please?"  
  
Slowly his apprentice raised her head and glanced at him briefly before the brown eyes dropped. He didn't push the matter of her looking him in the eye. She'd been through enough tonight.  
  
"Do you want to tell me about it?"  
  
A firm shake of the head.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
Another shake of the head.  
  
Alex nodded. "Well then, if you come into the kitchen I'll fix us some tea. I *do* know how to fix that," his soft lilting voice was filled with dry amusement as he spoke the last part.  
  
At her hesitant look, he said. "It'll help you. My Master always used to give it to me when I was upset about something."  
  
He was relieved when she nodded and he stood carefully to his feet.  
  
"I'll go get it started then. Come in when you're ready."  
  
Without waiting for the answer he knew he probably wouldn't get, he turned and with a slight limp walked out of the room. He could feel her eyes on him as he left, and as soon as he was in the kitchen, he inspected his foot. It had already turned a nasty black-blue color and the skin was scraped off for a good length. He sighed. At least it was only a bruise, and not something broken.  
  
Swiftly he set about making the tea, and just about the time the water was heated he heard the light steps of his apprentice coming into the room. When he turned around he found she'd already seated herself at the table and he set the cup of steaming tea in front of her before taking a seat opposite his padawan.  
  
For the next few moments the small room was silent, the only sound that of Coruscant's busy night traffic. Alex found himself staring at the thick hair that fell around the slender fourteen-year-olds shoulders, and he wondered why she hadn't been made to cut it. Most padawans kept it short. Not really thinking he would get an answer, he decided to ask her.  
  
"Meri, how is it that you have such long hair?" he asked before taking a sip of tea.  
  
His apprentice glanced up uncertainly before she answered in a soft voice. "My...Master had long hair."  
  
"Ohh, I see," he said nodding. Of course, it was only natural she would want to emulate the person she had most looked up to.  
  
Suddenly Meri looked up at him, her brown eyes full of alarm. "You--you aren't going to make me cut it--are you?"  
  
Propping his elbow on the table, he rested his chin in his palm and then smiled warmly. "No, I rather like it myself," he assured her.  
  
He knew he'd said the right thing at the look of immense relief on her face. Smiling mischievously, his blue eyes twinkled. "I'm not a complete ogre, I promise."  
  
Once again, his teasing startled her, he could tell. Her brown eyes widened slightly and she looked at him as though she wasn't quite sure how to take him. He hid another smile behind his teacup and watched her over the rim. After draining the cup, he stood carefully and set it in the sink.  
  
"You should go back to bed. You'll sleep better now."  
  
Meri said nothing, only nodded, but he was pleased to see her take her cup to the sink before leaving. He'd heard nightmare stories from other Masters about how messy some teenagers could be. He himself had always been quite the neat freak.  
  
Flipping of the light switch, he limped back to his bed. The hour was just before dawn, and he knew both of them would probably sleep in after such a night. He wondered if this was going to be a nightly occurrence and the thought was exhausting, but encouraging as well.  
  
Little by little Meri was beginning to open up to him, but they still had a long way to go.  
  
***  
  
When Meri awoke the next morning, she felt more exhausted than when she had fallen asleep only a few short hours ago. The dreams always left her like that. Drained and feeling strangely weak.  
  
Without bothering to tame the wild mass that was her hair, Meri ambled slowly into the main room, her bare feet falling noiselessly on the floor. Stopping in its center she froze and studied the room. Her new Master was nowhere in sight and she finally concluded he was probably still in bed for the sun shinning into the room showed it was still early morning. Quietly she walked over to the window and pushed aside the drape. Transports whisked along in their own separate traffic lanes forming X patterns across the sky. For long minutes she watched the transports racing by, her thoughts far away.  
  
She had always been taught the Force was her ally but lately she hadn't been able to grasp it. When her Master had died it had turned her world upside down and the Force itself seemed to have abandoned her.  
  
A heavy sigh escaped her and her eyes shifted to the sun sparkling off the spires of Coruscant's tall business buildings. Everything about the scene before her said, "life goes on" but for her it seemed to have thrown on the brakes. Her Master was dead, her closest friend was gone and the Force eluded her. {Reach for it…} a small voice inside of her seemed to say.  
  
Almost hesitantly Meri lowered herself to the floor and took a meditation pose. Closing her eyes slowly, she reached out for the flowing ebb of the Force. Time and again she reached for it, but every time she almost thought she had it, it would seem to dance away.  
  
Frustrated she felt the tears rush to her eyes unabated. She couldn't even do this simple exercise that any Jedi could do. She swiped away the moisture from her eyes, the very act managing to show her irritation with herself.  
  
"Let me help you?"  
  
The soft accented voice behind her startled her and she jumped up and turned around in one fluid movement.  
  
Her Master stood before her and at any other time the sight would have been comical. The wavy black hair, which was usually kept neat and smooth, was poking out in all directions. His untucked tunic was hitched up in one spot and his sleeping pants were wrinkly, adding to the boyish appearance.  
  
"I can help you," he repeated taking a step towards her, his azure eyes sincere.  
  
Meri shook her head uncertainly and took a step back; unaware of the picture she made. Standing there in sleeping tunics that hung on her small frame with her wild hair hanging down by her face, she looked the full part of a waif. The small frown on her brow and the brown eyes so full of confusion made her appear lost.  
  
As much as she longed to feel the powerful flow of the Force, its warm comforting light, she wasn't sure she was ready to take that step with him.  
  
"At least give me a try, Meri," he entreated dropping to his knees in a meditation pose.  
  
Almost against her will she found herself matching the position across from him.  
  
Smiling encouragingly, he took her small hands in his large ones. "Now close your eyes," he instructed softly.  
  
She did so, but her anxiousness grew with each passing minute. As soon as she felt the soft brush of her mind, she panicked. Pulling her hands back, she stumbled to her feet.  
  
"I—I c-can't do-do this," she stuttered, her heart racing. She wasn't ready to trust again. The fear of being hurt again was too great. She turned and fled from the room, the sound of her name echoing in her ears.  
  
Behind her, the young Knight sat back on his heels, a downcast look on his face. So close. She had almost taken that crucial step. //Patience. She must learn to trust again,// he thought to himself. //She must learn to trust me.//  
  
***  
  
The rest of the day was taken more slowly. After the noon meal, Alex was sitting at the table cleaning his lightsabre when he glanced up and noticed Meri sitting with her hands folded in her lap, her gaze directed out the window. She was biting her lip in a habit that he had come to recognize as a nervous one and her eyes said her thoughts were far away.  
  
Alex didn't even need to guess what her expression meant. It was only too obvious where her thoughts were. Replacing a tiny piece of metal into the hilt of his lightsabre, he slid the covering back on then snapped it to his belt and stood up.  
  
"Are you up for a walk?" he asked with a smile.  
  
The unexpected voice caused Meri to start in surprise. His question had obviously worked to pull her deep thoughts back to the present. Turning slightly to face him, she shrugged her thin shoulders. "I suppose…" she trailed off in uncertainty.  
  
He ignored the indifference she seemed to have about life and instead smiled warmly. "Great then. Let's go."  
  
They ended up in the Gardens, however, not by coincidence. The Gardens were full of the living Force and Alex hoped that Meri might be able to grasp the Force more easily here than she could in their quarters. He wished he could help her, if only she would let him. Her frustration at not being able to connect with the Force earlier that morning had been almost tangible.  
  
They had just turned a corner on the stone pathway when out of nowhere a small boy slammed into Meri's legs.  
  
Seeing his Apprentice waver at the impact, Alex placed a steadying hand on her arm.  
  
Looking down, he saw a small child of about three clinging to Meri's leg. "Well, hello little one. Where is your Master?" Even as he spoke, his eyes were roaming the Gardens in search of the Crèche Master.  
  
"Don't wan Master," the boy said, his lip sticking out in a pout.  
  
Alex noticed that the child's cheeks were flushed and his blue eyes were unnaturally bright. Kneeling down, Alex felt the boy's forehead and frowned when he felt the heat radiating off it. "Little one, are you all right?" he questioned with concern.  
  
Instead of answering him the little boy gave up his death grip on Meri's leg and snuggled up against the tall knight's chest. Glancing sideways, Alex noticed Meri had knelt beside him and was staring at the child with a troubled frown. Before he could speak, the sound of rushed footsteps was heard around the corner and moments later a young healer he recognized as An-Paj's assistant came jogging into view.  
  
"Oh, thank the Force you found him!" the healer said as a bit of tension drained from his face.  
  
Alex stood to his feet, the now-asleep child cradled in his arms. "Missing something?" he asked with a smile.  
  
Zavian frowned. "Unfortunately yes." Quietly he took the boy from Alex's arms. "Unfortunate for the both of you as well," he sighed.  
  
"What's wrong," Alex asked quickly.  
  
"Well, a few days ago a Master and Apprentice returned from a mission. A few days later the Apprentice came down with a rare strain of flue, it's hard to get rid of and very contagious. As much as we tried to retain it from spreading, it's doing just that. This little guy somehow slipped out of the infirmary without us noticing, and An-Paj is very upset."  
  
The healer glanced down at the boy in his arms. "You see, anyone he has come in contact with must be quarantined for three days."  
  
At the expression on the tall knights face the healer hurriedly continued. "I really am sorry. We don't know how he managed to slip out of the infirmary that way."  
  
"What are the symptoms," Alex asked with a resigned sigh.  
  
"First off, it seems to affect the young more than the old. We haven't had many over 25 come down with it. The worst of it is usually the high fever, but there can also be sore throat and congested lungs. It hits some people harder than it hits others. It just depends on the person."  
  
"Wonderful," he muttered under his breath.  
  
"I'm sorry, but I have to get this boy back to the infirmary. Please, head straight back to your quarters and don't stop to speak with anyone. A healer will come by to check on you every now and then."  
  
Alex nodded his head to the healer and then watched as Zavian hurried away. Turning back to Meri, he gave a lopsided smile. "Well, Padawan, it looks as though you'll get to taste my cooking after all." 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
  
Midnight found Alex tossing and turning in his bed, unable to sleep. Finally, with an annoyed huff he sat up and pushed back the sheets. Sleep was just not going to come. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed he stood and shrugged on his robe before heading towards the small kitchen. As he passed through the main room, two small feet pulled themselves behind the drapes. Unknowingly he passed by the drapes, one of which bulged with its hidden secret.  
  
Once in the kitchen he moved quietly about fixing himself a cup of tea--the last thing he wanted to do was wake his apprentice. It had seemed that since their return that afternoon she had become even more...difficult. //Probably hates the prospect of being locked up with me for three days, // he mused with a wry smile on his face. Suddenly he frowned. What if she got sick? How in the Force was he supposed to handle that? Shaking his head, he pushed the thought to the back of his mind. //I'll deal with that when and IF it happens, // he thought firmly.  
  
Dinner had been--interesting. He'd fixed the simplest thing he knew to fix, but then that was all he knew how to fix--the simplest things. With a sigh he picked up the steaming cup and ambled out to the main room. His wondering feet brought him to a stop near the window and he looked out over city of Coruscant.  
  
His thoughts ranged from his apprentice and the quarantine situation to his own apprenticeship with his Master. //It seems like such a long time ago, // he thought of his apprenticeship. But in reality it really wasn't all that long ago.  
  
Something that sounded like a muffled sneeze pulled the knight's attention back to the present. Tapping into the Force he made a discovery--he wasn't alone. Pretending as if he hadn't heard, Alex continued to stare out the window, a grin tilting his lips. //She's behind the drapes, // he realized in amusement, his blue eyes dancing with laughter. //Am I that unbearable? // he wondered.  
  
"It's a spectacular view, is it not?" he asked, then took a sip of tea as though it was the most common thing in the galaxy to talk to a pair of drapes. He heard a sharp intake of breath and leaning forward he pulled the drape aside. At the site behind it, he broke into boyish laughter.  
  
His apprentice was sitting with her knees pulled to her chest looking for the entire galaxy as though she'd been caught stealing something.  
  
"Well!" he said, his laughter slowly dying out. "Aren't you supposed to be in bed?"  
  
"I couldn't sleep," came the soft reply.  
  
Alex tiled his head as he regarded the girl before him. He had to do something to get her to talk to him. There was a reason she couldn't sleep and he had an idea why. Dreams. In fact, it could very well have been the reason why he himself couldn't sleep. Setting his cup down on a nearby table he dropped into the same position as she--though much more relaxed. Resting his palms on his knees, he looked at her curiously. "You shield well."  
  
"Obviously not well enough," she said absentmindedly. Then realizing what she had just said, a horrified expression crossed her face.  
  
Alex couldn't help laughing. It was the first colorful response he had heard from her since he'd met her.  
  
Meri just looked at her laughing Master as though he'd lost his mind, a confused quirk to her dark eyebrows.  
  
"Did your Master teach you that?" his voice dropped into a lower, more serious tone.  
  
For a moment she looked at him baffled, not exactly sure what he was asking.  
  
"To shield," he clarified. "Not your wit."  
  
He saw her flush at the last comment. //Ahh, so there is someone in there after all, // he thought with a smile.  
  
"Not entirely, Master," she said almost sadly, turning her head to hide her face.  
  
He took this in quietly, a thoughtful expression on his face. "It won't work, you know," he said softly.  
  
Slowly Meri turned back to face him and he could see the damp tracks down her face. Her mysterious brown eyes studied him as though to find out what he meant. "I don't know what you mean," she replied, her tone somewhat reserved and cool.  
  
"I think you do," he tossed back, one black eyebrow arched. He heard the tense sigh she released as she quickly looked away from him.  
  
The next few minutes passed in tense silence. Resting his arms on his knees, the knight leaned slightly forward. "Ask me something--anything," he offered.  
  
Meri looked up at him startled.  
  
"You don't know anymore about me, than I do you. So ask me anything you wish," Alex said a note of challenge in his voice. For a moment he thought she wouldn't do it as she looked away from him, her posture stiff.  
  
At last the soft voice came, its owner still facing away. "Where...who is your Master?"  
  
Alex nodded in acquiescence. "My Master is K'ben Oren. He is a Kel Dor," he paused to see if she knew what that meant.  
  
"Like Master Plo Koon?" she offered.  
  
"Yes, that's right," he said, pleased that she was actually showing interest. "As for where he is, well, Master K'ben enjoys field work much more than living at the Temple. The last I heard he was on Dornea on an investigation of some sort."  
  
As his voice dropped off, he looked at his apprentice in concern. For the first time, he noticed her face seemed to have lost some of its color--or perhaps he should say more of its color. As he had spoken, she had rested her head on her arms, which were propped up on her knees. "Meri, are you feeling alright? You're not getting sick are you?" he asked in concern, hoping against hope she wasn't.  
  
At his words her head jerked up. "No!" she declared emphatically.  
  
His blue eyes studied her intensely. Something about her strong reply bothered him, but he couldn't say what. "You'll tell me if you don't feel well?"  
  
She was quick to nod in reply.  
  
He studied her a few more minutes before motioning with his hand. "Very well then, you'd better get some rest now."  
  
"Yes, Master," she replied, rising swiftly to her feet and exiting the room.  
  
As soon as she was gone, he frowned and turned his gaze out on Coruscant. He could only hope she had told him the truth.  
  
***  
  
"I'm *not* getting sick." Meri mumbled to herself in annoyance, ignoring the pounding in her temples. Slowly she crawled into bed and wrapped an arm around her pillow. Closing her eyes, she let out a tremulous sigh. Her thoughts whirled in confusion and all the while the pang of loneliness in her inner most being only grew sharper. Even if she had tried, words couldn't convey how much she missed Ariana at that moment. And then there was him--that tall knight who looked more the part of an adolescent than a Master. The knight who was supposed to take Ariana's place in her life. She frowned at the thought of him, partly in confusion. Over and over she told herself she didn't like him and yet...//I'm drawn to him,// she admitted to herself, fuming at the very idea. Which didn't make sense to her confused mind, because right then she felt angry with him, though she couldn't have explained why.  
  
With an exasperated sigh she unclasped her arms from the pillow and pushed it away from her feverish skin. Tossing and turning she finally settled on one side and her jumbled thoughts resumed.Inside she wondered if she was betraying her Master's memory by being curious about this knight. She had many questions, yet they were of the kind she would never ask--some of them she would be too afraid of the answer. How was he knighted so early? Did he really want her as an apprentice or was he forced? Did he really want her? That question echoed in her mind. She couldn't stand the thought of being an apprentice to someone who hadn't wished to take her on. //And who would want me anyway?// she wondered as she pushed a few damp strands of hair away from her flushed face.  
  
She bit her lip as she thought and finally decided she would just keep her distance. Maybe it would be easier on the both of them that way. She didn't want to ever forget Ariana, and somehow it felt like she was betraying the Master whenever she opened herself even slightly to the other Jedi. Even though she wasn't sure, maybe he hadn't wanted her in the first place. Maybe she was just a burden to bear.  
  
She began nibbling on her lip, as she thought of the conversation that had transpired not long ago. The conversation she hadn't wanted to have. Of course hiding behind the curtains hadn't been successful and she felt embarrassed to be caught in such a childish act. It had irritated her to have him intrude once more on her thoughts. If asked, she couldn't have explained the need she felt to avoid him.  
  
//Avoid life you mean,// a small voice startled her by saying.  
  
//I don't!// she argued with herself, tossing restlessly in the bed from side to side once more.  
  
She felt her irritation rise at the memory of the knight implying the same thing.  
  
/*It won't work you know,*/ he had said.  
  
//But your wrong,// she thought strongly. //It does.//  
  
Finally she lay silent, her fingers nervously twisting the braid on her shoulder back and forth. Then so softly it was almost inaudible she whispered into the dark, "It doesn't hurt as bad that way." 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
  
Early the next morning a loud crash startled Alex from his sound sleep. Without even bothering to grab his robe he dashed for the small kitchen, where his Jedi senses told him the noise had come from. At the door to the small room he slid to a halt and took in the scene before him.  
  
His apprentice stood in the center of the room surrounded by shards of broken glass on the floor. She was looking down at the floor and her hair draped around her face hiding her expression from his view. Quickly his eyes flew to her bare feet and the sharp glass lying so close by.  
  
Suddenly she made as if to move and Alex so afraid that she would step on the glass, bellowed, "Don't move!!!" He realized immediately it was the worst thing he could have done.  
  
Letting out a sharp cry in surprise, Meri took a startled step back, her soft heel coming down directly on a large piece of glass. Things just went down hill from there. Jerking her foot upward she stumbled even farther backwards, both feet now fully embedded with glass. Crimson streaks smeared the kitchen floor and unable to stand any longer Meri fell heavily on her side.  
  
All happened in the space of a few seconds and Alex watched on in horror as his apprentice fell. He started to rush to her side when he remembered his own bare feet and stopped short with a gasp of air.  
  
"Meri?! Meri!? Are you okay, please, answer me?"  
  
His only answer was a faint moan.  
  
"Don't move, Meri. Just stay there, I'll be right back." As he spoke, he practically danced in place; his heart thudding in his chest so hard he thought the whole Temple could probably hear it. Not only had she probably cut her feet to ribbons but she fallen on her side in the glass. She could be seriously hurt. He didn't have time to ponder how she'd gotten herself into such a situation or how she could have been so clumsy as to drop a glass.  
  
In a flash he raced to his room and yanked on his boots; at the last minute, he grabbed his robe before running straight back to the kitchen. This time he didn't hesitate and came right to her side. Wrapping his robe around her, he gently picked her up and rushed with her back to the couch in the main room. Tenderly he set her on the side she hadn't fallen on, then with an impatient gesture brushed her long hair out of her face--hoping that such a tender spot hadn't been cut. As soon as he saw her face, his heart skipped a beat.  
  
She was as pale as death itself except for her cheeks, which were of a bright scarlet hue. Her usually clear brown eyes were hazy and confused--she was sick--very sick. His hand, which hovered near her face, could feel the heat radiating of it--the reason for clumsiness.  
  
"Ohh Force," he breathed. Jogging back to his room he jerked the comlink off his belt, and put in a call to the healers, walking back to his apprentice's side as he spoke. "This is Alex Arieh. Get An-Paj down here now!" he demanded--his voice to his surprise trembling slightly. For a few moments the room was silent as the healer on the other end spoke. "My apprentice! That's what's wrong. She's fallen in glass and cut her feet to shreds! And she's sick, very sick."  
  
Another pause.  
  
"NO, I can't bring her in! We've been quarantined. Didn't you just hear me say she was sick!" he found his voice rising again. The voice on the other end did nothing to calm his fears. He could see the blood soaking his robe before his eyes.  
  
"Thank you," he said tersely. "Please, tell them to hurry."  
  
After tossing the comlink on a nearby table, he moved to sit lightly on the seat next to his padawan. His hands fumbled in his lap, yearning to do something, but he was afraid if he were to pull out the glass, the cuts would only bleed all the faster.  
  
"Ohh, why didn't you tell me you weren't feeling well!" he said in exasperation. His concern only served to agitate him further, but not towards Meri. He knew a more experienced Jedi could have easily seen she wasn't feeling well last night. This was his fault--especially for startling her.  
  
"I just wanted a glass of water," a weak voice said, jerking him from his musings.  
  
Glancing down he saw the foggy eyes staring up at him in confusion. "No, no," he was quick to assure. "It was not your fault."  
  
"Just a glass of water," she repeated as though she hadn't heard him. As if thinking about it had again triggered the desire for the liquid, she began to try to rise. Before Alex could stop her she froze and looked with confusion at her injured side, as though she couldn't understand why it hurt. Frowning she dropped weakly back onto her good side and let her head droop down onto the armrest. Within seconds her thick dark lashes fluttered to rest softly on a face much too pale.  
  
Alex watched, his concern deepening at his apprentice's lack of awareness. She was completely out of it. Suddenly for the young man the healers could not arrive soon enough.  
  
***  
  
An-Paj stopped outside Alex Arieh's quarters and tapped his long fingers against the door. If what the healer who had answered the call said was any indication, then he expected that door to fly open. He wasn't disappointed either. Within seconds, the door whooshed open and the very worried face of the young knight appeared.  
  
"Oh thank the Force!" he breathed at the site of the healer standing there. His nervousness was obvious.  
  
The blue healer's antennae twitched. "Calm down, Alex," he said soothingly as he walked past the hyped Jedi. Quickly he moved to the couch and immediately began looking over the young girl before him. Laying a gentle hand on her brow, he could feel the heat radiating outwards. //High fever,// he mused. That would bear some watching. A quick glance to his left showed the young Master following the healer's movements closely, his stance uncertain.  
  
After a thorough examination, An-Paj turned and began pulling the things he would need from his bag. Despite his burning curiosity of how in the galaxy Meri had managed to get herself in this situation, he held off any questions for later. Some of these cuts were rather serious, and needed to be attended immediately.  
  
"Alex," he said casually. "Please get me some sort of bowl, will you?" He barely got the question out of his mouth before the young knight was jogging to the kitchen. An-Paj's pale blue eyes fell to the floor, took in the dark stains, and scattered glass, obviously tracked from the other room. His antennae twitched again and he turned back to his patient. Within a few seconds, the young man was back with the bowl and An-Paj seated himself on the couch and pulled one of Meri's feet into his lap. Slowly he removed all the glass from both her feet and then applied the bacta gel. After wrapping her feet to protect them while they healed, he gently maneuvered the soiled robe off her.  
  
"Yours?" he questioned, turning to face the silent Master.  
  
Alex nodded and reached for the ruined garment.  
  
"Well," he said cheerily. "At least you'll only have to get a new robe, and not a new couch." With those words, he turned back to the trembling girl and began to remove the thin night tunic she was wearing.  
  
"Wait--Wha--what are you doing?" came the stammered question.  
  
If the cuts in Meri's side hadn't been so serious An-Paj would have laughed at the look on Alex's face. "She has some very serious cuts on her ribs and waist area. I have to take this off to reach them." The healer paused as if just realizing the problem. "Oh, you might want to step out of the room for a moment."  
  
An-Paj watched as without a word the young knight turned and practically ran from the room. This time the healer's lips did twitch in humor. Turning back to the young apprentice, An-Paj made quick work of the wounds on her side--packing bacta gel into the more serious ones and simply smearing it over the others. When he was through, he realized he had nothing to put back on the apprentice. The garment he had removed was ruined. Quickly he walked towards the back of the quarters. Peering into the larger bedroom, he saw Alex sitting on the edge of his bed staring at the robe in his hands.  
  
He knocked on the doorjamb. "Alex, do you have another tunic I can put on her. The other one is ruined, I'm afraid."  
  
"Oh, uh, sure." The tall knight rose and moved swiftly to the room down the hall.  
  
An-Paj remained where he was and waited. It was a few minutes later when the young Jedi finally returned holding a clean tunic. An-Paj sharp eyes did not miss the knight's red ears, or his flushed neck. //It embarrasses him to go through her underwear drawer,// he realized barely holding in his smile.  
  
An-Paj took the garment out of the young Master's hands. "I'll be right back," he said with a grin he couldn't hold in any longer. Before he could see the knight's response, he turned on his heel and headed back to the main room.  
  
Just as An-Paj finished putting the garment on his sleeping patient, she awoke and her glazed eyes looked up at him in confusion. "How do you feel, Meri?" he asked gently.  
  
"I'm cold," she murmured.  
  
An-Paj bent down. "I know you are," he said softly. "Put you arms around my neck, okay? And I'll take you back to your bed." Without protesting Meri weakly lifted her arms and put them around his neck, and the healer quickly picked her up.  
  
"Am I in the infirmary?" she questioned faintly as she rested her head on his shoulder.  
  
"No, you're in your quarters. Don't you remember?" But his question went unanswered, for already she had fallen back asleep. As soon as he stepped into the hall Alex was at his side, and trailed after the healer as he took Meri to her bedroom.  
  
As An-Paj tucked the covers around the sleeping padawan, he asked, "Okay, what happened?" At the grimace on the young Jedi's face, he knew the story must partly have been Alex's fault, or at least he blamed himself for it. And considering what he knew of Alex that was very probable.  
  
As Alex began retelling the story for the healer, An-Paj perched on the side of the bed and listened intently.  
  
"I found her in the kitchen barefoot and surrounded by glass. Then she looked as though she were going to move," Alex paused, and bit his lip, reminding An-Paj distinctly of the young Master's apprentice who did the very thing when she was nervous.  
  
"You didn't startle her, did you?" The question was asked in a tone of voice that implied he knew the answer. And An-Paj was almost sure he did know the answer.  
  
"I didn't mean to, but I did." The look on the young knight's face was miserable. "Is she going to be alright?"  
  
An-Paj nodded. "She'll be alright," he paused, his lips twitching. "Your floor won't be alright, but Meri will be alright. The cuts will heal quickly, but I want you to watch this fever. We've learned it can get out of hand quickly."  
  
The young knight nodded and then began rubbing his temples.  
  
"Oh, and Alex, you have had a first aide class, haven't you?"  
  
"Yes," he replied hesitantly.  
  
"Is there some reason you didn't at least care for her feet?" An-Paj tried to ask the question gently, but he could see the knight would still berate himself over what had happened.  
  
"I did not--I didn't think--I'm sorry," he said quietly, his face showing his obvious embarrassment.  
  
An-Paj stood up and prepared to leave. "It's alright, Alex. You are young and learning." Walking back to the main room, the healer gathered his things and then turned to the knight who had followed him out. "You should be able to remove those bandages on her feet in a few hours," he paused and handed Alex a strange device. "I want you to take her temperature every few hours, and make sure it doesn't get above----oh, right about here," the healer pointed to a mark on the device. "If it does get above that, call us. I'll have whoever is not busy check on the both of you later. Oh and you just place that point, there, in her ear, and press the button. It will record her temperature."  
  
Alex nodded in response and walked the healer to the door. An-Paj paused as he stepped out into the hall. "If you call the cleaning droid right away it can probably get those stains out for you," he offered.  
  
"Thank you, I'll do that," Alex said quietly.  
  
An-Paj nodded and strode down the hall. As he entered the lift, he shook his head, not sure whether he should laugh or be concerned. //Well,// he thought. //There goes that boys confidence for awhile.//  
  
|===|---------   
  
Alex stared after the retreating healer for a few moments before stepping back inside. As the door behind him shut with a soft sound, he turned his eyes to the object in his hand, given to him by the healer. Never in his life had he felt so incompetent and foolish. It was a new feeling and one he did not favor--especially considering `who' his actions affected. Raising ice blue eyes, he stared in the direction of his apprentice, before letting out a haggard sigh.  
  
After accessing the comm. unit and requesting a service droid, Alex headed down the hall to check on his apprentice. After what had happened that morning he found himself thinking he should check on her every five minutes lest a repeat of that morning were to happen.  
  
As he looked down on her pale, but tranquil face he found himself remembering the way his heart had almost stopped when she had fallen, and feeling as if the floor were being ripped out from underneath his feet. //If this is what it feels like to have an apprentice, I'm not sure I can handle it,// he thought wryly.  
  
Reaching down, the young Master pushed a persistent lock of hair behind Meri's ear. //Too late for that,// he mused with a wry grin. His desire to help her in her grief had already grown into something stronger than mere concern. //I just hope she can survive me,// he thought with furrowed brow. It would take him a long while to forgive himself of the earlier mistake.  
  
Hours later, the service droid had come and gone, bringing with it Alex's replacement robe. The stains on the floor had luckily been removed, and things were beginning to look more normal around the quarters. Throughout the day Alex had checked on his apprentice often, and done as An-Paj had ordered--taking her temperature every few hours. He had also removed the bandages from her feet, pleased to see that the cuts had almost fully healed. She hadn't been awake very often; the fever was obviously taking its toll.  
  
It was now late afternoon, and Alex knelt in quiet meditation out in the main room. His senses were sharpened, so it was with ease he heard the almost soundless scuffle in the near hallway. His head turned and his eyes opened in one collective moment. "You shouldn't be up," he spoke in mild surprise.  
  
His eyes took in Meri's appearance and he rose to his feet in a single smooth movement. He noticed the way she was standing--half leaning, against the wall. She was still pale; the rosy hue of her cheeks had lessened, but by no means disappeared. She looked as though she were about to drop at any instant.  
  
"I'm thirsty," she said faintly, taking a step forward.  
  
Her step was unsure, and Alex could see her shaking with weakness. //She definitely should not be up,// he thought as he quickly moved to her side.  
  
As he stopped at her side Meri attempted to look up at him, but as she tilted her head back her body followed and if it hadn't been for him standing there she would have been on the floor.  
  
Walking to the couch, Alex deposited his armful onto the cushions for the second time that day. "You shouldn't be up," he repeated gently. "If you want something you have only to ask me." He knew what he implied and thought it highly unlikely she would actually use the Force to access their almost non-existent bond. "Wait here and I'll get you something to drink, then it's back to bed."  
  
With quick steps he headed for the kitchen, thanking the Force he had averted a second disaster. He was beginning to realize something about his apprentice--she was very stubborn.  
  
***  
  
The healer's visit that evening revealed Meri's fever was a few digits higher than it should be. Though Healer Lilia assured Alex the girl would probably be fine in the morning, the news only furthered to spike his concern.  
  
"She'll be just fine," the healer repeated, her soft voice attempting to reassure him, as she brushed the hair off Meri's damp forehead. "And I've given her something so she'll sleep the night through."  
  
"Should I stay with her?" he asked as he looked down on the sleeping fourteen-year old.  
  
The healer's green eyes studied him and then the sleeping apprentice. "It is not necessary you stay with her, but if you want to..." she trailed off, then turned to pick up her cloak. Lilia knew Meri's background file well after having been assigned to watch over her after her Master's death. Looking now at the young knight by the bedside, she wondered if Meri was being any more open with him than she had been with the healers in the infirmary. Something told her that the new Padawan was not. Perhaps if the knight stayed with her, the grief stricken girl would see someone actually cared, as this young man obviously did.  
  
Giving Alex a last comforting smile, the healer took her leave.  
  
***  
  
After the healer left, the quarters were once again plunged into silence. Alex paced from room to room for a while. Finally making up his mind, he grabbed a chair out of the main room and set it down near Meri's bed. After setting the lights on low, he eased his tall frame into the more than slightly uncomfortable chair.  
  
The hours passed slowly and unpleasantly in the hard chair, but still Alex kept vigil. It wasn't until the early morning hours when a small noise jolted Alex from his dozing.  
  
Sitting up with a grimace, he peered at Meri's face and found it tight and drawn with some unknown worry. He watched as she mumbled and then stirred in the induced sleep that she was unable to escape from. It took him a few minutes to realize he was witnessing one of her nightmares in its beginnings.  
  
When she cried out for her Master, he almost without thinking grabbed her hand and held it tightly, all the while murmuring assurances as he sent Force waves to calm her.  
  
Seconds passed, and then minutes and Meri finally started to calm. The minutes fell into hours, yet Alex did not release her hand. 


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks to the creator of "Rani Veko" for kindly letting me borrow her character.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Chapter 9  
  
Meri woke the next morning with a pounding headache and only a vague recollection of the day before. Wearily she opened her eyes and then blinked slowly to clear them. Gradually the blurry room came into focus and the pounding in her temples lessened enough for her to turn her head. At the sight that met her eyes she froze.  
  
Her Master sat slumped in a chair next to her bed, asleep. His head was tilted to the side, resting on his shoulder, and his black hair fell over into his face. What startled her most was that he was loosely holding her hand, and for a long moment, she studied the hand holding hers. A strange feeling rose up inside of her and she, for the first time in a long while, did nothing to quell it.  
  
The urge to jerk her hand away was overwhelming, but she hesitated for fear of causing those blue eyes to spring open and stare at her. Slowly and methodically, she extracted her hand from his, then just as quietly rose, and headed for the refresher.  
  
She was slightly lightheaded and felt weak, but as the hot water pounded over her chilled skin, she knew she was getting better. Stepping out of the shower, she wrapped a towel around herself, only then realizing she'd forgotten to bring any fresh clothes with her.  
  
"Sith!" she muttered. Cautiously she peered down the hall, praying to the Force that her Master was still asleep. Silently she tiptoed back to her room and just as she turned the corner ran straight into a hard chest.  
  
With a small squeal she skittered backwards, hands holding tightly to the towel wrapped around her. With face flushing hot in embarrassment, she looked to the figure she had run into.  
  
Alex stood motionless before her; his face frozen in what could only be called a priceless expression at finding his Padawan in such a state of dress.  
  
As Meri looked closer, she forgot her own embarrassment as she noticed the scarlet ears on her Master. Without even realizing it, a mischievous smile began to grow on her face as she realized just how mortified he was.  
  
She did not realize her smile was like a powerful punch to his solar plexus, shocking him further. It was the first time she had *ever* smiled since he had known her, and it was the kind of smile that couldn't help but be answered with one in kind.  
  
"Er...can I get to my clothes?" she finally asked, a wide smile still tipping up the corners of her mouth.  
  
Her words seemed to work like a nerf prodder and he twitched as if coming out of dream. Meri watched as his ears--if it were possible--seemed to flush even redder and he jumped to get out of the doorway.  
  
"I-um-I'm sorry--you--I didn't know you were up," he managed to get out.  
  
Without even realizing it, Meri's brown eyes twinkled in humor and she just looked up at him from the doorway of her room.  
  
He looked anywhere but at her and finally took a step backwards. "I--uh--excuse me," he muttered quickly and then turned and walked swiftly down the hall.  
  
As he retreated, Meri couldn't hold in the soft laugh that escaped before she fled to the refuge of her room and shut the door.  
  
Down the hall, in the main room, Alex was still reeling in shock of it all. //She smiled and laughed!//  
  
A second later came the realization.  
  
//At me...//  
  
***  
  
The brief flash of the spirited girl that Meri had shown disappeared almost as quickly as it had flared up, but as much as it had shocked him, it also had given Alex hope.  
  
For the next week, Alex simple let Meri recuperate from the strange flu and didn't push her with any training. Instead, he met with all her instructors, including the Master who taught the lightsabre class for that age group.  
  
It was the next week, before the healers gave his apprentice a clean bill of health, and the first thing Alex did was to arrange for their first sparring lesson.  
  
"Focus, Meri!" Alex said firmly, as he blocked her distracted swing with his deep blue blade. With hardly any effort at all Alex disarmed his padawan, ending the match.  
  
"I'm sorry, Master," she muttered, head down.  
  
Snapping off his lightsabre, Alex decided it was time he pushed a few issues. Gently he grasped her chin and titled it up so their eyes met.  
  
Startled, she looked into his face hesitantly.  
  
"I've talked to Master Lavien, Meri. He's told me you were at the top off your class. I *know* you can do this kata. Concentrate, don't be sorry. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I'm trying to help you complete this kata." He looked at her pointedly.  
  
She nodded tentatively.  
  
"Alex!!!"  
  
Letting his hand drop away from his apprentice's face, Alex turned at the familiar voice. At the site of his friend Rani Veko, Alex sighed. This wasn't exactly how he imagined he would tell her he had a padawan. Turning quickly back to Meri, he spoke softly. "We'll take a break now. Get you a drink of water if you like."  
  
He watched as Meri hurried off, as though glad to be released, even if only for a little while. Sighing again in trepidation, he turned back around to see Rani hurrying towards him. "Rani, I didn't know you and your Master were back," he said with a faint smile.  
  
"I got back this morning, and you know I couldn't wait to see how *Knight* Arieh was doing as opposed to Padawan Arieh," she grinned, then looked at Meri's retreating figure. "Helping another student out?"  
  
He smiled wanly. "You could say that, yes."  
  
Rani caught the look, and asked curiously, "What? Is she difficult?"  
  
//If only you knew,// the young knight thought to himself. "She has her moments," he simply said.  
  
"Have you spoken to her Master?"  
  
Alex froze. //Just tell her already,// he ordered himself.  
  
Without realizing it, his hand strayed upwards and ran through his hair.  
  
"Rani," he paused and glanced at her. "Rani, *I* am her Master."  
  
For a moment the other padawan froze, a look of disbelief on her face.  
  
"W-What?" she stammered.  
  
Glancing at the youth seated on the bench on the far wall, Alex gestured towards her. "She IS my apprentice."  
  
Rani was quickly recovering from the shock of the news and was now studying the young girl across the room. Her next words were more what Alex expected.  
  
"Alex! Stick a braid on you and you would look like class mates!"  
  
"That's very observant, Rani. Thank you," he said dryly.  
  
"How old is she?" came the next question.  
  
"Fourteen," he said quietly.  
  
Rani turned back to face him and her look said it all. "Alex, you've only just been knighted--I mean, don't you think this is a little rash?"  
  
His face hardened. "You don't know the details, Rani."  
  
Subdued somewhat, the nineteen-year-old shrugged. "What are the details then?"  
  
Alex turned to look at Meri, who was sitting with her face cradled in her hands. Her first lightsabre practice since her Master's death had been hard on her.  
  
"She lost her Master, Rani," he paused and glanced at his friend. "They had held a Force bond since she was a baby."  
  
He could see the understanding dawning on Rani's face. "Why you, Alex?"  
  
With a lopsided grin, he shrugged. "Sometimes I ask that myself, Rani. It was Yoda's suggestion I meet with her, and when I did--well--I just felt this was something I had to do."  
  
Rani nodded slowly. She may not have approved of if, but Alex could see she understood. "Soo, do I have to call you *Master* now?" A teasing light danced in his friend's eyes.  
  
Smiling rakishly, his blue eyes sparkling, Alex shook his head. "No, it makes me feel too old." They both laughed. 


	10. Chapter 11

Chapter 10 **Six months later**

Meri frowned at her reflection, mirrored in the still waters before her. Subconsciously, her hand curled around the dark braid on her shoulder and started rolling it back and forth.

The Ornamental garden was just one of the many gardens in the Jedi Temple and as it happened, it was one of the quieter and more secluded gardens. She imagined most preferred the lavish, Room of a Thousand Waterfalls, but right now, she wanted no interruptions.

Her 15'th birthday was next week and not for the first time in the past months, Meri's feelings were a twisted mass of confusion. They were, of course, centered on the person who had stepped into Meri's life those six months ago when her Master had died.

At the painful thought, tears welled in her eyes and trickled down her cheeks, coming much easier than in previous months. It was one of the many changes; she seemed to cry for no reason, and every reason. Sniffing, she wiped away the moisture with the back of her hand and sighed heavily.

_There is nothing wrong with my new Master,_ she reasoned with herself. _It's just...he's too nice._ Even that thought sounded confused, but the fact was, she was having a hard time keeping her promise of not letting herself get close to her new Master. The tall knight was constantly doing and saying things that chipped, bit by bit, away from her strong shields.

His smile was infectious and he was constantly teasing her. At first she hadn't known how to take it, but now something within her was crying to be loosed. It took all her willpower to keep from coming back with a witty reply that would probably shock him into tomorrow.

Many times, with Ariana, Meri's mouth had put her in trouble. A faint smile tugged at the corner of her mouth, as she thought about the *many* incidents.

Meri thumped her heels against the stone bench and giggled softly as she thought of her most grievous offense. _Hells fire and damnation!_ she thought, nearly choking on a laugh she refused to let loose.

"A credit for your thoughts? Or at least whatever is making you smile in that way?"

The familiar accented voice startled Meri so much she jumped in surprise.

"Master! You scared me!" she said in an accusing tone.

He laughed softly, his blue eyes flashing playfully. "I know. You really need to learn to focus your senses."

Before she could stop it, the retort slipped out. "Well, you're my Master."

The minute the words fell from her mouth, she wished they'd never been said.

Alex let out a small huff of air at the words, but did not laugh. He moved gracefully to stand in front of the small pond that Meri had looked into earlier, and a heavy silence ensued.

Meri tucked her chin down and focused her eyes on the pebbled pathway. She knew as well as he, that in order for him to help her heighten the senses, a stronger bond would need to be formed. What they had now almost couldn't be classified as a bond. The words said were true. He was her Master, but it was just as true that he would never force her in this matter. She was going to have to trust him on her own or not at all.

Tears began to pool once more in her dark eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered, and without looking up she pushed away from the stone bench and fled the gardens.

**

Alex turned swiftly and watched as Meri hastily exited the garden. A long sigh escaped him and he shook his head slightly. She had improved so much over the past months on dealing with her grief and yet she still held him at arms length. He was beginning to doubt that she would ever let him closer.

She still had trouble in meditating and she continued to refuse his help. He had even gone to the measure of requiring her to kneel in mediation with him, in hopes that she would one day reach out for help.

_This is not the time for this,_ he commanded himself firmly. In fact, the reason he had come to find his apprentice was because they had actually been assigned a mission. They were to leave in the morning. It was their first mission together and to be quite honest, Alex wasn't sure if they were ready for that. However, he couldn't blame the Council. If they waited for the rapport between he and Meri to improve, they might be waiting for quite awhile.

Besides that point, it should prove to be a simple mission, though it had possibilities for danger. They were to pick up a witness to the murder of a Senator and escort him safely back to Coruscant. The planet the witness was on currently was only a few hours out from Coruscant, so it wouldn't keep them away for very long.

Alex cast one more glance at the peaceful setting around him and then left to find his apprentice, for the second time that day. To his relief, she had gone back to their quarters and was now in her room.

Shrugging off his robe in the main room, he walked down the hall, pausing in front of the closed door a moment, before knocking softly.

"Come in," a tear soaked voice murmured back quietly.

A sympathetic smile tugged at the corner of his mouth at the sound. That was another change in his apprentice. He often found her crying, but instead of being worried, it relieved him. For those first few months, she had usually held in her grief.

As the door whisked open silently, he stepped in and looked to his apprentice. She sat on the bed, one leg folded underneath her, the other hanging down. She was quickly trying to wipe away any evidence of her tears and was definitely avoiding looking at him. He thought it best, at least for present, not to mention what had just occurred, and instead addressed what he had come to discuss the first time.

"The reason I sought you out, Padawan, is because the Council has given us a mission." He paused to take in her reaction, but other than a fleeting look of surprise, she said nothing. "We leave in the morning to pick up a witness and bring him back to Coruscant safely."

"Yes, Master," she replied softly.

Alex stood silently a moment, his gaze intense as his blue eyes scrutinized his padawan. He could tell she was miserable about what had happened earlier. Almost hesitantly, he reached out through the Force to assure her, but immediately, he could almost see her flinch visibly at the contact.

For a reason he couldn't quite understand, that reaction hurt him more than the words she had said earlier. Keeping any expression from his face, he nodded stiffly. "Very well, then," he said shortly. Turning on his heel, he walked swiftly out of the room. 


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 11**

The sun was just cascading over the landing pad as Alex Arieh and his padawan boarded the transport that would carry them the short trip to Alderaan. The silence between the pair was more strained than normal, and as soon as they boarded Meri found a seat by a view port and turned her face to it. To say she felt bad wouldn't even begin to explain how she felt.

Alex, with a quick glance at his apprentice, made his way to the cockpit. Meri stared after his retreating back, wishing she had the courage to stop him and tell him she was sorry. Instead she clenched her hands in her lap and turned to look back out the window.

The trip to Alderaan seemed to drag on forever to her. Her Master stayed in the cockpit for most of the trip, only coming out to tell her they were approaching the planet. He took a seat next to her and strapped in for the landing. When her slender fingers had trouble tightening her own strap, he leaned over and adjusted it for her. Glancing up, her eyes met his and he smiled encouragingly.

"I'm not angry with you, Padawan," he answered the question in her eyes.

She gave a wavering smile in return, but didn't feel any better for his words. Maybe he wasn't now, but surely he had been. Feeling the frustration build inside at her own fear, she began to nibble on her lip as she turned to glance out at the planet below.

The transport touched down with a gentle lurch, and Meri was quick to follow Alex's lead as he rose and headed for the ramp that was already lowering to the ground. Raising her hood, she followed him into the busy spaceport, her eyes taking in everything, while seeming not to look.

Stopping, Alex turned to her and spoke quietly. "We haven't far to go. We're to pick him up in one of the cantinas near here."

That piqued her curiosity. "Isn't he in danger that way?" she asked just as softly.

The tall knight shook his head. "Any attackers would be looking for him at the protection agency. He's being guarded at the cantina. Come." Without further words, they made their way to a cantina named Doomsday.

At the sight of the name on the sign, Meri's eyebrow rose. "Great," she murmured to herself. _We're picking up a person who has people trying to kill him, from a place called Doomsday._

Her Master threw the words, "Stay close to me," over his shoulder before stepping into cantina. Pulling her hood farther forward to conceal her face, Meri stepped quickly after her Master. The further they went into the cantina, the thicker the smoke became. Meri held back the urge to cough and was thankful when the meeting only took a few minutes and they moved outside.

When they stepped back outside the cantina three beings followed. Two were flanking a shorter humanoid. Meri guessed he was the witness they were to escort, but her eyes were drawn to the two large beings guarding him. Something about the way their eyes shifted quickly back and forth in almost a nervous gesture disturbed her.

"The ship is this way."

Her Master's words jerked her back from her musings and she quickly fell into step as they walked swiftly towards the ship. _Stupid mistake, Meri, always focus on the now,_ she ordered herself.

The short trip to the transport was made quickly and without any trouble. The small group had just stepped up the ramp and into the transport, when the pilot of the ship walked through the doorway ahead.

"Master Jedi, we have received an urgent message from the Jedi Temple. They requested you view it before taking off."

Alex frowned and studied the pilot for a moment, before nodding hesitantly. "Very well." He turned to Meri and the other three. "I'll be back shortly."

Meri nodded, but something inside of her was beginning to twist strangely.

She almost began to follow Alex, to tell him something was wrong, when a strong backward pull on her arm sent her careening into the wall behind her. Her head cracked sharply against the surface and the room swam before her eyes, yet she could still see what was happening.

One of the guards had grabbed the witness and was holding him in an aggressive position. The other was facing her with a sneer on his face.

"Stupid Jedi," he spat.

From the direction of the cockpit echoed the sound of blaster fire and Meri suddenly realized it had all been a set up. The pilot...the message. They had just wanted to separate the two Jedi. A sudden lurch beneath her feet alerted her to the fact the ship was taking off, and the movement tossed her off balance and dangerously near the open ramp.

The ship headed full speed for the atmosphere and within seconds, they were already hundreds of feet above the ground. Meri reached instinctively for her lightsabre, but before her hand even touched it, something sharp and metal made contact with her head.

The next thing she knew, she was falling backwards, a blinding pain exploding in her head. She fell to her side on the ramp and continued to roll right down the ramp.

Through a wave of pain induced haze, she realized what was happening and at the last second her fingers closed around the edge of the ramp. Her body jerked to a halt in its fall and she hung precariously, hundreds of feet above the planet, with the distance increasing by the moment. Her fingers bit into the metal ramp as they fought for a sturdier hold, but she only succeeded in bloodying them.

Desperately she reached for the Force to help pull herself up, but it wasn't there. With each beat of her heart, pain exploded in her head and she couldn't see. Something was running into her eyes burning them, blinding her. She couldn't see, couldn't concentrate enough to access the Force, and the increasing waves of dizziness made it impossible to pull herself up by brute strength. She felt like she was going to be sick. What scared her the most was the fuzziness creeping in, the darkness that threatened to overtake her.

Meri knew she was fighting a losing battle. It wouldn't be long before she lost the battle and consciousness. Abandoning all her previous fears about trusting, she reached for the fragile cord in her mind that tied her to Alex. Throwing her all behind it, she opened herself fully to him and sent a desperate plea for help.

_Master!!_

***

As Alex followed the pilot back to the front of the transport, the sense that something was about to go wrong grew stronger. He didn't know if it had to do with this so-called message, or if it was something else. He was on the verge of turning to go check on his apprentice and the witness, when they reached the cockpit.

The pilot crossed the short space to the control board and Alex watched closely as he hit the switches to autopilot.

Suddenly something clicked in the Jedi's mind and he whipped his lightsabre off his belt and ignited it, just in time to deflect the first blaster shots from the pilot. He had to be careful not to direct any of the blaster fire at sensitive parts of the ship and at the same time, he was careful not to hurt his attacker. He knew he could disarm the traitor given a few minutes, but he was about to discover time was a commodity he did not have.

The pilot had ducked behind the bulkhead and was firing sporadically at the Jedi knight. It only took Alex a moment to realize this was designed to be a distraction and knew he had to move quickly. Already he had felt the ship lurch and realized the autopilot was taking them off Alderaan at a rapid pace. His concern for his apprentice had grown as he realized that this had all been a design to separate the two. He could only hope she was all right.

Another red blaster bolt winged its way across the short distance, and Alex swatted it away with his sabre like a bothersome insect. He was just beginning to plan his strategy to reach the pilot, when an explosion of Force flared into his mind. The presence that was his apprentice grew from the faintest essence and exploded into a brightness that flooded his mind. At that exact moment, he could sense her well-being and his heart seemed to skip a beat.

_Master!_

The desperate plea that surged over their now open bond changed Alex's approach to the whole situation. He didn't know what was wrong back there, he just knew whatever it was, it had gone horribly wrong.

Twirling his sabre with a flick of his wrist, he sent the next blaster bolt slamming into the wall directly in front of the pilot. At this point hurting the man before him was less of a concern when his padawan was in danger. The urgency to go and help his apprentice was building by the minute.

The next blaster bolt Alex returned hit its intended target, and the man howled out with an angry cry as the bolt singed his leg. Taking advantage of the situation, the Jedi darted across the open space and disarmed the pilot with a quick sweep of his humming lightsabre. The two pieces of the blaster fell harmlessly to the floor and without hesitating; Alex jerked the injured man from the floor and dragged him to one of the small cargo holds. "Get in," he commanded, steel underlying his tone. Without waiting for the man to answer, Alex shoved him in, and locked the small hold.

Turning, Alex had to hold himself back from running to the back of the ship. He didn't know what was awaiting him. Carefully he approached and peered cautiously around the corner. Both of the guards had their attention elsewhere, and that was what bothered him, that and his apprentice was nowhere to be seen. One guard stood with his back to Alex and held the witness captive and the other... Looking closer, he noticed that particular guard standing at the head of the ramp holding a long metal pipe in one hand--The ramp; it should have closed by now. It was made to automatically close when the ship took off; the atmosphere was getting dangerously thin, why then was it still open...?

With horror, Alex realized what was happening and why Meri had called him so frantically. Without pausing, he snuck quietly up behind the guard holding the witness and using the butt of his lightsabre, cracked it down on the back of the being's head. He dropped like a rock at Alex's feet and the captive scurried quickly out of the way as the remaining guard turned to face Alex with surprise etched on his face.

"Surprised?" Alex growled. "Jedi aren't that easy to get rid of."

The guard reached quickly for his blaster, but Alex was faster. Lifting his hand, he waved it in a downward motion that sent the guard flying sidewise and into the wall. The force of the push knocked him promptly unconscious and Alex rushed for the ramp.

Dropping to his knees, his momentum slid him down to the edge of the ramp. Even as he did so, he found he had trouble breathing in the thin air. Looking over the edge his heart almost stopped. "Meri," he breathed, then grabbed her wrist and pulled her upwards. Pulling her into his lap, he backed up until he was fully in the hold of the ship. The minute his weight was off the ramp, it rose and shut with a click.

Alex didn't even pay attention to it, but instead began looking his apprentice over. A large gash began high on her forehead and continued into her hairline, making it a bloody mass of hair. The blood had also run down into her eyes and he could see it must have been blinding her. It was the size of the knot on her head that worried him and he didn't see how she had held on for so long. She must have fainted the moment he pulled her up. Pausing he looked over at the witness, who still sat warily in the corner. "You, can you put those two in that other small cargo hold?"

The man nodded and moved to do as asked.

Alex gently cradled Meri in his arms and headed for the cockpit to reset the coordinates for Coruscant first, and foremost. Secondly, he retrieved the med-pack and placed a bacta patch on the still oozing wound of his apprentice. As he did, so he contemplated the difference he felt in their bond and marveled at the light side of the Force her presence exuded. He only hoped she wouldn't withdraw that presence when she awoke.

At the sound of footsteps, he turned to see the witness entering the cockpit.

"Thank you," Alex murmured. "I know I'm not supposed to ask your name, but thank you."

With cocky smile, the humanoid smiled. "S'alright. You can just call me Tek." Looking down on the pale form in the Knight's lap, Tek frowned. "Will she be all right? They hit her pretty hard."

Alex sighed heavily and brushed a few stray hairs out of her face. "I hope so, Tek. She will get the best of care at the Jedi Temple, though. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to stop there first and someone else will have to take you on to the Senate building."

Tek waved his hand in a dismissive gesture. "No problem, Jedi."

Alex dropped his bright blue eyes back to his apprentice's face and trailed a finger lightly down the dark bruise forming on her face, using an age-old Jedi technique of healing. It would ease the swelling at best; An-Paj would have to see to the rest. 


	12. Chapter 12End Part One

Chapter 12 will conclude Part One, but by no means the story. I will start posting Part Two tomorrow night. : ) Part Two will start when Meri is 16, almost 17.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Chapter 12  
  
A steady pounding pain in her temples, that seemed to match the beating of her heart, woke Meri from the swirling pool of darkness she'd fallen into earlier. She couldn't see and when she tried to turn her head a sharp knife like pain seared through it and she couldn't help the low groan that escaped.  
  
"Easy, there," a soothing voice comforted. "You've had quite the time of it."  
  
With those words, memory came flooding back to her hazy mind and she jerked as she remembered almost falling hundreds of feet.  
  
Suddenly concern flooded her mind, and she frowned as she felt it. It took her a moment to realize it wasn't her concern she was feeling, but her Master's. "Master?" she questioned weakly.  
  
A soft snort reached her ears. "No, but he's been trying. Trust me," An-Paj's familiar voice said in annoyance.  
  
Meri took this in quietly as she realized she could sense what her Master was feeling and knew he could probably sense her just as well. A strange feeling came over her and she had the overwhelming urge to see Alex.  
  
Raising her right hand to her eyes, she pulled feebly at the material covering her eyes. "I can't see," she complained.  
  
"Here, let me do that," An-Paj said as his strong blue fingers pushed Meri's fumbling hands away from the bandage. "The light will be bright, so open them slowly. You had a severe head injury young lady."  
  
"I never would have guessed," she retorted dryly.  
  
A light chuckle sounded directly overhead. "You're definitely sound back to normal."  
  
A piercing light suddenly broke through Meri's half-opened eyes and she squinted, trying to pull back from the light.  
  
"I told you," An-Paj murmured from her bedside.  
  
"Why?" she asked as the pain increased in her head.  
  
"You've been in a light coma for the past five days, Padawan," he answered as though it were the most common of facts.  
  
"What?" she asked sharply, trying to sit up quickly. At the fast movement, a wave of dizziness so harsh swept over that she almost passed out and a wave of nausea accompanied it.  
  
"Easy!" An-Paj commanded sternly as he pushed her back down on the pillows. "When I said you have a severe head injury I didn't mean minor. You "do" remember what happened?"  
  
Meri paused just trying to get back to the place where the room wasn't spinning. "No, I just remember something hitting me and then I almost fell," she muttered, squinting up at the blue healer.  
  
"Well, that may be all you ever remember," the healer said as he removed an instrument from his pocket and placed the tip in her ear. A few seconds later he removed it and smiled. "Good, no fever."  
  
The strange feeling flooded over her again and she looked up at the healer, squinting against the ceiling lights. "Can I see my Master?"  
  
One of An-Paj's white eyebrows arched as though in surprise at her request, but then a slow, sincere, smile broke out on his face. "You most certainly may, Meri."  
  
***  
  
As the sound of An-Paj's footsteps faded away, Meri relaxed into the pillows behind her and gave her burning eyes a much needed rest. After learning she had been out for five days, feeling sleepy was the last thing she expected, but it was exactly how she was feeling.  
  
The pounding in her temples hadn't lessened and it felt like a herd of banthas was keeping time in a smart march in her head. "Ooh," she groaned softly, wishing for the entire galaxy that Ariana was there to hold and comfort her like she used to.  
  
With that thought, tears began pricking the back of her eyelids and she remembered how she had reached out to Alex in desperation. It had felt so different than before. `His' presence felt so different from Ariana's. His presence was strange, unfamiliar, but at the same time somehow comforting, and warm. She could feel him getting closer now and she was torn between dread and an eagerness she couldn't explain. Squeezing her eyes shut tighter, she wished the pain in her head would stop so she could think clearly. It hurt; the pounding within just wouldn't stop.  
  
The sound of footsteps stopped her muddled thoughts and when she felt the bed sink as someone perched on the side; she knew it was he. She could feel his presence like a shinning light. Opening her eyes slowly, she squinted up at him.  
  
His young face was a myriad of emotions, while his blue eyes studied her, as though looking for any sign that she was feeling uncomfortable with him.  
  
Slowly he reached out and took her hand, and Meri gripped it tightly.  
  
Her brown eyes searched his face desperately, and then she asked the question that wouldn't stop plaguing her. "Did you really want me...I mean...as your apprentice?" Her voice wavered, sounding just as uncertain as she felt.  
  
Alex's eyes flickered, and then his face flooded with compassion. "Very much so," he said haltingly, his voice sounding almost close to tears.  
  
Meri blinked in confusion. "But...why?" The question in her voice was genuinely confused. "I'm not...not worth it," she finished quietly, and then tried to withdraw her hand from his.  
  
Alex tightened his grip on her hand and wouldn't let go. "Don't say that," he murmured. "Don't ever say that. You'll make quite the Jedi knight someday, Meri."  
  
"But....I failed her. I should have been there and I wasn't and I failed her," she said in a rush, as tears began to run down her face. "And this last mission--I wasn't quick enough. I should have realized it sooner..." she trailed off, her tears falling faster, the sobs only encouraging the pain her head.  
  
Unexpectedly Alex pulled her into his arms and held her comfortingly. Though it would normally have made her feel uncomfortable, this time she found herself accepting it as the ache in her head grew with her tears.  
  
"No, Padawan, no. It was my fault what happened on our mission. Not yours. I should have sensed those men's intent. You did not fail Master Caer, either, Meri. You honored her in your obedience. Never forget that." Alex's voice was soft, yet firm and through the open bond he sent all the confidence he felt for his apprentice behind the words.  
  
Meri didn't reply, but allowed herself to be pulled closer in his warm embrace, her eyes drifting closed as the light's burning glare took its toll. She was too miserable to argue, too much in pain...and though she wouldn't admit it, his words had gained a tiny foothold within.  
  
Time seemed to halt and all Meri was aware of was the pain, and the steady heartbeat beneath her ear. She dropped off into a place between awake and asleep, the throbbing ache keeping her from the deep healing sleep she needed. It was more through Alex that she sensed An-Paj re-entering the room, than from any awareness of her own. Although she wanted to, she was unable to gather the strength to move from within the circle of his arms. From above, she heard his worried, soft, accented voice address the healer. "She's in a lot of pain."  
  
From even farther away she heard An-Paj answer. "I know, too much too soon. She won't be after I give her this."  
  
After that, she felt a prick on her arm, and then she felt herself slipping into a deeper sleep as the pain faded away.  
  
|===|---------   
  
"Meri? Are you alright?"  
  
The lilting voice was muffled through the closed door, but the concern was still evident.  
  
"Yes, Master. I'm just getting dressed," she called back, somewhat amused by her Master's over protectiveness since finally being released from the infirmary. In the end, she had to stay longer in the infirmary then previously thought, after An-Paj found a hairline crack in her cranium. It was the source for the headaches and the frequent bouts of nausea she had experienced. She hadn't exactly found it fun to spend her Life Day in the infirmary, however.  
  
Now, though, she was feeling much better, the headaches almost entirely gone; yet her Master still acted as though she were about to fall apart.  
  
Shaking her head, she pulled on her boots and then headed for the main room. Having only been out of the infirmary a day, this would be the first morning she would meditate with Alex with their open bond. She was still nervous, still a tiny bit afraid of trusting, but she had taken the first step.  
  
Entering the room, she saw him already in position, and masking the slight nervousness she felt, she knelt across from him. Immediately his blue eyes sprang open to regard her, searching her face for what, she knew not.  
  
"Your nervous," he commented lightly.  
  
She hadn't really been trying to shield the fact from him and wasn't surprised he had detected it. "Yes, Master. A little," she conceded lowering her eyes to floor.  
  
"I won't force you, Padawan. I'll help you, but only if you want me to..." he trailed off leaving the last comment a question.  
  
Taking a deep breath, she nodded. "I--I do. It's just....hard."  
  
He didn't need to ask what was hard. He knew this was difficult for her, to trust again. He gave her a single, slow nod. "We'll take it slow then," he assured, then raised both of his palms towards her.  
  
Taking another, more unsteady breath, Meri raised her hands as well and placed them against Alex's. She almost jerked back in surprise when she immediately felt the Force spark between them. She didn't remember that with Ariana. Closing her eyes, the fifteen-year-old tried to concentrate, tried to connect to the Force, but as usual, it seemed to dance away before she could grasp it.  
  
"Relax, you're trying too hard," Alex murmured.  
  
Meri let out a tempered sigh, and then did as he said, relaxing the tense muscles and imagining all the stress flowing right out of her. As soon as she had done so, she felt Alex's presence grow in her mind and for a split second she wanted to throw up her shields. Forcing herself to keep her shields down, she allowed him to pull the Force around the both of them. Gradually her fear ebbed and Alex continued to guide her deeper into the Force.  
  
It surrounded them both now, a bright flowing river of light, calming and carrying away all her fears and easing her grief, as she soared on the winds of the Force.  
  
When she opened her eyes, they met the bright blue ones across from her and she smiled shakily. The bond between the two hummed with the energy of the Force; already it had grown from a weak, faint cord, to something stronger, one thrumming with the Force. "Thank you," she breathed.  
  
Alex simply smiled warmly. He was no longer just her Master by title only. He had fully become her Master, and she, his apprentice.  
  
[End Part One] 


	13. Chapter 13Part Two Begins

Part Two  
  
Meri age: 16 almost 17  
  
Alex age: 23  
  
Chapter 13  
  
Darkness shrouded the Temple in the late hour, but Alex Arieh was still wide-awake, his ice blue eyes staring thoughtfully up at the ceiling. Sleep eluded him and no wonder with the heavy decision that lay on his shoulders.  
  
Over the past few hours, he'd had to squash the idea of rising and fixing himself a cup of tea, for the young Master did not want to disturb his sleeping apprentice.The middle of the night was not the time to explain to Meri that he was going on a dangerous mission soon, a mission that he hadn't decided if she would be going on.Pushing back a few impertinent strands of black hair off his forehead, Alex swung his legs out of the bed, and moved to stand by the window.Outside, the high pitched whine mixed with the deep hum of transports could be heard. Coruscant was seemingly a planet that never slept, and at all hours of the night, the traffic never ceased.  
  
//But at least it is safe. It is safe for Meri, maybe, she should stay here,// he thought, troubled. The Council certainly thought she should stay at the Temple, and had made it obvious they thought so. However, they chose to leave it up to him to decide. The next day he had a meeting with them and he would need to have his decision by then.  
  
At sixteen, almost seventeen, Meri was more than capable of going on most missions, and if it were any *other* mission Alex wouldn't be debating with himself over this. It wasn't any other mission, though. Meridith Irhanah had been apprenticed to him when she was 14, at the death of her first Master, Master Ariana Caer. The two had carried a very close bond, and Meri had been traumatized when the strong bond she carried with her first Master was ripped away. //Traumatized is putting it mildly,// Alex thought with a small huff of air. His apprentice still had nightmares over what had happened and she hadn't even been there. At the center of it was Dubh nán. It was a small planet, which was not in the Republic. Said to be a beautiful planet, it was a world with the population consisting of mostly humans, yet it was a planet in unrest. Alex had often seen two planets warring over a trade route or something similar, but never had he seen such an ongoing, vicious, fight between  
two peoples of the same planet. The violence on Dubh nán had lasted for years, and was mainly caused by a dispute between two political parties who fought to control the same piece of land. Mere land caused so much blood to have been spilled.  
  
Therefore, it wasn't to anyone's surprise when one side of Dubh nán contacted the Jedi Council for help. The Jedi Council consented, hoping to see the long time conflict end. Of course, they sent one of their best Ambassadors with the best negotiation skills, who just happened to be Meri's Master, Ariana Caer.  
  
Only 14 at the time, Dubh nán was no place for such a young apprentice as Meri. Violence erupted at the smallest whim, and things unspeakable were done to those caught in the middle, woman or child. Knowing this, the Jedi Council advised Master Caer not to take her apprentice, and she consented. Always the obedient padawan, Meri didn't make a big fuss over the decision, and saw her Master off with a smile. It was the last time that the two would see each other.  
  
Things went well, and just when it seemed the two sides were coming to an agreement, a rebel group bombed the meeting house killing all inside, including Meri's Master. The conflict continued on, despite the fact that one more had lost her life in the struggle for peace. The Jedi Council withheld from sending any more Ambassadors; the cause was at the time, hopeless.Alex sighed, and rubbed his face wearily. His apprentice was still scarred from her previous Master's death, and he was determined to do all he could to keep Meri from more pain. It was now over two years later and Dubh nán was once again pleading for Jedi intervention. Jedi were the peacekeepers, it was their duty, and the Council once again consented. However, this time all the more experienced Jedi Ambassadors were not available, and it happened that one of Alex's gifts in the Force lay in negotiating. As a padawan, his Master had often let him do the larger part of the negotiating when they were on missions.  
He always knew what to say at the right time. He knew just the words to speak to ease tension and cool hot tempers.  
  
So, partly because no one else was available, and mostly because it was his gift in the area, the Council had chosen Alex to go to Dubh nán. To make matters more complicated the Council still thought Meri shouldn't go. Not only was it too dangerous, but she had still not put her Master's death fully behind her. Dubh nán was too dangerous; one unfocused moment, one second of lost concentration, and it could cost you your life.  
  
And for a young woman like Meri, death was not the only threat. The Rebel group was still active on Dubh nán, and they hated Jedi. What they would do to if they captured a Jedi Apprentice, to a pretty teen such as Meri; Alex didn't want to even contemplate it. It was something he could never let happen. Never *would* let happen.  
  
With these thoughts in mind, he made his decision. He knew she would take it hard. She might very well be angry with him for awhile, but if it kept her safe that was all that mattered. He never thought he would care so much for his apprentice and often wondered if his Master had felt the same towards him. He couldn't lose her now. Not after all they'd been through, the struggle they had gone through to become as close as they were today.  
  
His mind and heart were set. Meri would stay at the Jedi Temple.  
  
|===|-----------   
  
Meri lounged languidly on the floor of the padawan's recreational room, listening to the banter of her friends flowing around her. She didn't often come here, but her Master had a meeting with the Council--a meeting she was not invited to, and that fact disturbed her somewhat. So, she had come, really, to distract herself by talking with friends, but had ended up just listening.  
  
The girls often gathered in the room to talk about this and that, whatever caught their attention. And, just like every time they gathered here, they pointedly ignored the group of boys who occupied the opposite side of the room and their occasional lingering gazes at the girls.  
  
Bringing her thoughts back to the present, Meri tuned back into the conversation flowing around her and tried to push thoughts of her Master out of her mind. Reaching into a bowl near by, she plucked up a bright cherry colored berry and popped it into her mouth. The tangy-sweet tasting berry was one of her favorite snacks and she always kept a stash of them at her room.  
  
"I can't believe you watch that!" shrieked one of the girls perched on the sofa. "It's so, so, tacky," she finished with a scowl of disdain on her face.  
  
"I only watched it because I found it funny!" defended Aria.  
  
"Riight," Jade drew out her words as though she didn't believe it. "Like watching Madam Tuls stroll around like a...a, well you get the point, is funny. Besides, I bet Meri doesn't watch that type of thing do you, Meri?" The fifteen-year-old turned her gaze to the older padawan, with a look akin to worship.  
  
Meri glanced up and the smile on her face held a hint of mischief. "Ohh, actually I've seen that, but only once when I was over at a friends. True, it is not something I would make a practice of watching. That Madam character does have a rather interesting...if you could call it that, walk."  
  
"Supposedly it attracts the guys," Tessiana said with a small shrug of her shoulders. "I don't think I could walk like that if I tried....the way she over swings her hips.." The small teen stood and tried to imitate the movements only causing the group of girls to erupt into laughter.  
  
"You're only supposed to move your hips, Tess, not your whole body," Meri murmured amused, as she reached for another berry.  
  
"I was!" Tessiana said loudly. "Let's see you do it then, Meri!"  
  
"No," Meri said quickly.  
  
"Oh, come on! Do it, do it!" they all began to chorus.  
  
"Absolutely, positively, NO," she remonstrated. Even as the words left her mouth, Obi-Wan, who was across the room sent her a Force thought.  
  
//You're just saying that because you can't do it any better than Tess.//  
  
"Come on, Meri...Puuulease," the girls cajoled.  
  
//Brat, shut up!// Meri sent back to Obi-Wan, while waving off Tessiana, who was trying to pull Meri to her feet.  
  
//I dare you,// Obi-Wan sent the magic words, knowing he had won.  
  
A slight smile tugged at her lips and gracefully she stood to her feet. "Oh, fine then," she muttered, trying to sound put out.  
  
She turned and walked away, unaware that some of the younger girls even envied her normal walk. In their eyes she was extremely graceful and fluid and hoped that someday, they could move just as elegantly.  
  
Turning to face them, she took one look at the watching group and changed her mind. "Nevermind," she said while trying to slide away, but before she got far Tess had her by the arm and was dragging her back.  
  
"Noo, Meri, you said you'd do it, so do it!"  
  
Meri sighed, put her arms down at her sides then sent Obi-Wan a lethal glare. He just grinned impishly before sending the thought, //I'm beginning to think you really *can't* do it.//  
  
With that a glint came into her eye; she smiled sweetly at Obi-Wan and then began to walk towards the group of girls, moving her hips in a slow, seductive walk.  
  
"That's it! That's it!" They all shrieked in laughter as Meri continued across the floor, mimicking the movement of the character of the cheesy holo program perfectly.  
  
The boys on the other side were watching and began to make catcalls and sharp whistling noises as Meri moved across the room. Obi-Wan rolled his eyes and shook his head.  
  
Seeing Obi-Wan out of the corner of her eye, she flashed him a brilliant victory smile, which only caused more mayhem on that side of the room.  
  
Coming to a stop in front of the girls, she broke into laughter, joining the giggling of the others with her melodious laugh.  
  
Suddenly they all stopped, the whole room dropping into a hush. Meri turned to see what they were staring at, already sensing what she had failed to earlier. Her breath caught in embarrassment as her dark eyes widened in surprise.  
  
Standing behind her was her Master looking at her with a strange, unreadable face expression. Meri could feel the blush beginning at the base of her neck and blooming on her cheeks. She'd never been so embarrassed in her near seventeen years! The next thought followed swiftly // I'm going to kill you, Obi-Wan Kenobi! // 


	14. Chapter 14

Alex walked slowly out of the Council chambers, his neck and shoulders tight with tension. The decision he'd come to hadn't been easy, but he'd told the Council he was leaving Meri on Coruscant. It was done. All the plans had been settled and he would be leaving within the next day or so. Now all that remained was the job of telling his apprentice. // How easy that sounds, // he thought wryly.  
  
Reaching up with a hand, he massaged the back of his neck and grimaced at the thought of what was about to come. He let his hand drop to his side, then briefly concentrated on his apprentice's position in the Temple. Her bright life force was like a shinning beacon and within moments, his feet were carrying him towards her presence.  
  
All the way there, he was trying out different approaches in his mind to use on Meri to tell her the news, but any way it could come out would still not mask the harsh reality of his words.  
  
Stopping in the doorway of the padawan's recreational room, he raised his eyes to search for his apprentice, but the bright blue orbs didn't have to look far. As his eyes locked onto Meri's figure, all thoughts of what he'd come to tell her flew right away, and he was left to stare thoughtlessly.  
  
Almost without realizing it, he masked his presence, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway. As he had often chided her about, she was not paying full attention to her surroundings. And no wonder with the loud whistles and other noises from the boys corner. The realization of exactly "who" they were directing those attentions towards caused an annoyed twitch of his lips.  
  
He watched as she stopped in front of her friends and the whole lot broke down into laughter. // Whatever in the name of the Force was she doing, // he thought puzzled, as he stepped out in plain sight of the occupants of the room.  
  
Immediately the whole room hushed and Meri turned to face him. The moment her dark eyes caught his bright blue ones, her face paled, and then to his consternation her cheeks blossomed in a pretty rose color, eliciting burst of laughter and more whistles from the group of boys.  
  
"Hey Meri," Obi-Wan called out tauntingly, his blue eyes snapping playfully. "If you get much redder, you'll resemble those berries you're so fond of!"  
  
Turning his head, Alex narrowed his eyes and looked sharply at the laughing group of boys. As one, they all fell silent. Alex had earned an intimidating reputation when it came to protecting his apprentice from anything he deemed dangerous. Boys included.  
  
Looking back towards Meri, Alex let out a sigh and regarded the young woman before him. He could tell she was mortified; her eyes were now glued to the floor and she wouldn't look up. // I'm not going to ask. At least not here, // he thought dryly.  
  
"Meri, I need to speak with you," he paused and his eyes danced over the group of girls knotted together behind his apprentice. Knowing Meri, he would best tell her about his mission in private. "Alone," he finished.  
  
***  
  
Anyone who was walking through the Master/Padawan quarter that evening had to check at least twice to make sure the noises they heard, were coming from a Master/Padawan set of rooms. The raised voices sounded more like a quarreling couple than a master and student.  
  
Most of the knights or masters simply cast a curious or amused glance at the closed door, but the younger were more curious. Stealing quietly up to the closed doors, they were startled by the roiling emotions of those inside, freely projected by the Force. Yet more often than not, they were sent scurrying on about their business by a stern glance from a passing knight or master before they could learn much.  
  
Inside a deadly calm finally fell and Alex paced agitated, running a hand through his black hair with an impatient gesture. His lavender eyes simmered in barely contained irritation at the young woman who had dropped onto the sofa moments before. Never before had someone been able to push his buttons like she did and stir his anger.  
  
He knew this would all be complicated from the get-go, but her outright defiance he hadn't expected. At points in her impassioned appeal to allow her to go with him, he had almost melted, his heart beating faster when she pleaded with wide soulful eyes. Seconds later, the fact that he had almost allowed a set of mysterious dark eyes, change his mind, frustrated and annoyed him further.  
  
// Force! Why is it I have the hardest time centering myself when she's involved, // he thought wryly. However, it was true. It had been a long while since he'd been this upset and this uncentered about anything. // And I'm a Jedi Master, // he though in exasperation.  
  
Turning again to face his apprentice, he unwillingly found his heart softening at the sight before him. Meri sat perched on the couch, her hands balled in her lap, a miserable expression on her face, and tears shimmering in her eyes.  
  
"I'm only doing this because I care about you, Meri. I don't want to see you get hurt. It's not because I don't think you're capable. This mission is just too dangerous," he said softly. The sudden flair of anger he felt over the bond startled him and he looked up quickly to see that Meri had jumped to her feet again. Her brown eyes were flashing with barely contained irritation and the feeling of // Not again! // washed over him.  
  
"Men are so dense!" She said vehemently, shocking him even further.  
  
"Did it *ever* occur to you that I just *might* care about you? That I don't want to see *you* hurt!?" She paused a moment and watched his stunned face. "By the look on your face, obviously not," she muttered.  
  
Alex finally recovered enough from her words, to realize she shouldn't be speaking to him in that tone. "Meri! I'm not going to get hurt. Why can't you just accept that you have to stay here!"  
  
"If you think hard enough, I think you'll get it," she murmured dryly.  
  
"Meri!" Alex said sharply, finally losing his calm. "Do *not* talk to me in that tone. My decision is final! Now go to your room before you end up doing cafeteria duty while I'm gone."  
  
Meri clenched her jaw, more to keep back the tears, than from anger. " Yes, Master," she murmured with a curt nod of her head, then walked stiffly from the room.  
  
Alex watched her go, then dropped into a chair exhausted and emotionally spent. Leaning forward, he let his head rest in his hands. "Light, she's stubborn," he groaned.  
  
***  
  
Sinking down on her bed, Meri fought back the hot tears that threatened to erupt. The sentiment that there was a first for everything had proven itself that evening in the form of a first fight between her and Alex. Ohh she knew master and apprentices weren't supposed to have fights, they had disagreements, but what had gone on tonight between them was nothing less than a fight.  
  
Her world felt like it had dropped out from beneath her when he told her he was going to Dubh nán. // How could he? // The simple thought dripped with heavy disbelief. He knew what she'd gone through. He knew what had happened to Ariana, how she blamed herself for not being there. Yet here he was asking her to stay behind, simply because he was afraid she would get hurt.  
  
// Selfish, stuck-up, nerf-herder! //  
  
She jerked a brush through her long, wavy hair, with an impatient gesture, then winced when it caught on a knot. Tears rushed to her eyes again, and she felt like stalking out there and slapping him silly. // Anger is of the darkside, // her inner voice offered helpfully. "Oh, stuff it!" she muttered heatedly, throwing the brush on the nearby nightstand, then reached over and dimmed the lights. Pulling her slender legs up onto the bed, she pulled the covers up and dropped onto her side with an outward huff of air.  
  
("I'm only doing this because I care about you, Meri. I don't want to see you get hurt.")  
  
// What? And I *want* to see him hurt? I don't care about him? // The last thought caused her to pause. Her relationship was different with Alex than it had been with Ariana. She couldn't place what it was, she just knew. They were almost as close as she and Ariana had been, but somehow it was different. Sometimes, that part that was different scared her.  
  
Yet she did care about him, very much. The fact that he was so dense about how she felt irritated her more than a little and sith to those compassionate blue eyes.  
  
//Stupid, dimwitted, nerf-herder! //  
  
For the first time in a long while she had erected shields around her mind, and she wasn't a bit sorry. She was so, so very irritated at him. So upset, and so afraid for him it scared her. No matter how much he protested he would be all right, she knew it was a hollow promise. Ariana had been just as skilled as he was, if not more so and look what had happened.  
  
Burrowing down in the covers, she tried her best to drown out the conflicting feelings inside and just go to sleep. After a long while she felt herself drifting off and into a fitful sleep, full of dreams.  
  
She was standing in a barren field that stretched for miles in all directions. The sky above was boiling with dark gray clouds, and the only building in sight, was far off in the distance, sitting on a low hill.  
  
A cool wind blew, whipping the stray pieces of hair around her face into a chaotic frenzy. A cold chill raced down her spine as she glanced around. She knew this was a dream, but a dream so real it was horrifying. In the very center of her being, a cold knot of fear began to grow and it intensified when she saw another figure enter the dream.  
  
Alex.  
  
Suddenly people appeared and surrounded the one building on the low hill. By their robes and dress, she knew they were officials of some sort. Alex lead them into the building and a deathly quiet fell over the desolate landscape.  
  
Meri clenched her hands as the strong wind continued to push and pull at her robe, a strong feeling of dread growing within. Even though she tried to move, tried to run towards the building, she couldn't.  
  
"Alex!!" The words were born away on the furious wind, echoing into oblivion, and the panic inside of her mounted. It was like before...just like before...the only difference was...  
  
BOOM!  
  
The building on the hill erupted into crimson flames, the impact of the explosion knocking Meri right off her feet and onto the hard ground. Her scream of "Nooo!" was silent, her voice rendered useless. Just like before tears coursed down her cheeks, and just like before she watched, incapable of changing what had just happened.  
  
The only difference to this dream was....it was no longer Ariana.  
  
Meri bolted upright, her chest heaving with half restrained sobs as the last of the dream played itself out. With the return of reality came the shocking realization....the dream was the same one that had plagued her weeks before Ariana's death, and weeks after.  
  
// I can't let him go alone. //  
  
She collapsed against the pillows behind her and pulled her knees up underneath her chin. The Force swirled around her as her breathing slowly calmed, but the thought still echoed in her mind.  
  
// Can't go alone....can't go alone...can't go alone. //  
  
After that, sleep never found her that night. Instead, her mind whirled with ideas and plans of what she had to do, and when morning came, she was ready to face it. It took all she had to act normal with her Master. He was treating her with care, as though she might break, and when he finally told her he was leaving the next morning, her heart started racing madly. She hadn't much time. Quickly she finished up the lesson she had been working on and rushed to her room.  
  
Vaguely she heard her Master speaking to someone at the door, his voice cool and distant. Shrugging it off, she dug around for the credits she knew she had saved. She would need each and every one if she was to pull this off. After finding what she had, she quickly headed for the door praying Alex would let her leave under the pretense of visiting Obi-Wan. It had to work.  
  
"Master, may I go see Obi-Wan?"  
  
She saw him pause and for a moment, she was afraid he was about to decline. "I suppose so, Padawan. Be back in time for our sparring lesson this afternoon."  
  
Sweet relief flooded through her and before he had a chance to see what she carried, she rushed out the door and in minutes was heading for the main entrance to the Temple. 


	15. Chapter 15

Cillian - (KEEL-yan) "war or strife." *You might want to remember this guy in the future *G*  
  
Chapter 15  
  
It was around noon the next day when Alex received word that he would be leaving early the next morning for his mission. He watched Meri's face carefully as he told her, but not a flicker of emotion showed. She simply said, "Yes, Master," then continued with her lessons.  
  
One of Alex's black eyebrows arched in mild surprise and it was while he was pondering her sudden acceptance of his decision that the door buzzed. Turning, he walked distractedly to the door and palmed the switch, all the while wondering at his apprentice's change of heart. The moment the door whisked open, though, he was immediately alert.  
  
Standing before him was Cillian Kaeton, an eighteen-year-old padawan who was known as a ladies man. Standing at around 5'10, he had short, curly, blond hair and deep blue eyes, which were set in baby face features.  
  
"I've come to see Meri," he told Alex carelessly.  
  
Alex's blue eyes narrowed. It wasn't "May I see her," or "Master Arieh can I please speak to your apprentice." Instead he was *telling* Alex he had come to see Meri. Kaeton's cocky attitude didn't go over well with Alex, neither did the fact that even though the Temple's rules forbade intimate relationships between padawans, Cillian Kaeton made a point of breaking that rule as a game. Although he'd never been caught in the act, he boasted about it to his friends and rumors spread quickly. Alex knew for a fact that the Council had spoken to the boy's master on occasion. Every girl was a conquest in Kaeton's sight, and Alex wasn't about to allow the upstart to pursue his apprentice in the same manner.  
  
"She's not available right now, Padawan Kaeton," Alex said coolly, his ice-blue eyes staring down intently into the deep blue of the shorter young man.  
  
Cillian's eyes glanced behind the tall Jedi Master's back and happened to catch sight of the slender form of Meri. His eyes brightened and with a smug grin, he focused once more on the cold eyes staring down on him. "I know she's here. I just saw her," he said impudently.  
  
"I didn't say she wasn't here. I said she can't speak with you right now," Alex answered evenly. Either the boy was dense or he didn't care about the message the Jedi Master was sending in his words.  
  
"Well, why don't you ask her?" The words came out in a challenging and insolent tone.  
  
Alex smiled faintly and leaned slightly forward, his voice low. "Let me make this easy for you, Padawan Kaeton. *I* don't want you to have anything to do with my apprentice. Understood?"  
  
Cillian simply smiled at Alex coolly. "Of course, Master Arieh. I understand perfectly." Giving a short nod with his head, Cillian turned on his heel and swaggered away down the hall.  
  
Alex watched; his jaw clenched at the outright disrespect from the padawan. He knew the boy would bear some watching and that this wouldn't be the last he would see of him. No doubt, he would try to win Meri's attention elsewhere. It didn't sit well with Alex, knowing he was about to leave and that Kaeton was on the prowl.  
  
// What in heavens name did she do to attract that boy's attention. // Then he remembered her display in the padawan's recreational room. "I still don't know what the sith she was doing," he muttered under his breath turning back into their quarters. He came face to face with his apprentice. By the look on her face, he knew she had heard his last uttered words, but she only looked at him curiously.  
  
"Master, may I go see Obi-Wan?"  
  
Alex paused to think about it. Maybe if he let her, it would take her mind of him leaving. There was something about the way she was acting that bothered him. Sighing, he shrugged mentally, maybe seeing Obi-Wan would help her. "I suppose so, Padawan. Be back in time for our sparring lesson this afternoon."  
  
She nodded. "Yes, Master." With the quickly muttered words, she rushed out of the apartment before he could see the credits she had clutched in her hand.  
  
***  
  
With Alex's transport scheduled to leave in the early hours of morning, goodbyes were to be said that night. After packing the few things he would need, the knight headed for the main room.  
  
Meri stood looking out the window, dressed for bed. She was pointedly going to ignore his presence for as long as she could possibly get away with. He sighed within. It didn't take a genius to see she was angry with him. Her very stance and mannerisms conveyed that message quite well, never mind the shields she had erected.  
  
For a long moment, he stood simply looking at her, willing her to turn and speak to him, but her back remained stiff, with only her side features visible.  
  
He tried to reach her through their bond, but the shields she had up prevented him. "I'll be all right, you know? I'll come back."  
  
Nothing, no reaction, no words. It hurt. "Meri, look at me...please?" he entreated, his lilting voice laced with slight hurt.  
  
Slowly she turned to face him, but kept her eyes averted towards the floor. He felt like he had been taken back to when she had first become his apprentice and refused to look him in the eye. Why was she refusing now and acting like a child?  
  
A surge of irritation ran through him and he reached out and tilted her chin up with a less than gentle touch. "Look at me," he said roughly.  
  
With a sharp intake of breath, she did so, her brown eyes locking with his blue ones. Neither one knew what to say, though a hundred words seemed trapped on their tongues. He wanted to apologize for hurting her, for leaving her behind even though he knew it was best, and she wanted to beg and plead him not to go, to ask it of someone else, someone who wasn't her Master. But both remained silent, their eyes searching and studying the other's face until finally Meri took a step back.  
  
"Go," she breathed, then backed up another step, lest he see the truth in her eyes. "Just go."  
  
Alex watched in confusion as his apprentice left the room quickly, heading for her room. Something deep within him stirred, giving quiet warning.  
  
Little did he know the fire their relationship was about to endure.  
  
Sleep seemed to evade Alex that night and after a few hours of trying to sleep he gave up and began reading a data pad of Dubh nán's history and for the most part, it was a gruesome tale. It made him wonder if after all this time they would ever find peace, Jedi Ambassador or not. Before he knew it, the chrono on his desktop indicated it was time for him to leave.  
  
Sighing heavily, he picked up the one bag he was taking with him and stepped out of his room, closing the door behind him. As he passed Meri's room, he paused, his hand resting near the switch that would open it. Giving a soft shake of his head, he dropped his hand and moved on. As much as he wanted a last image of her to hold in his memory, a peaceful image, he didn't want to wake her. Not after last night. He couldn't even sense her clearly, so strong she was shielding. It would just make things harder than they already were if he were to do so.  
  
Leaving a light set on low in the room, he gave one last glance around the apartment, and then stepped out into the dark, quiet hall. 


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16  
  
Stopping outside of Master Arieh's quarters, Depa Billaba pressed the buzzer, then stepped back to wait. She was here to pick up Meri, who would be staying with the gentle Council Member while her Master was gone. His transport had had left for Dubh nán early that morning, and now, a few hours after sunrise, Depa knew Meri should be up.  
  
Alex had approached Depa the afternoon before and asked if Meri could stay with her. Considering the circumstances surrounding the two, Depa realized how hard Meri was probably taking it, and how hard that was for Alex, who obviously adored his apprentice. She had agreed readily to keep Meri when Alex told her he was concerned about her staying alone. It had been awhile since she herself had an apprentice and the thought of a girl's night with the pretty, young woman was pleasant.  
  
Frowning slightly, Depa leaned forward and pressed the buzzer again. All was silent within, and reaching out with the Force, Depa probed the inner quarters for any life force at all. The frown deepened, when after a careful search with the Force, Depa found no signs of life. Meri was not there.  
  
Turning from the door, Depa moved quickly through the Jedi Temple, moving from one place to another. First the cafeteria, then the padawan recreational room, the training rooms, then the gardens. No one had heard or seen anything of Meri, not even Obi-Wan Kenobi, who was her best friend.  
  
After several hours, in which Depa and a few padawan's she had recruited searched the Temple from top to bottom, the Council woman came to the conclusion she had been avoiding all along. Meri must have gone after her Master.  
  
|===|---------   
  
Meri awoke with a start and for a moment, she forgot where she was. With a quick glance around she remembered, and sagged back against the box behind her. She shifted uncomfortably as her leg cramped, complaining from the tight confined space that she was sitting in. The cold floor beneath her was certainly not helping any.  
  
Slowly she stretched her long legs out in front of her and winced at the soreness in the both of them. Cargo holds were definitely not made for comfort, and the small cubby hole she'd found to hide in, amongst all the boxes and goods was certainly not made for her long legs. Long ago had she left behind her height of 5'5 and now stood just a hair's breadth under 5'8.  
  
As the cramping in her leg ceased, Meri had to refrain from sticking a finger under the hat she wore and scratching her scalp. It itched horribly and no wonder with the way she had to flatten down her hair just to get the hat on. Sighing, she looked around and wondered how long she'd slept. She really had no idea, but the deep hum beneath her told her that the transport was still in lightspeed.  
  
There were a few problems she was facing at the moment, due to her reckless and quick plan. For one, she hadn't thought to bring any food or drink, and since she was in such a hurry, she had neglected to see how long the trip to this planet took. Secondly, and right at that minute more importantly....she had to go to the refresher.  
  
As far as she knew, there was only one `fresher on the transport, and it was farther in the front. And that presented the greatest problem yet. Alex was up there. Back here in the Cargo hold she was using all her ability and training to shield from him, and the farther away she stayed, the better.  
  
So, she tried to hold it. Ignoring her discomfort, she curled up on the floor and pulled the only Jedi clothing she'd brought with her, her Jedi robe, closer around her. She dozed on and off as the hours passed and at last she awoke, unable to hold it any longer. // I'm just going to have to risk it, // she thought with a wavering sigh.  
  
Standing up, she cautiously peeked around before stepping out and heading for the door that would lead her to the `fresher. Praying to the Force she wouldn't be detected, she dampened her presence further, and slunk into the brightly lit hallway. A hallway that looked ever so long.  
  
Quickly she tip toed down the length of the hall and jumped into the `fresher shutting the door behind her. After relieving herself she felt intensely better, but immediately dreaded the trip back.  
  
Cracking open the door, she looked out. No one was in sight. Quickly she eased out and let the door shut behind her, then started walking swiftly down the hall. Looking up her heart almost stopped.  
  
Alex was stepping out of the cargo hold and heading right for her. // Oh Force, let my disguise be enough, let it be enough, // she repeated the words like a mantra, and dipped her head as far as she could to hide her features. Her inner voice told her there was no way in hoth she was going to pull this off, but she had to try.  
  
Without slackening her pace, she headed straight down the walkway. She could already feel his burning stare, and expected him at any moment to stop her. Yet he didn't. Closer and closer he came, until they passed each other and he went on by. She had just let out a quiet sigh of relief when the voice stopped her.  
  
"Excuse me," the more than familiar voice asked.  
  
Meri didn't turn around, but froze in step, her heart racing madly. // Sith, I'm in trouble. //  
  
***  
  
Alex rose gracefully out of the kneeling pose he had held for the past few hours and moved to stand thoughtfully in front of the window. He had learned long ago the only way to get rid of unsettled and turbulent emotions was to meditate and release them into the Force.  
  
Yet during this session he had sensed something quite odd. A vision had flashed before his eyes of a young man hiding in a cargo hold. He hadn't seen the boy's face, only his backside, and now as he stretched out with the Force he felt something even stranger. When a Jedi cloaked themselves with the Force it created a void, so that when another Jedi attempted to find them all they sensed was that void. However, any highly trained Jedi could usually recognize what that void meant. If they were looking for it, that is. He wasn't exactly sure that was what he was sensing, but something inside told him to check out the ships cargo hold.  
  
His search only revealed boxes of supplies, and though everything appeared normal, Alex was still unsettled. Slowly he moved around the small hold, his senses striving to find out what it was that seemed to be hiding from him. There was something...it was almost as though he was sensing a familiar presence.  
  
He sighed and gave one last glance around, his blue eyes narrowing in concentration. Whatever it was he had sensed, it was gone now and Alex stepped out of the cargo hold to head back to the front.  
  
As soon as he stepped onto the walkway, the figure walking towards him caught his eye. If Alex had simply gone off what the youth was wearing, he would have suspected it to be male, but long ago had he learned the old saying, "Appearances can be deceiving." The figure was certainly dressed in male clothing and sported a hat crammed so far down on their head he couldn't see their face. It was the way that the youth moved that first alerted him that not all was what it seemed, followed quickly by a stronger sense of that familiar presence. A biting suspicion began to grow, but disbelief tried to drown it out; yet, there was no mistaking the fact that the figure was not male. Just the way she walked...  
  
// No...no, it can't be. //  
  
But as much as he tried to deny it, there was no mistaking that easy, graceful walk. Just as he passed her, the bond he held with Meri jumped, and any doubts he still had fled. He turned quickly and watched her walk a few steps, a muscle in his jaw jumping as he clenched it. She had blatantly disobeyed him.  
  
"Excuse me," he said in a tight controlled tone.  
  
She stopped but didn't turn and he quickly stalked past her and then turned and faced her. He was looking at the top of a hat for she wouldn't look up.  
  
Reaching out he tugged once on the hat, but it was tightly wedged. Giving it a tougher pull, it popped off and dark luxuriant hair spilled out from under it and fell to hang loosely just below the shoulders. Without saying a word he reached out and tipped her chin up.  
  
Her dark eyes were full of apprehension and as his eyes danced over her features he felt his heart jump in his chest. It was followed immediately by a surge of anger as he realized how much danger she had put herself in.  
  
"*What* do you think you're doing." His voice was cold and he allowed his hand to drop away from her face as he spoke.  
  
"I--I had to come, Master...I...," she trailed off as his eyes darkened into a light lavender.  
  
"How did you get on board," he demanded curtly.  
  
Meri winced visibly at his icy tone. "I sneaked aboard and hid in the cargo hold before the ship left." She glanced up at him quickly and then added, "While they were loading supplies."  
  
"Shavit, Meri! What were you thinking!"  
  
She flinched at his harsh words, but before she could answer, he continued.  
  
"And where, in the name of the Force did you get those clothes? Why are you dressed up as a boy?"  
  
She glanced up at him cautiously. "I thought...maybe I could go in disguise as a boy," she almost asked.  
  
He stared at her silently, the image of the way she walked dancing through his head. If it hadn't been so serious he would laugh at her suggestion. Anyone paying the least bit of attention would see that the way she moved was much too feminine for a male, and the loose clothing was hiding much more than a slender youth.  
  
"That's an insane idea! You could never pass for a male."  
  
"And why not?" she huffed, becoming slightly perturbed herself.  
  
"Because you're..." he came to a sudden halt and she looked at him impatiently.  
  
"Because why?!" she insisted.  
  
"Because you're too b--," he began to say again, his tone only softening slightly from its hardness. "Because the way you move is anything but manly. You couldn't pass for a man moving like that," he quickly changed his words, trying to hide what he had almost just said  
  
"You could teach me," she entreated, her dark eyes only flickering in response to his words.  
  
"No," he said shortly. "Give me your sabre."  
  
"Master?" she whispered brokenly.  
  
"You heard me, Padawan. Give me your lightsabre," he repeated in an icy tone.  
  
With tears shimmering in her eyes, Meri pulled out the concealed sabre and handed it to him. "Why?" she questioned haltingly.  
  
"I can't trust you with it anymore, Meri." He couldn't bear to see the hurt look in her eyes and stubbornly he turned away from her. "I trusted you to obey me, Meri. Even in this."  
  
"Are you going to take me back?"  
  
He turned and glanced at her. "I can't. I would if I could, but I can't. The situation is too unsteady. Just what it doesn't need is a missing or late ambassador."  
  
"I'm sorry, Master," she said softly.  
  
His lavender colored eyes sparkled like jewels and his expression hardened.  
  
"I wish I could believe you," he said coolly, than turned on his heel and stalked away down the hall. 


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17  
  
Alex dropped into a chair in his room, his mind and heart at war with each other. His mind said he had perfect reason to be angry with Meri, but his heart cried out he was doing the wrong thing.  
  
He did have reason to be angry with her, didn't he? He had told her to stay at the Temple and she had blatantly, outright, disobeyed him. She had gone behind his back to get on board, and he had a sneaking suspicion that her little visit to Obi-Wan the day before had been anything but.  
  
Alex sighed and ran a hand through his black hair, before letting it fall to his side. In his other hand, rested her sabre. The hilt was beautifully built, it's silver covering flashy in design. He ran a thumb over a swirl in the design and then clenched it tighter in his hand. The look of pain in her eyes when he'd taken it wouldn't leave his mind. He'd hurt her--badly. But he'd had to take it. Once they got to Dubh nán he wanted her to have nothing to do with the negotiations. What would stop her from trying if she had her lightsabre, especially if what had just happened was any indication. Without it, she would be more inclined to stay where he told her--out of the way and safe.  
  
Her idea of going as a disguised boy was a laugh. At the thought Alex shook his head and absently rubbed the back of his neck. Teach her to walk like a boy? He let out a small snort at the memory of her request and then blanched as he remembered the excuse he had almost given her.  
  
// You almost said she was too beautiful, // his inner voice accused.  
  
Therein lay the crux of the matter, though he was loath to admit it.  
  
// She is pretty. I can say that as a Master. It's an observation only. Especially when it pertains to her being in danger here. It could get her killed or worse r--...// he didn't finish the thought. It was too dark to imagine. // I promised I wouldn't let anything happen to her and I won't, // he vowed to himself. And if that raised walls between the two of them he couldn't help it. She would stay safe.  
  
Yet still, a quiet inner voice tried to speak to him, tried to be heard, tried to tell him if he didn't care so much, he wouldn't be acting this way. The very fact of the matter was that she *was* over Ariana's death. She was capable enough to be on this mission, but he was too afraid she would be hurt, and *that* he wouldn't admit, for it spoke of just how deeply his feelings ran.  
  
Yet, he refused to recognize them as anything other than a normal Master's concern for his apprentice.  
  
// I don't know why she didn't just obey me, // he lamented silently. He had never wanted to hurt her; in fact, that was the last thing he wanted to do; yet what had just happened had done exactly that.  
  
// She is perfectly capable to be here, // the small voice argued.  
  
// No. Even the Council agreed with me on this, // he thought stubbornly, and the small, voice faded away.  
  
With a last glance at the hilt in his hand, he snapped it to his belt, alongside his own and strode back across the hall to the other room, reserved for those traveling on the transport. He was surprised to find that Meri wasn't there, and he frowned in irritation. "Where has she got to now?" he muttered.  
  
Then he remembered she'd been hiding in the cargo hold and he hadn't told her to bring her things up to this room. Guilt struck him and he walked quickly back to where he could sense her.  
  
At first he didn't see her, but then weaving his way through the boxes of supplies he saw her and he felt even worse as he found her curled up on her Jedi robe asleep. Crouching down, his eyes studied her sleeping face and found evidence of dried tears on her face. Her dark hair was fanned out around her sleeping head and without thinking he reached down and rubbed a lock of it between his fingers. It was as soft as he had imagined and then some.  
  
Suddenly she stirred, sensing his presence, and he pulled his hand back quickly. Opening her eyes slowly, she looked up at him blearily and when she saw it was him, sat up quickly, her face a myriad of emotions.  
  
His face expression softened as his blue eyes took in her rumpled appearance. "Get your things and bring them up to the room across from mine," he said gently.  
  
She nodded and he rose to leave.  
  
"Master, wait," she said, quickly scrambling to her feet.  
  
He half turned to face her and she took a step towards him, her dark eyes capturing his own. "I really am sorry. Please," she entreated softly.  
  
He sighed quietly, but couldn't find the words to tell her he knew she was sorry all along and he'd forgiven her. How could he stay angry with her when he realized why she'd done what she had? But he wasn't going to die.  
  
So instead of speaking, he just nodded once and turned to walk quickly back the way he'd come. If he had turned and looked back, the words that had been locked behind his tongue may have been loosened at the sight of his apprentice.  
  
Standing forlornly in the midst of the boxed supplies, she looked just as lost as she had the day he'd taken her as his apprentice. Tears pooled in her dark eyes and she bit her lip as she stared after him, her eyes mirroring the pain inside. 


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18  
  
//Why do transports have to be so cold?// Meri wondered as she drew her legs up closer to her body to conserve the heat. Of course, everything about the room she was in was cold. It was definitely one of the more questionable transports she had traveled on in her experience. The floors were simply metal; no one had even bothered to cover them with anything. The walls also were of a cold, steel, gray material, adding to the colorless theme of the small room. The bed on which she sat had to be the worst feature, by far. The mattress felt as hard as a stone and as chilled as she was, it felt just as cold. Only one thin, worn, blanket was folded at the end, and the single pillow was coverless and stained.  
  
Meri hugged her knees closer to her body and rested her chin atop them. Even if she had been sleepy, which she wasn't, she wouldn't have let that pillow anywhere near her face, not to mention the blanket, which appeared just as dirty. Instead she had wrapped her warm Jedi robe around her, but even that didn't ease her discomfort. Space travel usually didn't affect her in this way, but she suspected her coldness radiated from the coldness within and the loneliness. A few tears would have liked to escape, but she wasn't about to let them.  
  
Alex hadn't spoken to her since he had come to the cargo hold and told her to move her things. Hours had passed, and she could sense a coolness to their bond that hadn't ever been there before. He wasn't shielding, not really, but that tinge of aloofness she sensed kept her from probing further. His words and actions were enough to tell her he was upset with her. He had to be very angry to have taken her lightsabre. She felt vulnerable without it.  
  
Grabbing her braid in one hand, she began to fidget with it, rolling it back and forth between two fingers. Stopping, Meri looked intently at the weave of hair strands and noticed for the first time that just about all the black hairs had worked themselves out or had been washed out. She frowned and then bit her lower lip in consternation.  
  
The apprentice was startled out of her musings by the door sliding open and Alex stepping into the room. Her heart fluttered and she quickly dropped the braid back on her shoulder and sat up.  
  
"Padawan," he greeted with a nod as he settled into the only chair. His bright blue eyes took her in with a sweeping gaze and then came back to focus on her face.  
  
"Master Billaba contacted me a while back," he paused, his features settling into a look of disapproval. "I think an apology will be in order when we return," he said firmly.  
  
Feeling his intense gaze on her face, she remembered that Depa had indeed been the one who was supposed to watch her while her Master was away, and her cheeks flushed under the mild rebuke. Another thing she had forgotten in the planning.  
  
With face still warm, she looked at Alex and noticed a strange expression flicker across his face as he looked at her. The next moment she thought she must have imagined it, for the aloof mask he wore, dropped back into place.  
  
"We'll be arriving soon and I've arranged for you to stay somewhere safe."  
  
Safe. She was beginning to detest the word with every fiber of her being. What did `safe' matter, if the person she cared about most was walking right into the mouth of danger.  
  
Seeing the expression cross her youthful features, Alex's face hardened. "I'll entertain no arguments about this, Padawan," he said coolly.  
  
"Yes, Master," she replied contritely. It had to be a record that he had addressed her as "padawan" twice in a row. He almost always called her by name.  
  
"This planet has four seasons and it is the cold season. You will need to dress warm," he paused before continuing. "I have also arranged for that,...it is...in a young man's style, however."  
  
Meri looked up at him sharply. "What happened to, `You could never pass for a male'?" she questioned tartly.  
  
His eyes blazed and she saw a muscle jump in his jaw. "You couldn't. It is just a precaution in case someone sees you from afar."  
  
"As long as I'm not walking about, right?" she returned dryly.  
  
He let out an explosive sigh and gave her a warning glance as he stood. "Keep your hair up," he ordered brusquely, then turned and left.  
  
***  
  
True to Alex's word, Meri soon felt the transport slowing from lightspeed and then not long after, enter the atmosphere of Dubh nán. It took a bit of effort, but she finally got all her hair back underneath the cap and donning her robe she stood and ventured out of her room.  
  
On her way towards the cockpit, she met the co-pilot, who when he saw her stopped short and stared a moment before speaking. "Master Arieh asked that I inform you we have arrived and that you should be ready to leave, Miss..." he trailed off and looked at her uncertainly.  
  
Meri bit her lip to keep the tears at bay, but at the same time a surge of irritation washed over her. Now he was sending the crewmen to tell her things instead of speaking to her himself. "Let me guess," she said wryly, trying to hide her pain. "He called me `Padawan' didn't he?"  
  
The man nodded and looked at her curiously. No doubt if he knew anything about Jedi he saw no problem in that, but he didn't know Alex. "Force forbid he use my name," she muttered brushing past the startled man before he could see the tears in her eyes. By then, her annoyance had covered her injured feelings, and she marched down the walkway intent on having a few words with him before they left.  
  
However, by the time she reached the ramp that had been lowered, she saw him striding away, his robe billowing outwards as he walked across the snow covered ground toward a group of waiting people.  
  
Hurt beyond words, she moved to the head of the ramp and tried to quickly wipe away the tears that had escaped and were trailing down her face. He wasn't going to say goodbye? She almost couldn't believe it. Did he think this made things easier? For who? Certainly not her, so it must be for his benefit.  
  
Trying to take her mind off what had just happened, she took her first real glance at Dubh nán. Everything was covered in a glaring white powder--snow. She had heard of it and even seen pictures of it, but never experienced it first hand.  
  
Walking down to the end of the ramp, she knelt and fingered the ice crystals with wonder. The powdery crystals sparkled in the bright sun, looking like so many jewels and the cold air nipped at her cheeks, causing them to redden in the chilly air.  
  
Finally she stood once again and looked to the group her Master had gone to meet. He was facing her now and even looking at her while he spoke to one of the other men. The gentle wind teased his black hair and blew a few strands across his forehead, giving him a slightly boyish look. The white background of the ice and snow caused his eyes to look much lighter, a very pale blue, standing out against his black hair.  
  
Turning away, she looked off to the horizon, wishing almost immediately that she hadn't. On a far off hill stood a building that was all too familiar. Oh, it was different from her dream, not as plain and the snow was certainly new to the sight, but it was there. That was enough. The sight of it immediately plunged her back to her dream and the overwhelming sense she'd had that told her not to let Alex go alone. She had begun to start hoping it was all in her head, that perhaps what the Council said was true and she wasn't over Ariana's death. But the sight of that building brought it all back and she knew she was right.  
  
A hard slap on her back almost sent her to her knees and alerted her to the fact that she had once again lost focus on the moment and someone had approached without her knowing.  
  
"Grand sight, isn't it buddy?" a loud voice asked, seemingly unaware that she would now probably have a bruise from his friendly slap on the back.  
  
She straightened, brown eyes narrowing in irritation and then turned to face the man beside her. "Not quite," she said coolly, her eyes taking in the man before her. He was just as short as she and looked to be a few years older than Alex. She was guessing 25. He had sandy blond hair and hazel eyes that twinkled in fun.  
  
"Well, I'll be a nerf herder! You're a young lady!"  
  
Meri stared at him blankly.  
  
"I thought you were a boy," he said with another slap on her back, this one only marginally softer. "He just called you his apprentice, and if you'll pardon me, but from the backside I couldn't tell, what with you wearing boy's clothes and all."  
  
"I see," she replied.  
  
He stuck out his hand and smiled rakishly. "I'm Folly!"  
  
One slender eyebrow rose as Meri's eyes cut over and stared at the man next to her. Folly? What kind of name was Folly? "Hello...Folly," she said glancing at his outreached hand in puzzlement. What exactly did he expect her to do? Finally she gracefully extended her own hand, and placed it in his with all the regality of a queen.  
  
He pumped her hand up and down a few times then released it and she drew it back quickly. She wasn't used to that. Normally, all the greeting she would need to give was a bow.  
  
"Your name is Folly?" she questioned.  
  
"That's me!" he said, and tapped his chest with one hand.  
  
"*Just* Folly?" she asked, her eyebrow again rising in mild interest.  
  
"That's my name," he grinned elbowing her as he paused mid-sentence.  
  
"Yes, yes I know," Meri muttered. "Don't wear it out, right?"  
  
"Exactly!"  
  
Meri had to refrain from rolling her eyes. Only five-year old initiates in the Temple still used that phrase. Taking a deep breath of the crisp, cold air, Meri turned to look for Alex. He was gone, as was the group that had been there earlier. Another burst of pain flooded over her heart. He really hadn't said goodbye.  
  
"He left already, if you're looking for the Master Jedi," Folly offered seeing her searching gaze. "He's an awful young looking Master Jedi, if you don't mind me saying. I thought all Master Jedi's had beards and were really old, but he looks younger than me. Say, how old is he anyway?"  
  
"Twenty-three," Meri replied absent-mindedly.  
  
"WOW! He is younger than me. Well, I'll be!" he enthused. "Just think, younger than me and a Jedi Master with a...what was it, Paddlewon???"  
  
Meri sighed and glanced at him. "Padawan, not Paddlewon. Why? Did he call me that, too?"  
  
"Sure did! I didn't know what that meant, and asked him. So, he told me that meant you were his apprentice and that makes sense. Though why you need such a fancy word, I'll never know." His brow drew together in a secretive look and he leaned in towards Meri. "But don't worry, he said it was hush-hush and I wasn't to tell anyone you are his paddldon. I won't! Your secret is safe with me!"  
  
"Thank you," Meri answered dryly. She shivered as the wind kicked up, blowing flakes of snow in the air around them.  
  
With another slap on Meri's back, Folly grinned. "Well, we better get you to your chalet. You look cold and that's where I left your things the Master Jedi requested." He winked at her and smiled wider. "Don't worry. I didn't look at any of your underthings," he assured.  
  
Meri's mouth twitched at that, but she said nothing in reply. "Lead the way," she said with a slight bow, all the while wondering if the Force was conspiring against her.  
  
Folly nodded with a jaunty grin and then turned and started walking down the small rise they stood on. Meri sighed, then cast one last glance at the building from her dreams. A shiver went down her spine and turning quickly, she hurried to catch up with Folly. 


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19  
  
By the time they reached what Folly had called her chalet, Meri's feet and hands were numb with cold and she was covered in goose bumps. It was a rather small building nestled in amongst a forest of evergreen trees and to Meri's fascination, was built out of large logs.  
  
Folly ushered her in ahead of him, stomping his boots on the threshold as he did so to knock the snow from his boots. "Here we are!" he said cheerfully and then moved to the heating unit that sat against the wall.  
  
Meri wandered around the small room, taking in her surroundings with growing irritation. It would seem her Master's theory was to stick her in the middle of nowhere so she wouldn't get in any trouble. She sighed and yanked the tight cap off her head, letting her long hair escape from its confinement.  
  
Collapsing onto the small bed near the window, she ran a hand through her hair, glancing towards Folly as she did so. He was still fooling with the heating unit and so her gaze roamed the rest of the small room. One thing was glaringly clear to her. Who'd ever built the place certainly hadn't meant to actually *stay* in it. She scowled.  
  
Folly chose that moment to turn around and taking one look at her face, grinned widely. "Now that's a pretty face...," he trailed off, a startled look on his face. "I forgot to ask your name!" he exclaimed loudly. "Can't go around calling you paddlhwand, now can I?"  
  
"It's Padawan, and I'd prefer you call me Meri," she corrected, smiling slightly at yet another new variation of the word.  
  
"Well, Meri," Folly said as he moved to sit in a chair. "What's with the frown? It's enough to scare a snow panther off!"  
  
She sighed and waved a hand around to indicate the room. "It's...small and in the middle of nowhere. What does he expect me to do all day and why am I telling you this...," she trailed off.  
  
Folly cocked his head and grinned. "Because I'm so charming?" Pointing to his cheeks, he poked them with a forefinger. "See? I've got dimples even."  
  
Meri tried not to, but couldn't help the smile growing on her face. "They've never worked on me," she admitted. //Now blue eyes are another matter,// she thought.  
  
"Oh? Well dreck!" he said with a laugh. Suddenly his face expression changed and for a moment Meri though he might actually get serious, but then his eyes began twinkling again.  
  
"Did you two have a fight? I didn't know Master Jedi's had fights with their paddlegons, and I know it's not my business, but I was wondering why a Master Jedi would put his apprentice so far from him."  
  
"Is he really that far?" she questioned, ignoring Folly's inquiry about them fighting.  
  
"A good ways," he said simply. "You saw the meeting house and he's been taken near there."  
  
Yes, she'd seen that dreadful place. How could she ever forget?  
  
Suddenly Folly stood to his feet. "Well, Meri, I have to go now, before it gets dark. It gets awful cold out at night so I best start back before then. The things the Master Jedi requested are there, by the bed, and the food is over there," he pointed to the far wall, near the heating unit.  
  
Meri stood to her feet and thanked him. No matter how strange Folly was, she was still under his guidance and would treat him as she'd been taught. After he'd left with promises of returning in a few days to bring more supplies, she stepped to the window and watched as snow cascaded down in the falling twilight. The sight was beautiful and ethereal--the large white flakes falling lazily from the sky to cover the ground and trees in their crystal white coats. Yet never had Meri felt more alone.  
  
***  
  
As one day rolled into the next, Meri began to form a tedious--and rather boring in her opinion--schedule. She didn't bother to rise at the crack of dawn, for there was nothing to do anyway and so started trying to sleep as much as she could. However, after a few days she found she couldn't sleep that much and decided staring out the window was preferable to tossing and turning in bed.  
  
It wasn't the second day before she had dressed in the heavy winter garments provided and was exploring the area around the chalet. And it wasn't the end of the week before she knew every inch of it and had even explored quite a distance beyond in her boredom. No doubt her Master would disapprove, but at this point she was beyond caring. He'd stuck her out in the middle of a frozen forest without even a goodbye. At this point she wasn't sure if she was more angry with him or hurt by his actions.  
  
Folly came every few days, she supposed to check on her, for sometimes he didn't bring food, but just pestered her. She found herself actually looking forward to his visits for he provided the only company she had. Besides that, her daily routine included practicing katas and meditating. The rest of the day she didn't know what to do with herself and in all that free thinking time, tried so hard not to worry about her Master. She ranged from being so mad at him she could slap him, to wanting to see him so bad she thought she would go crazy. How was she to know he was safe? He hadn't even contacted her!  
  
After two long weeks, Meri was ready to harass Folly into checking out for her. By the time she came to this conclusion, she knew she was going to have to wait, for he had just come the day before.  
  
Early the next morning she rose and looking out the window found an icy wonderland. Everything was covered in ice, the trees drooping from their heavy burden and everything sparkling like so many jewels.  
  
She decided then and there she would stay inside that day. Though she had been keeping Alex's order to hide her hair away--either by braid or under that torturous hat--she had finally decided to let it down. It was insane to assume anyone would see her and what would it matter if they did. She was just a girl stuck out in the middle of a forest. What was so strange about that?  
  
//What's so strange indeed,// Meri huffed. Having let down her now wavy and almost curly hair from the braid, she took the time to braid a crown around her head to keep it out of her face. Then, just for the fun of it and to pass the time, she braided a few more strands to intermingle with the rest of her hair. A benefit to it was that it made her padawan braid look insignificant with all the others hanging down her back. For the first time since she arrived, she felt like a girl again. Wearing boy's clothes all the time and pinning up her hair made her feel ugly. Though she couldn't really do anything about wearing the boy's clothes, she did improvise and left the overly large tunic top untucked.  
  
The day passed unusually slow and she almost changed her mind about going outside. However, she was so tired of the cold and hated the fact that every time she did go out, she ended up wet somehow. Finally the day began to wind down and Meri wondered how many more days of this she could take.  
  
Sitting down with a thump on the stool she had placed by the window, Meri began her nightly ritual of watching twilight fall in the forest outside. Sometimes she caught glimpses of wild life moving around and remembered Folly mentioning something called a snow panther.  
  
Yet that night she was so lost in thought she didn't see the shadow gliding through the trees. The soft click of the latch on the door alerted her that someone was trying to get in and as the door began opening she saw succeeding. Briefly, she wondered how on earth the person had opened the door. It had been locked, she was sure of it. Standing up quickly she turned to face the intruder and almost cried in relief when she saw who it was.  
  
"Master!" 


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20  
  
Alex leaned back in his chair and sighed wearily. He had been on Dubh nán for two weeks now and they were barely making any headway. The first week, he listened while the first group made complaint and listed all the reasons why they should own the land they were fighting over. Several times the Jedi knight was forced to call a halt to the proceedings to cool hot tempers. The second week was even more tension filled as the second group objected to the first group's testimony and gave the reasons why they thought they were right. Now at week's end, Alex had made the decision that it would be best to take a few days off before going on.  
  
It was true he wanted to let both sides calm down, but it also provided him the opportunity to do something he had wanted to do for days. Visit his apprentice. While Folly reported to Alex every time he visited Meri, that still wasn't enough for the Jedi.  
  
Swirling around in his head were the images of the last time he'd seen her along with the incredible pain he had caused her. He really had thought it best to leave without any more words between them. They most likely would have been heated words and Alex hadn't wanted to go into a mission distracted. Especially this mission.  
  
Standing up, Alex shrugged on his thick robe and headed for the snow speeder that had been given him. He didn't care that it was late afternoon and the temperature was dropping. He knew he could make it there before dark and had already decided he would stay the night. Unfortunately, he couldn't stay the whole time, but just seeing her would be enough.  
  
Alex parked the speeder a ways from the chalet, just to be on the safe side. As he proceeded to walk the rest of the way, he began shielding to see if she would sense him. As he approached, he saw her figure outlined in the window and he paused and took a closer look before moving quickly on. Finding the door locked, he reached out with the Force and nudged it open. As he stepped inside his eyes were immediately drawn to his apprentice.  
  
"Master!" she exclaimed in surprise.  
  
He said nothing for the moment, but watching her, he noticed a look of relief pass her face before a wary mask dropped into place and over their bond, he could sense her confused emotions. Suddenly he noticed her hair, the braided crown, and the rest falling in thick waves down her back. He frowned.  
  
"I thought I told you to keep you hair up," he said a bit more roughly than he intended.  
  
She flinched as though she had been slapped and then tears began filling her eyes.  
  
The second the words left his mouth he realized how they sounded. His first words to her and they were of harsh chastisement. "Meri, look, I didn't mean that the way it sounded," he said helplessly.  
  
"Is that all you came out here to do? Snap at me for finally letting my hair down for the first time in two weeks!? And who's going to see it? Folly? I'm afraid to let you in on this Master, but Folly already knows I'm a girl!" With those words hiccuped out between sobs, she turned her back toward him. A sign loud and clear that said, "Back off!"  
  
A sign he was choosing to ignore. He walked slowly over to her and found himself face to face with her hair. Without really thinking he reached out and trailed his fingers through the long tresses. He saw her shudder and pulled his hand away. "Meri, I'm sorry, it's just you don't understand how serious this is."  
  
"Understand?" she wavered. "What's to understand? You haven't forgiven me for ever coming in the first place. You didn't even say goodbye on the transport and then you stick me way out here in the middle of a frozen wasteland. I think it's all quite clear," she managed to choke out without turning around.  
  
Alex sighed heavily and placing a hand on her shoulder, turned her to face him. "Look at me, Meri," he commanded softly and waited until she did. "I have forgiven you. I forgave you almost immediately. I didn't say goodbye because I thought it best."  
  
When he saw her brow crease in disbelief, he continued quickly. "I'm didn't want another fight, Meri. I can't be distracted on this mission." He reached out and with a gentle finger brushed away the tear from her face. "You don't want that either, Meri." A faint smiled traced his face. "As for the frozen wasteland, that is the most important thing. After these two weeks, I have seen proved that I was right. These two factions will do anything to win."  
  
When Meri lowered her head, he reached out and tipped her chin back up. "Meri, they would use you against me, can't you see? That is why the Council only sends one Jedi. These people wouldn't hesitate to use you, Meri. If they knew how much you meant to me, that would make you all the more valuable to them."  
  
"What's that have to do with my looking like a boy?"  
  
Alex froze for a moment and thought. "Well, a boy would be less suspicious out here than such a pretty girl," he teased with a smile. "It's not an uncommon thing for a boy to go off hunting."  
  
"I'm not pretty," she murmured. "but if you want, I'll just lop it all off," she said indicating her hair.  
  
"NO!" Alex said too quickly. Meri looked up and he caught the mischievous gleam in her eye. "Why you little," he trailed off and tugged on her padawan braid with smile.  
  
"I missed you," she almost whispered.  
  
His heart thudded and then he felt his chest constrict with emotion. Reaching out he pulled her into his arms and rested his head gently on top of hers. "And I missed you, Meri."  
  
//Never,// he thought, //have I meant those words more.//  
  
**  
  
Brushing a kiss across her forehead, Alex pulled back and smiled. "Now, tell me what you've been up to." He missed the startled look on her face as he turned around to look for a chair.  
  
Meri paused somewhat taken aback by his quick kiss, for he'd never shown affection to that measure. //Stop! You're making something out of nothing. Lots of masters do that in fatherly affection.// She knew the danger in thinking otherwise. The code forbade it.  
  
"Uh, nothing really. What am I supposed to do?" she shrugged. "Eating, sleeping and meditating only get you so far."  
  
Alex laughed, his blue eyes twinkling in mirth. "I thought you might have explored a little outside. You know, see the sights?"  
  
She wrinkled her nose in thought, wondering how much she should tell. "Well, yes. I did do that."  
  
"Good," he smiled in encouragement. "It is well that you know your surroundings."  
  
//He has no idea how well,// she mused silently as she took a seat on the bed. "It's just I don't like it so cold...and wet." She wrinkled her nose again in distaste as she spoke.  
  
Alex broke out laughing at the look on her face and the utter disgust in her voice. She was truly Coruscant raised. "You're cute when you do that," he laughed.  
  
Meri frowned. //Cute? Babies are cute....some baby life forms are cute...but...cute?//  
  
"What?" she asked warily.  
  
"You wrinkle you nose like this," he demonstrated. "and you sound so disgusted with it being wet and cold." He chuckled. "Coruscant raised, through and through."  
  
"I can handle it!" she defended.  
  
"Oh, I know you can, Meri. It's just you don't *like* it, however. Many people love the snow."  
  
"Well, I think it's pretty, but I can only take it so much in *this* situation," she muttered. Something told her he was having way too much fun at her expense. "I mean, it is beautiful," she went on softly. "Perhaps one of the more beautiful things I've seen...but..." she trailed off. She wasn't going to say some things were better enjoyed in the company of those you cared for. The past few weeks had re-taught her the meaning of loneliness as though this galaxy thought she hadn't learned it well enough.  
  
"What have you been doing?" she asked, eager to change the topic.  
  
"A lot of petting egos and cooling tempers," he said shortly. "Just your usual diplomatic mission."  
  
Her eyes flickered and a shadow of doubt passed over them. //If it was the usual diplomatic mission, why did Ariana die?//  
  
"What's the matter, Meri?"  
  
The soft accented voice pulled her from her musings and she shrugged. "Nothing, Master," she murmured averting her gaze.  
  
He paused and she could feel him staring at her.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said finally. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded."  
  
No, she knew why he'd said that. He was trying to downplay the fact that he was in any danger. She wasn't convinced.  
  
Looking up she gave a shaky smile. "I know."  
  
For the remainder of the night, she didn't want to talk about anything related with Dubh nán. They would have time for that later. For just one night, she wanted it to be normal between them again. No fights, no walls--just talking as they used to do. 


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21  
  
The sun was high overhead the next day, before Alex forced himself to leave his apprentice. He didn't look forward to going back to those who would flatter you to your face and stab you in the back once you turned around.  
  
Meri walked with him as far as his hidden snow speeder and once there, he turned to say goodbye. The day was sunny, the bright rays reflecting off the shinning snow. A soft breeze rippled through the evergreen trees, sending their limbs trembling ever so slightly and spreading their spicy scent in the air.  
  
Alex smiled as he looked down at his apprentice and noticed that she hadn't quite accomplished getting all her hair underneath the hat that morning. A few tendrils fluttered around her face in the cool breeze, the whole image denying she was anything but what she was trying to appear—that of a boy.  
  
"It's a good thing your life really doesn't depend on you looking like a young man," Alex commented as he reached out to tuck the escaped tendrils back where they belonged. He was half-teasing and half-serious.  
  
"If it doesn't then why am I in this get-up?" Meri complained, pulling at the overly large top she was wearing.  
  
Alex smirked. "As I said before, in case anyone sees you from *afar*."  
  
Meri sighed. "Oh, yes. I forgot that part." She tilted her head back to meet his face, looking out from beneath the cap on her head with twinkling, brown, mischievous eyes. "I still think I could do it!"  
  
"Do what?" he asked distractedly as his bright blue eyes studied her face.  
  
"Why, pull off looking like a boy when it matters," she clarified.  
  
Pulling his attention back to what she was saying, Alex shook his head. "We won't ever have to find that out, thankfully."  
  
Meri pretended to pout, but he got the feeling she was simply trying to put off his leaving. And succeeding. He needed to go.  
  
"I have to go, Meri," he said softly, sadly.  
  
Her face fell, but she knew it was coming. "I'll miss you," she said with a brave smile as she shifted from foot to foot.  
  
"And I will miss you," he returned, his accent deepening slightly, but he made no move to embrace her. "Behave." The simple word was flavored with his affection and carried a hint of command.  
  
Meri folded her arms, hugged herself, and seemed to be trying to keep the smile on her face. "When do I not?" she asked, the smile finally beginning to slide.  
  
Alex let out a huff of air and shook his head as he climbed onto the speeder. "I won't even answer that one." For a moment his hand hovered near the controls and then he started the snow speeder.  
  
Meri stepped back out of the way, her brow creased in a tiny frown.  
  
//Do not worry, Meri,// he sent over their bond as he sensed her trepidation.  
  
He was rewarded with a wavering smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. //I'm…I'm really trying not to, Master.// And for the first time in a long while he didn't correct her with 'Do or do not. There is no try'.  
  
***  
  
A week and a half later, Meri sat cross-legged on the bed eyeing Folly with amusement. He reminded her of Obi-Wan in the respect that he was always munching on something. Currently, he was chewing on a strip of preserved meat and trying to talk at the same time. Knowing that he reported to Alex, she wondered how much Folly knew of the situation. Her Master had been rather closed mouth about the negotiations, always steering the conversation away from it whenever it came up. It was his subtle way of letting her know he wanted her to have nothing to do with it. This left her one option.  
  
She turned her gaze on Folly and smiled. " Folly, what do you know about this whole mess? You know, these two fighting sides?" Trying to act uninterested in his answer, she began picking lint off the blanket she sat on.  
  
"I'm neutral," he said, waving the strip of meat in his hand for emphasis.  
  
"Yes, but what's going on currently? You speak with my Master every day. You must know something?"  
  
Folly rolled his eyes toward the ceiling as he thought. "No, not really. The Master Jedi isn't exactly the type to share his thoughts. He kinda scares me," Folly admitted as though it were his biggest secret.  
  
Meri almost laughed. Alex seemed to have that effect on some people.  
  
"Why has this fight been going on so long?" she asked, thinking as she did so of Ariana. "I thought—I thought last time the Jedi sent an ambassador the two sides almost agreed." She remembered hearing of rumors of a Rebel group, but the strange thing was, she hadn't heard anything about it since arriving. On the file of Dubh nán's history she had read, it said that the two factions blamed the other.  
  
Folly nodded. "Oh, they did. I actually thought we might have peace."  
  
Meri's brow creased in a frown. "What happened?"  
  
"The place where they were meeting was bombed right before a pact was signed between the two. Both sides blamed the other and another war broke out," Folly said, looking for the first time actually serious.  
  
"Well, if they both blamed each other, which side really did it?"  
  
Folly scratched behind his ear thoughtfully before answering. "Neither one."  
  
Meri stiffened as the Force whispered across her senses, almost telling her to pay heed. "Well, then who….?" She trailed off, already knowing whom.  
  
"There is a third group. Nobody really knows if they exist, they lie so low, but they want just what those other two groups want. Except they have a different way to approach it, you see. They are encouraging war between the other two in hopes they'll kill at least the leaders of in each group. Once that happens, the people are easily swayed."  
  
"Which would leave them with what they want," Meri breathed in understanding.  
  
"Exactly. You're not so dense! Why did the Master Jedi stick you out here again?" he asked with a wink.  
  
But Meri wasn't paying any attention. Thoughts were running so fast through her mind she almost couldn't fathom the meaning. It all came down to one fact—if Alex succeeded in bringing the other two factions to an agreement, history would repeat itself. This third group, the Rebel group, wouldn't allow for the other two to sign a treaty, because then it would be two against one. The way it was now, the Rebel group played both sides and watched as they killed each other out.  
  
Realization struck Meri hard and for long minutes, she was speechless. Alex was in more danger than she had ever imagined. She couldn't lose another Master—she wouldn't let it happen. Taking a deep breath of air to calm her madly pounding heart, she turned back to Folly.  
  
"Folly, you have to tell me all you know about this third group." 


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22  
  
Stepping outside of what had become a stifling room, Alex inhaled a deep draught of cold, crisp air into his lungs. Though it was cold outside the room in which the negotiations were taking place, the room itself was hot and stuffy, with a heavy layer of tension felt throughout.  
  
Leaning his back up against the building behind him, Alex scanned the perimeters of the area, noticing as he did so that more than several guards stood at attention. Their presence did little to comfort him.  
  
Once he was satisfied the surrounding area was safe, he let his thoughts drift as they willed. A soft smile traced his face, and his blue eyes softened as his thoughts turned back to the few days before.  
  
"Ah, Master Arieh, out here enjoying fresh air as well?"  
  
The smooth, oily voice broke into the Jedi knight's thoughts and pulled him back to the present. Hiding the expression of distaste that wanted to cross his face, Alex straightened somewhat before turning and nodding stiffly to the heavyset, Jelequen official. "Yes, I'm enjoying it very much, Sir Tnagorra. It is very beautiful here."  
  
"Hmm, yes," the Jelequen murmured. "I'm sure in your limited experience you haven't seen a place of such beauty." Before Alex could reply, he waddled on his way, heading toward another group of Jelequens huddled not far away.  
  
Alex's bright blue eyes darkened only a shade as he stared after the official with a blank face. It was the same with the Araaqs. Both factions often dropped hints and barbed insults about his age and his competency in handling the situation.  
  
Folding his hands within his robe sleeves, Alex sighed and turned to look out the other way, across the great white expanse of snow covered fields. In truth, he had even received that attitude from some at the Temple, ever since he'd been knighted. Others teased him, but weren't really serious.  
  
Here, the insults were veiled, hidden amidst meaningless words and flattery. However much they did or didn't think of him, Alex was making progress. Just that morning he had finally accomplished the daunting task of getting the Jelequens and the Araaqs to begin talks of dividing the land in dispute. Before both parties hadn't and wouldn't even consider it.  
  
It was but a small victory, for there was no doubt in his mind that the two factions would bicker over every single angle and detail of who got what and why. If nothing went wrong, Alex could foresee everything wrapping up within a few weeks.  
  
If nothing went wrong.  
  
***  
  
"You're crazy, you know that? I thought all Jedi were sticklers for the rule book?" Folly said as he stepped back and peered at the figure before him with a critical eye.  
  
"Shows how much you know," Meri murmured in reply.  
  
"Oh, what is that supposed to mean?"  
  
Meri grinned. "Jedi and crazy go hand in hand."  
  
Folly snorted. "Well I won't argue that with you, this scheme of yours is absolutely insane!" He grinned. "I like it. But if the Master Jedi finds out…" he trailed off ominously.  
  
"He won't. You told me yourself that he won't be able to spare the time for another visit out here. He won't even miss me and you can tell him I'm fine."  
  
"You know that's lying," Folly said with a sly grin.  
  
"No, not really. I mean I will be fine and I'll let you know. That's why I'm going to meet with you every few days. You will find me, right?"  
  
"If I don't then the Master Jedi will kill me! Of course, I'll find you. He'll kill us both when he finds out your doing this," he muttered then reached out and smoothed a streak of dirt on her face. His face drew into one of its rare moments of seriousness as he met her eyes. "You know how dangerous this is, don't you? If that Rebel group finds out you're only posing as their friend to find out what they're up to, much less that you're not a boy…,"  
  
"I know," Meri interrupted him, her voice firm. "Now look," she said as she struck a pose. "Do I look like a boy?"  
  
Taking a step back, he studied her. "Well, that is as close to looking like a boy as you're gonna get," he said glancing from her head down to her boots.  
  
She was dressed the part, with her hair firmly in place under the cap. To hide her features they had rubbed dirt over her face to give her the dirty orphan appearance. Folly had assured her that the Rebel group was made up of a scraggly sort and her slightly dirty appearance wouldn't be questioned. If she made it into the group that was.  
  
"What about your voice?" Folly asked as he scratched an ear.  
  
Meri grinned and pulled the Force around her. "How's this." It came out sounding just like a young man.  
  
He pretended to jump back in surprise. "How did you do that?" he asked in awe.  
  
She shrugged. "Force suggestion. I just can't do it with a whole lot of people at once."  
  
Folly smirked. "Then you better not talk to more than one person at a time."  
  
"I wasn't planning on it. Now, what else?" She looked at him expectantly.  
  
"Well, walk around and let me see," he suggested.  
  
Meri grimaced, but did as asked.  
  
Loud laughter erupted before she had barely started. "That won't work!" Folly exclaimed with a chuckle.  
  
Meri stopped and glared at him. "What?" she accused, but she already knew what it was.  
  
"The way you walk." Another chuckle. "That will never fly. Try taking shorter steps."  
  
Meri let out a sigh in a huff of air. "Fine." She began walking again but stopped short when Folly broke out laughing. "Now what?" she asked in exasperation.  
  
"You look like one of those cheap wind up toys they give kids," he laughed.  
  
At her glare, he sobered quickly. "Okay, okay, look, watch me, okay?"  
  
"Okay, fine," she replied, folding her arms across her chest.  
  
Folly turned and swaggered off across the snow-covered ground and as Meri watched him, one slender brow rose in dry amusement. "If I walk like that, I'll be laughed right out of the settlement," she said dryly.  
  
"Hey," Folly said in a defensive air.  
  
Meri smirked. "Hmm, look, how is this?" she asked as she began to move around, limping slightly.  
  
Folly watched for a few seconds before nodding somewhat begrudgingly. The halting gait hid well the young woman's graceful and feminine manner that otherwise would have given her away straight off. "That will work, but you better remember to limp on the right leg."  
  
"I will," she said with a glance at the sun. "We better be on our way, then. You're sure you know the way?"  
  
Folly nodded. "Yeah, I know where that group hides out." He glanced at her in concern. "Do you really think you should do this?" Over the past few weeks he had found himself beginning to like her more than he let on. She reminded him of his little sister and he would never wish on her what had happened to his sister. They were both dark haired and dark eyed beauties. Folly had often wondered how his sister could look so different from the way he looked with his sandy blond hair and hazel eyes. She had been so small and delicate…so sweet and undeserving of what had happened to her.  
  
"I have to," Meri said with certainty. "If I'm there I can find out what they're planning to do and when. Alex can't just stop the negotiations, so this is the best way."  
  
Folly shook his head, a smile slowly working its way back on his face as he pushed the past behind. "I hope you're right." 


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23  
  
The speeder ride to the area of the Rebel group was long and cold. After only a few minutes of the cold air blasting into her face, Meri had chills running up and down her spine.  
  
After casting a disbelieving look at Folly, who sat up straight and looked as though he were enjoying the ride, she ducked her head down behind him, and tried to avoid the cold, rushing air.  
  
Wrapping her arms around herself, she pulled her small frame further behind Folly. //He makes a great wind-breaker,// she thought humorously. In truth, she knew she was going to have to get used to the frigid air and quickly. After being locked up in a small, warm, enclosed area, her body was not used to the coldness. And before that she had lived on Coruscant, which had a controlled climate. //I'm just going to have to get used to it,// she thought determinedly almost imagining she could hear her teeth chattering over the wind.  
  
Finally and much to her relief, Folly slowed the speeder and then stopped it behind a covering of thick evergreens.  
  
Hopping off, Folly turned towards her and helped her step off. Stiffly Meri stepped down, finding her whole body somewhat unresponsive. Strangely, her hands and feet felt almost numb.  
  
A flash of concern swept over Folly's features and he stepped up to her and began running his hands briskly over her arms. "Here," he said softly. "This will help generate heat. You'll get more used to it soon," he added.  
  
Meri nodded and took over rubbing her arms. Within a few minutes she noticed some feeling returning to her hands as the friction built warmth. "I'm fine, let's go," she finally said, hoping that with movement she would become warmer.  
  
With another concerned glance and a lopsided smile, Folly nodded. "Come on. It's not far."  
  
Turning Folly began to lead her further into what appeared to be a forest of evergreen. The trees thickened the further they went and Meri found she was having difficulty walking through the deep drifts of snow. Her upper body had definitely warmed up, but her feet felt like blocks of ice.  
  
After half an hour of silence and hard walking, Meri felt desperate need of rest. //You're a Jedi apprentice. You're supposed to be able to handle things like this,// she lectured herself. "How much farther?" she managed to huff, her breath showing in the air around her as she trudged through the thick snow.  
  
Folly glanced back and grinned at the sight of the flushed apprentice. "Not far," he assured. "In fact you might want to keep quiet from now on out," he cautioned.  
  
Meri gulped in a breath of cold air and nodded. Much to her relief, the snow began to thin out and a covering of ice took its place. She glanced around and noticed that to her left rose a slight hill and to her right was a steep drop off. The young woman glanced curiously at it, wondering where all the ice came from.  
  
The farther they went, the narrower the trail they followed became. Now there was a steep hill rising to their left, and the sharp drop remained on their right.  
  
"Watch your footing," Folly warned as he edged carefully along the trail.  
  
But the warning came two seconds too late. Meri's feet, which were by now so numb from the cold she couldn't feel them, slipped on the treacherous ice.  
  
She stumbled and grasped desperately for a hold, but her feet slid right out from underneath her. Before her mind had time to register what was going on, she found herself sliding over the sharp embankment and down the hill.  
  
Faintly she heard Folly yelling her name, but she hadn't the time to think on it as she began tumbling faster and faster down the ice slicked hill. Almost before it began it was over and Meri found herself lying flat on her face in the snow, her chest heaving as she gulped in air, her head spinning.  
  
The crunch of boots on ice brought her head up and her eyes focused on the pair of boots directly in front of her face.  
  
Glancing up hurriedly, she saw a man standing before her staring down at her wordlessly, his eyes hard and cold as her surroundings.  
  
She inhaled sharply and tried to draw her feet under her to stand. The moment she moved her right leg, a fiery pain shot through her ankle, causing her to gasp in pain. Somewhere in the tumble down the hill, her ankle had been injured.  
  
She collapsed back into the snow and looked up at her captor, for surely the man standing before her was one of the Rebel and he didn't look happy with finding someone around their hideout.  
  
Her mind raced for solutions, but came up empty. This wasn't the way it was supposed to happen. Folly was supposed to have informed her of their meeting spot, but now it would be up to him to find her. She was weaponless and helpless, unable to even stand.  
  
Glancing up again at the stern face, Meri shivered as the cold snow beneath her melted and dampened her clothing. The test was on. "Think like a boy, act like a boy," Folly had told her.  
  
Alex had told her she could never pass for a male. //Here is where I have to prove you wrong, Master,// she thought grimly.  
  
Her life depended on it.  
  
**  
  
Without a word, the rebel reached down, grabbed Meri by her arm, and jerked her to her feet.  
  
The young apprentice had to force back a cry of pain as her full weight was thrown onto her injured ankle. Wavering on her feet, she would have fallen if it had not been for the strong grip on her forearm. As it was, she was practically hanging from his grip, her ankle throbbing in intense pain as she fought to keep her balance on her one good leg.  
  
"Where did you come from?" the scraggly kept rebel growled.  
  
Meri pulled the Force around her to change her voice and tried to act scared. It wasn't hard to do. "I-I go-t lo-ost," she stammered.  
  
The man made a throaty sound and then tugged roughly on her arm as though he wanted her to follow. The result was that she fell to her knees, the man's fingers biting into her arm.  
  
"Get up," he ordered briskly.  
  
By now, tears were burning in the back of her eyes at the pain in her foot. "I can't," she said hoarsely. Forget faking a limp. She couldn't even walk.  
  
Before she had time to realize what the rebel was doing, she was thrown over his shoulder in a half-hazard manner. Frantically she gripped at the Rebel's tunic, but she needn't have worried. The rebel had a firm grip on her legs, just below her knees.  
  
//If only Master could see me now,// she thought mildly amused.  
  
It was still somewhat uncomfortable to be slung so carelessly over his shoulder, even if she knew he wasn't going to drop her. His long strides did nothing to help her now pounding head, as with every step she was jarred. She was figuring this man was a sentry and kept watch of the perimeter if the long walk was any indication.  
  
Closing her eyes, she centered herself in the Force and tried to gather it and direct it at her ankle in a healing manner. Being crippled and unable to run was dangerous. //This whole thing is dangerous,// a part of her protested. If Meri were honest with herself, she would admit that she was getting worried.  
  
Her thoughts were broken when she was unceremoniously dumped to the ground. The instilled fighter instinct in her caused her to look around quickly. She found she was in an enclosed area of some sort, for the ground beneath her was dry dirt, but it was still very cold.  
  
Glancing up, she knew immediately that this was the person she had to fool.  
  
He was younger than she expected the leader of the Rebel group to be. His eyes were a pale blue, looking cold and lifeless. His hair was a light straw colored blond and pulled back into a ponytail.  
  
"Well, well," he murmured as he circled her unmoving form. "What do we have here?" He stopped suddenly and studied her with narrowed, calculating eyes.  
  
"Stand up," he commanded in a tone that brooked no argument.  
  
Meri knew automatically not to disobey that tone and vainly she tried to struggle to her feet. But without anything to pull herself up with she only floundered, before sinking back to the ground breathless.  
  
The pale blue eyes immediately pinned the sentry in a hard gaze. "What's wrong with him? Did you do this?" he demanded.  
  
The sentry took a step back in submission. "No, Sir."  
  
Meri was too relieved that on first appearance the leader had thought her a boy to pay much attention to the conversation going on over her head.  
  
"Boy."  
  
The surprisingly cultured voice was addressing her next and she immediately looked up.  
  
The rebel leader eyed her for long seconds, before relaxing into a more languid stance. "My good man here says he found you in our territory," the leader paused, his pale eyes glittering dangerously as he stared down at her.  
  
Meri gulped and tried to look scared out of her wits. "I got lost," she offered hesitantly. She had no trouble getting the two to think they heard a boy, but was concerned that if she were ever in front of any more, she would have trouble.  
  
"So I've heard," he murmured smoothly. Leaning down, his gaze hardened as he met her eyes. "Just what exactly were you doing so far out, that you got lost doing?"  
  
With the cool, blue eyes watching her every expression, she faltered. "I…I…" she trailed off. In that instant, Meri's mind blanked. 


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24  
  
Meri said the first thing that came to mind, which happened to be the truth. "I was looking for you," she murmured in a rush.  
  
"Me?" The leader straightened, looking somewhere between slightly amused and mildly surprised.  
  
//Well that didn't come out right,// Meri thought exasperated. "Not you, I mean, well, the group…" she trailed off flustered.  
  
"And why would someone like you, be looking for the likes of us?" He tilted his head slightly as his pale eyes studied her.  
  
"I didn't have anywhere else to go," she said quietly, and in honesty, it was the truth.  
  
"You are young. Where are your parents?" The edge that had been in the leader's voice was now gone, perhaps because he sensed her sincerity.  
  
"I don't have any," she answered, again telling the truth. It didn't escape her memory that these were the people who had taken that last parent figure from her life. They were responsible for Ariana's death, but now Meri wouldn't allow them to take Alex. He was all she had left.  
  
"And I'm seventeen," she added in her defense. So far, her Life day wasn't going as planned.  
  
"You're young, Boy," the leader said firmly, moving to stand in front of her. "We'll see how you do, however. If you are a spy you will live to regret it, or perhaps not," he added with an arched eyebrow, his pale blue eyes emotionless. The leader glanced at the sentry before speaking, his voice lowering with an added chill to it. "I don't give second chances. Remember that."  
  
@@@  
  
Folly circled around the Rebel's hideout trying vainly to find out what had happened to the young apprentice. He had seen her fall down the hill and he had seen the sentry find her and take her to the camp, but he hadn't seen her since.  
  
The one thing that was comforting to him was the fact that all seemed relatively quiet at the hideout. That meant they hadn't discovered her identity and they weren't stringing her up for the whole group to have fun with.  
  
Another cold, dark, memory from his past surfaced and he wondered again why he had let Meri do this thing. It was dangerous. No, it was beyond dangerous. It was deadly. He knew that.  
  
//For the both of us,// he bemoaned as he thought of what the bright blue- eyed Jedi Master would do to him, once he learned that Folly had helped her do this.  
  
As if his very thought of the Jedi had cued him, Folly's com link beeped.  
  
Slapping his hand over the loud, offending object, Folly dashed for cover, farther away from the rebel's hideout. Once far enough away that he knew he wouldn't be heard, he pushed the 'receive' button.  
  
"Folly here," he answered shortly, hoping against hope it wasn't who he thought it was.  
  
The smooth accented voice dashed those hopes. "Folly, how is my apprentice doing?"  
  
Folly gulped. "Oh," he fairly squeaked before coughing to clear his throat. "She's fine, just fine…" he enthused.  
  
"Are you there? May I speak to her?"  
  
Folly shook his head vigorously, even though he couldn't be seen. "Um, no, I just left. Yes, I just left."  
  
"Oh, I see."  
  
The voice sounded distinctly disappointed to Folly.  
  
"It's her Life day, you know. She's seventeen," the knight's voice carried a strange note in it. Folly almost could have mistaken it for something else.  
  
"I didn't know that! She didn't say a word about it," he answered the Jedi.  
  
"Well," Alex sighed. "I can't get away from these negotiations. I wish I could. Keep an eye on her for me, Folly," the knight spoke in a melancholy tone.  
  
"I'm doing my best, Master Jedi," he murmured wondering if what he was doing, could be classified as "keeping an eye on her".  
  
"I worry about her," Alex spoke softly as he continued. "She's not used to this cold and it's about to get worse. I can sense it. She should stay inside."  
  
Folly didn't know what to say. It was the first time that the Jedi had ever really expressed any concern about his apprentice before. He wondered what the reaction would be, if he told the Jedi that he had lost his apprentice. //Probably something along the lines of "prepare to die",// Folly thought wryly.  
  
There was a momentary silence before Alex exclaimed in obvious impatience, "If only this week were over!"  
  
Folly didn't know that Jedi got impatient. "What's at the end of the week?" he questioned as concern began to poke at the edge of his mind.  
  
"I ought to be able to close the negotiations by the end of this week. Sooner than I expected, but welcome nonetheless."  
  
Dead silence greeted the Jedi's words.  
  
"Folly?"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Folly!?"  
  
"I'm here, Master Jedi," he said quietly.  
  
"Are you alright?" the knight asked.  
  
"I'm fine, Master Jedi. I'm sorry, I have to go." Without waiting for a response Folly clicked off the com link and stared wordlessly at the snow covered ground. He had to find Meri—had to speak with her and soon. 


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25  
  
It was the second day that Meri was at the rebel camp before she saw Folly. She had quickly been given the role of a chore boy and was finding that the job was testing her patience.  
  
//Wouldn't Master Yoda love this,// she thought in annoyance as she hobbled across the slick ground with a bucket of pellet feed.  
  
After her meeting with the leader she had been taken to one of the rebel's who tightly wrapped her ankle. It hadn't stopped hurting, in fact it was quite painful, but she knew if she wanted to find out anything, pain and any other physical need had to be pushed aside for the moment. Yet in two days she hadn't found out anything. She didn't even know *one* of the rebel's names. They all called her "Boy" if anything. Most totally ignored her after a cursory glance and it had severely hindered her mission.  
  
In just two days, she hadn't found out much, but noticed some interesting details. For one thing, the rebel leader surrounded himself with an elite group of men; about ten of them. It was obvious that the rest of the men highly respected those ten and the leader. Feared or respected, she wasn't sure. It made it very difficult for her to find out what they were planning and she hadn't even had a chance to do so.  
  
She sighed as she opened the gate to a pen of scruffy looking animals. //No, instead of finding out what innocent they're planning on murdering next, I'm taking care of their...things,// she thought with a wrinkle of her nose as she eyed one of the shaggy haired animals who was staring right back.  
  
With a cautious glance at the horned being, Meri limped heavily over to the black container in the center of the pen. She had quickly learned after only one encounter with the animals that you didn't take your eyes off them. Especially the larger one, which unlike the others sported a dull set of horns.  
  
Pulling her injured leg up under her, Meri gingerly bent over to pour out the food. The next thing she knew, she found herself flying forwards through the air, her rear end smarting in pain. She landed face down in the snow, her head buried in the large evergreen trees, which hedged the north side of the pen.  
  
Slowly Meri raised her head, pulled herself to her knees, and glanced behind her, her brown eyes snapping in annoyance. The animal stared at her over the feed container, it's head still slightly lowered from the charge.  
  
The thing had a death wish, she was sure of it. //If I only had my lightsabre,// she thought grimly. It was a sith in a shaggy coat with horns to boot.  
  
"Quite playing around will you! I've been trying to talk to you for days!"  
  
Meri startled at the unexpected, loud whisper emanating from the feathery green fronds not two inches away.  
  
"Folly?" she whispered back in disbelief as she leaned in towards the greenery.  
  
Suddenly two hands reached out, grabbed her shoulders and pulled her roughly into the thick trees. She gasped in pain as her ankle was bent at an awkward angle when Folly set her down in front of where he sat crouching amidst the trees.  
  
"Oh?! Oh, I knew it! You're hurt and he's going to kill me!"  
  
"How did you get here?" she whispered demandingly, fearing that they would both be found out. It was true the animal pen was on the farthest outskirts of the camp, to avoid smelling them, but there were still a lot of watch guards roaming around.  
  
"You shouldn't be here, he's going to kill us!" Folly fretted.  
  
"Would you stop saying that! Who's going to kill who?" Meri asked glancing around their small hideaway in caution.  
  
"Your Master! He contacted me, just after you were taken."  
  
Meri knew Folly was worried because he was punctuating his words with extreme hand motions. "What did he say? You didn't tell him, did you?" Meri breathed.  
  
Folly gulped. "No. It's something worse. He said he should be done with the negotiations by the end of the week, which right about now is only two days away."  
  
Meri felt dread wash over her and a desperate sense of urgency. Her thoughts took off like a ship in hyperspace and it was only a strong tug on her arm, which brought her back to present.  
  
"You've got to come with me!" Folly exclaimed.  
  
"No I can not!" Meri emphasized every word. "I *must* find out what they're planning. I have to!"  
  
"You haven't found out *anything*?" he asked incredulously.  
  
"No, but I'm going to!"  
  
"You're hurt!" Folly hissed for the first time seeming to become agitated. "Your limping was only supposed to be a ruse to hide who you are. You can't run now, Meri. You have no weapons. What are you thinking?" His voice was dead serious.  
  
"I'm thinking I'm going to save my Master," she whispered back loudly with a determined jut to her chin.  
  
"You're going to get yourself killed instead," he shot back hotly.  
  
"Better me then him," she said softly. "I would give my life in his stead rather then lose my Master."  
  
"You Jedi are crazy! Can't you see he cares the same for you! It would hurt him if something happened to you."  
  
Meri stared at Folly for long seconds before pulling herself laboriously to her knees. "It is my duty and my honor to protect him. I will not lose another master the way I lost my first."  
  
The words rang a bell in Folly's head, but at the moment he was too caught up in the argument to see what she was implying. "I have a bad feeling about it, Meri. Don't do this," he entreated.  
  
"I must," she said firmly. Reaching up, she grabbed a tree limb and pulled herself into a crouching position as she prepared to leave.  
  
As she began to hobble through the covering of tree limbs, Folly reached out a hand. "Wait," he called.  
  
Meri turned carefully to look at him, her face asking the question.  
  
"I'll be here. If you find out something, this is where I will be. I won't leave until I either know you are safe or you need me to contact Master Jedi."  
  
She understood his offer and nodded solemnly before turning and disappearing through the hedge of greenery.  
  
Folly sat staring after her, the bad feeling he had increasing. He never should have agreed to let her do this.  
  
***  
  
One day passed, then another. The tension within the camp mounted with each passing day Meri was there. She began to notice subtle behavior changes in the men. With blasters strapped to their hips, the men moved restlessly about the camp. Meri had at first thought it was the fact that the leader and the ten elite had left a few days prior and had even put forth a few hesitant questions to the less imposing figures. The questions were usually answered with a rough shove that left her in the snow and a snapped "Mind your own business, boy."  
  
However, today the rebel leader and his ten had returned, and if anything, the tension throughout the camp was at an all time high. Meri was frantic to discover what everyone but she seemed to know.  
  
From her spot nestled up against one of the dwellings, where she was trying to keep warm, she watched warily as rebels, the ten elite, the leader and a few of the others all filed into what Meri had come to realize was their meeting place.  
  
Glancing around at the strangely silent camp, the young apprentice grasped the side of the building and pulled herself up. She had to find out what they were saying.  
  
Biting her lip in determination, she limped heavily towards the building where the rebel had disappeared, her eyes constantly watchful for anyone who would notice her. A few men were sitting or standing here or there, but none where paying attention to her. At least not that she saw.  
  
Attempting to look inconspicuous, she moved slowly around the building, planning to head for the door. It was the only place she *might* be able to hear something.  
  
When she was on the far side of the building and out of sight of most of the camp, she paused to catch her breath and rest her painful ankle.  
  
Suddenly there was a grating noise over her head and Meri ducked down quickly. Looking up from her crouched position she saw that the rebel had opened a window to let out the heat. The Force had led her here. She was sure of it when she heard the sound of voices float out the window.  
  
Settling down against the side of the building, she used the Force to pick up on what they were saying as well as keeping her senses alert to any approaching. She knew this building wasn't being left unguarded, but was willing to risk everything to find out what they were planning.  
  
For the briefest of seconds, she let her eyes slide shut as she thought of the one that she was trying to protect. Almost immediately, her brown eyes snapped back open, her gaze constantly watchful.  
  
"…mission accomplished…." she heard a gruff voice finish.  
  
"The device is planted, now we wait." The rebel leader, his cultured voice unmistakable.  
  
Meri twisted her tunic in her fingers nervously. //Come on, say something so I know,// she pleaded silently.  
  
"When?" A voice of many Meri did not recognize.  
  
"Tomorrow morning, shortly before they both are to sign." There was a fine thread of disgust in the leaders voice.  
  
"You're killing another Jedi? Don't you think that's dangerous?"  
  
Meri jerked to a stiff, straightened position as she heard the words.  
  
"Maybe they will stay out of my way, once they lose another in their ranks." Contempt was heavy in the rebel leader's voice. "I have assurances that this time *all* of the main officials will be there. Once the blast occurs all of them will be dead and it will throw the people into confusion. Then I can step in."  
  
Meri shuddered at the cold words, but now she had enough to piece together what was going to happen. A bomb had been planted set to go off in the morning during the signing.  
  
As the conversation inside turned to how the rebels would take over once the other two factions were out of the way, Meri began to crawl on her hands and knees away from the open window.  
  
Once at the end of the building she pulled herself to her feet and forced herself to walk away as causally as possible. She couldn't go to Folly now. Someone could be watching. She would have to wait for the cover of dark and the time when most the rebels should be asleep.  
  
Unknown to her, a hard set of eyes watched her coldly, following her as she limped across the snow covered ground. 


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26  
  
Meri lay perfectly still in the cold building, trying vainly to keep warm as she waited for the rebels in the camp to settle down and finally go to sleep.  
  
It was already late into the night and many of the men were still up and still drinking. Half of them, Meri was certain had already passed out dead drunk during their victory celebration. A victory she was planning on foiling.  
  
She turned restlessly under the thin blanket she had been given to sleep with; hardly thick enough to even begin to keep her warm in the sub-zero temperatures. She was almost certain the temperature had dropped and outside a light snow had begun to fall.  
  
Several more hours passed, during which Meri began to tremble from the cold. Finally everything was silent out and Meri rose quietly so as not to wake the rebels that had come in and dropped into a drunken sleep, though most had crashed outside around the blazing fires.  
  
Pulling the Force around her, she used all her training to sneak out of the building and across the camp. She slid from shadow to shadow, trying to blend in as she headed for the animal pen on the far outskirts of the camp.  
  
On arriving, she glanced warily around, her senses straining to hear any noises. When she heard nothing she crawled as quickly as possible through the fence slats and into the green hedge created by the small bunch of trees.  
  
She shuffled slowly forwards in the pitch black until her boot ran into something solid. "Folly?" she whispered softly.  
  
There was a sudden flurry of movement as snow was kicked up around her, and suddenly a hand clamped over her arms, pinning them to her sides as another clamped over her mouth.  
  
She struggled until the hand dropped away.  
  
"Meri! You scared the living day lights out of me!" Folly whispered loudly.  
  
"Shh," Meri hushed him frantically as he loosed her. Quickly she turned to face him in the inky dark. "Folly, you have to contact my Master! Tell him…" Suddenly her ears picked up on the sound of approaching footsteps crunching in the snow, lots of them. Her heart turned over.  
  
Folly heard them as well and tried to lead Meri away from the opening with a firm grip on her arm, but she stumbled and almost fell as her ankle gave out.  
  
Gripping the front of Folly's tunic, she pulled him close. "Tell my Master they've planted a bomb in the meeting house set to go off in the morning. Tell him Folly," she whispered, even then, she knew that she was probably being heard.  
  
Letting go, she shoved Folly away from her and stumbled backwards. "Go," she whispered loudly as loud voices broke out around them.  
  
"I can't leave you here," Folly said incredulously.  
  
"You have to or they all die, now *run*," she pleaded.  
  
There was a deep pause and Meri knew Folly was making the decision that would mean her Master's life. In a sudden scuffle of snow, he was gone.  
  
Before she even had time to breath a sigh of relief, cruel hands were pinning Meri's arms to her side as light broke into the hedge of trees.  
  
"Go after him!" a voice yelled and two men took off after Folly.  
  
Roughly Meri was jerked around to face her captor and was knocked to the ground with an unexpected blow to the face.  
  
Never before had she been hit in the face by anyone and the pain floored her. Almost immediately, though, she was being hauled back to her feet and dragged out of the hedge of trees.  
  
Once outside, Meri could see that dawn had arrived and she prayed that Folly would be able to get away from the two pursuing rebels and able to contact her Master before the bomb went off.  
  
"So, we have a traitor in our midst," the man holding her snarled.  
  
Meri didn't reply.  
  
Another man stepped up and glanced at her hanging from her captor's grip. "You know San`Tenela has gone to watch the bombing, we'll have to wait to kill him until he gets back," he said calmly as he glanced at Meri.  
  
"I know," growled her captor. "I'm not going to kill him. Yet. Let's show him what we do with traitors, before we kill them," he said ominously.  
  
Meri was dragged back into camp and her wrists were bound together with a rough rope. Leaving a good length attached, the rebel jerked the rope and jeered when she fell face forward into the snow. He then proceeded to tie her hands around a post, over her head. What happened next scared her badly.  
  
Grabbing the back of her heavy tunic, the rebel tore it from her back. He kept on until the only thing she was wearing was a normal tunic of light material.  
  
Meri gulped, her heart beating madly. The only thing now saving her from them finding out she was a girl, was the fact that she was leaning forward on her knees. The overly large tunic hung out instead of forming to her feminine curves.  
  
The seventeen-year-old took a steadying breath and glanced over her shoulder, wishing almost immediately that she hadn't done so.  
  
The rebel was standing about ten feet behind her, and unfurling the long length of a whip. A group had gathered to watch and was cheering him on.  
  
Meri paled and allowed her head to fall forward. A sick feeling began to rise in the center of her stomach. //Oh, Force…Oh Force, help me.//  
  
Before she was ready, the sound of the whip was heard singing through the air and biting into her back. It took every ounce of her strength and will power not to scream.  
  
It was a hot, searing, slash of agony. No sooner did the whip lift, then it came down again in a new place of smooth untouched skin. Repeatedly the whip came down on her back, until the tunic was in tatters and covered in blood. Finally she couldn't hold it in any longer and began to scream with each violent lash.  
  
Her world began to fade in and out and Meri begged the Force that she would faint. In the fuzzy background, she heard the men mocking her and calling out that she was only up to 25 lashes and that she sounded like a girl.  
  
Another lash fell, this time landing on the soft skin of her neck. Meri tried to scream but no sound came from her lips as she sagged against the bonds that held her.  
  
Slowly she moved nearer and nearer the place of unconsciousness, yet just before she fainted, the whip stopped as the voices around her rose in volume.  
  
Meri sagged against the rope holding her, all her weight hanging from the ropes biting into the tender flesh around her wrist. She didn't understand why they had stopped, she was too disoriented to understand what was going on, and her eyes wouldn't open. If she'd had even the slightest grip on reality she would have noticed the familiar weight of her long hair hanging down her back.  
  
Suddenly a voice broke through the thick hazy cloud of pain surrounding her. "He's a girl!"  
  
She fainted. 


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27  
  
Folly ran as fast as running through heavy drifts of snow allowed. He didn't look back over his shoulder to see if he was being followed, he could hear the rebels who were following crashing through the undergrowth behind him.  
  
Gasping in great gulps of frigid air, he ran on, the comlink clenched tightly in one hand ready for use as soon as he was able to use it. Right now, he couldn't spare the breath or energy to carry on any sort of conversation.  
  
He was running blindly, but knew he was heading in basically the right direction. It was still dark, but dawn was beginning to creep over the land in a low gray light, and Folly knew he hadn't much time to get away from these goons and contact Alex before it would be too late.  
  
Snow had begun to fall heavier and Folly knew from experience that the weather was about to take a serious turn for the worse. He just wished it would hold off for a few more hours. He *had* to get back to Meri…he knew what they would do to her. What happened to his sister would happen to that young Jedi apprentice and maybe worse because she was a Jedi. Her innocence would be striped of her and then she would be killed, all in the name of the cause.  
  
Folly took a great, deep draught of air and spurted ahead in speed. If he could just reach the hidden speeder…  
  
He slowed as he came to the same place where Meri had fallen and slid quickly across the dangerous ice. As soon as he was back on solid footing, he surged ahead once again. Behind him, he heard the sound of one of the rebels losing his balance and falling, taking the same trip Meri had.  
  
One down, one to go.  
  
When almost to the speeder, Folly grasped his blaster in his other hand and ducked behind a tree.  
  
Following closely, the second rebel was too busy trying to catch up with Folly to notice the footsteps stopped behind a thick, bushy evergreen.  
  
As he ran by, Folly reached out and grabbed the rebel's arm, swinging him around and simultaneously slamming the butt of the blaster on the back of the rebel's head. He was out cold.  
  
Folly ran the last few feet to the speeder, replacing his blaster with one hand, and bringing the comlink upward with the other. He didn't waste any time.  
  
"Master Jedi," he panted into the comlink as he climbed aboard the speeder. "I think we have a problem."  
  
***  
  
Meri came to abruptly when her face was shoved into a bucket of icy water and she came up spluttering. Someone was holding her while wiping the dirt off her face with swift, hard strokes.  
  
Her eyes slowly focused and she gazed upward and into the leering face of a rebel. If her skin hadn't already been white she would have paled further. She didn't know how long she'd been out of it, and the dark clouds and falling snow covered the sky, hiding the time of day.  
  
"Hello little gal," he said mockingly.  
  
"What I want to know," a voice started behind her, which was no friendlier. "Is why someone didn't notice her face."  
  
It was because Meri hadn't only been masking her voice, but her appearance too, as much as she was able. She didn't tell them this, for the only thing worse than them knowing she was a girl, was the fact that she was a Jedi apprentice. She remembered what Alex had told her about the rebel's hating the Jedi.  
  
The rebel crouching in her front of her grinned slowly. "Doesn't matter now, but she is a pretty thing," he said while running a hand through her thick hair. "Our little traitoress. Who exactly were you spying for?" he asked though it was obvious he didn't expect her to answer.  
  
Meri wanted to pull away, but she could barely move and the pain in her back was excruciating.  
  
Suddenly the rebel's hand encountered the braid behind her right ear and he fondled it curiously. "Tell me boys, why does this seem familiar?" His voice was laced with suspicious venom.  
  
A voice answered from the back of the group and Meri's heart dropped at his words. "Jedi apprentices have braids behind their right ear, I've heard."  
  
The face of the rebel before her hardened and his eyes glittered dangerously. "Ah," he said coldly in revelation. "I see now. The Jedi at the negotiations, he's your Master?"  
  
Meri didn't answer, but stared blankly straight ahead as her body began to tremble and shake. She wasn't sure if it was shock or the fact she was practically sitting in the snow with hardly anything on to block the cold.  
  
The rebel wrapped the braid around his hand and jerked cruelly. "Jedi are always sticking their nose in where it doesn't belong." He paused and stared at her with sheer hate. "He's a stupid Jedi if he sent you here."  
  
Meri lifted her head and stared straight into the evil eyes before her. "He didn't send me. I came without him knowing."  
  
The rebel smiled slowly, cruelly, and Meri realized she'd just given away what the rebel didn't know for certain. Using her braid, the rebel pulled her face closer to his. "No matter," he breathed with a malicious glint in his eye. "He's probably dead by now, anyway, and I can think of several jobs for you." His words were accompanied by a suggestive glance and Meri felt her skin crawl.  
  
Looking up, she noticed that the expression on the rebel before her was mirrored in the faces of those who stood around. She felt sick.  
  
"Hang on," a voice protested. "Shouldn't you talk to San`Tenela before using her like that?"  
  
Meri silently thanked the voice, whoever it was. She almost blacked out when whoever had been holding her stood and picked her up roughly.  
  
"Where are you taking her," one rebel demanded suspiciously.  
  
"I'm just putting her inside while we discuss this," the man bit back. "That is unless you want her dying from cold before we have any fun." This was said with a cocked eyebrow and leering grin.  
  
Meri almost groaned in pain as her slashed back was rubbed against the man holding her. The rebel stepped inside the small building, set her on the floor then quickly shut the door behind him.  
  
Meri sat where she had been placed, teetering back and forth in weakness, but determined not to fall over. Closing her eyes, she pulled in the Force for energy and strength. Though the pain didn't lessen, Meri was at least able to breathe deeper.  
  
Carefully she braced her hands against the ground to still her trembling and steady herself, as her head spun dizzily. The feeling of liquid running down her arm drew her eyes downward.  
  
Meri was not surprised to see a deep crimson stream of blood traveling slowly down her arm and forming into a small pool around her hand.  
  
The voices outside rose in argument and her heart began to beat faster in fear as she listened. Her face lost any color she had regained as she heard the words they spoke. They weren't arguing any more over whether or not they should wait.  
  
They were arguing over who was to be first.  
  
***  
  
Alex tapped his fingers lightly on the large round table at which all the officials from both sides were seated. It wasn't an action of impatience, but more of anxiety. Something wasn't right.  
  
For the hundredth time since they had gathered that morning, the tall knight's bright blue eyes scanned the room and the faces of its occupants.  
  
From his position, Alex had clear vantage point of all faces and he watched them carefully. Nothing could go wrong at this moment while the document that would seal peace between the two stubborn factions was being signed.  
  
Just as the last official signed his name with a flourish, Alex's comlink chirped loudly. A flicker of surprise went over the Jedi's face, but he stood quickly.  
  
"Excuse me," he spoke quietly, his face calm as he moved away from the table. Only two people had his frequency and Meri hadn't brought her comlink with her for the reason that she hadn't planned on him knowing she was there. It had to be Folly.  
  
"Yes," he answered tersely to hide his concern. He was very aware of the official's stares directed his way.  
  
Yet as he listened to Folly speak, he forgot he was being watched and his face paled slightly. "She what?" he hissed in disbelief. "Nevermind," he said almost immediately, straining to keep his voice steady. "Just get here as quickly as possible." Without waiting for an answer, he replaced his comlink and moved for the nearest guard.  
  
Speaking in low urgent tones, he explained the situation and then turned back to the officials, who were now standing and looking concerned.  
  
"If you will all follow me, we need to evacuate the building." Before Alex could finish explaining, the robed officials broke out talking amongst themselves loudly.  
  
"Sirs!" the knight spoke sharply. "There has been certain information that has come to my attention and you *must* leave the building. Now please," he said tightly, gesturing towards the door.  
  
Still talking, the group moved in a large bunch towards the door. Before joining the group, an aide grabbed the precious documents signed just moments before. Alex pushed them through as quickly as he could, his heart racing in his chest. As bad as it may have seemed, he wasn't worried in the least for himself or even the pompous officials he was ushering out before him. His concern was for his errant apprentice. Folly hadn't explained very well, and he was quite confused as to what was going on with her.  
  
As the group trailed outside ahead of him into the darkening skies, Alex glanced around to make sure that any other lives were out of harms way. The guard he had spoken to had done his job, and all other guards had gathered in a group a distance from the building.  
  
Alex had just turned around to head for the group standing farther away when the blast occurred, sending a shock wave flaring outwards that knocked him dazedly from his feet.  
  
Chaos erupted as Alex pulled himself to his hands and knees, and glanced behind him. The building they had all just exited was consumed in tall, jumping flames of fire and dark black smoke billowed up into the sky.  
  
Alex stood carefully, his head still ringing from the blast as he studied the scene. Slowly a thought crept into his mind that he could not deny the truth of. She had saved his life after all.  
  
But how had she known?  
  
The sound of a speeder filled his ears and he turned to see Folly racing up at neck break speed. A frown furrowed his brow as he watched the speeder buck to a stop and then Folly practically fall when getting off.  
  
Before Folly had even come to a stop in front of him, the knight was demanding, "What's going on?"  
  
His piercing blue eyes pinned Folly to the spot as the man bumbled his way through the story. He didn't notice the almost fearful glances Folly sent his way as he told the Jedi the story.  
  
When Folly had finished, he took a step back from the Jedi as he glanced at the taller man's face.  
  
"Let me get this correct," Alex said quietly, his face a mask of stone. "You *let* my apprentice attempt this charade willingly?" He glared at Folly a muscle twitching in his jaw. "No, wait," he said before Folly could answer. "You helped her?" His tone was lethal.  
  
"I really don't think we have time to discuss this now," Folly squeaked.  
  
Alex's ice blue eyes flickered, but already he was moving towards the guards, leaving Folly staring after him.  
  
Striding up to the captain of the guard, Alex explained that he knew where and who had set the bomb and asked if his men would be willing to come and help him arrest the group.  
  
"If you can get any other volunteer's to come as well, that would be prudent."  
  
The captain agreed and quickly gathered his men.  
  
Alex walked quickly back over to Folly. "Tell them where to go," he said shortly. "Then you are going to show me where she is."  
  
As Alex watched Folly do as he had instructed him, the knight wasn't as calm as he appeared. Inside his heart was racing and a tight knot had coiled in his middle. He was furious and scared out of his wits at the same time. Repeatedly he tried to assure himself she would be alright.  
  
She had to be. 


	28. Chapter 28

Author's note: The name Tarrishagh has a special meaning. *G* You'll find out what, later.  
  
Chapter 28  
  
Meri glanced wildly around the room, her eyes falling on the small window at the back. Small was the word for it, but she just might be able to fit through.  
  
Adrenaline rushed through her body, giving her temporary strength as she lurched to her feet. The pain at simply moving was agony, but she used the Force to sooth it as best she could. She limped slowly towards the back of the room, keeping one ear tuned into the lively voices in front.  
  
By the time she'd reached the back of the room, her breath was coming in short gasp of air, but determined, she pulled herself to stand on top of the cot beneath the window.  
  
Fiddling with the frozen latch, she finally slid it to the side and pushed the window open. The cold blast of air that hit her face took her breath away.  
  
Grasping the sill, she began to slowly pull herself up and through the small opening.  
  
When the top of the open window grazed her back, she almost bit through her tongue holding back a scream of pain. Unable to control her movements any longer, she fell out the window and into the snow bank.  
  
For long minutes, she didn't move as a strange heaviness fell over her. Darkness fuzzed in around her vision and her dark lashes flickered; finally settling as her eyes drooped closed.  
  
//Get up!//  
  
Meri startled, her eyes shooting open in surprise. Quickly she glanced around expecting to see someone standing near by, but there was no one.  
  
Painfully, she pulled herself to her knees and looked around again. Confusion and pain clouded her normally clear brown eyes. She had heard a voice…hadn't she?  
  
However, the only sounds to be heard now were the rebel's far off voices in front, and the whistling cold wind, which swept across the ground, blowing snow before it.  
  
Meri stumbled to her feet, a new sense of urgency gripping her. Trembling violently she began to half-walk, half-run, in an awkward gait, falling quite often. She was unaware of the obvious crimson trail she was leaving in the snow. Ahead of her there was a broad expanse of open snow covered ground and then the shelter of evergreen trees.  
  
The wind had picked up and blew the falling snow at an angle, straight into her face. She didn't know where she was going, only that she had to get away. Any fate was better than that she was leaving behind.  
  
Just as she reached the line of trees, she heard a shout behind her. She stumbled to a halt, clinging to the green limbs of a nearby tree to keep from falling, then glanced back.  
  
Her already racing heart, began to jump erratically in fear as she saw the rebels pursuing her and at a much faster pace than she could go.  
  
She turned and tried to make her legs move, tried to breathe, but her legs felt like she was wearing leaden weights around them and her lungs were burning from the piercingly cold air.  
  
She stumbled forward, fell, then pulled herself to her feet. Desperation was setting in and she mentally tugged frantically on the bond with her Master. He had to be okay…she needed to know he was alive. In her distressed state she didn't stop to think that if he had died she would have felt the bond break.  
  
She almost sobbed in relief when she felt an answering wave of assurance across the bond, but she didn't stop moving forward. She could hear the rebels getting closer.  
  
Ahead, she could see a ribbon of dark blue weaving its way through the landscape, ice coating its edges, but the center of the river moved deep and strong.  
  
She stopped and stared, wondering in desperation what to do. The yells of the rebels had gotten closer, but in her frantic state she didn't realize they weren't moving towards her anymore, and their shouts at each other were for an entirely different reason.  
  
The sky had darkened and snow continued to fall in heavy waves, blowing mercilessly against Meri's slender and scantily clothed body. She huddled motionless for a moment, looking back the way she had come and then started for the river.  
  
She didn't expect the shock of the cold water to affect her the way it did. It felt as though thousands of tiny needles were poking into her skin. It felt the worst on her raw, exposed back and she gasped as the waves of pain rolled over her.  
  
The deep, swirling water washed over her head as she went under, the fast current sucking and pulling at her legs. The weight of her boots didn't help the situation and she kicked frantically as she tried to get back to the surface.  
  
Finally, she came back to the top of the water, her dark head breaking through the water as she gasped and choked for air. She felt as though she'd swallowed a gallon of water and her arms and legs were tiring quickly.  
  
Again she was sucked under the surface of the water and again she fought for her life. Reaching down she loosened the strap on each of her boots and was rewarded when both boots immediately fell from her feet and she popped to the surface.  
  
With a gasp for air, Meri swam weakly for the opposite bank. When her feet finally felt the bottom, she staggered up the bank before falling to her knees.  
  
The whole world was spinning wildly out of control, as she crawled weakly for the tree ahead of her, its green boughs stretched out to the ground.  
  
Barely retaining consciousness, she managed to crawl underneath the large tree, its limbs stretching over her and hiding her away from sight. Her breathing was ragged as she collapsed to the ground unmoving, feeling strangely not cold anymore. As a hazy cloud moved in on her vision, she let her dark eyes slide shut. She couldn't fight the demands of her body any longer.  
  
The sound of her name being frantically called broke the silence moments later, falling on ears that could no longer hear.  
  
***  
  
Alex slid off the speeder before it had even come to a full stop, Folly not far behind. The Jedi had instructed the other man to drive right up to the hideout and never mind the guards on watch.  
  
However, to Folly's unease, they had come right up to the edge of the camp and no guards had alerted the others in the camp to their presence.  
  
They had stopped on a small rise that looked down at the small scattering of buildings and Alex strode to the edge and looked down.  
  
"What if they see you?" Folly asked the impassive Jedi.  
  
But Alex didn't answer, his gaze had been caught by a stumbling, staggering figure who had just reached the tree line on the opposite side of the camp. "Meri?" he breathed in question.  
  
Suddenly his gaze was pulled farther behind his apprentice and he saw a group of men heading after her.  
  
There was a sudden, desperate tug on the bond he held with Meri and he sent a flood of reassurance to her. His mouth tightened in a grim line and his ice blue ices sparked.  
  
To Folly's utter horror, the Jedi began to boldly stride down the rise and out in full view of those chasing Meri. He pulled a silver cylinder off his belt and then began jogging to catch up with the rebels.  
  
Folly stared after him for a few moments before pulling out his blaster and running after the Jedi. "They really are crazy," he muttered as he ran.  
  
Though the group of rebels had a head start, Alex quickly caught up to them in the heavily wooded area.  
  
When the first rebel spotted him, he yelled a warning to the others and they all turned to face the Jedi. They immediately recognized what they were facing and just *who* he was. After all, there was only one Jedi on the planet and they had his apprentice.  
  
On Alex's part, he left no doubt as to why he was there. His black hair blew over his forehead in the stiff, snow filled wind, his robe billowing out to the side. With a snap-hiss his lightsabre sprung to life, his bright blue eyes intense with meaning.  
  
Folly stood behind the Jedi, blaster in hand, and wondered if it was a common trait in all Jedi to be so suicidal. He looked at the back of the Jedi's head and the expression on his face said he was wondering what was going on in there.  
  
Alex continued to stare at the rebels in an intimidating glare, the only sound that of the wind howling and the snow hissing as it hit his hot 'sabre blade.  
  
Suddenly a blaster bolt whizzed across the opening towards the Jedi and with the barest twist of his wrist, the Jedi sent it back to the shooter, killing him instantly.  
  
Before the unfortunate rebel had even fallen to the ground, dead, the other rebels were scattering, fleeing for their lives.  
  
Confident that the help coming behind would catch the fleeing rebel, Alex replaced his lightsabre to his belt and began jogging towards his apprentice's presence. She was close, very close, but her wavering and weak presence worried him.  
  
"Meri!" he called, the slightest edge of panic beginning to set into his tone. //Oh, Force please,// he thought fervently.  
  
His hasty jog was brought to a short stop as he stared at the deceptively calm river before him. "No," he breathed, looking down at the footprints leading down to the river.  
  
Folly came up behind him and stated the obvious. "She crossed here."  
  
Alex paced along the edge, his mind racing for a solution to get across.  
  
Folly watched the pacing Jedi and then a slow grin began to grow on his face. "You can too," he said slyly.  
  
"Whatever do you mean," Alex sputtered in irritation.  
  
"I've crossed in winter before," Folly said.  
  
Alex cut him off with an exasperated reply. "You're reckless and irresponsible, so that doesn't surprise me."  
  
If anything the Jedi's comment only made Folly more amused. "Do you want to get to her or not."  
  
Alex whirled on Folly, his eyes ablaze with the intensity of his feelings for his apprentice. "You know I do, stop these petty games!"  
  
Folly sobered, at least somewhat. "Just shed the clothes. All of them, boots too. Wrap everything in your robe and carry it on your head when you cross. Then once you're on the other side, just get dressed. You'll be more dry than she will be."  
  
Now it was Alex who was staring at Folly as though he'd lost his mind, yet it only took a moment for him to get contemplative. "It looks deep."  
  
Folly nodded. "It was for her, probably over her head, but you're much taller. I'll wager your feet will be able to touch the bottom, if just barely."  
  
"The current?" the knight questioned tersely.  
  
"Swift, but I think you can handle it," he said looking at the Jedi with raised brow.  
  
"What about after I cross, how do I get back over with her?"  
  
Folly frowned. "You won't. But there is an abandoned chalet not far on the other side. I'm pretty sure it has a working heating unit. Just head straight back from here and you'll find it." He glanced up at the sky with a concerned look. "This weather is about to get a lot worse, so you may be stuck there for a day or so," he said loudly over the wind.  
  
Alex paused for only a few seconds before he reached down and began tugging off his boots. Quickly he undressed fully, ignoring Folly, who was looking off and away.  
  
As Alex straightened up, bundle of clothes held in front of his waist, he heard the other man murmuring something about a full moon occurring. Lips twitching, Alex tried to ignore the comment.  
  
Folly turned to see that the knight had finished. "I'll send someone to pick you two up as soon as this weather clears." He looked around in concern, the wind was now howling loudly and the snow was beginning to obscure their vision. "I have to get back, let's get this going," he yelled over the shrieking wind.  
  
Alex nodded and without a word, waded quickly into the water. He took in a sharp breath as the water washed up over his bare skin, shockingly cold.  
  
The current pulled at his body as the water came up to his neck. He was in the center of the river and the pull of the current was strong. Using the Force, he steadied himself and edged slowly across as quickly as he could. He had to get out quickly; already he could feel his body temperature plummeting.  
  
Finally the water was down to his waist and he splashed quickly out of the water, breathing heavy.  
  
Glancing across the river at Folly, he waved and the other man immediately took off for the camp behind him. The snow quickly hid the other man from sight, but Alex was already pulling on his clothes, his teeth chattering in cold. After replacing his thick socks and boots, he snatched up his robe and headed for his apprentice's weak presence that was slightly down river from where she had crossed.  
  
Alex hurried as fast as he was able, the weakening presence of his apprentice spurring him on. She was fading. Fast. //Oh please, hold on Tarrishagh.// 


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29  
  
The wind was beginning to snatch Alex's breath away, when he found her sprawled under a large limbed evergreen, its boughs stretching to hide her from view.  
  
Pushing them hastily aside, he took in her appearance with a worried glance; nothing could have prepared him for what he found. She was on her back, her face tilted away from him, her skin dangerously pale. She looked…..//dead.//  
  
His brain shied violently away from the word, though it was the word that had immediately tried to surface in his mind.  
  
Reaching out, his fingers brushed against her neck, encountering the smooth, shockingly cold skin as he felt for her pulse. Long seconds passed until he felt a slow beat and heady relief poured over him.  
  
Gently he turned her face toward him and his eyes were instantly pulled to the blue tinge of her lips. With hands that shook, though not from cold, he reached for his robe and lifted her carefully toward him so that he could more easily wrap the garment around her.  
  
As he leaned her disturbingly cold form against his chest, his glance fell to her back and he paled when he saw what they had done. The words of his despair were born away by the wind and the knight picked the all too still form up carefully, covering her wet head, where it rested on his shoulder, with his robe.  
  
Even though he knew where the abandoned chalet was supposed to be, it seemed to him a life time before his quick steps brought him to the shadow looming up out of the blowing snow.  
  
Unlatching the door by using the Force, he kicked the door open with his foot, quickly strode through, and then, turning, kicked it shut again, effectively drowning out the now shrieking wind.  
  
His bright blue eyes quickly scanned the dusty room, his eyes taking note of the full sized bed against the far wall. It was obvious that someone had at one time lived there long enough to switch from cot to bed, but the only thing Alex was interested in, were the blankets folded neatly on top.  
  
Being careful not to jar his apprentice, he gently placed her on the bed, knowing the first thing he needed to do was get the heating unit going. The temperature in the chalet was biting.  
  
Trailing a finger down her porcelain-like features, he murmured a soft "hold on" before hurrying over to the heating unit. His own body was beginning to shiver, in the first signs of trying to keep warm. Much to his relief, the heating unit, though old, started up easily.  
  
Immediately, he felt the warm blasts of air begin to rush out and he turned his attentions back to Meri.  
  
As much as her back was torn up, he knew she needed to be placed on her back. Breathing would be much too difficult for her on her stomach at this point, and as it was, she was fighting for her life.  
  
Carefully he spread out a blanket for her to lie on, then tenderly placed her on her back. He knew what he was dealing with, having had the most basic of medical training and knew what he had to do. Remove the wet clothing.  
  
//This really is a dire necessity. It's not as though I want to….do this…//  
  
With his expression one of uncertainty, the Jedi knight gathered up the rest of the blankets and set them aside. He held one of the thicker blankets under an arm and started at her feet.  
  
//Why did she have to get herself into this?!//  
  
Carefully he tugged on the wet sock hugging one of her feet and then peeled it off. He paused when he saw her right ankle swollen twice as large as the other small foot and was very careful in removing the sock. Underneath he found her ankle had been wrapped crudely. For a moment, he was distracted from his embarrassment.  
  
With gentle hands, he quickly unwrapped the wet bandage from the puffy ankle. His brow wrinkled with concern; the ankle would obviously need further care, but not right now. //Unfortunately…// he lamented. If only this was already done and she was undressed…then he wouldn't have to do it. Yet, though his mind balked at his task, his hands kept busy, for no matter how he felt, his apprentice was in danger and he would do anything to save her.  
  
Once both socks had been removed, he threw them to the side and then took a deep breath, pushing the rising feelings of discomfiture down into the recesses of his mind. There was no place for that right now.  
  
Unfolding the blanket with one arm, he moved up to her waist and spread it lightly over her. With blanket still covering her, he slipped his hand under the blanket and began pulling at her wet pants that clung stubbornly to her slender waist and hips.  
  
//Think of something else whilst doing this…\\ he instructed himself. //Anything…\\  
  
He tried to move quickly and although she was covered, he averted his eyes to the wall. Once he had them down around her ankles, he easily pulled them off.  
  
//Well, that wasn't so bad...\\ he tried to tell himself as he straightened and dropped the wet pants to the floor. By then, the air in the small chalet had warmed considerably as the heating unit continued to turn out hot air in place of cold.  
  
Glancing at her face, he was relieved to see that it had lost some of its paleness and the blue tinge around her lips was fading. But he wasn't reassured yet. Not until he had her conscious would he know that she was mostly out of danger.  
  
Next Alex moved to Meri's head and looked down at the soaked tunic that clung to her figure. He looked off to the side rather quickly.  
  
//Oh, Force. Why me?\\  
  
His hand strayed up to run through his damp hair; a trademark of the young Jedi Master that told just how unsettled he was. Again, he had to fight the spreading feelings of awkwardness, embarrassment, and something else he couldn't quite identify. The tunic *had* to come off, he knew that. The only question was how, without seeing something he shouldn't.  
  
Glancing at her head, he noticed the dark hair was dampening the pillow her head rested on.  
  
Grabbing another blanket, he vigorously rubbed as much moisture as he could out of the heavy mass and then wrapped her hair in the blanket, to console the heat. Later when she was more stable, he would let it dry in open air. Right now, all that did was work to keep her head cool when it needed to be warm.  
  
When he had lifted the wet hair off her shoulders and neck, he had noticed again that the tunic was in tatters in the back. All he really had to do was turn her over briefly in his arms, and tear what was left of the tunic away from her back. Then when he placed her on her back once more, he simply had to place the blanket over her shoulders and with a little maneuvering, remove the tunic.  
  
Quickly he put his plan into motion and within moments had it accomplished. He heaved a small sigh of relief at having finished removing all her garments and tucked the blankets tighter around the still form.  
  
He paused only a moment to seek out her pulse and was satisfied to find it had begun the climb back toward a more normal rate. Her skin felt warmer to the touch as well, but then anything would feel warmer than the alarming iciness he had encountered earlier.  
  
Breathing a prayer of thanks to the Force, he moved to search out the heating stones. An item, he had discovered, that was used quite often on Dubh nán in this season and would now serve well to warm his apprentice. He only hoped that the old and unused chalet had the stones. If there weren't any that meant he would have to choose the alternative.  
  
And the alternative would be immensely awkward for him and mortifying to his apprentice.  
  
**  
  
Heating stones weren't really stones, but were so named for their shape and color. The knight only found four, but was content with his find. He really shouldn't expect a place like this to have any more than one if any at all. The fact that there were four was most likely because the chalet appeared to have once belonged to a couple.  
  
Alex strode over to the bed, activating one of the stones as he walked and placed the other three on the bed. The gray material covering the so-called stone was velvety to the touch as he bent it back and forth to activate the chemicals. As Alex felt the heat slowly generate from the stone, he glanced down at the still form of his padawan. If she weren't so pale, she would almost look as though she were sleeping.  
  
Taking the heating stone in his hand, he reached under the blanket and placed it gently on her stomach and groin area. Once he had the other two warming, he placed them under each of her armpits. The fourth he gently placed at the nape of her neck.  
  
As he settled her head gently back down on the pillow, she moaned softly, the dark lashes fluttering on her cheek. Bending over her, as he was, he had an easy view of her face, and reaching out, he pushed nonexistent hairs off her brow.  
  
He allowed his hand to linger on her forehead, brushing the tips of his fingers across her arched eyebrows as he felt the warmth of her skin. With the touch, he reached across their bond and attempted to rouse her further.  
  
//Come on, Meri. It's time to wake up now…\\ he nudged her consciousness.  
  
Her lashes flickered again and Alex delved deeper into their bond, his eyes closing as he encouraged her to awaken. Unconsciously his hand moved to cup the side of her face in his hand as his thumb methodically stroked the path of one dark eyebrow.  
  
With a spark and flare of the Force, their consciousnesses connected for a brief moment.  
  
//Master?\\  
  
Alex smiled tenderly at the groggy sound of his apprentice's voice in his mind. //Yes, Meri. I need you to wake up, alright?\\  
  
There was a long moment of silence and he was afraid that she had lapsed back into her dream world. When her voice finally did come, it was fading.  
  
//I'll try.\\  
  
Alex pulled himself back; opening his eyes, he studied her face a few moments longer, again thanking the Force that she was still alive.  
  
She wouldn't wake up. Not now, it was too soon. But it wouldn't be long.  
  
Almost reluctantly, he pulled his hand away from her face and when he turned away, there was a troubled light in his blue eyes.  
  
Turning he walked slowly, wearily, over to the small window and looked out. The only thing he saw was a wall of blowing snow. The only sound in the chalet was the dulled sound of shrieking wind as it blew around the sturdy building.  
  
The blizzard showed no signs of letting up any time soon and stretching out with the Force confirmed Alex's suspicion. //Several days, at least,\\ he thought rubbing a hand across his tired and burning eyes.  
  
The weeks spent on Dubh nán had been long and the days even longer. He hadn't gotten much rest, instead spending many of his nights thinking of ways to get both sides to see each other's point of view. If he wasn't working on that problem, he was worrying about Meri.  
  
At the thought of his apprentice, one hand trailed through the ebony hair and remained as he lightly clenched a fistful of the thick mane in thought. //I had reason to worry,\\ he thought ruefully.  
  
After all, he'd found her almost frozen, whipped, and with a badly injured ankle. At the remembrance of her ankle, he turned and moved back to the bed.  
  
Sitting on the end, he carefully pulled both her feet into his lap, settling the uninjured foot up against his side and under his arm. With it situated that way, he could keep it warm while he worked on the other.  
  
For a moment, he just sat there. He hadn't realized how fatigued he really was until he had sat down. Without giving it a second thought, he pushed his exhaustion to the back of his mind. No time for that now.  
  
He placed his hands on either side of the puffy ankle, closed his eyes and with a masterful show of the Force began to assess just how badly she had injured it.  
  
He winced.  
  
Opening his eyes, a bit reluctantly though he wouldn't admit it, he cast an exasperated glance toward Meri. The injury probably would have healed easily right after it had occurred, but after she had been walking and in some cases running around on it, the damage was now worse. It was broken in several places and a few muscles were strained. It was going to take quite awhile for it to heal.  
  
Lightly he placed two fingers on either side of the swelling and began to send healing tendrils of the Force out through his touch. Minutes stretched into an hour and still he worked at it.  
  
When he finally opened his eyes and titled his head to look down at his work, the room briefly wavered.  
  
He shook his head to clear his vision and ignored what his body was trying to tell him. He was glad to see that the swelling had gone down in the ankle, and gently he tucked both feet back under the blankets.  
  
Standing up slowly, he removed the few bacta patches off his belt that he always carried. Never mind that he was tired. Meri's back was still in urgent need of care and now that she had warmed a good deal, it was safe to turn her over.  
  
As it had many times in the past few weeks, sleep would have to wait. 


	30. Chapter 30

1 Chapter 30  
  
Sounds slowly began to filter into the young woman's consciousness and a light shudder went through the slender form as the dulled sound of shrieking wind penetrated her senses. The return of sensations soon followed and Meri groggily became aware of light strokes on her back.  
  
She let out a muffled moan into the pillow as her senses sharpened and hot pain flared across her back.  
  
"Shh," a soft voice soothed and a cool touch lingering on her back eased the pain.  
  
Meri froze at the voice as her memories rushed in as though a dam had burst. The last she remembered was running from the Rebels and another shiver shook her small frame.  
  
A gasp of horror became trapped in her throat and her dark eyes opened wide only to see a wall facing her from across a small room. The next thing she became aware of started her heart pounding; she was lying on her belly and she wasn't wearing a stitch of clothing.  
  
Her mind jumped to what she thought was the most obvious conclusion and when another brush went down her back she screamed, grabbed at the blankets beneath her and tried to launch herself away from the bed. She ended up going down in a pathetic heap when her weakened legs wouldn't support her.  
  
She began to scramble away clutching at the blankets she'd managed to pull down with her, trying to cover her exposed skin when a voice broke through her panic.  
  
"Meri, it's just me, it's just Alex. It's okay. You're safe."  
  
Pain began to bleed back into her consciousness as the adrenaline faded and she turned stiffly to look behind her. Alex stood on the other side of a double bed, a bacta wipe hanging from one hand. He was trying to avert his gaze, but at the same time obviously worried.  
  
"Master?" she questioned in relief. Then realizing her appearance, she jerked the blanket around her and tried to cover her front. The only problem was that left her backside uncovered, but she really didn't care as she was sitting on it.  
  
Alex set the wipe down on a small table and grabbed the beige pants that had been laid flat to dry.  
  
Quickly he came around the end of the bed and knelt in front of her, her pants, now dry, in his hand.  
  
She lifted her head to meet to his eyes, a light blush coloring her pale skin. "I thought…I thought you were…" she stammered.  
  
"I know, you're okay," he assured the shaken girl. "Here," he offered the pants to her.  
  
She glanced at the pants, then up into his face. Then it dawned on her.  
  
Alex, seeing her hesitation, looked into her eyes and immediately began to color. The red flush started at his neck and spread quickly upwards.  
  
"I…I had to do it, Meri," he murmured softly. "You were cold and wet and could've died." He paused and glanced at her, but she had ducked her head down to hide her embarrassment. "I didn't see anything," he assured firmly.  
  
Meri wanted to die. She could have added for him "until now."  
  
She snatched the pants out of his hand, mortified.  
  
"Do you need help?" he asked softly.  
  
"NO!" she yelped out quickly.  
  
He flushed, but stood up quickly and turned his back to her.  
  
Glancing up to make sure he wasn't looking, she awkwardly began to pull on the pants while trying to hold the blanket to her chest at the same time.  
  
By the time she had them up to her waist, she was huffing with the exertion. With a last tug, she pulled them all the way up and whimpered in pain as it grazed the low whip marks.  
  
"Meri?" Alex asked in concern. He had turned slightly, but refrained from looking.  
  
"I'm done," she breathed out.  
  
He turned quickly and took in the pain that shadowed her young face. "Can you stand?" he asked as he knelt by her side.  
  
"I'll try it," she said shortly.  
  
He offered her his arm, and she grasped it with one hand, holding the blanket to her chest with the other.  
  
Alex placed his other hand over her hand on his arm and pulled her up as she struggled to stand. The skin stretched across her back as he did so and she gasped as the pain washed over her. Once on her feet, she swayed weakly, her face again white.  
  
Alex steadied her and then still holding on to her arm, took a step behind her to look at her back. He drew in a soft breath at the sight of fresh blood oozing from the harsh cuts.  
  
She swayed unsteadily again and Alex quickly stepped back to her side. "Come on, before you fall down again," he joked lightly as he led her the few, short feet back to the bed.  
  
He helped her to lie down on her stomach again and she sank thankfully into the soft mattress. The hot pain in her back was again soothed with a cool swipe of a bacta wipe.  
  
Quiet fell over the small chalet and Meri's mind raced feverishly with all that had happened. Suddenly her Master's voice broke the stillness. She stiffened at the cool edge to his words. "Meri, would you mind telling me just what it is you thought you were doing?"  
  
The question fell heavy into a pool of silence, the only sound that of the storm raging outside.  
  
Meri was about to answer and in fact opened her mouth to do so, but instead of words, she sneezed violently, shaking the whole bed with its force. The pain laced across her back and it felt as though the whip was falling all over again and she couldn't help the whimper she tried to muffle.  
  
Alex's stern look softened and he perched on the edge of the bed. "What am I going to do with you?" he asked quietly, reaching a hand out to brush the loose hair out of his apprentice's face. When he had done so, he was met with large brown eyes shimmering in tears of pain.  
  
"I'm sorry, Master," Meri said softly, quickly blinking away the moisture. She was silent a moment in thought and then began again slowly to explain. "I was afraid I wouldn't see you again. I was afraid you would die, like Master Ariana and I just couldn't let that happen!"  
  
Alex shook his head slightly, but any anger he felt at his apprentice was banished by her words of fear. "But you didn't know that would happen, Meri. The Force has different destinies for us all."  
  
"I dreamed of it, though, Master. I dreamed the same dream that I dreamed before Master Ariana died. I dreamed she died, but this time it was you!" The seventeen-year olds voice was low, almost as though she was afraid to speak of the dreams that had haunted her for years.  
  
"Dreams are not always sent by the Force, Meri. And even then, not always to be trusted. The future is always changing. Do you understand?" his gaze was warm and she looked away disturbed for a reason she didn't understand.  
  
"Yes, Master. I'm sorr—Aaachoo!" she ended in another sneeze and her long hair, which had been coiled away from her back, fell loose, and spread across the sticky wounds.  
  
"We'll talk more later," he promised evenly and then reached to lift her hair away from the wounds.  
  
Meri hissed in pain as he pulled the thick tresses away.  
  
"We need to keep this out of the way," he commented. "I don't want to risk an infection of those wounds."  
  
"I can try to braid it."  
  
Alex looked at her doubtfully. "You try and lift your arms over your head and you'll be in agony."  
  
"Cut it off, then," Meri muttered, by this time too weary to care anymore.  
  
"I don't think so, Meri. Why don't I try to braid it?" he offered.  
  
A short giggle erupted from her and Alex looked affronted.  
  
"Do you know how?"  
  
"I think I can figure it out," he said as he began to run his fingers through the thick locks to get as many tangles out as possible. "I braided this, after all," he continued a few seconds later when he came across her padawan braid and gave it a short tug.  
  
Meri didn't answer and wouldn't have stopped him for the galaxy. Truth be told, she was enjoying the feel of his hands in her hair. Although it had many tangles, he was being very gentle.  
  
She had relaxed into the pillow, her eyes had drifted shut and she was just about to fall asleep when he finished combing out the ends of her hair. That wouldn't have bothered her, except he began to comb the hair away from her temples and forehead, his fingers occasionally brushing across her skin.  
  
Suddenly she began to feel strange—her heart fluttered and her breath caught in her throat. When he brushed his finger over one of her small ears, her heart took off and began pounding.  
  
"I think I'm doing this right," he said wryly, his voice coming from above her.  
  
Meri didn't answer, too busy berating herself for immature feelings that she thought were ludicrous. She couldn't know that his braiding her hair was affecting him more than it was her.  
  
He finished quickly and found a piece of thread to tie off the braid. "I'm through," he murmured, placing the braid over her shoulder for her inspection.  
  
She glanced at it and was surprised to see the braid was tightly made and well done. "You did well," she said, a touch of her surprise lacing her tone.  
  
She frowned in confusion when Alex didn't answer, but got up and moved quickly away. She watched as he gathered the remaining blankets, her eyelids becoming heavy.  
  
Turning, he saw her watching him. "Rest," he said in a firm tone. "I don't want you getting sick."  
  
"Where are you going to sleep?"  
  
"I'm making a pallet here on the floor. Now, I mean it. Go to sleep, Meri."  
  
She didn't argue with him and the last thing she saw as her drowsy lashes lowered was Alex, looking at her strangely. 


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31  
  
If Meri had known just why it was Alex was looking at her so strangely, she probably wouldn't have fallen asleep so easily, but instead would have been mortified. His expression was an attempt to keep some semblance of control over his emotions and thoughts.  
  
He glanced at her once more before turning to make up his bed, a small smile finding its way to his lips, despite his inner turmoil. Her face, when she was sleeping was angelic and her improvement over the past few hours was like a weight off his shoulders. Her cheeks once pale were now rosy and flushed in her sleep. Tendrils of hair had curled around her face when they drying and now framed her face in little, dark curls.  
  
As he spread out the blankets his thoughts began taking a path backwards and though he tried to keep the images from coming, he saw it all again anyway. Pausing he ran a hand restlessly through his hair and sighed. This wouldn't do at all. //There is no emotion…\\ the words seemed to echo through his mind, mocking him. As he returned to arranging his pallet, he thought that some things should just be forgotten and those wayward thoughts were such *things*.  
  
Through with laying out the pallet, he flicked off the lights and letting out a large sigh, he sank down on his bed and pulled a blanket over himself before turning back to his thoughts.  
  
He had tried so hard not to see anything; he didn't want to embarrass her, or himself. He hadn't even sensed her waking up, so it came as a complete surprise when she panicked and fled. //Or tried to flee,\\ he thought with a wince. She hadn't gone far and before he could even look away he saw more than he had ever expected to see of his padawan.  
  
A low flush started on the back of his neck at the very thought and he swallowed hard, embarrassed for her. She had been so mortified.  
  
A fit of coughing interrupted his thoughts and he frowned as he realized his throat had bit of a tickle. Surely, he wasn't coming down with something. He hadn't been sick in years. Most likely it was just being out in the cold air and that little dip he had in the river. On top of all that, he was weary. Yet, despite his earlier fatigue he found he couldn't fall asleep. Unable to sleep, his thoughts returned to his apprentice.  
  
//It was certainly an accident,\\ he maintained. He'd been so startled at first, so surprised that he hadn't looked away at once. //Stop thinking about that!\\ he commanded himself.  
  
In the dark, he pushed the blanket off his chest impatiently and turned on his side. Maybe he needed to turn the heating unit down now…but thinking of Meri and wanting her to be warm, he decided against it. Firmly he pushed all thoughts out of his mind and fell into a light meditation as he attempted to center himself.  
  
All his efforts failed, however and—half-dozing—he tossed and turned for a long while, more from the sudden aches that had attacked his body and his rebellious thoughts than anything else.  
  
Long after Meri had fallen asleep, Alex finally followed, dropping off into a restless sleep that was a foreshadowing of what was to come.  
  
* * *  
  
In one of the sturdier buildings in what had once been the Rebel camp, Folly stood looking out a window at the howling storm. He and most of the men Alex had recruited were stuck there, along with some of the Rebels they had managed to catch and subdue.  
  
By the time the guards Alex had spoken too back at the meetinghouse had gathered any available man and gotten back to the Rebel camp, the blizzard was almost upon them. There was a brief skirmish between the Rebel's and the rescuing party, but the latter quickly overwhelmed the few scattered Rebels who were leaderless.  
  
Now the majority of them were holed up inside the largest building. The blizzard was lasting longer than any of them had anticipated, forcing them to bed down on the floor or wherever there was a free spot. Food was scarce, but water was in abundance; just melt the snow.  
  
From what Folly had seen of this blizzard, they just might be stuck there longer than any of them had first thought. Folly had seen some blizzards go for up to four days and this storm had only been going for a full day. Night was again approaching, and as Folly looked out the window he was thinking that it was about the same time the day before that he'd last seen the Jedi.  
  
A smile quirked Folly's lips as he thought of the younger man who was obviously very attached to his apprentice. He just hoped that the Jedi knight had found Meri and that she was all right. Over the weeks, he himself had become a bit attached to her.  
  
As soon as this blizzard let up he planned on taking a few others in a rescue party. Depending on how long the blizzard lasted they might need to be dug out.  
  
Folly sighed restlessly as he turned from the window. He didn't like being cooped up, but all any of them could do now was wait.  
  
***  
  
As a Jedi apprentice, Meri had the ability to be woken from a deep sleep by the slightest sound and as she blinked her eyes open slowly, she knew it was a sound that had awoken her.  
  
She wasn't quite sure what it was at first that she had heard. The wind still howled outside, she was used to hearing that by now. The old chalet creaked and groaned every so often, but that, like the wind was a sound she had become accustomed to.  
  
Slowly she let her gaze drift around the shadowy room. She could barely make out the form of her Master on the floor over by the wall. The light was so dim she couldn't make out his facial features at all. She didn't know if the dimness was from the blizzard or if the sun was again setting. She finally concluded it was probably a bit of both.  
  
A frown puckered her brow, but she didn't move a muscle. She remembered all too keenly the pain that would lace across her back if she did. Instead she lay perfectly still and just listened.  
  
When the sound finally did repeat itself, she startled, her brown eyes darting towards the sound.  
  
"Master?" she question worriedly.  
  
A low groan, followed by incoherent mumblings answered her.  
  
That was enough for her and carefully she began easing herself upright, her anxiety overriding any pain.  
  
Spotting Alex's robe at the end of the bed, she reached for it and then slid her arms into the sleeves so that she was wearing it backwards and it covered her chest.  
  
When she first put her feet to the floor she briefly felt a wave of dizziness that quickly passed. For a moment she stood in place, glancing around for the switch that would bring the lights back up. When she found it, she walked carefully over and brought the lights up.  
  
Even before she had pulled her hand away, she was looking toward her Master, who was still making unintelligible noises.  
  
With one hand holding the robe close to her body, she dropped awkwardly to her knees by his side.  
  
Anxiously her eyes darted across his features; she had thought that maybe he was asleep at first, but as she looked at his face now, she knew that was not it at all.  
  
His black hair was mused; a few strands fell across his forehead, as was their habit, but now they contrasted starkly against his ashen face. His cheeks held only a touch of color, but it was the symbol of a high fever, not health. Dark circles under his eyes were the only other color in his face, previously there before, they now stuck out vividly.  
  
"Oh, Master," she whispered, frightened by the sight.  
  
Uneasily she reached out and brushed the strands of hair off his forehead and startled when she felt the heat of his skin. There was a strange raspy noise to every breath he took that she knew was not a good sign.  
  
As she brushed her hand across his forehead, the knight's eyes fluttered open weakly and Meri saw a haziness in the normally crystal clear blue eyes that unnerved her.  
  
"Master?" she breathed.  
  
"Meri?" he murmured then began coughing.  
  
Meri shifted on her knees restlessly. "Master, we need to get you off the floor. It's too drafty down here."  
  
Alex only mumbled in return.  
  
Meri grabbed his arm and began tugging. "Master, come on. Get up," she ordered. After much coaxing she finally managed to convince the incoherent knight he needed to sit up.  
  
Meri ignored the pain in her back as she stood and leaned down to pull Alex to his feet with one hand, while she held the robe close to her body with the other.  
  
He stumbled heavily to his feet by Meri's side where he promptly almost pulled them both back to the floor when he teetered to one side.  
  
Meri grabbed his arm, steadied him and led him towards the bed. The irony of it struck her that he had done the same for her the night before and now she had to do it for him. As soon as he collapsed on the bed, his eyes closed and he didn't make another sound.  
  
  
  
She pulled the blankets up over him as he began to tremble, her concern mounting. Silently she wondered how he had become so sick in such a short time. She hadn't noticed the previous night the dark circles that were already under his eyes from lack of sleep. And she didn't know about his dip in the river on her account, though if she thought about it, she might have realized.  
  
All she knew right then was that he was very sick and if the way he looked was any indication, becoming steadily worse.  
  
Biting her lip, she glanced out the window, almost wishing the snow had stopped since she last looked, but the wind continued to howl and the snow to fall. 


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32  
  
In the tiny 'fresher she'd found, Meri stared at the grungy faucet caked in dust and grime and wondered if it would even work. The one in the mini kitchenette hadn't worked and she was desperate for some water to freshen up.  
  
Hesitantly she reached out and turned the knob. The faucet gave a creaking groan and then began to spit water. Gradually its flow strengthened and Meri cupped her hands under the icy water.  
  
She began to bend down so that she could splash the water over her face, but with a hiss of pain straightened quickly. [i]Mistake,[/i] she thought with an expelled breath.  
  
Lightly she touched the Force in order to sooth the pain. When the fiery pain eased she took a deep breath, clenched her jaw and bent down, determined to wash her face.  
  
Splashing the water on her face, she spluttered from the shockingly cold water and the pain that danced across her back.  
  
With another splash and scrub she stood straight, gripping the edge of the sink and panting from the pain that threatened to buckle her knees.  
  
It took several minutes for her breathing to slow and then she dabbed her face dry with the sleeve of the robe she was wearing. In order to keep it from hanging loose, she'd fastened a torn strip from her tattered shirt around her waist to hold the robe against her body for her. The robe still had a tendency to fall off her shoulders, but if she were careful, it would stay up.  
  
With personal matters taken care of, she turned her thoughts back to her Master, who had fallen into a restless sleep earlier. He had a raging fever and she knew he needed water to keep from getting dehydrated. She was about to begin looking for something to drink out of when she heard her Master cry out for her in a panicked, feverish voice.  
  
Her fingers loosened on the cupboard door she'd been holding and it slammed shut loudly.  
  
Without sparing a look, Meri turned and hurried as best she could with her ankle from the small 'fresher. As she walked up to the bedside, her steps slowed.  
  
Alex was tossing and turning and not awake, as she had hoped. It was quite obvious he was delirious in his fever and this concerned her more than ever.  
  
"I'm here, Master," she tried to reassure the restless knight.  
  
But if Alex heard her, he didn't act like it. He moaned loudly and his eyelids twitched as his body shuddered as though moving to something unseen.  
  
He mumbled a few unintelligible words that Meri didn't catch, but right in the middle of a string of words, she heard quite clearly, even though he mumbled it, "I love you….my Tarrishagh."  
  
Meri startled and her dark eyes widened at the words. Just *who* was this Tarrishagh? Strange feelings rushed over her in a wave and she took a step back, a frown on her brow.  
  
//He's in love with someone?\\ she wondered incredulously.  
  
For a moment Meri remained frozen where she stood as her thoughts whirled around her head. She wouldn't have believed it unless she had heard him say it with her own two ears. It seemed like some unbelievable joke.  
  
//My Master…in…in love?\\ she thought haltingly, her dark eyes wide at the somehow disturbing thought. The foreign feeling from before wound its way from her gut up to her heart, clenching there tightly.  
  
She'd never heard the name; though it was obvious he'd spoken it before, from the way it still flowed even from his fevered lips. This led to the question of why he had never mentioned her before to his apprentice; over the past three years, Meri had become very close to Alex. They never kept anything from each other…or so she had thought. It hurt to think he didn't trust her enough to tell her he was seeing someone.  
  
//And why? Would I not approve? Who would I not approve of?\\ Meri wondered, trying to ignore the injured feeling inside. Her thoughts winged across the many knights and masters she'd met, wondering if any of them were this person. She could think of some knights she might not approve of. Particularly, a certain one who flirted shamelessly with her Master, when his apprentice was standing right there by his side.  
  
At the very thought of the redheaded knight, Meri frowned. How could her Master be attracted to that? Meri couldn't even remember the knight's name. A testament of just how much she had, at least on first impression, disliked the flirtatious young woman.  
  
//Just what is there to like anyway?\\ Meri thought with a small puff of expelled air. Okay, so maybe a large bosom and curves were likable by some and the vibrant, sparkling green eyes might be found attractive.  
  
//And besides, maybe there's something there I'm not seeing? There could be something more to her…\\ Meri paused mid-thought, realizing that she had //no\\ idea if it really was the redhead or if her imagination was running away with her.  
  
Shaking her head slightly at her own silliness, she glanced up; coming out of the daze of thought she had dropped into.  
  
Her Master had fallen silent again, and Meri stepped closer and peered down on his pale face. She bit her lip as she stared, thinking how boyish and young he appeared. The black locks of hair that always fell across his forehead accentuated the young look.  
  
Meri stared at the raven locks, and had to squelch the urge to brush them off his forehead, instead she let her gaze drop to fasten on his thick, black lashes that normally framed incredibly bright blue eyes.  
  
//I can't blame her, whoever she is,\\ she thought with no small measure of wistfulness. Any woman would have to be insane not to think he was handsome, at least by her standards.  
  
The foreign feeling within swelled up inside of Meri as she gazed down on Alex. It startled her and scared her just a bit. This feeling had always made her nervous, but its strengthening of late was becoming very disconcerting.  
  
Quickly she turned away and resumed her search for something that her Master could drink from, this time starting in the small kitchenette.  
  
After a few minutes of puttering around, slowly, she found what she was looking for and hurried to the small 'fresher to fill it with the cold water.  
  
She was elated at her success, but bone weary as well. Because of her own injuries, her movements had been slow and stiff. All the small tasks she had done since waking earlier that evening should have only taken minutes at most, but had ended up taking half the night. She was ready to drop as she carried the cup of water to her Master's bedside.  
  
He was back to mumbling as she approached and she would have sworn she heard her name mention alongside "Tarrishagh", but quickly decided she probably heard his slurred words wrong.  
  
Holding the cup in one hand, she placed the other on Alex's shoulder and gently began to shake him. "Master, I've got something for you to drink. Wake up."  
  
Alex's lashes twitched and he stirred restlessly. Meri switched to communicating over their bond and within moments of her touch on his mind, his eyes opened laboriously.  
  
She almost didn't have the strength to lift his head and place the cup at his lips, but for his sake she pushed herself. She held the cup at his lips until he had drained it, but not without sloshing some of it out, so that it ran down his chin.  
  
As soon as she lowered his head back to the pillow, his eyes closed and Meri gently wiped the moisture off his chin and neck with the edge of her sleeve. By the time she was finished her legs had begun to tremble and quiver in exhaustion and her head was spinning.  
  
She stumbled her way around the bed and with some effort managed to crawl up onto it, before sprawling on her stomach next to Alex. For a few minutes she lay there; her back was throbbing in agony, her ankle was not any better and her position was very uncomfortable.  
  
She couldn't sleep and for the next few hours jerked in and out of awareness; awareness of pain, cold, and aching muscles.  
  
Finally, shivering, she edged closer to Alex under the blanket and lay still. That didn't help because she still wasn't close enough to feel his warmth and she had to keep the blanket down around her waist. Again she clumsily edged closer until they were touching, before falling into a light doze.  
  
The new position seemed to make it all worse, because on the side she was touching him, she felt warmth, but that only accented the rest of her cold body. Her back was exposed to the air and while burning in pain, it still felt cold. She felt like groaning in frustration, but made no move to get closer.  
  
Sleep claimed her at last and in her sleep she moved naturally to the source of warmth. By the time she was sleeping comfortably and deeply, she was sprawled across Alex, only the left side of her body hanging off slightly. Her head was resting on his chest; the steady beat of his heart drove her deeper into sleep, while her right leg intertwined with his.  
  
She would have been mortified to wake up and find herself positioned as she was, but she didn't wake. Not for a very long time. 


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33  
  
Three days after Folly had last seen the Jedi, he was leading a small rescue party to find them. The men that had come along as volunteers had given him dubious glances when he'd told them what he was planning; Folly knew they thought he wouldn't be able to find the chalet in the snow covered landscape.  
  
After three days the snow had almost covered the smallest of evergreens and even the largest were partly submerged; their limbs hung heavy with their burden. If it hadn't been for someone at the camp going out every so often to shovel away the snow from the doors, Folly and everyone there most likely would have been snowed in as well.  
  
The sky was now bright blue, looking clean and refreshed after being scrubbed by the blizzard's snow and winds. A gentle wind blew that kept the temperatures from drastically rising. Everything looked fresh and clean; Folly had always loved the sight of freshly fallen snow, as had his sister. It always was so sparkly, like so many gems. From the looks of things now, he could see the good weather would hold, for a few days at least.  
  
Despite the difference in the landscape, Folly easily found the chalet. Some things were just too hard to forget.  
  
Only the tip of the roof stuck out, everything else was covered in deep snow. Folly slid off the speeder and un-strapped his snow shovel without any words to the others.  
  
Glancing at the unusually silent man, they followed suit, walking on clumsy looking snowshoes to keep them from falling through.  
  
Folly motioned to the spot they should begin. "We'll start there," he said quietly.  
  
Three of the men passed Folly and started to dig away the snow, but the youngest of the group paused at Folly's side, curious.  
  
"How did you know where to find this?"  
  
The carefree, outgoing man was for once strangely silent. After a few minutes he looked up sharply. "There are some things you just never forget," he said brusquely. "Now start digging." With that Folly turned and began shovel snow.  
  
It didn't take the group of five long to dig down into the snow and up to the front of the chalet. Once they had it clear, the others stepped back to let Folly enter first.  
  
Folly had to kick and jiggle the door to get the ice at the bottom to break and then with a loud, "Hullo!" opened it with a large push.  
  
The sight that greeted him as he stepped through the door shocked him into an unmoving silence. He stared at the bed, his eyebrows shooting for his hairline. The other two men behind him had also frozen and were staring as well, unmindful of all the warm air they were letting out into the frigid morning.  
  
The objects of their observation were still totally unaware they were being observed. Both appeared to be in deep sleep. Folly stared; he'd known the Master was close to his apprentice but this…he hadn't expected this.  
  
The Jedi Master was lying flat on his back in the bed and Folly would swear later that he was almost smiling in his sleep. Snuggled up to his side, with one arm thrown across the Master's chest, was Meri. Her head was resting on the side of Alex's chest, her closest leg intertwined with his.  
  
Folly glanced at the two men behind him and could see from their expressions what they thought was going on. It looked bad. Very bad. What made it look worse was the fact that Meri's back was completely bare, the robe had fallen off her shoulders and the tie holding the robe close to her body had come loose. From her waist down she was covered under blankets. Even the sight of her injured back didn't make things look any better.  
  
Folly finally took in a breath and at the loud exhale, Meri stirred.  
  
***  
  
It took all of two minutes for Meri to wake fully and realize she had an audience. On top of that, she next discovered her position and she moved so fast to put distance between herself and Alex that her legs became entangled in the sheets.  
  
Folly stepped quickly forward as the apprentice lurched off the bed and fell in a heap on the floor with a loud thump, pulling her Master's robe around her in the process. She didn't look up as he knelt near her, but the face he'd briefly spotted when she first saw them had been mortified.  
  
"Meri?" he questioned softly, aware of the others who still stood watching.  
  
Finally she looked up and he was startled to see tears pooling in the dark eyes. When she finally spoke, her words came in a torrent that held a mix of emotion: embarrassment at what had just happened; relief at being rescued and that Alex would finally get help; and pure exhaustion.  
  
"I know what you're thinking and it's not what it looks like. He's hurt, he's sick and I've been so worried…," she dropped off as she blinked away the moisture in her eyes.  
  
Folly touched her shoulder gently. "You're hurt too," he commented, choosing not to address what he and the others had just seen.  
  
Grasping her arms he helped her to stand before turning to the others in the doorway. "Don't just stand there," he ordered gruffly. "Close the door."  
  
Meri avoided looking at the others as they all scrambled to stand inside the small room. Folly thought the poor thing looked like she had about all she could take.  
  
Making certain she would be able to stand on her own, he then moved to look at her Master who hadn't even twitched. As soon as he got closer he noticed the pale features and the overall unhealthy appearance. The Jedi didn't look good.  
  
Placing a hand on Alex's shoulder, Folly shook it gently. "Master Jedi?"  
  
There was no response and he glanced at Meri who stood uncertainly with her arms crossed over her chest.  
  
"How long has he been like this?"  
  
The apprentice began to shrug helplessly, but with a grimace of pain, she immediately cut short the movement. "I don't know," she said softly.  
  
Folly recognized what had probably happened. There was no night and day with blizzards and if she was unconscious when he found her, she wouldn't know.  
  
"All we have are snow speeders. We'll have to bundle him up," he paused. "And you as well. It won't be easy," he said more to himself as he thought of transporting the unconscious, fevered Jedi.  
  
They ended up using all the blankets they had. Folly had even managed to dig out from somewhere an extra tunic for Meri to wear.  
  
Despite the wounds on her back she put in on and then at Folly's insistence, her Master's robe over it.  
  
Once they had the Jedi Master wrapped tightly up in the blankets, Folly motioned one of the men over and they prepared to lift him.  
  
As soon as they began to move Alex, his eyes opened and he tried to lift his head, but the attempt proved useless. "Meri," he rasped and even then Folly heard the note of concern in the Jedi's voice.  
  
Gripping the Jedi at the shoulders, Folly was surprised at how fast Meri hobbled to her Master's side. He knew by now he may have misjudged what he had first seen, but it was also apparent these two were closely connected. Just how closely, Folly wasn't certain. Not anymore.  
  
Again the Jedi Master tried to speak, but the effort ended in a violent coughing fit that didn't sound good.  
  
"Try to keep him calm," Folly said in a low voice directed towards Meri. If anyone could, she would be the one.  
  
It was true. After spotting Meri over the shoulder of one of the men, Alex allowed his eyes to slide shut in exhaustion.  
  
They continued moving slowly across the floor and towards the door.  
  
"Kriff, he's heavy," the other man puffed.  
  
Folly grinned at that, but motioned another man to help with the burden.  
  
When they reached the door they paused and without turning around, Folly threw over his shoulder, "Stay here."  
  
He knew Meri had been trailing after them to that point, but she wouldn't be able to walk in that snow with her injured ankle. Of course knowing her, that wouldn't stop her.  
  
He didn't look back to see if she had listened. It took awhile to get the Jedi Master situated on a speeder. Once it was done, Folly immediately sent the men and Alex ahead. He would follow with Meri.  
  
His steps quickened as he headed back and as he neared the front of the chalet, he saw Meri picking her way tenaciously along in the snow, limping heavily.  
  
"I thought I told you to wait for me," he said slightly exasperated.  
  
"Where is he? Where is my Master?"  
  
Folly let out a breath that clouded in the cold air. "I sent him ahead with the others. The longer he stays out in this cold air, the worse it will be for him, okay?"  
  
Her face visibly relaxed at his words. "I could sense him getting further away," she said distantly in explanation.  
  
Folly studied her closely. "That scared you." It was a statement and she didn't answer it.  
  
"Come on, then. I'll have to carry you out to the speeder." At the look of growing protest on the apprentice's face, Folly spoke quickly, "It'll take longer if you insist on doing it yourself."  
  
He let her think about that for a moment until she nodded.  
  
"Okay, put your arms around my neck. I'll try not to touch your back." Awkwardly he picked her up and carried her out to the speeder.  
  
As he got her settled on the speeder, he noticed her eyes widen as she looked around at the snow-covered landscape.  
  
"How did you find us?" she asked curiously.  
  
Folly climbed on the speeder behind her and reaching around her, he tucked a blanket around her slender form. "Ask me that again later," he said somberly. With those words he started the speeder and they were off, skimming above the sparkling white snow. 


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34  
  
After her arrival at the infirmary, everything that happened to Meri became a blur. She remembered asking about her Master and being told that he was stable, before she was whisked away to a bacta tank that was free at the moment.  
  
Folly had hurried off to inquire about…something and she spent the next few hours in the bacta tank. She didn't remember much of that at all and suspected she had most likely fallen asleep.  
  
She was removed early from the tank in a flurry, when someone was brought in with a deadly wound. After washing off the sticky healing substance, she was placed, wrapped in a blanket, on a cot in the corner of the room to wait. A sheet was drawn around it for privacy.  
  
It took her a few minutes to wake up from her stupor, but when she did was glad to realize that the stripes on her back didn't hurt anywhere near as much. They were sore, but on their way to healing.  
  
Her foot on the other hand was a swollen mess and as she stared at it, a healer stepped through the privacy screen, a young human woman with dark auburn hair and light green eyes.  
  
"I'm Elisia. I'm going to take a look at that foot now," she said warmly by way of greeting.  
  
Gently the healer poked and prodded Meri's foot, before running a scanner over it.  
  
"I don't think I need to ask if it hurts," she commented to the apprentice. "You have several broken bones on top of a bad sprain. The bones I can help with, the sprain will take its own time."  
  
When Meri didn't say anything, Elisia looked at her in concern. "Are you feeling alright otherwise, Meri?"  
  
"I'm just tired," the apprentice replied, exhaustion tinting her voice. "But how did you know my name?"  
  
The question was biting at her, sticking out in her fuzzy perception of things. Only Folly knew her name around here, in the rush no one else had asked her.  
  
"Damiel told me," the healer said in explanation as she worked to attach a bone-knitter to Meri's foot.  
  
Meri looked confused. "Who's Damiel?"  
  
Healer Elisia looked up, surprise lacing across her features for the first time. "Why, Damiel brought you in."  
  
Meri sat there with a blank look on her face, her confused mind trying to work out the puzzle. Suddenly something clicked.  
  
"Folly?"  
  
The healer grimaced slightly. "You should ask him about that." With those words she patted Meri on the leg and said, "Rest, I'll be back in awhile to check on that foot of yours."  
  
As she started to leave, Meri pulled herself out of her stunned stupor. "Wait, I want to see my Master. Please?"  
  
"You can't walk on that foot, Hon," she said with a disapproving look. "Your Master is fine for now. Just wait until that bone-knitter has had a chance to work, then I'll let you walk down the hall and see him."  
  
Meri sighed in frustration, but relaxed against the pillows behind her. No sooner did she lay her head on the pillow, before she fell asleep once again.  
  
***  
  
Elisia pushed her auburn hair away from her face as she stepped away from the privacy screen that shielded the apprentice. Her face was set in a thoughtful frown and with a small shake of her head; she left the large room and headed down the hall.  
  
As she passed a dark, empty room, an arm shot out and grabbed her, pulling her into a tight embrace. She let out a yelp of surprise before she realized who it was.  
  
"Damiel! You scared the kriff out of me!"  
  
Damiel's hazel eyes twinkled as he looked down at his captive. "I wanted to see you, in private," his words lowered suggestively with the last words.  
  
As much as those words and his voice stirred her, Elisia had something else in mind. "Well good, I need to talk with you too, in private."  
  
"Talking wasn't exactly what I had in mind," he murmured, lowering his head.  
  
Elisia twisted out of his grasp and moved away. "Damiel, I'm serious," she paused as she studied his face and then continued in a soft voice.  
  
"That Jedi didn't know your name, Damiel. You need to tell her. When are you going to let go of the past?"  
  
His face hardened slightly and he turned away from her, an anguished light in his eyes.  
  
Elisia moved forward and placed her hand lightly on his shoulder. When a shuddering sigh escaped him, she turned him and put her arms around him, in effort to comfort him.  
  
He relaxed into her arms and for long moments they didn't move.  
  
Finally he pulled back, a thumb caressing her face as he gazed at her. "I love you," he whispered.  
  
Elisia smiled and lifted her face towards him. "Lose the name Folly and you can kiss me," she teased.  
  
"Done," he said almost before she had finished speaking.  
  
This time she didn't pull away as he dipped his head down and for a time, she forgot she had other duties.  
  
Finally she placed a hand on his chest and pushed him back; or tried to at least.  
  
"I have a job to do," she was able to murmur, now that her lips were free. "And I don't want another hickey."  
  
Damiel sighed, but pulled away.  
  
"Also," she said. "You need to visit that Jedi and tell her the truth."  
  
"Okay, okay. Would it help if I told you I was planning on telling them eventually?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Okay. Just checking." 


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35  
  
The infirmary had finally settled down for the evening and a thick blanket of silence fell over most of the rooms.  
  
Meri had fallen into a deeper sleep and was now lying on her side, having curled herself into an even smaller size than normal. Her foot with the bone-knitter on it, stuck out from the rest of her, looking rather uncomfortable.  
  
Damiel shook his head at the sight, a deep sense of relief passing over him at the knowledge that she was safe. He studied her face in sleep and noticed that even with the shadows of exhaustion haunting her features, she was still rather pretty and again he had to wonder at the relationship between the knight and his apprentice.  
  
The Jedi Master was very sick so he knew what he had thought earlier was impossible…but he still wondered. He hadn't really thought of the two that way until he had seen them together like that.  
  
Alex was younger than he by two years…surely he wasn't blind to what was right underneath his nose. But this just caused more questions to crop up in Damiel's mind. All the little things he noticed and facts he'd gathered added up to some interesting thoughts. The Master's protectiveness of Meri was something that had stuck out to him all along. From everything he'd seen, she was more than capable of having accompanied the Jedi on his mission, even with the risk factor. She might have looked like anything but a warrior, but Damiel sensed she was quite capable of defending herself. It was in the way she moved. Or had before she broke her foot.  
  
A curious quirk crossed Damiel's brow as he stared down at the young woman, his thoughts in a whirl. Maybe her Master had simply fatherly feelings for his apprentice …Yet something didn't ring true with that thought at all to him.  
  
It was something in Alex's eyes. Damiel had only seen it once, a curious light that had shone through along with the desperation when he was searching for his apprentice.  
  
A soft sight escaped Meri's lips and she shifted slightly as her eyes opened slowly.  
  
A mischievous grin crossed his face as Meri's eyes turned slowly towards him. For a moment she stared blankly up at him, her dark brown eyes uncomprehending and hazy with sleep.  
  
"Hellooo," he drawled, cocking his head to the side as he stared down at her.  
  
She blinked sleepily up at him, and then pushed herself to a sitting position.  
  
"How's the foot?" he asked conversationally.  
  
Meri looked down at her foot and shrugged faintly. "I guess it's better," then her gaze turned towards him with a question in her eyes.  
  
The smile on his face faded and he glanced uncertainly from the intense gaze of the apprentice to his fumbling hands. "I guess you're wondering about…," he trailed off.  
  
"Why the healer called you Damiel," Meri supplied.  
  
"Yeah," he said softly. "That. Well, she called me Damiel because…because that is my real name." He shot a quick glance at Meri, but she didn't look surprised only curious.  
  
"Do you remember when you asked me how I found you and your Master? At the chalet?"  
  
Meri nodded slowly. This seeming change of topic was anything but. "You told me to ask you again later."  
  
Damiel nodded nervously. "Right, right. The reason is because… I used to live there, with my sister."  
  
Meri didn't interrupt him so he continued with his story quickly. "This was a long time ago, I was two or three years older than you at the time. We lost our parents in this bloody war and my sister and I had only each other. She was 16 at the time and I was young and foolish." He sighed. "Very foolish," he added softly.  
  
"I wasn't always neutral about this war. At that time I was excited to serve for the 'cause'," the last word was spat in bitterness.  
  
He didn't explain which side he had been on and Meri didn't ask.  
  
"I often left my sister alone, while I went off to fight in glory and I would come back every few days to check on her." He looked up at Meri and the pain shone from his eyes. "She was so little and very pretty, like our mother."  
  
Damiel took in a measured breath before continuing. "I didn't know about the Rebel group then, not many did. And I didn't…I didn't know when they moved into our area. But they knew about us."  
  
"They found out my sister and I lived there. And I guess they also found out I was part of the war." Damiel looked down for a few minutes and tried to calm his raging emotions. When he continued his voice was thin and strained.  
  
"I came home one day, after having been away…and I found…I found," he jerked to a halt, then took in a few shuddering breaths.  
  
"They had killed her, but not before, not before they hurt her," he said haltingly. Anguish filled his voice.  
  
"I was SO foolish to have ever left her alone," he said harshly. "They left me a crude note, telling me what they'd done to her and…and why. And that I should deliver that message to the other two sides."  
  
He finally glanced up at Meri and saw only warm sympathy filling her eyes.  
  
He sighed heavily. "First I grieved…then I became so blinded by anger that I did something even more foolish. I almost lost my own life, but at the time I wouldn't have cared."  
  
"I ran across one of their hunting parties one day…I knew it was them because I had discovered the camp they had not far from the chalet, where it is now. They out numbered me, but that didn't matter at the time, nothing did but revenge for what they'd done to my sister."  
  
"Folly," he whispered. "Pure folly."  
  
A light of understanding dawned across Meri's face at his words.  
  
"I killed them all," he said blandly. "But not before they shot me in the chest with a hunting bow. I would have been happy to die; I would have deserved that, but fate intervened. Someone found me and brought me to this infirmary where I met Elisia."  
  
For the first time in the whole story, a light spread across his face at the mere mention of her name. "From that time forth I told everyone my name was Folly and no one questioned me but Elisia." He grinned at the thought.  
  
"It took many years, but she led me out of the darkness I had fallen into and she hates the name Folly."  
  
"Too right," a voice added outside of the privacy screen. A moment later it was pushed aside and the healer stuck her head through.  
  
The moment their eyes locked, Damiel forgot Meri was in the room and he smiled at Elisia.  
  
Elisia returned the special smile.  
  
Finally Elisia started and glanced quickly towards the apprentice.  
  
Damiel followed her gaze and saw Meri watching them both closely.  
  
"I'm just here to get that thing off your foot, Hon," the healer muttered in a rush as she stepped up to the cot and began to unhook the bone- knitter.  
  
Damiel grinned at the rosy blush that had spread across Elisia's creamy skin. Just seeing her pulled him out of his melancholy mood that telling the story had put him in.  
  
He walked up behind the healer and slid his arms around her waist.  
  
She startled. "Damiel," she hissed in a whisper that was clearly heard by all around.  
  
Damiel glanced at Meri and saw with delight that she was looking put off by his open display of affection. His grin widened.  
  
"Yes," he answered evenly.  
  
Elisia pushed forcefully against his arms and he stepped back, letting his arms drop to his sides, but not before whispering a promise into her ear.  
  
Elisia blushed a bright red then grabbed the bone-knitter and hurried away.  
  
Damiel folded his arms across his chest, still smiling as he watched her retreating figure. With a light chuckle he turned his attention back to Meri.  
  
The apprentice looked slightly uncomfortable and had turned her attention to her fumbling hands.  
  
Another grin spread across Damiel's face.  
  
"Can I—can I go see my Master now?" she questioned hesitantly.  
  
He raised an eyebrow as he looked at her. "Alex?" he questioned lightly.  
  
"Yes Al—my Master."  
  
Damiel couldn't stop grinning as an idea cropped into his head. "Why is it always Master and never Alex?"  
  
Meri looked quite sure of herself as she answered. "Because he is my teacher."  
  
"Ahh," Damiel nodded as though he understood completely. "Is he never anything else?"  
  
Meri startled at that question and answered haltingly. "Wha…what do you mean?"  
  
Damiel grinned mischievously. "Well, you know…a friend?"  
  
Meri eyed him suspiciously, but Damiel didn't miss the fact that this vein of questioning was flustering her.  
  
"Well, yes, certainly he's a friend, but he's also my Master" she answered carefully.  
  
"He seems to care for you deeply," he added with a raised brow in an almost suggestive manner.  
  
"He's my Master," she said again, as though that explained it all. She was now becoming even more obviously flustered.  
  
"I think there's a little bit more there than that, isn't there?" Damiel had no idea if there was or was not, but just the way that the young woman was becoming so flustered spoke volumes.  
  
She wouldn't look at him now and her face had taken on a definite flushed hue. "I don't…don't know what you mean."  
  
"Well, for instance," Damiel began. "Do you think Alex is attractive?"  
  
He almost burst into laughter at her reaction.  
  
Her dark eyes widened and her complexion flushed even more.  
  
Damiel smiled at the wordless apprentice. "Ah, forget I asked," he said casually. "How about I help you down to see him?"  
  
Meri nodded warily and he helped her limp down the hallway and into the room that Alex was being kept in. After seating Meri in the chair near the bed, Damiel backed out of the room and watched from the doorway.  
  
Damiel was quickly forgotten and he watched as the restless and fevered knight calmed almost instantly when Meri took his hand.  
  
Damiel smiled a small knowing smile and then strode away down the hall.  
  
***  
  
//Meri?\\  
  
The call floated through Alex's mind, but never reached it's destination, fading away in a confusion that muddled his thoughts. All he knew was his apprentice wasn't near him and he was in a strange place. As soon as he attempted to focus on anything, where he was, where his apprentice was, it would slip away, and the haziness surrounding his mind would close in.  
  
The Force proved just as elusive, but he didn't need the Force to know he hurt. Everywhere. All over he ached as though he'd received a bad beating. It hurt to breath and it felt as though a bantha were sitting on his chest.  
  
*Drip…*  
  
*Drip…*  
  
*Drip…*  
  
As the faint sound reached his ears, the knight struggled to sharpen his senses by focusing on the unusual sound.  
  
*Drip…*  
  
*Ping…*  
  
At the new sound he detected, a light seemed to blaze on inside his mind. The "ping" sound was a drop of water hitting metal. A bucket perhaps?  
  
He tried to listen closer, but the fog was trying to push in once more, threatening to send him back into a place of oblivion. He resisted; the thought of his missing apprentice spurring him into slight alarm the more he dwelt on it.  
  
Breaking through his chaotic thoughts, came the sound of light, though halting footsteps and along with it, a familiar presence, full of light and sweetness that left him no doubt as to whom it was.  
  
Relief coursed through his aching body and he relaxed, allowing the fog to rush in and sleep to claim him. Shortly before he succumbed to the welcoming darkness, he felt a small hand take his own and his lips curved into the faintest of smiles. 


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36  
  
*Two Days Later*  
  
As Damiel peered around the edge of the doorway and into the knight's room, he saw that Alex was propped up against his pillows; dark lashes resting lightly on pale cheeks. The chair by the bed was vacated.  
  
A light smile stole across Damiel's face and he slipped quietly into the room. He could tell, just from the way that the Jedi was holding himself that he wasn't asleep, but he was still weak enough that he rested quite often.  
  
As Damiel lowered himself into the unoccupied chair, the knight's ice blue eyes opened slowly and a faint smile greeted him in welcome.  
  
It had taken a full day for the Jedi's fever to come down, and for him to waken. As soon as he was strong enough to hold any sort of conversation for any length, Damiel had told Alex his story as he had told Meri.  
  
Alex had also been plaguing his apprentice with questions about her own health and Damiel figured that was probably where she was at this moment. Resting. Meri hadn't left Alex's bedside for most of the past two days, but it was still obvious she was exhausted.  
  
"How're you doing?" he greeted the knight warmly.  
  
"Better, thank you," Alex replied amiably.  
  
Damiel grinned widely. "Did you finally send that apprentice of yours off to bed?"  
  
A fond smile crossed the Jedi's face. "Yes, she needed it."  
  
"I noticed," Damiel agreed. "She looks exhausted."  
  
A frown puckered Alex's brow and his eyes flickered with concern. "We need to get back to the Temple. She needs rest and lots of it."  
  
"You speak of yourself," Damiel countered.  
  
"I know," the knight said simply. "But she's been acting rather…strange lately. I don't know what to make of it except that maybe this is all becoming too much for her."  
  
"Strange?" he asked. "How so?"  
  
Damiel watched closely as the knight tried to form the proper words.  
  
"She seems, well, distant, I suppose."  
  
Damiel thought that was putting it mildly, but then he supposed that was a Jedi thing. From what he'd seen, Meri was being more than distant, but he guessed that was one way to put it.  
  
She hesitated to meet her Master's gaze and what Damiel found more amusing still, she wouldn't touch Alex. If her hand accidentally brushed across his, she would pull it back as though it had been burnt.  
  
"Considering how we found you two, I understand why," he said, withholding the grin that wanted to spring to his face at the mere thought. He'd seen how Meri had acted when he had probed her on her feelings, now what about her Master?  
  
"Found us?" Alex asked sounding more than a bit confused.  
  
"Yes, well, it was quite…quite surprising for the rescue party to find you in such a position."  
  
Damiel was disappointed that the famed Jedi mask was still firmly in place on Alex's face. Other than a slight look of questioning on his face, the Jedi remained impassive.  
  
Determined to get some reaction, Damiel explained in detail what they had found.  
  
And how it had looked.  
  
Besides the color that flooded into his pale face, Alex's eyes and face remained emotionless. "I assure you, it was not what it seemed."  
  
"Oh, I understand that now, but at the time," he hinted.  
  
A stern look crossed the knight's face. "Such a thing would never happen between a master and apprentice. It is against the Jedi code," he said firmly.  
  
The words and the manner in which they were said surprised Damiel. "Love is against the code?"  
  
A shadow dimmed the bright blue eyes. "Between a master and apprentice, yes," he said quietly.  
  
"Has it never happened?" Damiel pushed.  
  
A heavy sigh escaped the knight. "It is not allowed."  
  
"Well, that's not what I asked, but if you say so."  
  
Damiel watched the Jedi closely.  
  
"I do," he murmured.  
  
A thick silence ensued.  
  
"Well," Damiel finally broke the quiet. "I imagine you're constantly having to chase off the boys, she's a pretty thing."  
  
Alex grinned wryly. "Yes I am and yes she is."  
  
"Ah, so you admit it," Damiel jumped on the words.  
  
"Admit it?" Alex asked, confused.  
  
"That she is pretty," he said in a playful manner, one eyebrow wiggling suggestively.  
  
The Jedi stared at him steadily, his gaze intense.  
  
"Never mind," Damiel said quickly. He was quickly finding you couldn't rattle a Jedi, but he had no idea, just how much he really had. He changed the subject.  
  
"So, do you think you'll feel up to attending all the celebrations next week?"  
  
"Oh, we won't be here," Alex said firmly. "I intend to return to the Temple within the next few days."  
  
Damiel's eyebrows shot upward. "Pardon me for saying so, but aren't you a little too weak for space travel?"  
  
"I'll manage."  
  
***  
  
A nasty sounding cough interrupted the heavy silence that had been building for some time between the two waiting Jedi.  
  
Meri barely refrained from making a comment, but her features expressed clear disapproval. Despite her objections not to mention the healer's, Alex was still stubbornly set on leaving and no amount of talking had persuaded him otherwise.  
  
Meri slanted her gaze sideways as she folded her arms across her chest. Her brown eyes narrowed a bit and she let out loud sigh.  
  
At the noise, Alex glanced up at his apprentice, his expression blank. His face was still much too pale and according to the healers he was running a light fever from the infection his body was fighting.  
  
Elisia held her own opinion in the matter, one that Meri had the pleasure of hearing earlier that day.  
  
A faint smile crossed the apprentice's face at the thought of the lecture her Master had received. It quickly faded as she remembered what the healer had said.  
  
Her Master wasn't totally in the clear as far as his health was concerned. He could still take a turn for the worse and that was just what she was afraid of.  
  
At that moment Elisia arrived with a hover-chair, Damiel following behind her.  
  
"I am not in need of that," Alex stated as he moved to stand.  
  
Elisia planted her hands on her hips, her green eyes sparkling. "Either you sit in this chair or you stay here another week like I told you!"  
  
Meri grinned.  
  
Damiel smiled broadly. "Master Jedi, if I were you I'd sit in that chair."  
  
Elisia continued to glare until Alex moved slowly to sit in the chair.  
  
"Men and their egos," she huffed testily.  
  
Meri held back a smirk, instead falling behind to walk in the wake of the healer and her Master. Damiel fell in step beside her as they headed for the entrance in compatible silence.  
  
As Elisia and another healer insisted on helping Alex into the speeder that would take them to their ship, Damiel stopped by Meri.  
  
"Take care of yourself kid," he commented with a smile.  
  
Meri nodded slightly, holding back from the small bow she would have otherwise used. Her back was still tender and very sore. Something she was keeping from everyone. "I will. Thank you Damiel," she paused, glanced towards the speeder and then back again.  
  
Her brown eyes fastened on his face and she studied him quietly for a moment before speaking softly, "May the Force be with you."  
  
The words that at times were thrown about carelessly by others in the universe came out sounding sincere and almost like a blessing to Damiel.  
  
"And with you," he returned.  
  
Meri smile faintly and then picked her way carefully to the speeder, Damiel following close behind.  
  
With a few more parting to words to all around, the Jedi departed. Heading at long last, back toward Coruscant. 


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37  
  
In his quarters on board, Alex tossed and turned on the shabby bed, trying to find a comfortable position. The trip that had flown by previously had now become long and tedious.  
  
The only sound in the small cabin was that of the hyperdrive, it's deep low thrum reverberating throughout the ship. The room was bare except for a small bed, which looked more like a cot than the real thing. A light air current filtered through, giving the room a cool, drafty feel.  
  
A shiver raced down the knight's spine and a flush of goose bumps arose on his chilled skin. Pulling the dingy blanket closer, Alex let out a sigh that came out sounding wheezy. It immediately sent him into a coughing fit that lasted long enough to leave him weak and drained.  
  
Pale, he dropped back on the pillow, his breathing uneven. He had just closed his eyes when the door opened silently and his apprentice hobbled through.  
  
"Master?"  
  
With an effort he tried to hide, Alex sat up and focused on his apprentice and the question her voice had conveyed. "I'm alright," he said quietly.  
  
"Are you sure?" Her voice was soft, but that didn't hide the tender note within.  
  
Alex gave a half nod as he regarded her. For the first time since the whole ordeal they were alone. Really alone.  
  
A small smile crept over his face as blurry thoughts focused on a single thought. "Seventeen," he said almost in wonderment. It hadn't seemed like three years had gone by since he'd taken her as his apprentice.  
  
Meri's lips quirked in something resembling a smile, but her face remained, for the most part, concerned. Uncomfortably she shifted all her weight to one foot, leaving the other barely touching the ground.  
  
Noticing the movement, Alex motioned her over. He patted the side of the bed in invitation and Meri hesitantly sat on the side.  
  
He let his eyes drift down to her swollen foot and found himself shaking his head. "How is it?" he asked with a wheezy breath, fighting not to break into another coughing fit. He could already feel Meri's apprehension through the bond as clearly as he could see the worried look on her face.  
  
"It still hurts, but the bones are healed," she replied softly.  
  
"It's twisted badly," he commented, remembering what he'd learned from his Force reading.  
  
"Yes, Master," she replied simply.  
  
Silence fell again.  
  
Alex's thoughts turned back towards Meri's outright disobedience during the entire mission. Through the haze of his fever, he saw a little more clearly his faults in the matter. If not for disobedience, though, he would be dead right now.  
  
Fighting the urge to sleep, he reached out and brushed the fingers of his apprentice to get her attention.  
  
Startling slightly, she turned her dark eyes on him.  
  
His haggard breathing making it difficult, Alex began to speak. "I may not have made the best decisions regarding you in this mission, Meri, but even so, it did not give you the right to have done what you did," he paused, as his thoughts took another turn, an uncertain path.  
  
"Did you not trust me?"  
  
Meri bit down on her bottom lip as she shook her head, sending her braid swinging. "No, Master! I trusted you," she said emphatically. Then with the smallest of movements, she reached her hand out the small distance to his hand, the ends of her fingers curling around his. "I trust you," she repeated slower and more softly.  
  
The Force around them swelled, flooding light and warmth through their bond.  
  
It shone from her eyes as she looked at him. "I had to do it, Master," she said in almost a desperate tone. "The Force showed me what could've happened, would have happened."  
  
He couldn't say it wasn't so. It had almost happened. What he or anyone else had thought were just nightmares from Meri's past had been the foreshadowing of the future.  
  
His eyes burned and the dim lights in the room appeared much too bright as Alex looked steadily at his apprentice. "Forgive me, Meri, for not listening to you, for thinking light of your dreams," his voice ended in a weak splutter as he fought to get the remaining words out.  
  
The apprentice squeezed his fingers ever so slightly. "Forgive me, Master," she pleaded, gazing at the exhausted face before her.  
  
Alex didn't answer immediately, garnering a despaired look from Meri as she thought her Master was too upset with her to even answer.  
  
Weakened by the fever and his earlier efforts, Alex found speaking difficult and instead reached over the bond and with a feathery touch, affectionately brushed his apprentice's mind.  
  
Giving her a tender smile, the knight finally let his eyes slide closed as he surrendered to his utter fatigue — just in time to miss the confused, yet very worried gaze of his padawan.  
  
***  
  
The star lines jerked to a halt as the rickety ship entered real space around Coruscant. Half the planet lay in dark shadows; the other half was swallowed in the bright rays of its sun.  
  
With smooth movements that belied its questionable appearance, the transport made for the shadowed side of the planet. It slipped into the atmosphere, where, despite the fact that it was already night, a steady stream of traffic hummed along the separate airways.  
  
With an experienced move by its pilot, the transport dropped into one of the flowing streams and headed for the tall, brightly lit spire of the Jedi Temple. As the transport touched down with hardly a bump, Meri was attempting to rouse her Master.  
  
The task was proving more difficult than she had anticipated and as a result, Meri was becoming quite worried. She had wanted to alert the healers so they would be available for their arrival, but when she had spoken to Alex, he refused the offer. Instead, he grumbled that he simply needed to get to his quarters and rest in his own bed.  
  
"Mmmph," the knight mumbled as Meri shook his shoulder lightly.  
  
"Master," she murmured softly. "We've arrived."  
  
Slowly, as if awakening from a trance, Alex responded to Meri's entreaties, with bleary and unfocused, sapphire eyes.  
  
Meri waited for the light of recognition to dawn, but it was a long time coming.  
  
Finally, the Jedi dragged himself into a sitting position as he weakly pushed a hand through his wild and unkempt hair.  
  
"What is it?" he asked in a very soft, yet gravely voice. Meri was certain that at any time, Alex would succumb to another coughing fit.  
  
"We have arrived at the Temple, Master," she repeated, looking at him with open concern.  
  
With barely a nod, and obvious effort, the knight pulled himself to the edge of the bed, letting his feet rest on the floor. He began to bend down and reach for his boots, but pulled back sharply with pain marring his pale features.  
  
Meri quickly put a steadying hand on the swaying Jedi's shoulder. "I'll get them," she offered quickly.  
  
Kneeling down at his feet, she reached for the boots and tugged them on his feet.  
  
Once or twice she glanced up and saw that he wasn't even paying attention, his eyes half-closed, his head bowed.  
  
Straightening up, she stood close to the bed in case he needed help rising. As if he sensed her intentions, Alex rocked to his feet. Standing somewhat uncertainly, he tried unsuccessfully to tidy his wrinkled robe and tunic.  
  
The look on his face as the normally fastidious Jedi attempted to straighten his clothing made Meri want to throw her arms around him and give him a hug. The mere thought almost caused her cheeks to pinken, however.  
  
With a haggard sigh, Alex glanced at his apprentice who had been watching him closely. "Come along," he murmured huskily. Though it was obvious he was trying not to sound or appear sick, he was failing miserably.  
  
Meri glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, wondering secretly if he could even walk. Keeping her thoughts to herself, she followed him out of the cramped cabin.  
  
During the short walk to the ramp and his brief conversation with the captain, Meri watched her Master closely. Despite looking inhumanely pale and haggard, the knight held himself erect, seemingly without effort. Yet beneath it all, she sensed through their bond, a tremble, a waver and flicker of the mask held tightly in place.  
  
It wasn't until they were moving through the shadowed halls of the Temple that he faltered. Stumbling, Alex reached out a hand and caught himself on the wall as his apprentice grabbed his arm.  
  
"Master," she breathed sharply.  
  
"I'm alright," he coughed as he straightened himself. "I just lost my balance."  
  
Meri raised one slender brow in disbelief. When he was healthy, Alex was a picture of grace, even with a height that made some clumsy.  
  
"Likely excuse," she muttered under her breath as she pulled her hand away.  
  
Alex turned to look at her, his blue eyes fastening on her face in an intense gaze.  
  
Meri stared back, deciding to be just as stubborn. "What?"  
  
"I am fine," he stated firmly, turning again to move slowly down the hall.  
  
Meri shook her head, and followed Alex. "You need to go to the healers, Master."  
  
"No."  
  
The discussion was closed with the single word, yet Meri continued.  
  
"We're across the Temple from our quarters," she hinted. Her back was beginning to ach and her twisted ankle to throb.  
  
Alex didn't answer.  
  
She sighed and moved to his side, hoping that when the time came, he would lean on her for help.  
  
He didn't.  
  
As they made their way to their quarters, she was lost in her thoughts when she heard a heavy thump behind her.  
  
Turning back, Meri's first thought was that Alex had again stumbled, and this time fallen. However, she was wrong. Her Master hadn't just stumbled.  
  
Alex had passed out. 


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38  
  
As she kneeled on the floor by the prone form of her Master, Meri glanced up and down the dark corridor, wondering if anyone would be about and able to help them. Unfortunately, no one was in sight and Meri glumly concluded that there likely wouldn't be anyone around to be of help at this time of night. Most of the Temple's occupants would be asleep by now, and Meri longed to be one of them.  
  
With some effort, she managed to turn Alex's shoulders so that his head rested in her lap. Studying his face, she saw that he looked as if he had just fallen asleep; his pale face suggested otherwise, though. It worried her that he had suddenly collapsed. A bit of guilt pricked her conscience at the thought. Alex hadn't been in any condition to make decisions, but because of her recent offence, Meri had been reluctant to act without his consent. She should have insisted he go to the infirmary.  
  
He would definitely end up there now, she thought to herself, though she wasn't sure how she was going to get him there. She certainly couldn't carry him. She probably couldn't even drag him. Her ankle was starting to ache more and more as she sat with his weight on her, and the skin across her back was burning. Her mind was becoming unfocused and fuzzy. Meri was exhausted and wanted only to sleep, but she knew that sleep would be the last thing she'd be getting for awhile.  
  
Her exhaustion overpowering her need to stay vigilant, Meri forgot about the need to contact someone, and gave into the urge she'd had all night. Alex's hair had been sticking on end in some places, despite his earlier attempts to straighten it. With light strokes, Meri ran her slender fingers through his thick, inky black hair, pushing it back into some semblance of order.  
  
Through their bond, she felt him fall into a deeper sleep, if that's what it was. She pulled her hand away.  
  
That wouldn't help matters. If anything, she should be trying to rouse the Jedi Master, not sending him into a deeper level of unconsciousness.  
  
With a sigh, Meri began to search for the small com link she knew he was carrying.  
  
Preoccupied with her task, she didn't hear the soft steps as someone approached her from behind. Eventually, the sense that someone was there began to seep into her mind.  
  
With an unjedi-like yelp, she startled violently when she finally realized there was someone standing directly behind her.  
  
"Pardon me," a well-modulated voice said.  
  
"Ohh," she breathed, looking up at a figure shrouded in a Jedi robe that hid his face.  
  
Before she found her voice to say anything else, the Jedi was kneeling beside her fallen Master, one hand resting on Alex's pale forehead.  
  
Finally the other Jedi looked up, pushing back his hood with one hand as he did so. "Are you alright, Padawan?"  
  
The face that met her was kind. It was that of a middle-aged Jedi male who looked ten years younger than he was. Warm brown eyes searched her face in concern as he waited for a reply.  
  
"Yes, Master," she answered, sensing his rank. "But …" she began.  
  
"Your Master isn't," the Jedi finished for her, lifting with one hand the com link from his belt and speaking into it quietly.  
  
Meri allowed herself to relax now that help had arrived; as she did, her fatigue overwhelmed her once again as her focus began to slip even farther. Only faintly did she hear the words, "down Jedi," and "send healer."  
  
She wasn't aware of the fact that the older Jedi had closed down the link and was gazing at her in concern.  
  
"Padawan," the gentle call jerked her back into the moment and she glanced up.  
  
A warm surge in the Force, pulsating around her, revealed to Meri that she was now being scanned for injury, much as her Master had been.  
  
A startled light filled the face of the kindly Jedi as he continued to gaze at her.  
  
"Half-truths do not become a Jedi," he reproved her quietly.  
  
"I'm sorry, Master," she murmured softly as frustration mounted within. Her injuries were much less a concern to her than Alex's at this point.  
  
"Can you make it into the infirmary," he inquired of her as he glanced at her injured ankle.  
  
A fleeting look of exasperation darted across her features, but she quickly masked it. "Yes, Master."  
  
"We will see," he remarked quietly, and then stood as the team of healers arrived.  
  
**  
  
//I'm too old for this\\, Meri mused, her cheek resting against the rough, brown fabric of the Jedi Master's robe. //He didn't need to carry me. I would have made it to the infirmary on my own. I mean, I've walking on my ankle since leaving Dubh nán, and though it's painful, I've managed.\\  
  
With a start, Meri realized that she was more worried about being embarrassed than anything else. She would rather be in pain than be seen with her arms around the Jedi's neck, but he had insisted she let the Master healer see it before she did any more walking.  
  
Despite her best efforts, Meri found her eyes drifting closed as the Jedi continued on his way to the infirmary and the waiting team of healers. His steps were soft and light and it seemed to Meri that he was floating rather than walking, or so she thought. Though the trip was a short one, by the time they arrived at the infirmary, exhaustion won out; Alex's padawan was fast asleep.  
  
Meri woke up with a jolt as she was placed on an infirmary bed. Looking around quickly, she realized she was in an isolated examination room. The only other occupant was the Jedi Master who had carried her here.  
  
She glanced up at him shyly and smiled faintly. "I guess I was a bit more tired than I thought."  
  
"You are exhausted, Padawan," he said, and then added. "You are not well."  
  
Instead of answering, Meri's gaze drifted towards the open door.  
  
The Jedi followed her gaze and folded his hands in the ends of his robe. "Master Arieh is being seen to by the Master healer. Another healer should be in to see you shortly," answering her unspoken questions.  
  
Meri glanced back towards the Jedi Master, tall and stately. Her dark eyes reflected his appearance with a questionable look. //He knew her Master's name?\\  
  
She was opening her mouth to ask the identity of the Jedi when a familiar figure entered the room.  
  
"Lina!" Meri exclaimed.  
  
As the apprentice healer entered the room, Meri saw a quickly masked expression of surprise on Lina's face.  
  
"Master Windu," Lina greeted the Jedi Master with respect in her voice, as she turned to attend to Meri.  
  
Meri's eyes widened. //Master Windu???\\  
  
She had never met the Jedi Master, one of the newer members on the Jedi Council, but she had definitely heard his name He was often spoken of in awe by other padawan's and initiates. He was rumored to be one of the best swordsmen in the entire Jedi Order.  
  
She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't hear the quiet exchange between the healer apprentice and the Jedi Master; the next thing she knew, he was striding out of the room, leaving her staring blankly after him.  
  
"Meri?"  
  
Lina's voice called her out of her reverie and she looked up into the concerned face of her friend.  
  
"Are you okay?" the healer apprentice asked.  
  
"That was Master Windu?" Meri asked faintly, knowing she knew the answer.  
  
"Yes," Lina answered with a glance in the direction the Jedi had gone. "Intimidating isn't he?"  
  
Meri thought back to some of more defiant words she had spoken when the healers had insisted she couldn't walk. //Any time now would be a good time to get a hold of your tongue,\\ Meri admonished herself.  
  
In answer to Lina's question, Meri just nodded.  
  
After examining Meri's ankle, Lina held out a backless gown to the injured padawan.  
  
Meri stared at her. She hadn't told Lina her back was hurting and as far as she had knew, the healer apprentice hadn't sensed it through the Force either.  
  
Lina grinned. "Master Windu made sure we knew," she explained.  
  
Meri sighed and took the garment.  
  
Lina smiled at the obviously weary padawan. "I'll leave you to change into that. Master An-Paj should be here in a bit. I'm just getting of duty, but maybe we can talk later. "  
  
"I'd like that," Meri replied softly.  
  
With that, the healer apprentice quickly left the room, closing the door behind her.  
  
Meri slowly removed the tunic she was wearing and slid her arms into the backless gown. Setting her tunic aside, she remained standing while she waited for the Master healer.  
  
As time passed her eyelids began to droop, and giving up, she moved to lie on her stomach, resting her head on the paper-covered pillow. She let out a troubled sigh as she thought of the last few hours and then drifted off into a light doze. 


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39  
  
Meri shuddered as chills ran down her back. The air was so cold…  
  
Slowly she opened her eyes. To her horror, she was back on Dubh nán, back in the Rebel camp. Without even looking she could feel the blood oozing from her arms. Her back was a source of agony as she attempted to brace herself on the cold, all too-familiar floor.  
  
It was darker than she remembered. Much darker. She could barely see the few feet in front of her, and shifting shadows hid the corners of the room.  
  
A tidal wave of fear crashed over her, leaving her trembling like the green leafy fronds in the evergreen forest. From the other side of the door, she heard again the raucous voices as they debated her future.  
  
*Master?*  
  
A touch of panic laced Meri's voice as she called out through the Force. Suddenly she felt vulnerable, and exposed to prying eyes. She tried to fold her arms over her chest, but only succeeded in tumbling over.  
  
Out of the swirling shadows a figure loomed, and Meri slowly realized the voices had stopped.  
  
Without even thinking, Meri began to inch backwards in fear. *Away, farther away*, she thought. But despite her best efforts, pathetic as they were, the figure loomed ever closer, the face suddenly becoming clear.  
  
The Rebel leader.  
  
His pale eyes glittered and a leer spread across his face.  
  
"I told you that you would live to regret it," he breathed with a sneer. In a sudden movement he lunged forward, grabbing her by the arm, "I don't give second chances!"  
  
With those words echoing in her ears, and a whimpered cry escaping her, Meri awoke to reality, as she lunged away from the hand that had grabbed her arm. She realized that she was on a cold floor, her knees smarting from the impact, her eyes refusing to focus.  
  
"Meri!"  
  
The forceful call pulled her wide, frightened eyes up and she found herself looking into the very concerned face of the Master healer, An-Paj.  
  
Quickly Meri looked back down, gasping for air as she attempted to slow her wildly beating heart. *Just a dream … it was only a dream,* she told herself sternly.  
  
She found An-Paj on one knee beside her, watching her closely. Meri squeezed her eyes shut, wishing she could be anywhere else.  
  
"Are you alright, Meri?"  
  
To her surprise, his voice wasn't stern, nor was it demanding, but warm and caring. She could feel the peace in the Force he was sending along with the words.  
  
"It was just a dream," she breathed, with a weak nod of her head.  
  
An-Paj's pale, blue eyes studied her with interest. "Some dream, Padawan. You had your Master in near hysterics."  
  
Meri looked up sharply to find An-Paj's gaze on her and a wry smile lifting his lips.  
  
"He sensed your distress and it was all we could do to keep him calm. He was so out of it when he was brought in, we thought at first he was hallucinating."  
  
Meri's eyes widened and without thought, she sought her bond with Alex, caressing him through the Force, sensing him relax immediately.  
  
"I'm sorry," she murmured softly, looking away. A hint of coldness still remained, the remnants of the chilling dream.  
  
"No matter," An-Paj remarked neutrally, moving slowly to place his hand at her elbow and helping her to rise.  
  
Meri was embarrassed to find she was trembling and had difficulty standing, and the Master healer only took his hand away when Meri was again sitting on the infirmary bed.  
  
"Let me have a look at that ankle, then I'll attend your back," he said without his usual tone of reproach at the fact she'd injured herself.  
  
With gentle hands at first, An-Paj began to slowly examine Meri's ankle. As his fingers dug deeper into her muscles and tendons, searching out the wounded areas, Meri could not keep back the small cry that escaped her lips.  
  
Tensing her jaw, she bit the inside of her cheek, refusing to make another sound. Across her bond with Alex, she felt a sense of tenseness as her pain bled through the connection that bound her to her Master.  
  
With a labored indrawn breath, she then let it out in a whoosh, mentally blocking her pain from Alex. He had enough to deal with.  
  
Finally An-Paj released her foot, an unhappy frown on his face. "I won't ask how you accomplished that. You've been around Obi-Wan enough to have caught the Kenobi curse," he muttered as he walked across to the opposite wall and removed a roll of wrap off a shelf.  
  
Meri simply yawned in response as he returned and began to wrap her ankle tightly.  
  
Once he was finished he motioned her to lie down. "Now let me see what else you've done."  
  
Meri was only too happy to comply. She was ready to fall into an exhausted and this time (she hoped) dreamless sleep. However the sudden heavy silence in the room as An-Paj pulled back the edges of her gown woke her up.  
  
Finally she heard him release a held breath and her heart began to beat a bit faster.  
  
Slowly the Master healer moved around so that he was looking her in the face. At his expression, Meri's heart dropped.  
  
"Meri," he began gently. "I was under the impression that your back had already been treated."  
  
"I was in the bacta tank for a few hours, but that was all they could spare," she said hesitantly.  
  
"Meri, do you know why your back still hurts as bad as it does?"  
  
She shook her head warily.  
  
"An infection has set in. Now I don't know if this was before or after you left that planet, but it has certainly been too long already."  
  
"W-what's wrong?" she stuttered as she became even more worried.  
  
"Meri," he now sighed. "I'm afraid it might leave scars." He quickly hurried on. "Now of course I'm going do all I can to prevent that, but even so, there may be some remnants of your, ahh, adventure"  
  
Meri just looked blankly at the healer not really comprehending what he was saying and not certain if she should be concerned about this news. Taking her silence for understanding, An-Paj was quick to reassure her.  
  
When again Meri didn't respond, the healer decided she was too exhausted, both mentally and physically, to really understand the impact of his words. After she had rested, and after Alex had recovered enough to support Meri, he would describe what he had done.  
  
The room was silent as An-Paj moved to gather the things he would need and when he returned to Meri's side, she was again, almost asleep.  
  
"Meri, I'm going to need to clean those wounds. I'm going to give you something that will help you sleep through it. Otherwise it would be very painful."  
  
"Mmmkay," she replied in a mumble, not really hearing or caring what the healer was saying or doing. She didn't even flinch as the hypospray pressed against her arm. Almost immediately, she sank into a blissful oblivion.  
  
  
  
***  
  
[Midmorning, next day.]  
  
  
  
Alex awoke from a restless sleep to the sound of rain spattering against thick glass. Slowly opening his eyes, he found the room cast in a heavy gray light. *I'm in the infirmary,* he realized as he pushed the last remnants of sleep from his mind.  
  
Pulling himself up, he glanced around the room, searching. He found the object he was searching for only a few feet away, in another infirmary bed, but unlike himself, his padawan was still in a heavy sleep.  
  
She lay partially on her side, one arm curved over her head, the other tucked near her body. Her dark braid fell over her shoulder, contrasting sharply against her pale face in the gloom of the room.  
  
A pang of concern went through him as he saw the white tips of a bandage on her back showing.  
  
"Ah, Alex, you're awake," a voice pulled him out of his musings.  
  
He recognized the voice and turning saw the blue healer entering the room.  
  
"An-Paj," he greeted with a faint nod of his head.  
  
"How are you feeling?" An-Paj asked as he checked over the fever-weakened knight.  
  
"I'd say better," replied Alex wryly.  
  
"You sound better as well," the healer commented after using a device to listen to the knight's lungs. "You had a nasty infection. I've put you on a large dose of medication to get it under control."  
  
"Hmm," Alex murmured, his eyes drifting to the still sleeping form of his apprentice.  
  
An-Paj followed his gaze. "She's sedated," he said quietly, the words causing the Jedi Master's head to jerk up and find the healers face. "I had to put her under to care for her back," he said slowly.  
  
Alex pinned his bright blue eyes on the healer's face. "Is there something she didn't tell me?"  
  
An-Paj smiled and shrugged. "That depends. As far as I know you weren't in any shape to listen."  
  
*Point,* he thought, remembering his apprentice urging him to go to the infirmary. After that he remembered nothing except for a few hazy impressions received over the bond from his padawan. The first was stark fear and the second was pain.  
  
"It is her back," the healer continued. "It had been treated, but not for long enough. As a result, it has become rather infected. I've treated it the best I can."  
  
"Will it scar?" Alex asked with concern.  
  
"Well…I am not completely sure at this point, but right now I'm thinking it won't. If at all, maybe the faintest of marks."  
  
Alex breathed in a sigh of relief as he turned his eyes back towards Meri.  
  
"And you," An-Paj startled him by saying. "You need more rest. And don't let me hear any excuses about your concern for her," he waved a hand towards Meri. "I put you two in the same room for a reason. She'll sleep for awhile longer," he assured the knight.  
  
Alex let a faint grin light his handsome features. "Actually I could do with some more sleep," he admitted.  
  
"Good," An-Paj said as he exited the room.  
  
Alex turned his eyes toward the windows and for a few moments watched the rain pelt against the glass. There was something soothing in the sight and sound.  
  
Sliding down onto his side, he let his gaze rest on his apprentice until sleep rose up to claim him. 


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40  
  
[Late afternoon, same day]  
  
"Master," Meri began.  
  
The hesitancy in her voice immediately drew Alex's attention to his Padawan. She was awake and alert as he awoke from his own nap.  
  
She lay on her stomach, her chin propped on her folded arms, which in turn were supported by the pillow. A worried look shadowed her youthful features and she avoided looking directly at him. Instead, her gaze alternated from the rain-streaked windows to the tiled floor.  
  
"Yes, Meri," he answered quietly and not without some amusement. It was clear that his apprentice was about to ask a question that made her very uncomfortable, if her fidgeting was any indication. One slender leg hung out from beneath her blanket, and her foot was tapping a nervous rhythm.  
  
"Who … who is Tarrishagh?"  
  
The question was asked haltingly, yet it still startled him. One black brow rose as Alex gazed intently at his apprentice, who returned his gaze, her dark eyes full of curiosity, and something else he couldn't identify. Her foot had stopped its wiggling about and now hung motionless.  
  
For one moment, he felt a rush of apprehension as he wondered if she had heard his thoughts as he had rushed to find her on Dubh nán. He hadn't meant to use the term. Where he came from, it was a term of endearment, meant for a lover, or life mate.  
  
It had been a dreadful error on his part, in a moment filled with incredible tension. A slip up, a blunder.  
  
The awkwardness in the room seemed to spread to hang in a thick layer over Alex, as his hesitation in answering continued into a heavy silence.  
  
Meri looked down as her foot began, once again, to dance nervously.  
  
Alex cleared his throat. "Why do you ask," he asked in soft tones.  
  
Meri glanced up, then back down, appearing to study the infirmary floor with keen interest. "You, well you," she began hesitantly.  
  
"When you were feverish," she explained, her voice firming. "You said you … you loved…her," she finished.  
  
This time it was he who averted his gaze from her questioning eyes. He took a deep breath and fought to keep his center. *This isn't happening,* he told himself. *You don't love her, not in that way … it's the results of a feverish mind …*, his thoughts rambled on, unaware that his apprentice was ready to flee the room at his silence.  
  
He took a deep breath and looked up as he pushed a hand through his rumpled hair. "Well, I was feverish," he replied lightly. "I don't recall saying anything of that sort."  
  
*But you did*, her gaze argued back.  
  
He needed no words from her to know what she was thinking. A sigh escaped him. "It is a term," he began. "It means 'Beloved.' It is not anyone's name, Padawan."  
  
"I've never heard it before," she said cautiously.  
  
Alex knew he was being prompted to elaborate. He felt irritation rising within. Not at Meri, not directly. He didn't want to talk about this and he didn't want to elaborate!  
  
"I've never said it before," he said sharply. "I'm not in love with anyone, Meri. People with fevers say strange things. Ask An-Paj."  
  
"Ask me what?"  
  
The healer's sudden appearance shattered the rising tension in the room and Alex fell silent, guilt already rising at the sharpness of his words towards his apprentice.  
  
Ignoring the inquiring tilt of the blue healers head and the gentle waving of his antenna in question, Alex spared a glance at Meri. He wanted to groan in frustration as he saw she had turned to hide her face from him. She couldn't hide from their bond, however. That tie was too strong and he felt the small, hurt retreat she tried to make.  
  
"Somebody is grumpy!" An-Paj exclaimed as though he had suddenly come to the conclusion. "Don't mind him, Meri. You're Master is still very sick and as a result, rather grouchy," the healer winked at Alex as he attempted to draw out the apprentice.  
  
Alex watched as the healer bent to whisper a few words into Meri's ear. She finally turned her face upwards in response and the knight surreptitiously searched for signs of tears.  
  
There were none, he realized, but he still had to apologize. After An-Paj left, however. Maybe his sickness was to blame. Or maybe he was sick in the head for snapping at her undeservingly --- for the second time that he could ever remember.  
  
With a dejected sigh, Alex slumped back against the pillows behind him as he watched the healer dress Meri's wounds.  
  
The only sound in the room was the soft movements of An-Paj and the rain, which still fell, pattering quietly against the glass.  
  
A racking cough shook the room, breaking the quiet, and it left Alex fighting for breath.  
  
When the coughing fit was over, he looked up and found both An-Paj and his apprentice looking at him. The healer's gaze was calculating and Meri … Meri was worried.  
  
Placing the last strip of medicated gauze on Meri's back, the healer turned toward Alex and said cheerfully. "Time for another dose of medication, eh."  
  
With that, he strode quickly out of the room giving Alex his welcome chance.  
  
"Meri, I'm sorry for biting your head off. I guess I am a bit cranky," he paused.  
  
"It's alright, Master," she assured quickly. "I shouldn't have pried."  
  
"You weren't prying, Meri. It's just a term. I had no idea I had said anything and I guess it was disconcerting to find I was making declarations of love and not aware of it." Exasperation laced his voice.  
  
Meri smiled lightly at his words.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said again as his blue eyes fastened on her with a sincere and piercing gaze.  
  
"So there is no one I need to know about," Meri teased.  
  
He would have laughed, but feared another outbreak of coughing. "No!" came the adamant response.  
  
An-Paj chose that moment to reenter carrying a large hypospray full of medication. "Say bye bye to your Master, Meri. I'm afraid this might make him a tad sleepy."  
  
The grin on his face suggested to Alex it would do more than that and his suspicions were correct. Not long after An-Paj's ministrations, Alex began to feel rather drowsy. Within minutes, the knight had dropped off into a deep, healing sleep. 


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41  
  
"What is it?" Alex asked as he directed a suspicious glance at the steaming bowl of dark soup on the tray before him.  
  
From where she sat fully clothed and perched on her bed, Meri suppressed a smirk as she sternly returned the gaze of her Master.  
  
But looking up, Alex caught the twinkle dancing in her brown eyes and he sent a playful glare her way.  
  
"It's good. Try it," An-Paj said, from where he stood near the knight's bed.  
  
Meri blinked, her eyes growing wide in mock astonishment as she turned to An-Paj. "Infirmary food? Good?" Incredulity dripped from her tone.  
  
The healer cast a disapproving glance Meri's way. He then fixed the Jedi knight before him with a stern gaze. "Eat it. Or I have other methods of accomplishing the same goal."  
  
Meri watched as her Master finally took a sip of the soup. She could see the surprise on his face, as he tasted it.  
  
"It's good," he commented.  
  
"If only people would listen to me," An-Paj lamented as he turned to face Meri. "Now, I'm going to go ahead and release you Meri. I think you'll sleep better in your own quarters. Your back is healing nicely, but I want you to apply this," he paused and handed her a jar of cream. "Once daily, preferably after you get out of the 'fresher."  
  
Meri looked up at the healer hesitantly, before glancing over at Alex.  
  
An-Paj answered the unasked question. "I'm going to hold your Master for just a few more days until I'm sure his medication has done its job."  
  
Alex's brow immediately creased at the healer's words, but he said nothing.  
  
"and Meri, try to stay off your ankle as much as possible," the healer urged, his gaze trained on the silent padawan.  
  
"Yes, Master An-Paj," she replied softly. She shifted uncomfortably as she felt her Master's gaze boring into her.  
  
There was a reason she was obviously hesitant to return to their quarters alone and even if he did not know that reason, Alex sensed it. If he had known that nightmares were plaguing his apprentice, and that it was only his presence that suppressed the dreams, he wouldn't have let her go.  
  
Meri wasn't about to mention her dreams, however. At 17 she felt she should have control of dreams. They stemmed from a buried fear of the past repeating itself, and for a Jedi, that was unacceptable. As her Master would no doubt tell her, he wasn't going to die and he hadn't died. Maybe the dreams would go away soon. *I didn't have one last night*, she thought hopefully.  
  
Later that night as Meri left for their quarters, she sensed displeasure from her Master. He usually knew when something was amiss, and he didn't like the fact he was confined in the infirmary, away from his apprentice.  
  
Meri tried to appear normal as she gave the knight a quick hug before leaving. "Goodnight, Master."  
  
"Sleep well, Meri," he returned.  
  
She could feel his eyes studying her as she left. Neither of them would end up getting much sleep.  
  
**  
  
Shadows dappled Alex's room as he moved into a meditation pose on the cool tile floor. Even though he was in the private wing of the infirmary, healers were always coming and going during the day and he had found that the night was the best time for his short meditation sessions.  
  
Dressed only in a beige tunic of light material, the knight closed his eyes and grew still. Immersed in the Force, the Jedi brushed his apprentice's aura, the familiar presence he'd come to adore, tipping the corners of his mouth in a small smile. She was sleeping; he could tell just by the "feel" of her presence.  
  
At first, Alex had been worried when An-Paj had sent her back to their quarters without him, but she was 17 and definitely not a baby. At that thought, an unwelcome image flashed into his mind, scattering his calm and sending his focus crashing into nothingness.  
  
Forcing the images out of his mind, Alex took in a few calming breaths before finding his center again. Without second thought, he moved deeper into the Force, trying to purge the unwelcome images and feelings from within.  
  
He was so focused elsewhere that at first he didn't sense the trembling over the bond he held with Meri. What happened next he couldn't help but sense.  
  
A surge of dark emotions and fear washed over their bond, causing him to stiffen at the unexpected sensation. Just as quickly as they came, the emotions were shut off, as he sensed his apprentice erecting shields in an effort to hide them.  
  
With a frown furrowing his brow, the knight rose quickly to his feet and reached for the dark brown robe draped over the end of the bed. Without bothering to pull on his boots, Alex moved quietly into the dim hallway.  
  
If need be, he would explain later why he had left without a healer's consent, but at the moment his first thought was of his apprentice.  
  
It took him no more than a few minutes, and he was soon keying in the codes and slipping silently into their dark quarters. Making his way down the short hallway to his apprentice's room, he heard soft sniffles and could still sense the fading fear in the room as light spilled out into the hallway.  
  
She had left her door open and he paused in the doorway.  
  
She sensed him immediately, her head coming up, and dark eyes wide. Without saying a word, she began to cry harder and Alex sensed a conflicting mass of emotions coming from her, guilt being one of them.  
  
"Meri," he murmured soothingly as he moved across the room and sat on the bed. Without hesitation, he pulled her close, lightly resting his chin atop her dark head.  
  
"I'm sorry," she rambled over and over again, her forehead pressed against his chest as she burrowed closer to him.  
  
There was desperation in the way her small form clung to him, as though she feared he was going to disappear and he knew immediately why she was trying to apologize. He could sense it through their bond along with the knowledge that she'd been having these nightmares since their return from the war torn planet.  
  
"It's okay, Meri," he reassured her in his softest voice as he rubbed her back in slow circles. He should've meditated with her before this, helped her cleanse out those memories and fears. He knew what she'd been through. This was as much his fault as hers.  
  
Cupping her face with one hand, he tilted her head up so her eyes met his. Everything he'd planned on saying flew out of his mind as her luminous tear- filled eyes focused on him. Within their dark depths he could see the trust and … something else…  
  
Time seemed to stand still and he became very aware of her warm body pressing into his, and of her hands grasping the light material of his tunic. All coherent thoughts were gone, muddled and confused in light of this new feeling flooding his body.  
  
Almost of it's own accordance, his thumb began stroking the soft skin of her cheek, their eyes still locked in an unbreakable gaze. His breathing became shallow and quick when his eyes dropped and saw the pulse in her neck racing and then moved to linger on her full, rosy lips.  
  
She had stopped crying, but the crystalline tears still clung motionless to her pale skin.  
  
Tenderly he brushed away the droplets, leaning closer in the process. All he had to do was dip his head…  
  
His heart was racing madly by this time and slowly he began to lean closer, closing the last few inches between them.  
  
*Jedi…Master… * the cold logic broke through. *Your apprentice…*  
  
At the last moment before their lips touched, Alex lifted his head and placed a chaste kiss on her forehead. It did not escape his notice that Meri's eyes had been closed and when he kissed her forehead they fluttered open, focusing on his face, a question burning in their depths.  
  
Gently he unclasped her hands from his tunic and pushed her out of his lap, then stood quickly as he fought to control his breathing. A hand ran distractedly through his thick hair as he averted his gaze to the floor.  
  
When he next looked up Meri had scooted back against the wall, her knees drawn to her chest. She wouldn't look at him.  
  
"I...I didn't tell the healers I was leaving," he finally got out. "I should return. Will you be alright?"  
  
Meri nodded once, but still wouldn't look up.  
  
"We will talk of your dreams tomorrow. I'll help you mediate through them," he said his tone a bit warmer.  
  
"Yes, Master," she murmured quietly.  
  
With one last glance directed at Meri, Alex turned and strode from her room, his mind a tumult of thoughts. 


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42  
  
[Two Days Later ]  
  
"Come on, let's get in line before it gets any longer," Obi-Wan said enthusiastically as he grabbed Meri's wrist and pulled her firmly in the direction of the line already forming.  
  
Meri groaned, but hastened her pace so that her friend wouldn't have to drag her. "How can you be so interested in food at this *early* hour?"  
  
Obi-Wan eyed the food set out and grinned "Easily." He glanced at her. "Don't tell me you're not going to eat anything?"  
  
"Some juice," she said, pausing and enjoying the unbelieving expression on her companion's face. "And a muffin or two."  
  
"Oh, that's better," he grinned. A few moments passed in comfortable silence as both padawans looked over the quickly filling cafeteria.  
  
"How's your Master?"  
  
The question pulled Meri's thoughts back from the very person Obi-Wan was asking about. "He's much better," she said slowly. "An-Paj said he would release him first thing this morning in fact."  
  
"That's great!"  
  
"Rather," she murmured distractedly.  
  
Suddenly the line moved forward and Meri watched with no small amount of amusement as Obi-Wan began piling food onto his plate. //He has it down to art,\\ Meri thought to herself, as Obi-Wan added another delicacy to his plate. As he moved up she took a small plate and placed two muffins on it and then waited. With a silent sigh, Meri realized she'd be waiting a while — the juice was at the far end of the line. As the line slowly snaked its way towards her destination, Meri found her thoughts wandering again. Suddenly, a new voice broke in.  
  
"Meri, isn't it?"  
  
She turned to face the speaker, her eyes drifting slightly upwards until they met two deep blue orbs. She wasn't impressed, and intuitively, she knew from the young man's self-assured expression she was supposed to be. The line moved forward and without answering she turned around and took a few steps.  
  
Meri kept silent all the while moving forward. She knew who he was. Cillian Kaeton. She couldn't count the number of times her friends had ooo'ed and ahhh'ed over him.  
  
"I'm Cillian," he offered casually. When this elicited no response, he added, "Cillian Kaeton."  
  
Meri sighed. She really wasn't interested in speaking with him. She knew her Master didn't approve of her hanging around the older boy much less speaking to him. Even Obi-Wan had already shot a few wary looks Kaeton's way. "I know," she finally said, turning to him. "Who doesn't? Your reputation well precedes you." The words might have been a complement. Except that it was clear by her tone that she wasn't talking about his lightsabre skills.  
  
The youth's smile faded slightly, but then returned seconds later more brilliant than ever. Meri turned before he could speak. //So now I'm a challenge\\, she sighed. Her eyes brightened as she looked down. Ahh, the juice, finally.  
  
Grabbing a cup with a deep mauve looking liquid she added it to her tray. "See you," she tossed over her shoulder and without looking back followed Obi-Wan to their table.  
  
She had barely sat down when she realized she'd been followed.  
  
"Mind if I join you?"  
  
She guessed it would be too rude to say yes and without looking up at Cillian answered. "I suppose not."  
  
Obi-Wan sent her a look, but all she could do was shrug in return.  
  
The meal proceeded mostly in silence, except for the conversations Cillian attempted to start, all of which failed.  
  
Meri was just swallowing the last of her juice when she spotted a figure entering the cafeteria. Quickly she lowered her eyes, but knew she'd already been spotted. "Oh kriff, just what I need now," Meri muttered to herself as a shadow loomed over the table.  
  
"Padawan ..."  
  
She raised her face and tried not to flinch at the look on Alex's face. He wasn't pleased.  
  
"Master?"  
  
"Are you finished? I need to speak with you."  
  
"Yes, I'm done." So saying, she rose, placing her plate and trash on her tray, preparing to go and dump it.  
  
Obi-Wan glanced up at her. "I'll do it, Meri. You go ahead."  
  
"Thanks, Obi," she murmured and gracefully slid off the bench. Without looking at Cillian she followed her obviously angry Master out of the cafeteria and into the hall.  
  
He kept walking until they came to an empty meditation chamber and led her inside. As soon as it was obvious they were alone and would be undisturbed he turned to face her, his bright blue eyes fairly jumping, she was surprised to see, with something like frustration.  
  
"I don't want you talking to that boy," he ordered.  
  
Meri was taken aback at his vehemence and the stress he placed on the words "that boy". Knowing she should just bow her head and say "Yes, Master," she nonetheless asked him. "Why?"  
  
Alex turned quickly, his gaze piercing. "Have you been spending time with him, Meri? Is that where you've been these past two days?" The last words were almost an accusation.  
  
She straightened up and her eyes narrowed, her jaw clenching ever so slightly. He made it sound as though she'd dishonored the Jedi order while he was in the infirmary.  
  
She hadn't been the only one doing the avoiding the past two days. If she was avoiding Alex, he had certainly avoided her. Definitely after what had happened two nights earlier. The day after, he'd done as promised and helped her through an awkward meditation session about the dreams. She hadn't had any more nightmares, but instead found her dreams plagued with an entirely new fancy. She willed her skin not to color at the mere thought.  
  
"Master," the word sounded like an insult. "I haven't spoken but ten words to Cillian."  
  
The color rising in the knight's neck faded a little. "Good."  
  
She wasn't entirely sure what prompted her to say what she next said. She certainly didn't like Cillian Kaeton and had no plans to let him near her. Yet be that as it may, she answered, "He was just trying to be friendly, that's all."  
  
//Wow, if looks could kill\\, she thought, //Alex would need a new padawan.\\  
  
"Meri, I KNOW what Padawan Kaeton was trying to do, and it wasn't just to be friendly."  
  
"So he likes me? Is that such a crime? Am I so ugly that it is surprising?" She hadn't planned on saying these things, but now they were said she desperately wanted to know the answer.  
  
Alex abruptly stopped pacing, and his eyes turned to seek hers.  
  
Silence hung between them as Meri stood waiting for his answer, her features anguished.  
  
Alex let out a slow breath before answering and Meri wondered at the amount of thought it was obviously taking for him to reply. Was he trying to think of the best way not to hurt her feelings? The best way not to lie?  
  
"No," he finally murmured quietly, his voice laced with an emotion she could not identify. He turned away from her for a minute or more, and then continued. "The very fact that he has taken attention of you says enough."  
  
//A very diplomatic way of answering,\\ she thought. //He must think me very homely.\\  
  
"But Cillian does not just want to hold your hand, Meri." Alex's gaze was very pointed.  
  
A faint blush rose to her cheeks, but her expression hardened. "I know that Master. I am not a child anymore." She paused a moment. "But I've never spurned anyone's friendship."  
  
Alex stiffened. "Meri," he began in an ominous tone.  
  
"Master, I won't be anything but his friend. I promise you that."  
  
The knight shook his head and ran one hand through his thick hair. "Meri he doesn't just want to be friends," he began.  
  
"Master, that is all I will be." She emphasized.  
  
Another silence fell. Finally Alex nodded. "Alright, but if he so much as *touches* you." The threat was very clear. And Meri wasn't sure whom it was directed at. She or Cillian. 


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43  
  
The next morning, Alex found his attempts at meditation ineffective. It was not clear to him why, but it seemed his focus on the Force was slipping considerably. //Perhaps the Force is pointing out the mistakes I made in my discussion with Meri,\\ he concluded. Every time he would try to slide deeper into the currents of the Force, something he'd said, or even worse, something he shouldn't have said, would resurface in his memory.  
  
Giving up at last, Alex opened his eyes and glanced at his apprentice as she sat opposite him. She was deep in meditation, or at least giving a good impression of it. Through their bond, Alex knew it was the latter.  
  
//Why am I allowing some kid to get under my skin?\\ he wondered. He knew Meri had been speaking honestly when she said they would be nothing but friends, and that it wasn't in her nature to shun someone else. He admired her for that. Yet he was also very cautious of this Cillian Kaeton.  
  
Perhaps rumors had gotten out of hand, but given everything he had heard about the boy, he wasn't about to take this friendship between his apprentice and Kaeton lightly. Even the circle of Jedi Masters was not immune to gossip. Alex had heard that some did not have a high opinion of Cillian's Master. But in the final analysis, most of the other Masters took the position that "it doesn't distract from training, and it is mere harmless fun among youngsters." Of course, the fact that Cillian's Master was of a species where such behavior was looked upon as normal might have had something to do with that view.  
  
Alex had his own opinions, but he recognized that irrespective of them, he shouldn't have snapped at his apprentice.  
  
Taking a steadying breath, he allowed himself to think back to two nights before. He wasn't sure what had almost happened, but it had scared him. Ever since then, he had not been able to concentrate, his thoughts flying around like deranged wampa bats, as he tried to figure it all out. The only thing he was sure of was that it wouldn't be any time soon that the answer would come.  
  
Sitting back on his heels, the knight placed his palms flat on the floor, and once again studied his apprentice. She was trying hard to pretend she was meditating, but Alex could sense her inner turmoil.  
  
"I'm sorry, Meri," he said, watching as her eyes opened quickly to focus on him. "I find myself saying that quite a bit, lately." His lips turned up in a lopsided smile.  
  
"I won't count the times when you were sick," she said graciously with an impish smile.  
  
"How kind," he murmured, his bright blue eyes focused on the floor before them. Silence fell for a few moments. "Just …," he paused glancing upward to find her dark eyes trained on his face patiently. "Be careful," he finished.  
  
Meri didn't say anything for a moment, instead she moved into a more comfortable position before speaking. "Honestly, I'd go for Obi-Wan before I went for Cillian," she admitted.  
  
"I don't know that he's much better," Alex said wryly.  
  
"Master!"  
  
He let out a full laugh at the expression on her face. "Well, you two were trouble personified in your younger days."  
  
"Yes, but not that kind of trouble," she muttered indignantly.  
  
"No, thank the Force for small mercies," Alex laughed again. He enjoyed seeing her in a dither. Or at least pretending she was. Her dark eyes snapped and she was trying her best to frown, but one corner of her mouth wouldn't stay turned down.  
  
"We weren't that bad."  
  
"Hmm," he murmured skeptically. "That's a matter of opinion and one to debate later."  
  
Meri raised one eyebrow inquisitively.  
  
Standing to his feet, Alex reached a hand down to pull Meri to her feet. Neither of them noticed when he held onto her hand longer than necessary. "Speaking of which, we're going to visit one of your and Obi-Wan's old haunts."  
  
"Do I want to ask?"  
  
"The infirmary,' he answered with a broad grin. "An-Paj wants to check you over one last time."  
  
"No," she sighed. "I didn't.  
  
***  
  
The next few weeks flew by for Meri as she fell back into the rhythm of the Temple. Her lessons resumed in everything but lightsabre techniques, for the healer had insisted she not put any strain on her ankle. She missed sparring with Alex, but made up for her loss by getting into the habit of watching him spar with another partner instead, usually another Jedi knight.  
  
The only thing she was allowed to do was kata's at the lowest speed. Alex would do these with her and then she would fall back and watch him.  
  
As for their relationship, things seemed to have returned to normal, and this suited Meri just fine. She had missed their close talks and the warm teasing and joking while they were confined to the infirmary. And although she sensed an underlying sense of tension, things had definitely settled back into a semblance of order.  
  
Unlike Alex though, Meri knew very well what had almost happened that night. She was trying her best to forget that it had happened and even more so, what had caused it. She was very glad Alex hadn't wished to discuss it, because she would have been mortified. What was she supposed to say? //Yes I wanted you to kiss me.\\ Even thinking of it made her cheeks pinken.  
  
She'd been told by older, women Masters that it wasn't unusual for a female padawan apprenticed to a male Master to develop a crush. However, such infatuations were never to be acted upon or encouraged. Nor even acknowledged. Meri was ready to admit she thought Alex highly attractive. She was *not*ready to admit she had a crush.  
  
As far as the Cillian matter was concerned, Alex had grudgingly accepted his presence in Meri's life. So far Cillian hadn't done anything to provoke her Master, but then again, he also made sure that he avoided Alex. No matter how hard Cillian tried to come across as extremely self-confident, Meri was sure that he feared her Master.  
  
She knew Alex was watching Cillian very closely. Of yet, Cillian hadn't tried anything, other than occasional so-called accidental caresses, usually on her arms or the small of her back. If Alex was to see one of those, Meri feared the result. Despite her best efforts, though, Meri knew tension was slowly building, until when, six months after the mission at Dubh nán, things really started to heat up.  
  
It began one day as Meri sat watching her Master spar with a partner in preparation for the Temple's upcoming annual lightsabre tournament. Even months after the incident, An-Paj would not allow her to do any strenuous sparring, though she had began to step up her kata speeds.  
  
She was frowning at the thought when she sensed a familiar presence approaching and glanced up to see Cillian walking towards her, a warm smile creasing his face.  
  
"Hi," he said, as he joined her on the matted floor. His eyes flickered toward the intense sparring match and then returned to Meri's face.  
  
"Hey," she returned neutrally. "What's up?"  
  
"I was wondering if you could help me out with something?"  
  
"What would that be?" she inquired without taking her eyes from Alex's quicksilver moves.  
  
"Me and a few friends are playing this game, but we need a fourth player," he explained.  
  
Meri glanced at him. "I don't know," she hesitated.  
  
"Please? I've already asked all my other friends and they were busy. Pretty please?" he pleaded with a beguiling smile.  
  
The Force quivered at his words, and Meri honestly wasn't certain of the truth in them. "Well, alright, but let me speak to my Master first," she replied as they both stood to their feet.  
  
"Thanks Meri," he murmured trailing a hand lightly down her arm.  
  
Meri tensed and he drew his hand away as he quickly told her where to meet them before striding out of the room.  
  
She turned back towards the sparring pair, only to find they were no longer sparring. Alex was standing, feet apart and the look on his face was quite intimidating. She knew he had seen Cillian's flirtations, but she decided to act as though everything was completely normal.  
  
Walking up to him, she gave him a warm smile. "Who's winning?"  
  
"I am," an amused voice from behind Alex interposed.  
  
Meri peeked around Alex's broad shoulders and smiled impishly. "Hi Knight Rilian. I'm glad. Someone has to take him down a peg or three," she grinned with a wink at the older, fair-haired knight.  
  
"Did you need something, Meri?" Alex questioned, bringing her focus back to him. There was a barely veiled tension underlying his words.  
  
"Yes, Cillian needs a fourth player for this game of his. I told him I'd speak with you first." She looked up at him, a pointed question in her eyes. She vividly remembered the conversation they had had about Cillian. It all came down to trust. She could see the conflict in Alex's eyes as he looked down on her, his body as taunt as a wire.  
  
A muscle is in his jaw jumped before he answered her. "Very well, Meri."  
  
His voice was amazingly soft for the situation, she thought, as she looked up at him. She gave him a bright smile and wanted to give him a touch of assurance, but did not.  
  
"I'll see you later," she murmured, her dark eyes finding his and giving them a warm message of assurance.  
  
Alex merely nodded and watched until she left the room.  
  
"Are you ready, Arieh? I don't have all day!"  
  
Alex heard the snap-hiss of Rilian's lightsabre as the knight behind him ignited his blade.  
  
Another muscle clenched in his jaw, and he ignited his own deep blue blade as a small sigh of frustration escaped.  
  
"I'm ready," he said evenly.  
  
Pushing all thoughts of Meri from his mind, Alex strove to keep her and Cillian from his thoughts as he threw himself into the sparring. Pivoting on his heel, he charged the other knight, bringing his blade down with such force that sparks flew, and Rilian stumbled backwards.  
  
"What's come over you?" Rilian panted when the two blades locked a few minutes later.  
  
"Nothing," Alex replied, only slightly winded, then jerked his blade free. "Nothing at all." 


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44  
  
Meri ambled slowly into the room Cillian had specified. The doors closed with a soft whir behind her as she suddenly stopped a few steps inside. One dark eyebrow arched as she quickly gazed around the small garden room, taking in the thick green shrubberies and dwarf trees. The babbling sound of a water fountain carried throughout, creating a pleasant, relaxing atmosphere.  
  
Meri shook her head and with a slight roll of her eyes, she started down the pebbled path. It curved through the thick greenery until it led her to the water fountain she had heard when she entered. Leaning against a tree, waiting for her, was Cillian; an altogether too pleased expression on his face.  
  
She folded her arms inside her sleeves as she approached him. "It's rather an odd place to play any games," she said, glancing at the secluded niche among the plants. Her gaze turned to his face, with a knowing look in her eyes. "We seem to be missing a few players, as well," she commented dryly.  
  
Cillian straightened and came towards her, a sheepish smile creasing his face. "Okay, you caught me. There is no game." He stopped before her, gazing at her with that certain look in his eye. "I just wanted to spend some time with you, Meri. I really like you," he paused as though trying to find the right words.  
  
Meri rolled her eyes again, as she wondered how many times he'd used that line on a girl before.  
  
"I mean, I *really* like you," he said meaningfully. "And I never get to spend the time with you that I would like. Either one of my friends is around, or Kenobi. Then of course your Master is always lurking in the background."  
  
Meri bristled inwardly at his words. //He really thinks I should agree with him and will agree with him for that matter,\\ she thought. Suddenly an idea began growing and the more she thought about it, the more she liked it.  
  
Meri smiled modestly, but there was a glint in her dark eyes.  
  
Cillian smiled back and took her hand in his, but she didn't pull away.  
  
"The more I've gotten to know you, the more I realize what a truly amazing girl you are, Meri," Cillian paused, lifting one hand to brush a wayward strand of dark hair behind her ear in a tender gesture. "And beautiful," he added in a murmur.  
  
Meri had to steel herself to keep from shuddering at his touch, and to hold back the strong urge to slap him for taking such liberties. Inwardly, though, she smiled. She would bide her time, and when she was through with him, Cillian would have more to deal with than a red handprint on his face.  
  
Quietly she stood there, listening as he continued to murmur sweet nothings in her ear. //What a great sales pitch. Pity he expects me to actually fall for it,\\ she thought to herself. //Well, maybe I should give him one more chance, though I'm probably being entirely too nice.\\  
  
"I thought you were only interested in being friends, Cillian?" she interjected in a soft voice.  
  
Cillian moved even closer, one of his arms creeping its way around her waist. "Can't a guy change his mind?" His other arm slid beneath her dark hair, coming to rest on the nape of her neck, where he began to methodically rub his thumb over her skin.  
  
She was expecting his next move, and tensed as he brought his lips down to hers.  
  
She had known he was going to kiss her, and had allowed Cillian to think that she also wanted a kiss in order to lure him close enough where she could injure his pride and knee something else. But she hadn't expected it to be like this. Her immediate response was natural, as she struggled to get out of his tight embrace and push him away, as pure disgust shuddered through her limbs. Jerking up her knee, she slammed it into his groin, at the same time clenching her jaw and nipping the invading member in her mouth.  
  
Cillian let out a yelp and then a deep groan when her knee made contact, but before he even had time to fall to the floor, he was yanked away from Meri, his feet dangling even as he tried to draw them up from the pain.  
  
Meri's dark eyes widened at the sight of her Master, his normally bright blue eyes flashing violet as he held Cillian several feet off the floor. The compulsive urge to spit, again and again was temporarily forgotten, as she took in the towering visage of the Jedi knight before her.  
  
Meri watched as Alex shook Cillian like a cannoid would a rat, before dropping him unceremoniously to the ground. In the same movement he turned to her, eyes flashing.  
  
//He thinks I initiated this.\\ The thought made her simmer. "I had everything under control, Master," she spoke before he could. She saw his jaw twitch at her words.  
  
"Control? You call that control," he asked in a very quiet voice, one hand flinging out behind him to point, without looking, at the groaning Cillian. She jumped as he clamped a firm hand around her wrist and proceeded to lead her from the room. //Lead?\\ she let out a huff of air at the thought. More like drag if she hadn't kept up.  
  
He didn't speak again until they reached their quarters, where he promptly turned to her. She could tell by looking in his eyes that he hadn't calmed down one bit.  
  
Folding his arms across his chest, he fixed Meri with a glare that could freeze Tatooine. "Would you care to explain to me how *that* was control!"  
  
Meri's chin rose a fraction of an inch, her dark eyes smoldering. "I thought you trusted me!"  
  
"I did trust you Meri, but what am I to think when I find you kissing with that upstart!"  
  
"Did it *look* like I was enjoying that to you?! Do girls generally knee their companions in the groin for fun, Master?"  
  
Alex paused and he seemed to sag a bit, some of the tension flowing from him. "Well, why did you allow him to kiss you in the first place, then?"  
  
"Because he was so cocky. He thought I would just melt into his arms at his sales pitch, which he's probably given two dozen or more times," Meri said, the frustration evident in her voice.  
  
She was so intent on ranting that she didn't see the beginnings of a smile tilt Alex's lips.  
  
"Besides, I didn't know it would be like that. That was disgusting," she paused wiping a hand over her mouth. "He slobbered all over me!"  
  
By this time Alex was fighting a full-blown smile. "Slobbered?" he questioned.  
  
Meri was incensed. Her next words were spoken with heavy incredulity and disgust. "He stuck his tongue in my mouth! I never want to experience that again. It's so … so gross."  
  
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but you kissed him just so you could … ah, knee him?" Alex questioned, his anger toward her almost completely faded.  
  
"No. I didn't kiss him. I let him kiss me. And if that's what kissing is all about, it's highly overrated."  
  
Alex looked downward, trying to hide the laugh that threatened to escape from his throat, as well as to hide the fleeting expression crossing his face.  
  
Meri looked at him curiously. She'd never quite seen that expression on his face before. He almost looked … satisfied? Confident? She couldn't name it. She shrugged mentally.  
  
"I take it you won't be spending any more time with Padawan Kaeton?"  
  
Meri looked back toward Alex in all incredulity. "NO, Master!"  
  
Alex grinned again. "Good. Very good. We can end all this nonsense."  
  
"I'm going to go wash out my mouth and scrub my tongue until my taste buds are gone," Meri said dryly. "Excuse me, Master."  
  
As she turned to leave, she heard a short burst of laughter following her out of the room. The sound caused an answering jump of joy in her own heart that she didn't quite understand. 


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45  
  
Carefully Meri threaded her way through the crowd of Jedi that surrounded the arena floor. She made her way to her Master's side, a water flask in one hand and a towel in the other.  
  
The weeks since the "incident" with Cillian marked a return to normalcy for Meri. Master An-Paj had finally allowed her to return to sparring with Alex, albeit, limited to light exercising. However, she was not allowed to participate in the tournament. As An-Paj had explained, a Jedi had to be at his peak during the battles, and the Master healer was concerned that one twist of her ankle and she would be back on her back again.  
  
She couldn't say she was unhappy that she wasn't permitted to fight. Being a spectator offered her a whole new perspective on lightsabre tournaments. Meri'd been able to watch her Master wipe the floor with the other knights he'd be set up against.  
  
With that thought in her mind, a lingering smile found it's way to her face as she approached Alex, as he sat resting on a bench.  
  
He glanced her way, his lips turning upward in a familiar grin in answer to the smile she wore.  
  
"That was impressive," she said proudly, taking a seat next to the sweat- soaked knight and handing him the water flask and towel.  
  
Alex merely grinned boyishly at her words and took a long drink of the water. Letting out a content sigh, he wiped his face with the towel and then wrapped it around his neck.  
  
"Thank you, Padawan."  
  
Meri elbowed him playfully. "For what? The water or the compliment?"  
  
"Both, naturally," he said giving her an answering shove with his elbow.  
  
Meri gripped the bench to keep from sliding off and laughed. "Well don't get used to it."  
  
Alex smirked. "I wouldn't dream of it."  
  
"So who do you flatten next?" she inquired, eyes on the arena floor.  
  
Alex leaned back on the bench in a position Meri could only call a sprawl, his legs stretched out in front of him and one arm thrown carelessly across the back. "No one, except the obligatory student."  
  
"Ahh, yes. The honor of fighting a Jedi Master who has won in his own circle," Meri murmured. The apprentices fought against each other, in different age groups. The winner of each group then had the "honor" of coming up against a Jedi Master.  
  
Meri glanced at her Master and saw an odd, satisfied gleam in his blue eyes. //Hmm,\\ she thought suspiciously. He was up to something. Perhaps it had something to do with Cillian. Alex had taken no action against the errant apprentice, an act, or the lack thereof, which greatly surprised her.  
  
"Do you know which student will have the honor?"  
  
"Mmmph," Alex answered in the back of his throat, one hand sweeping back the damp strands of hair across his forehead.  
  
She wasn't sure if that was a yes, a no, or an 'I don't know', but she certainly saw it as avoiding her question. "Riight," she said dryly. She leaned back against the bench, only to feel Alex's arm resting comfortably against her shoulders as well. She leaned forward a bit, an action that did not go unnoticed by the tall knight.  
  
"Well, I promised that I'd visit Obi-Wan, in prison."  
  
"Prison?" A brief frown of confusion wrinkled his brow, then smoothed out after a moment of thought. "Ah, he's in the infirmary again. How did he manage it this time?"  
  
Meri stood up grinning. "Well, actually it wasn't his fault. A couple of crèche children got a hold of a two training sabers, and, well they got a little rambunctious in their play fight and Obi-Wan just happened to be in the way and …" she trailed off seeing Alex wince at the thought. She continued. "Actually, I think he was trying to stop them, " she grinned.  
  
"I don't see why. It sounds like something you and he would've gotten up to at that age. Did he not get to fight then?"  
  
Meri gave her Master a 'look' for his first comment. "Yes, this was after his round. But it looks like he won't be getting the honor of fighting a Jedi Master. He'll be in the bacta, in and out all day, or so I've heard. He has a large gash in his leg."  
  
Alex was trying vainly to keep an amused grin from his face, "Well, give him my regards."  
  
"I'll do that. You're going to behave yourself, right?"  
  
Alex's eyebrows shot upward in question. "Behave myself?"  
  
"I have a feeling I know who the student will be who gets the honor of fighting you," she said wryly.  
  
"Ohh, well," the knight murmured, his gaze trailing away from her and out over the arena. He was unsuccessfully fighting a smile.  
  
"I don't know whether or not to feel sorry for him."  
  
"I didn't say who it is, and truthfully I am not certain of who it will be," Alex stretched and then sat forward, his elbows resting comfortably on his knees.  
  
"Well don't be too hard on whoever it is," she turned to leave, then paused and glanced back with a grin. "Why do I get the feeling I'm going to miss quite the show?"  
  
The Jedi Master simply shrugged with a grin and waved her off.  
  
She obliged with a laugh. Perhaps she should cut short her visit with Obi- Wan, though the other padawan had a tendency to get rather fidgety when confined to the infirmary and her presence seemed to keep him occupied for a time.  
  
**  
  
Just as she thought, Meri ended up spending more time with Obi-Wan than she'd first intended, so it was she had no idea what happened back at the tournament.  
  
She first heard about it from two healer apprentice's talking rather animatedly in the corridor outside Obi-Wan's room.  
  
She and Obi-Wan paused in their talk to listen.  
  
"… you know how flashy Cillian is?" this was apparently directed at the other apprentice who must have nodded. "Well, he flipped over Master Arieh's head, trying to put space between them …" Here a snicker was heard and Meri wanted to stick her head out and demand to know what happened. "Master Arieh spun around, and as Cillian landed he," more giggles. Whatever it was, the sight must have been hilarious.  
  
"What happened?!" the other girl demanded.  
  
"Well, as he landed, Cillian tried to dash away from Master Arieh, but he didn't move fast enough," the student's voice was thick with amusement. "Master Arieh slashed him across his buttocks," peals of laughter interrupted the story and Meri looked aghast at Obi-Wan who wasn't trying to hold in his laughter.  
  
"His pants tangled around his ankles and he fell, which gave Master Arieh the kill point! You should have seen it, my Force! It was the funniest thing I have ever seen. Master Arieh was standing with his sabre pointed at Cillian's neck, the picture of serenity and Cillian was squirming on the ground his bum exposed to all eyes an angry burn across it," more peals of laughter ensued.  
  
Meri sat gaping for a moment as the voices moved down the hall then slapped a hand across her mouth, laughter exploding in a burst. She couldn't stop laughing, every time she looked at Obi-Wan, they would exchange a glance and then she'd be off again. She began to laugh so hard tears streamed down her face.  
  
Finally, they managed to control themselves, but barely and by avoiding each other's gaze. Meri was still smothering giggles when Alex walked in, exuding a look full of satisfaction.  
  
Both Meri and Obi-Wan glanced at Alex then each other. At the same moment they dissolved into laughter, leaving the Jedi Master to look at them in amusement, one eyebrow arched in question.  
  
"What?" he asked in all innocence, just as they paused for breath.  
  
With another glance at each other, Meri and Obi-Wan exploded into laughter once again. 


	46. Chapter 46

Chapter 46  
  
[Six months later.]  
  
Meri peeked mischievously over the edge of the cliff, her hands wrapped tightly around the ivy-swathed ground, her head and body concealed by the wild prickly berry bush.  
  
All was relatively quiet in the Woodland room, named for the plant life it held. Just behind her was a great tree, its bark an ivory white, its massive limbs spreading over her head, sheltering her with its dark green leaves. It was the perfect place to be alone and meditate, except she wasn't really alone or meditating, nor had she come here with those things in mind. //That would be especially obvious to anyone, since I'm sitting in a bush,\\ she mused.  
  
Grinning the eighteen-year-old watched the silent couple below, secure in the knowledge that they were entirely unaware of her presence. Shifting quietly to dislodge an especially sharp leaf that was poking her forehead, Meri bit her lip in effort to keep from laughing. It looked as though she was finally going to have proof. Proof that her friend, Obi-Wan, was crushing.  
  
She'd been accusing him of it for weeks, seeing his starry-eyed looks and lack of concentration whenever he was around a certain padawan. Now the two in question were sitting hand in hand on a stone bench just off the path that wound below.  
  
//Ooo, what will Master Jinn think of this?\\ she snickered inwardly as she watched Obi-Wan turn to face his companion. Not a bad choice, she had to admit. The girl was blessed with large violet eyes, and hair as dark as night.  
  
Obi-Wan took the girl's hand and turned to face her, bringing the two of them quite close.  
  
//Finally! Now we're getting down to business.\\ Meri leaned out further, balancing precariously on the edge of the drop off. She was careful not to dislodge any dirt or leaves as she knew that anything falling on them would alert Obi-Wan and his companion to her presence.  
  
Slowly, Obi-Wan leaned closer to the girl's face. //He's going to kiss her!! HA!\\ Meri gleefully concluded.  
  
Just as the triumphant 'Ha' passed through her mind, a hand came out of nowhere and clamped around her waist from behind. She gave out a little shriek, which was immediately muffled by another hand firmly settled over her mouth as she was jerked backwards.  
  
A shower of leaves puffed out from the spot Meri had occupied, raining down on the two below.  
  
Muffled giggles emanated from the bushes and then finally a dark head broke through first, leaves and bits of twig thoroughly embedded in the thick hair. Alex stumbled out into the clearing, some distance away from the area his apprentice had been watching.  
  
Meri pushed through seconds later, laughter still on her lips. "Master! I almost had him!"  
  
The knight was vainly fighting the grin on his lips as he ran a hand through his hair, attempting to loosen the twigs and leaves. "Yes, and instead I got you," he commented with a smile. "Besides, Padawan Kenobi is quite capable of doing, whatever it is he was doing, by himself, without your spying."  
  
"He was going to kiss that girl," Meri informed. "He's been denying he even thinks she's pretty for the past week."  
  
"Ah," Alex said wryly, a black brow arching upwards. "Well, that's none of my business, nor yours I should think. Though he must have a reason for not telling you."  
  
"Yes," she grinned. "He's afraid I'll tease him mercilessly."  
  
"You will," Alex stated with an amused tilt to his lips.  
  
"Yes, but that's the whole point. After what Cillian tried, I thought I'd never hear the end of it from him."  
  
"Hmmph." The noise in the back of his throat said it all. "You need to work on your shielding," he said instead.  
  
"My shielding? Obi-Wan hadn't a clue I was even there!" Then she added. "Until you came along."  
  
"Yes, and you hadn't a clue I was there, either. Your focus was too much on keeping Obi-Wan from sensing you and not open enough to sense anyone else."  
  
"Yes, Master," she eyed him with a glint in her eye. "You look as though you've just been for a romp in the bushes."  
  
Alex sent her a look and then continued his attempt to rid his thick hair of the stubborn matter. "Depends on your point of view," he said dryly, glancing at her with a pointed look.  
  
"Oh here, let me," Meri offered, drawing near. She had to reach up, because of his height, though he tried to dip his head so she could easily see. She would never admit it, not even under grievous torture, but she loved his hair and touching it was even better. It was so thick, soft and black.  
  
Alex cleared his throat lightly and Meri jerked her thoughts back to everyday thoughts, hoping that her Master hadn't even sensed the edges of *those* thoughts.  
  
"Okay, I've got it." She let out an uncertain breath and took a step back.  
  
Alex firmly brushed off his shoulders then turned his attention back to his padawan. "Thank you. Now let me see if I can return the favor. Turn around, so I can see better."  
  
"Better?" Meri harrumphed. "At all you have to do is look down from your vantage point." Another thing she secretly admired…his height.  
  
//*STOP* that,\\ she commanded herself.  
  
A faint smile crossed his face. "It does have its advantages."  
  
A few moments passed in silence as Alex picked leaves and twigs from Meri's hair.  
  
"Oh look," a dry voice broke in. "This reminds me of that holo I had to watch in class of those baboons that pick vermin off each other."  
  
Alex sent a withering glance toward Obi-Wan.  
  
"Where is your friend," Meri questioned with a smirk.  
  
Obi-Wan's eyes narrowed. "She had something to do." The seventeen-year-old glanced meaningfully at Meri, but didn't broach the subject of what had just happened. "Are you free?" he asked instead.  
  
Before Meri could answer, Alex did. "No, Padawan Kenobi. You will simply have to extract your revenge later." He looked amused as he flicked the last leaf out of his apprentice's hair.  
  
Obi-Wan's lips tilted upwards slightly, but he just nodded respectfully and then turned and left.  
  
Meri glanced up at Alex, meeting his bright blue eyes. " Don't give him ideas, Master. And just what is it I have to do?"  
  
"He already has ideas," he returned evenly. "And it is what we both have to do. The Council has summoned us." 


	47. Chapter 47

Chapter 47  
  
Only four Jedi Council members were present when Meri and Alex entered the large circular room. Yoda was of course present, as well as Mace Windu, Plo Koon, and Yaddle. It wasn't unusual for less than the whole Council to be present, especially if the purpose of the summons was just to assign a mission.  
  
Alex came to a stop before the four powerful Jedi, and Meri took her place behind him and to the right, as was customary.  
  
Greetings were exchanged and then without any small talk, Mace Windu began outlining the situation they would be dealing with. Meri became interested almost immediately when the Master began talking of a Jedi Knight's disappearance. This sort of thing was not what Meri and Alex usually dealt with. Her Master's gift lay in negotiations and it was in that area that they almost always worked.  
  
The more the Jedi Master explained, the less Meri understood why she and her Master had been summoned. The missing Jedi Knight had been working to infiltrate a crime ring on a planet that was out of reach of the Republic. This planet, Nuvanai, was like many other outer rim planets — it embraced slavery. Nuvanai's greatest revenue was its tourism and entertainment industry and of course it went without saying, the underground crime rings. It appeared that one of the Senators in the Galactic Senate was suspected of dealing with this particular crime ring; hence, a Jedi Knight had been sent to investigate. The problems was, he had disappeared.  
  
Over their bond, Meri could easily sense that Alex was also wondering why this mission was being assigned to them. The Jedi Council must have sensed their confusion, for Mace Windu paused and Meri suddenly realized that she and Alex were under close scrutiny.  
  
There was a mysterious knowing smile on Yoda's face and his ears drooped lazily as he studied them. The next question took both Alex and Meri by surprise. It was directed at her.  
  
"How old are you, Padawan Irhanah?" Mace asked, his fingers steepled before him.  
  
Meri's brown eyes widened slightly at this question, but she did not hesitate. "Eighteen standard years, Master."  
  
The Jedi Master's intense gaze then turned to Alex. "And you, Master Arieh? Twenty-Five, correct?"  
  
Alex nodded. "Yes, Master."  
  
Meri was ready to admit she was confused, as this seemed to have nothing to do with their mission briefing.  
  
Mace Windu turned to Yoda, and the four Jedi seemed to be debating something without words. She could feel the currents of the Force dance and sway as the Jedi conversed amongst themselves.  
  
Finally Mace raised his head and turned back to the Jedi pair. "We know you are curious as to why this mission has been assigned to you, Master Arieh. We are aware that it is not your normal area of expertise. However, there is a small quirk to this mission that you and your padawan seem best fit to handle."  
  
"I see, Master. And just what may this quirk be?" Alex inquired with an arched brow.  
  
"On Nuvanai, and especially with those you want to impress, you must have one thing that makes you stand out as a person of high standing and power. Unfortunately, on Nuvanai that is a personal slave."  
  
Meri blinked at this, her brain quickly trying to catch up with what the Master had just said. Understanding came moments later and she knew it must have for her Master as well, for she could feel his suppressed shock along their bond.  
  
"This mission is going to require a pair of Jedi who are very comfortable with each other and closely connected. We cannot just pair up any two Jedi and expect them to succeed at this. Because of your closeness in age and the fact that you are master and padawan, you are best suited to fill this role and complete the mission."  
  
Meri was following with her ears what the Master was saying but inside her mind was racing. Through their bond, she sensed an undercurrent of anxiety the moment Mace Windu raised the personal slave issue. From her position she could only see his profile. While he may be agitated inwardly, Alex's outward appearance was nothing but calm.  
  
"I see, Master Windu," the tall knight replied evenly.  
  
"We will give you a few days to go over the material and details, and also to prepare. May the Force be with you."  
  
And with those words, the meeting was apparently over. Meri was leaving with more questions than when she'd arrived. The one foremost on her mind was quite simple:  
  
//Just what does being his personal slave entail?//  
  
***  
  
//This mission is going to require a pair of Jedi who are very comfortable with each other and closely connected.//  
  
The words of Mace Windu echoed through Meri's mind as she scanned the details of her mission. Comfortable? She would be comfortable doing this with anyone but Alex, no matter how closely they were connected.  
  
She shifted again as her eyes scanned the next line. She stopped, backed up and reread it again, her dark eyes widening.  
  
So far only, a few things had really bothered her, but this … this was the worst.  
  
First had come the clothing detail. By the time she'd finished reading that section, she'd concluded that she'd be showing so much skin that she was going to feel naked. But she could deal with it, that wasn't a problem at all.  
  
Then came the details regarding her behavior towards her Master and what was expected of her.  
  
//I don't know if I can act this way toward him,// she fretted silently, very much aware that her Master was sitting across from her and reading the very same material. It almost brought color to her cheeks as she reviewed the data again.  
  
The data pad in her hand became forgotten as she let her mind become lost in thought. It wasn't that she couldn't act that way toward him … in fact, she was very much afraid that he would see something real in her *supposed* responses to him.  
  
//No. She didn't want to do this. Force it would be so embarrassing if he found out that …//  
  
"Meri???" Her Master's voice finally penetrated her thoughts, and she jerked her head up guiltily to find his gaze was focused on her, studying her. By his expression, she realized that he must have tried to get her attention more than once.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing," she answered quickly, too quickly from the look Alex was giving her. "I was just thinking," she explained, uncomfortable under his strong gaze. She knew that he must have sensed at least some of her anxiety over this.  
  
"About," he prompted her.  
  
"This," she held up her data pad indicating the mission details.  
  
"Yes, I gathered that," he said dryly. "What about it?"  
  
"Do I really have to do all this?"  
  
Alex broke into an amused grin. "Ah so that's what's worrying you. You're afraid you'll really have to help me bathe?" he teased.  
  
Meri couldn't keep the blush from spreading across her fair skin.  
  
"Or is it the clothing?" He glanced over her figure and then swiftly dropped his eyes back to his data pad. "You've nothing to be ashamed of, Meri."  
  
"I'm not that worried about the clothing, Master."  
  
"Well don't worry about all this other stuff. We're only going to try and find clues of what happened to Knight Lavyin. The Council doesn't want us to replace him or get involved, only find out what happened to him. You're only going to appear as my personal slave in public so we blend in. The only thing you really need to concern yourself with is getting in the habit of not looking directly at me or any other male."  
  
"Then why did the Council give us all this information?"  
  
Her Master glanced down at his own data pad at her question. "I suppose as a precaution, Meri. No one can tell what we'll be getting into and we both need to be prepared."  
  
"That's reassuring," she muttered under her breath. In fact, she had the distinct feeling they *would* be getting more than they bargained for. It was just her luck. Of course Obi-Wan would tell her there was no such thing as luck.  
  
Well, Meri knew he was wrong, sort of. There *was* such a thing as luck. The problem was, Meri realized, that if it weren't for her bad luck, she would have no luck at all. Holding in a sigh, she dropped her eyes back to her data pad and continued reading.  
  
***  
  
Meri trailed behind Alex as they moved through the Jedi Temple. //I know apprentices are supposed to defer to their Masters,// she thought to herself, //but this is taking it to the extreme.// Her eyes were focused on the floor, and her entire posture spoke of submissiveness.  
  
She hated doing this. Everyone was giving them queer looks. The only thing good about it was that Alex was getting an equal share of the disapproving glances and some glares from the older Jedi Knights. //Oh well,// Meri mused, //at least I'm not the only one getting these "looks".// She'd about had enough of this practicing and was glad they would be leaving later that afternoon.  
  
Suddenly someone fell into step beside her without saying a word.  
  
Her eyes flicked to her left and she caught a flash of ginger hair out of the corner of her eye. She smiled.  
  
"Meri, your Master is a complete mental case, do you know that?" His voice was just loud enough to reach the older man and Alex stopped and turned, giving Obi-Wan a measured look.  
  
"I'm just practicing, Obi-Wan," Meri said without looking up.  
  
"Practicing? For what? The best doormat?" he paused glancing at her. "And would you stop that."  
  
"Stop what?"  
  
"Stop … that! Will you look at me?" His words were playful, but the instant he said "look at me," she raised her eyes to his face and gave him her complete attention.  
  
Obi-Wan paused. "That is creepy."  
  
She grinned and then glanced at Alex. "Am I doing well?"  
  
An amused smile tilted the knight's lips. "Very." He then glanced at Obi- Wan. "She's preparing for our mission, Padawan Kenobi." That was all he offered.  
  
"Oh, I didn't know you were leaving, Mer. Do you know when you'll get back?"  
  
She shook her head. "No, but I'll see you when I get back. We're leaving this afternoon," she informed him.  
  
Obi-Wan nodded. "Well be careful, then."  
  
Meri grabbed his braid and yanked him down, placing a loud kiss on his cheek.  
  
Obi-Wan protested loudly, mumbling about getting cooties.  
  
Alex just shook his head at the display he'd come to expect from those two. "Come on, Meri. We need to pick up your outfits before we leave," he reminded his apprentice.  
  
Meri groaned, but turned to follow her Master down the corridor, resuming her posture of before. As she went, she couldn't help but wish this mission were already over and done with.  
  
Had she only known how much this mission was going to change things … for both her and Alex, she wouldn't have been so quick to make such a wish. 


	48. Chapter 48

Chapter 48  
  
The sun was beginning to slide toward the horizon as Alex placed the last of his things in his bag. Like his padawan, the knight was taking none of his usual Jedi wear; an inspection of his bag would reveal nothing more than "normal" clothing. His own attire was also civilian: a pair of black pants and a blue shirt, something he was sure Meri would comment on. He didn't think she'd ever seen him in such clothes.  
  
Then again, he had never seen her in the sort of outfit she would be wearing, either. It was certain to be an interesting change — for the both of them.  
  
Finished with his packing, he clipped his lightsabre to the back of his belt, instead of the front, where he usually wore it. Placed where it was, it would be hidden from sight when he put on the black cloak that would finish his outfit.  
  
After a quick glance at the wall chrono, he strode out of his room and the few shorts steps to his apprentice's room.  
  
Her back was to him as he paused in the doorway and took in the sight before him with an inscrutable expression.  
  
Meri was slightly bent over her bag, placing a few small objects inside, but it was her appearance that made Alex want to shut the door and demand she put on something decent, though he knew he could not do it.  
  
She was wearing solid black leather pants, but not just any pants. They fit so tightly it was as if they were a second skin; moreover, they sat so low on her hips he didn't know how they stayed up. Her top was merely a scrap of lighter colored material that came down to her midriff. The material ended at mid-side and was held on by thin straps that formed a latticework over the bare skin of her back.  
  
He hadn't seen Meri ever willingly expose so much skin ... //Except for on Dubh nán,\\ his thoughts reminded him. However that wasn't the same, he knew. There, her lack of clothing had not been willingly agreed to. Hastily he pushed the thoughts out of his mind, but the sight before him and the memories they evoked had already caused a response in him that he was helpless to control.  
  
It was then that Meri turned and saw him in the doorway, though he knew she must have sensed his presence, as he wasn't making any effort to hide it. She gave a hesitant smile and dropped her arms to her sides awkwardly.  
  
"Well…," she trailed off in question.  
  
Making an effort, Alex willed his blood to cool and his pulse to slow. "Well, I think I'm never letting you out of your room again," he tried to tease, but his voice was low and he could've cursed the husky note to it.  
  
Meri's lips turned upwards at this and he approached her, stopping a few feet before her.  
  
"What did you do to your hair?" he questioned as his eyes roamed over her now curly hair that was half pinned on her head, the rest left to fall teasingly down her back.  
  
"It washes out with a rinse," she was quick to assure him. "I just thought it would be more manageable this way and I could do more with it. Does it look alright?" her voice held an anxious note as she looked up at him for approval.  
  
Alex had to fight the urge to run his fingers through the dark, soft looking curls at such close proximity and barely managed it. "You look beautiful," he murmured at last, not certain if he could trust his voice. He hadn't realized they were standing so close.  
  
For one dangerous second their eyes locked and he felt a sensation close to what he could imagine drowning would feel like.  
  
Breaking the gaze, he looked past her and saw the hooded traveling cloak she had laid out on the bed. Forcing himself to breathe evenly, Alex reached past her and picked it up, then draped it over her shoulders.  
  
"I think you better wear this until we get to Nuvanai," he commented lightly, with a wry grin. He couldn't help noticing that Meri now looked somewhat … flustered.  
  
Stepping away from him, she pulled the cloak in place and lifted the hood to cover her head. The cloak completely covered the outfit she wore, something they had both decided would be wise since they were taking public transport to the planet.  
  
Picking up her bag, she turned to face him. "I'm ready, Master," she tried to smile. "And I think from the set of the sun that it we don't hurry, we're going to miss our transport."  
  
Alex cast a quick glance out the window, and mumbled something under his breath as he hastened to get his own bag from his room. This mission was surely starting out on an interesting foot.  
  
  
  
Meri and Alex were among the last to exit the transport when it landed on Nuvanai. Shuttles inside the hanger bay awaited the incoming transport to carry passengers to where they would be staying.  
  
With her new persona firmly in place, Meri followed her Master out of the ship. Unlike the rest of the passengers, the knight did not head toward any of the waiting shuttles. Within a matter of minutes, they were alone in the hanger bay — except for the technicians and crew.  
  
She knew someone was supposed to meet them, but it appeared he hadn't shown up. Glancing sideways, Meri caught sight of the darkening sky outside and torrents of rain pouring down. There were brief flashes of light, followed by rolling peals of thunder.  
  
Standing in a shadowy, secluded area, Alex spoke in a whisper to his apprentice, without making eye contact. "We'll wait only a little longer." His blue eyes scanned the darkening landscape. Night was approaching them rapidly. If their contact wouldn't come to them, they would be forced to find him on their own. They had been given his name — Anthian — and little else. Alex had also been told that he was a native who had been working with the Jedi to infiltrate the crime ring. He was to help them while they were there.  
  
+++  
  
All light had faded from the sky as a figure hurried into the hanger bay. Throwing back a rain-drenched hood, the figure scanned the area, his eyes fixing on the two figures standing quietly in the corner.  
  
With only the slightest hesitation, he moved toward them.  
  
It was Anthian. He paused before them and spoke loudly and jovially, clasping a hand to Alex's arm. "Ah, brother, I am sorry for my lateness. I was having trouble with my speeder." Anthian's hazel eyes warned them to silence with a subtle shift in the direction of the few persons still wandering the hanger bay.  
  
Alex inclined his head in understanding. "Think nothing of it. I was enjoying the freshness of the night air while waiting." While he spoke, the two men began moving toward the exit, raising their hoods as they did. Following custom, they did not even acknowledge Meri's presence.  
  
Meri quietly moved to follow them. Her hood was already in place, covering her dark head and hiding her face in its shadows. As they moved outside, she was thankful to discover the rain had tapered off to a fine mist.  
  
Once inside the moving speeder, Anthian dropped his *façade* "I'm sorry, Master Jedi, I was delayed." He glanced back at Meri for the first time.  
  
"Is there something we need to be made aware of?" Alex questioned, referring to Anthian's wariness in the hangar bay.  
  
"It is not safe for you to be seen with me. Since Jedi Lavyin's disappearance, I believe some of the higher-ups in the organization have become suspicious of me." He paused and his gaze took in both Meri and Alex. "I must warn you, however. You must be careful. Your actions will be watched closely. I don't believe the Jedi Council even realizes just how touchy this could get. You're going to be looking for clues to Jedi Lavyin's disappearance and that will cause much suspicion."  
  
Alex paused thoughtfully before answering. "You believe the crime lords found out Knight Lavyin was a Jedi?"  
  
"I believe so, yes. And they are going to be even more wary of any newcomers, now." Again Anthian paused before continuing, his eyes moving from Master to apprentice and back, then to his driving. "Your role here is different than Jedi Lavyin's. You will be judged by this."  
  
A wry smile touched Alex's lips. "I sense a warning in those words."  
  
The speeder came to a halt in front of a housing establishment, and Anthian turned in his seat to face the Jedi Master. "You are aware of the custom here? What is involved?"  
  
The knight nodded slightly. "Yes, the Council gave us a rather detailed file on it. It seemed a bit overdone."  
  
"It wasn't," Anthian replied quickly. "I understand this might be awkward for you, but it is very important you follow those instructions as much as you're able. It's cliché, but I'm being truthful when I say eyes are everywhere. Especially when they are aware something's afoot and you're searching for a missing Jedi."  
  
Alex glanced at Meri. "Very well."  
  
Anthian's gaze moved to the housing establishment. "I've arranged for you to stay here. I would caution you; even in your rooms you must appear as master and slave. I would venture to say that this place is mostly clean, but you never can tell. Serving droids are too easily equipped to work just as well as spies."  
  
When Alex's eyes fell on her at these words, Meri felt a sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach and again a sense of apprehension at what she would need to do. Reaching out through the Force to gauge Alex's feelings on this new development, Meri could only sense that he was unsettled. She held back her own feelings of anxiousness on the matter and instead tried to think positively. How hard could it be? After all, he was her Master.  
  
It couldn't be that tricky. 


	49. Chapter 49

Chapter 49  
  
While Alex made sure that the S-11 droid made its way out of their room, his apprentice took her first look around.   
  
Meri slowly lowered her hood and glanced around their quarters — quarters which were several floors up from the main level. She was quick to notice several things, none of which helped settle the fluttery feeling in her stomach.   
  
Taking a step out of the entryway, she glanced briefly at the large double divan in the corner of the room. She really didn't want to contemplate that right now.   
  
Moving her fingers up to the fastening at the hollow of her throat, she loosened the tie and allowed her cloak to slip off her shoulders. Catching it with one hand, she draped it over her arm and moved to stand before the large sliding glass door that opened onto a small balcony.   
  
She only had time to notice that the rain had picked again before Alex entered the room behind her. Turning slightly, she immediately dropped her eyes and was rewarded with a testy sigh from her Master.   
  
"Aren't you getting tired of that yet," he asked, though not unkindly. Moving past her, he didn't wait for an answer.   
  
"I'm sick of it," she murmured in return as he quickly pulled the drapes over the balcony doors, blocking the view of anyone outside.   
  
Without waiting for permission, Meri gave a sigh of relief and raised her head. "I've a crick in my neck," she smiled ruefully, not quite able to keep the hint of weariness from her voice.   
  
Even though she was used to traveling and the associated time changes such travels meant, Meri felt quite drained. And it was very late on Nuvanai.   
  
Alex seemed to notice this as he studied her. "Let's get our things settled and then get some rest," he suggested.   
  
Meri's eyes slipped over to the divan and she tensed almost imperceptibly.   
  
Alex, however, again noticed this. It was obvious that he didn't know how to deal with Meri's distress, so he simply said nothing and moved to put away his things.   
  
Meri did the same, at the same time searching for something suitable to sleep in. She was mortified to realize that the only garment provided offered nothing in the way of modesty. Moreover, she certainly was not going to wear it while sleeping in the same space as Alex. She didn't even have a simple tunic to wear. Everything she had was designed to show off her body — like some trophy — and it was humiliating.   
  
Trying to think of an alternative, she stalled for time. By now, Alex had already changed for the night and he was waiting on her so he could dim the lights.   
  
Frustrated, she sat motionless on the floor, the scrap of lace in one hand. Her back to her Master, she forced down the compulsion to rip the thing to shreds. She was a Jedi and she had certainly been through tougher things than this, though perhaps none so personal. Now was not the time to let her temper get the better of her.   
  
// I'm just tired, \\ she rationalized. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that she was terrified of Alex seeing her in such a state of undress. She was just as afraid that in the closeness of their sleeping arrangements, he would sense her affection for him, as her Master, was really something else. Something she had been fighting since before Dubh nán.   
  
"Meri?"   
  
Alex's questioning voice broke through her chaotic thoughts, bringing her back to the moment and the realization that both her fists were clenched, the one still holding the lacy nightwear.   
  
Quickly she relaxed, but it was already too late. Alex had approached and knelt by her side. He had seen her obvious discomfort with her new role.   
  
When she didn't answer, his gaze dropped to what she held clenched in her hand.   
  
Without a word he took it from her and unfolded it. A grin pulled the corners of his mouth up and Meri felt a flash of irritation. "It's not funny," she retorted sharply.  
  
He sobered quickly. "You don't have to wear this."   
  
She shook her head. "That's all they gave me. Everything else is like … this." The word "this" was almost spat as she indicated the skin tight, curve-hugging clothing she wore.   
  
"Not even a simple tunic ..." he dropped off as she shook her head. Understanding was swift in coming to the Jedi Master.   
  
Sitting back on his heels, Alex had to fight the urge to take Meri into his arms, although he suspected he would get an elbow in the ribs for his effort. It was obvious that there was more at issue here than the fact that she felt humiliated in having to wear this garment. Alex assumed it also had a great deal to do with the fact that they would be required to sleep on the same bed. The only thing he didn't understand was why she feared it.   
  
It took a few moments of contemplation, but the solution came quickly. Lifting his arms, he pulled his large tunic over his head, ignoring the startled face of his apprentice.   
  
"Put this on," he offered her the garment that was still warm to the touch from his skin.   
  
Meri hesitated, her face uncertain as she shyly glanced at his now bare torso.   
  
"Look," Alex finally said, holding it up to show its size. "It will swallow you, I promise. It should come down to your knees at least."   
  
"Don't you have another I could wear?" she asked at last.   
  
Alex's mouth again turned upwards in the ghost of a smile. "Sorry, no. You'll just have to put up with a lot of my bare skin now."   
  
Meri didn't think this funny, but allowed a distracted smile anyway. It was times like these that she desperately wished Jedi didn't travel so lightly.   
  
Taking the garment from his hand, Meri rose and headed to the 'fresher to change, by this time wanting only to sleep.   
  
When she finally emerged from the 'fresher, she was greeted by the soothing rumble of gentle thunder and the sound of rain pelting against the glass. The lights were out. She already felt better with her hair hanging about her shoulders and her face washed of any cosmetics.   
  
Glancing toward the divan, she noticed Alex was already sprawled on his side of the bed, though she wasn't certain he was really sleeping. She approached slowly, but hesitated to join him, her gaze falling to the floor. Wiggling her toes, she dug them into the plush carpet and wondered if it would make a hard place to sleep.   
  
"No, Meri." Alex voice came out of the darkness and Meri looked up to find his blue eyes shinning in the dimness of the room. "If anyone slept on the floor it would be me, but you know that won't work."   
  
Meri wanted to say no she didn't know, but there was no use arguing. The hint of firmness in his voice was proof enough.   
  
Sitting down, she then lifted her feet and pushed them under the covers. She was careful to lay as close to the edge as she could and as far away from her Master as possible. She thought she was being completely inconspicuous.   
  
"Meri, if I sneezed in your direction you'd fall off." Her Master's voice was thick with amusement.   
  
"I would not," she muttered, but slid a little more toward the center. Alex just laughed softly, before falling silent and it wasn't long before they both drifted off.   
  
****  
  
Alex didn't know what it was that stirred him from sleep. It could've been the thunder rumbling away into a gentle roar or just a sense that something was different. Lying quietly for a time half dozing, his Jedi senses remained attuned to feel of the room, but felt nothing amiss.   
  
Moving to lie on his back, he realized his hand was moving over the curve of a hip and it wasn't his own. Withdrawing his hand quickly, his sapphire eyes snapped open and it immediately become clear why he'd felt something different and now felt rather awkward.  
  
For a few moments there, while not quite awake he'd forgotten about Meri. She was making that particular mistake very hard for him to forget now.   
  
He wasn't sure if she was the one prone to cuddling or if he was, but somehow they had ended up that way. With one hand lightly braced against his chest, the other around his waist, Meri was in a deep sleep curled around her master.  
  
Even with his mind warning him to distance himself, he couldn't help thinking how lovely she was. Her dark lashes rested against her pale skin and her hair that was now curly was spread beneath her head. With a splash of color in her cheeks and her full lips slightly parted she looked innocent and rather distracting.   
  
Alex made a sound in the back of his throat that almost resembled a groan as he attempted to delicately extract his apprentice from his arms. He quickly stopped his motions however as Meri stirred and nuzzled closer still.  
  
// Okay…I should have slept on the floor…\\ he mused with an unsteady breath. The last thing he wanted to do was wake Meri up. The situation would be even more awkward than it already was just for him. With the way she had been reacting so far, he could only imagine her response to finding them like this.  
  
Oblivious of her master's thoughts and her effect on him, Meri released a light sigh and became still as she fell back into a deep sleep.  
  
// You just have to make this hard for me, don't you? \\ Alex thought as he looked down on her. The scent of her freshly washed hair, like Alderaan roses assailed his senses and without thinking he grasped one of her curls, stretching the dark strand out slowly as he wondered at the softness. Releasing it, his eyes then moved to gaze at her face, unhurriedly tracing the curve of her cheek, the outline of an eyelash and finally her mouth. The knight's eyes, normally bright blue, were now a hazy mist of lavender.  
  
Releasing a heavy sigh of his own, Alex jerked his gaze elsewhere as the beginnings of guilt bit at him. She was his apprentice and he had to remember that. Such thoughts were inappropriate, and completely out of place.  
  
With tension running through his body, Alex's thoughts were far from sleep. He gave up on moving at present and tried to focus his thoughts elsewhere, even attempting to meditate on the mission. When finally Meri turned over and put a little space between them, he heaved a sigh of relief, but more time passed before he was able to fall back asleep.  
  
  
****  
  
Meri came awake the next morning slowly, feeling more rested than she had been in quite some time --- and just from one night's sleep. Stretching languorously to her full length, it took a moment for her to remember that Alex wouldn't be far.   
  
Halting mid-motion, she propped herself up on her arms and quickly glanced around the room. Her master was nowhere in sight, but the door to the 'fresher was closed. Sitting up, she quickly pulled the overly large tunic back down around her legs, only then realizing she had been sleeping with it bunched around her waist, sprawled atop the covers.   
  
Color flooded her face at the thought of Alex seeing her like that as she slept, but she wasn't given time to contemplate the image further. The door to the 'fresher slid open and Alex ambled out, drops of water glistening on his black hair as he headed for his clothes bag. His chest was still bare, but he had thought to put his sleep pants back on. In one hand, he held a towel that he ruffled through his thick hair, drying it as he walked.   
  
Meri watched him quietly. She didn't want to be noticed, but rather wished there was some way she could dart into the 'fresher before he saw her in all her morning glory. She was embarrassed to be seen with her hair wild and sleep still in her eyes.   
  
While Meri's thoughts were consumed with avoiding Alex, her master moved to a tray set out by the serving droid. Breakfast had been brought into the room while she slept. Picking up a cup of juice, Alex took a taste of it, before glancing at his apprentice and smiling disarmingly.   
  
"Good morning," he greeted, his voice low and still a bit husky from sleep.   
  
Meri dropped her eyes, this time only from her embarrassment at the situation.   
  
"Would you like some juice?" he offered, ignoring the color infusing her cheeks.   
  
"I think I'd rather freshen up first," she said tentatively, casting a glance at the 'fresher.   
  
Alex merely nodded and watched as she quickly disappeared into the 'fresher. The smile that had been on his face fell as he turned and pushed aside the balcony door drapes to reveal a bright and clear day with no sign of any storms.   
  
Lifting his juice, he took another swallow, a contemplative frown creasing his brow. His thoughts were clearly not on the view and were in fact on more serious matters. He had reason to believe, as Anthian had suggested, that their serving droid had more than one duty. The unit that entered their quarters had actually been what woke him that morning. He'd awoken to find it's sensors trained on them and Alex was convinced it had been recording. The question was, what was it recording?   
  
However, Alex smiled inwardly as he recalled the position he and Meri had been found in. It was more than convincing. His mouth turned upwards wryly at this thought. They had become entangled again sometime during the night and it was this scene the serving droid had come upon. But when it discovered Alex's clear gaze on it, the droid had quickly begun laying out their breakfast as though that had been its original intent all along.   
  
Releasing a sigh, the knight dismissed his thoughts on that subject and considered something that troubled him even more than the mission did.   
  
He had actually been quite grateful that the droid had awakened him before Meri. He had meant to wake before her in the first place, but somehow when he was with her what usually worked back at the Temple didn't work at all here. *At least not in her arms*, his mind was quick to point out.   
  
His eyes slid shut at the thought and not without a sense of unease. Waking with her in his arms, it hadn't been any wonder his body responded and his blood quickened. The knight wanted to groan at thought. Thank the light she hadn't awakened!   
  
He downed the last of his juice in a quick toss before running a hand through his damp hair. There were times when he appreciated cold water more than he ever had longed for hot.   
  
****  
  
The morning was spent in their room while Alex read through the files Anthian had sent regarding a few of the more important individuals he suspected were involved. Their contact had also provided them with invitations that would admit them to a private meeting with potential investors, or at least get Alex admittance. Meri was his slave, and as such, would be allowed wherever he was.   
  
The invitations were under the name Alex Solail, his pseudonym for the mission. Their entire mission had been staged to appear as though he had arrived only for this gathering of potential investors. All who had been invited were among the wealthiest on Nuvanai or its surrounding moons and no doubt would each be accompanied by appropriate signs of stature --- the personal slave.   
  
Anthian had warned them that these meetings could get out of hand at times and that drinking was unavoidable. It often became rather wild after the business had been concluded, with the men exchanging slaves for the night and not bothering to find rooms.   
  
Alex wasn't so much concerned for who he would be meeting, as that wasn't his goal at this time. The critical bit of information relating to this meeting was where it was being held: at the estate of one of the most important crime lords. It was also the suspected holding place of Jedi Lavyin.   
  
The fact that these meetings became overly rowdy wasn't of a concern to him. In fact he counted on it to serve as a distraction. Anthian had already stressed how much they drank, but Alex was confident that through the use of the Force, he would be able to filter enough of the alcohol out of his system to stay sober. However after the remaining men were drunk or at least well on their way to it, Alex planned to separate from Meri. Then they could both concentrate on searching for the missing knight.   
  
This was provided they received a sense of him through the Force. Already Alex had sensed something. It was fleeting and so faint that it was disturbing. Meri, who did not have her Master's control of the Force as of yet, did not even sense it. The only thing easily felt by both was the darkness shrouding the entire mission. To Alex, it was as if they were scraping the surface of something bigger in their attempts to locate the missing Jedi knight. Putting these elusive concerns to rest, Alex focused all his energies on preparing for the nighttime meeting.   
  
Little did Alex know that in spite of all Anthian had warned them about, and despite the knight's carefully made plans, nothing that night was going to go as it should have. 


	50. Chapter 50

Chapter 50  
  
"Are you anxious?" Alex inquired as they both dressed for the evening. The day had fled by quickly and it was now early evening. The heat of the day had ebbed, and the clear sky of morning had been replaced by air heavy with moisture and clouds that promised rain and no little lightning and thunder later on.   
  
"A little," Meri conceded in answer to his question. It had taken a few moments of pondering, but she was feeling slightly uneasy and she wasn't certain of what, be it the mission or the position she was soon to be in.   
  
Her outfit for this particular outing was no less risqué, in fact probably more so. She had again opted for the skintight pants as opposed to the skirt that had been provided. She wasn't ready to show that much skin. Besides the skirt would be a hindrance if it came to running around, something which she undoubtedly would be doing at some point later that night. Her top hid only the minimal essentials and left the rest on display.   
  
The last thing she put on was a bracelet that circled her right forearm. It was gold and made in the form of a coiled snake, which Meri found rather disturbing. The head was at the lower end, with red gems as its eyes. To Meri, it looked as though it had embedded its fangs in her arm.   
  
Alex watched her put it on, a smile tugging the corners of his mouth upward. It wasn't difficult to see her distaste for the adornment.   
  
Meri sent a half-hearted glare in his direction. "You're enjoying this mission entirely too much," she groused. "I can't count the times you've laughed at me."   
  
The master just laughed then, the sound helping to set her nerves a little more on ease.   
  
"Are you ready yet, my little pet," he teased as he fastened his black cloak and then concealed his lightsaber from view.   
  
Meri grinned at his words, moving to don her own midnight blue cloak as she spoke. "Now there is a new term for apprentice, Master. Perhaps you should bring that up before the Council and see if they won't adopt it as the newest title for padawan."   
  
Alex smirked, but then the expression faded. "Stay close tonight, Meri," he warned seriously.   
  
Before he could go on, Meri flashed him a playful grin and ran her hands under his cloak and up his chest. "I thought that was my only mandate," she breathed glancing up at him with one dark brow arched in a mocking attempt at seduction. The mischievous smile faded as she saw his expression, felt his breathing deepen and she stilled her hands, her fingertips tingling before she could quickly pull them away. She wanted to ask what was wrong, but she hesitated, afraid of the answer.   
  
Discomfort hung heavy between them as Meri quickly stepped away, confusion filling her dark eyes.   
  
"I'm sorry," she began not even understanding why she was apologizing.   
  
"No, don't," his words stepped on the heels of her previous words as though he couldn't get them out fast enough.   
  
As Meri paused, glancing back up at him, Alex released a light sigh and then smiled reassuringly. "Don't apologize, I'm rather a bit uptight about tonight Meri, I'm glad that you feel comfortable enough to joke about it. You will need that comfort level later."   
  
His words held an almost ominous tone for Meri, but she tried to push the thought away. A finger brushing against the curve of her cheek brought her quickly back to the present and to Alex, who stood before her.   
  
"Focus," he instructed, pulling the Force around them both. His hand dropped away as she nodded. And then he smiled boyishly at her, the light reaching his indigo eyes and twinkling from them as he grinned.   
  
"That's better," he said.   
  
And for just that moment, everything was.  
  
*****  
  
"Master…"  
  
The young Jedi knight awoke from his fevered stupor, his dark eyes barely showing beneath drooped lids. The sound of his master's voice echoed in his mind, but he hadn't the strength to raise his head even if he had been convinced it was not a figment of his imagination and a result of his raging fever.   
  
Moments of clarity, such as he was experiencing now, were becoming far and fewer between, and they left him wondering for the thousandth time where he had gone wrong in his mission.   
  
Things had started out well enough and he had just begun to make serious headway in discovering who in the Senate was behind the crime ring. He hadn't believed what all the information was suggesting, but he hadn't been given time either. All he knew was that the Jedi Council needed to see that information. And now the only proof was within his mind.   
  
Over the course of a week, he found himself becoming dizzy and lightheaded, frequently losing his balance. At first he thought it stemmed from the long nights of research and the stress of keeping his identity a secret. But gradually it worsened; he became nauseated and couldn't keep anything down, while his fever climbed.   
  
Eventually he must have passed out in the 'fresher, for he awoke on the 'fresher floor to find himself surrounded by the men that he had worked for. He vaguely remembered being accused of treachery and being a Jedi, but he wasn't in any position to argue.   
  
The next time he awoke, he had found himself here and he wasn't all that certain of where "here" was. It was dark, dank and smelled of mildew, that much he knew. Sick as he was, his captors obviously weren't taking chances with a Jedi, and he found his hands and feet bound, with chains attached to the stone wall.   
  
The knight didn't know how long he'd been here, only that he had grown weaker, until even moving his finger was a chore. Simply breathing was becoming difficult. His sense of the Force was like trying to hold on to running water, when he was conscious enough to try and grasp it.   
  
He knew. Behind the feverish haze clouding his mind and the detachment from his body, he knew he was dying. There was nothing he could do to stop it, not now, but just before the darkness rose up to claim him, he found the childish thought and wish crossing his mind.   
  
*I don't want to die alone…*  
  
***  
  
A few floors above the captive Jedi, Alex and Meri were in the thick of the very group responsible. Discussions that only bordered on a business nature had already taken place. Things had begun to tilt toward the more personal side, with the men present starting up a friendly rivalry --— on the surface at least --— of who had the most well built slave.   
  
This change of discussion was initially a relief to Alex. He was uncomfortable and he suspected he was on dangerous ground making comments on subjects he knew nothing about. He was fast changing his opinion however, as the eyes around him began a lengthy inspection of his apprentice, who sat reclining against him. It wouldn't have bothered him as much if they weren't all well on their way to inebriation as well as becoming rather rowdy.   
  
The drinking had started some time ago, and because he knew it was imperative to fit in, he was forced to consume more than he would have liked. Because of his ability to filter the alcohol content, Alex only felt a slight buzz.   
  
"Solail, stand yours up and let us get a good eyeful of that one!" The request was loud and immediately caught the attention of the others around the room. Attention was one thing Alex hadn't wanted, but now all eyes were on him.   
  
Remaining where he was, reclined against cushions, he lazily waved his hand in a command accompanied by a rather bored. "Stand up."   
  
Meri, fighting down the queasiness in her stomach, obeyed instantly to the hoots and other rude sounds thrown her way. If she had looked up she would have seen the lust glittering in the men's eyes and the jealousy in a few of the other female slaves.   
  
Alex's blue gaze frosted, but it was his only visual response to what he was feeling and sensing coming from these men. The tips of his fingers moved in an indiscernible fidget as he listened to the comments flowing around the room. All the time he tried to appear bored.   
  
A somewhat portly man at Alex's side elbowed him good-naturedly. "Does she bore you that much?" He leered. "Perhaps we could trade for the night? You don't seem to want her."   
  
Alex squashed the un-Jedi-like idea of grabbing the man's throat and squeezing, while restraining the look of disgust that wanted to cross his face. Reaching up, he grabbed Meri's arm possessively and with a rough jerk she landed in his lap. He could feel her start of surprise through the Force as he slid an arm around her waist and pulled her back against his chest.   
  
"No," he said in a deceptively calm voice. "I think I'll keep her," he pretended to study her face and then ran a hand down her side. "For now," he added.   
  
Meri was stiff as a board against him and as the eyes slowly began to turn away from them, the conversation resumed. Alex, however, had the feeling that they were still being watched closely.   
  
"Relax," he breathed against her ear so only she heard him. He felt her do so, but only marginally. Finally he released her with the command to go freshen up. He'd seen many of the other girls coming and going and knew it would give his apprentice time to relax a little.   
  
Meri rose gracefully and Alex watched her until she disappeared through one of the grand arched doorways. Once she was gone, he took the time to scan the room, noting that things were getting louder as the drinks flowed and that a few of the men, despite an audience, were getting a little caught up in a more than affectionate display with their slaves. They were encouraged with much laughter by their surrounding companions and Alex looked away in revulsion. This was not something he had ever wanted Meri to be a part of.   
  
At the thought of her, he realized she should have been back by then. He waited a few more minutes and was just about to rise and go after her when he felt something strange over their bond.   
  
Alex rose to his feet quickly, ignoring the way the world seemed to briefly tilt in the light of his concern for Meri.   
  
Something wasn't right.  
  
*****  
  
As Meri glanced around the lavish room that had been designated a as "freshen-up" retreat for women, it was clear to her that whoever was behind all this was extremely wealthy.   
  
As she stepped into the hall, Meri shook her head, trying to understand why she had been so tense and shaken at the way she had felt herself responding to her Master's touch. Telling herself it was just an act on his part hadn't seemed to help. However, her thoughts turned away from this line of thought as she took in her surroundings. When she and Alex had first arrived, she had, of course, kept her head down. This was her first chance to glance around the expansive hallway. Thick marble columns reached up to the vaulted ceiling in support and a great curving marble staircase led to the upper floors.   
  
Even inside this room — provided for beings who were really nothing more than slaves, it spoke of wealth. Several plush seats had been provided before looking glasses. A marble sink sat beneath the mirrors and Meri only had to move her hand towards the faucet for the water to automatically start.   
  
Sticking her sweaty palms under the cold water, she wished she could splash her face with it as well. She left her hands under the frigid water until they began to tingle and then reached for the hand towel that had been provided.   
  
Closing her eyes, the padawan took a moment to center herself in the Force before returning to Alex. It was a struggle to keep all her confused thoughts at bay and focus only on this mission. Releasing a deep breath, Meri took her first step towards the doorway and stopped short at the sight of the man standing there.   
  
He was young, with olive skin, dark eyes and hair. He was only a little taller than she and in the moment it took for her to remember to drop her eyes she saw an expression of wanting on his face.   
  
In that brief instant she recognized the young man as one who had been watching her the entire evening. He had his own slave, but he hadn't been paying much attention to her.   
  
Advancing towards her, he eyed her, taking his time as his gazed burned its way from the top of her head to the soles of her feet.   
  
"Exquisite," he murmured to himself as he took the remaining steps to her.   
  
Meri held back a grimace of disgust at the feel of his hands on her arms. She didn't like this and wasn't quite certain how she was going to extricate herself from this developing crisis.   
  
"Look at me."   
  
Meri obeyed the command with eagerness, her eyes blazing with clear defiance.   
  
The man's motions ceased and his eyes narrowed as he studied her. She pulled back slightly, but the movement was enough. His hand clamped down like a vice on her wrist and suddenly she found herself pulled roughly into his arms.   
  
She felt a swell of something almost like panic as she smelled the alcohol on his breath and it took everything within her not to pull away.   
  
"Stop," the whispered word escaped before she could stop it.   
  
"What did you say to me?" The tone was hard and cold as the man pulled back, still holding both her arms in a vice-like grip.   
  
Meri didn't answer, but only stared past the young man's shoulder.   
  
"I can do whatever I want! You're a slave," he almost spat. His words were accompanied by a violent pinch on a tender part of her anatomy.   
  
Meri hissed in a breath and it took everything within her to keep from releasing a powerful force-push in self-defense … but she couldn't, she knew that.   
  
*Master,* she thought desperately. *I need you, now!* By this time she was trembling, though not from fear. It was taking everything within her to keep from using her powers as a Jedi. Powers that if used too soon might alert someone to their presence.   
  
"Scared?" the man asked amidst his fumbling efforts, mistaking her trembling for something else entirely.   
  
Meri wanted to scoff at this, but knew she didn't have the time. Closing her eyes she ignored the man to the best of her ability as she delved into the Force. The man had a strong mind, but his drinking had weakened it and it was probably the only thing that allowed her to succeed.   
  
She wasn't as learned in mind manipulation as her master, but with some effort she managed to trick his mind into thinking he wanted to sleep. As the man's arms were still around her, she wasn't prepared for the heavy weight as he collapsed on top of her.   
  
With a small "Ooof," Meri landed on her backside with the man's weight pinning her down.   
  
"I knew it," a voiced murmured grimly.   
  
Meri glanced up to see Alex peering down on them, his expression serious as he surveyed her predicament before he reached down and hefted the man's dead weight to the side allowing Meri to crawl out from under the inert form.   
  
"What happened?"   
  
"Well, I was trying to get back to you, Master, but I was delayed," Meri voice was trembling as she brushed imaginary dirt from her front, her eyes averted from Alex's probing ones.   
  
"I should have known. He's been looking at you all night. Are you all right?"   
  
At the soft voice Meri bit her lip and nodded, her eyes on the floor.   
  
"He's drunk. I'll inform a attendant on the way out," he said with a cold glance at the man.   
  
Stepping closer, Alex enclosed Meri within the circle of his arms. "This isn't working, Meri. They suspect something," he whispered.   
  
She knew he meant the act only to protect them from anyone hearing, but she couldn't explain the relief she felt at being there, despite his serious words. He spoke of the distance they had held up to that point, but she knew with how things were going, Alex was going to have to act as something other than her Jedi master; if only to protect her, as well as him from discovery.   
  
Alex moved one hand to the nape of her neck, his fingers toying with a few curly strands there. "I … well, you're just going to need to trust me tonight, Meri."   
  
He wasn't simply informing her, he was requesting something of her and she wasn't certain what. She glanced up hesitantly into his eyes and his fingers stilled at the back of her neck.   
  
"Yes, Master," she breathed, offering in that single word, everything.   
  
Alex's blue eyes darkened slightly as he studied her intensely, hearing within her words more than obedience and something much more than respect. His fingers played across the skin of her nape in a tender caress before he pulled his hand away and led her back to the hall. 


	51. Chapter 51

Chapter 51

Meri was trying hard to obey her Master's last command; the problem was, "trying" was the operative word. Playing a giggly, empty-headed seductress in front of an audience wasn't part of her padawan training. And she had precious little experience to draw on.   
  
Upon their return to the hall, Alex had Meri climb on his lap where she was expected, to put it delicately, show her affections. She could practically feel all eyes on them, though she was certain that if she had looked up, everyone would have been appropriately busy.   
  
Her hands trembled visibly as she slowly ran them up Alex's chest, mortification flooding through her.   
  
_Meri, look at me._   
  
Meri obeyed the soft yet firm voice, raising her dark lashes to meet Alex's gaze. For the moment his attention was focused solely on her and it overwhelmed her.   
  
_Are you afraid of me?_   
  
The strength of the contact over their bond startled her and she had to check herself to keep from shaking her head in denial of the unspoken question.   
  
_No. _The return answer was adamant. She was afraid of herself.   
  
A smile quirked her Master's mouth as he looked down on her and a silent challenge shone from his eyes. She didn't sense any hesitation from him at this point, and she wondered if this were as difficult for him as it was for her.   
  
She wasn't prepared when Alex took things in his own hands. Suddenly she found him pulling her closer or was he bending to her?   
  
"Pretend I'm Obi-Wan if it helps," he whispered, his lips brushing her ear and his breath tickling her hair. She almost choked holding back the gasp in the back of her throat at his action, but he didn't give her time to even think about his absurd comment before he was moving on.   
  
With one hand gently on the back of her waist and the other on her shoulder, as though to hold her in place, he dropped an unexpected kiss just below her ear.   
  
The tremble was involuntary, sweeping through her entire body with force. She knew he felt how she'd responded, but that didn't stop him. Rather he continued to slowly make his way down the smooth expanse of her neck.   
  
Meri's thoughts were a confused jumble and her senses were reeling. Unconsciously she tightened her hands, which had formerly been splayed across the back of his shoulders.   
  
She fought to pull enough coherency about her to erect shields around her emotions, but it was a losing battle. She pinched her eyes shut as the onslaught against her senses continued, her breathing at this point coming roughly.   
  
_Was this affecting him at all? _The question was driving her insane as much as his caresses were. His hands were running up her back and down her sides.   
  
"Uhh!" she gasped suddenly, her fingers digging into his shoulder. Previously Alex had only been lightly brushing his lips over her skin, a completely closed mouth affair._   
  
But now ...   
  
_Meri focused hard on not making any sounds as he intensified his assault on her senses and to her utter dismay she found herself instinctively tilting her head to give him better access even as shame mixed in with the kaleidoscope of her feelings.   
_  
How could he be doing this to me?_ she wondered. At first, Meri was sure that Alex was laughing at her in his mind. But she soon told herself that he wouldn't do that. _Would he?_ She thought for a moment. _No. This was strictly business. He was just trying to put on a good show._   
  
Just about then Meri almost bit her tongue off holding back a whimper as he nibbled on the lobe of her left ear. It was also then that she noticed his breathing was ragged and another shiver whipped down her spine.   
  
If this was all an act, he was doing an incredibly good job at it. She couldn't think that it would be anything but. Besides he was staying well away from her mouth, a fact she couldn't presently decide as good or bad.   
  
When he stopped, it was sudden and she didn't know if the sense of reluctance the moment held was a dream, or if she had completely lost all her senses.   
  
She risked a small glance up at Alex and was rewarded with the sight of something she hadn't expected on his face. His eyes were closed as he struggled to calm his heavy breathing and his brows were furrowed in a frown of concentration.   
  
At first she thought the look related to what had just occurred between them, but then, she felt it too. A swelling disturbance through the Force rippled across her senses, leaving in its wake a rising urgency.   
  
In another move she wasn't expecting from him, Alex stood, putting in a stumble for show. He easily swept his apprentice up in his arms and then nuzzled her neck to hide the fact that he was speaking to her.   
  
"I've determined his general location. It's time."   
  
Lifting his head he began to make his way out of the hall, all the while appearing as though he were going to ravish her the minute they were alone.   
  
As they passed the man that had offered to take Meri earlier that night, he inquired in a heavily slurred voice where they were going.   
  
"Where do you think, man?" Alex asked with a smirk as laughter broke out.   
  
Once they were out in the empty hallway, Alex gently set Meri on her feet and even though she hadn't had any alcohol she felt rather lightheaded.   
  
Moving her eyes hesitantly upward she saw his eyes briefly linger at a spot on her neck. With that memory of what he'd done and how she had felt, she dropped her gaze quickly.   
  
Seeing this, Alex seemed to shake himself out of a trance. He handed Meri her lightsabre.   
  
"Take the lower level. I'll take this floor and then come find you."   
  
Meri nodded as she reached for the hilt of her lightsabre. When their hands briefly touched in the exchange, she felt a tingle go up her arm. Before she had a chance to contemplate the meaning of the feeling, he tossed her a com unit.   
  
"If you find him, contact me immediately. And at any sign of trouble," he added with a firmer tone. "Don't take on anyone alone."   
  
"Yes, Master."   
  
She headed towards the stairs that led to the lower level, but Alex stopped her.   
  
"Be careful, Meri."   
  
His tone was warm and she fought the answering warmth that flooded through her.   
  
She nodded wordlessly and they each went their separate ways.


	52. Chapter 52 Sparks fly

Chapter 52

He had lost control. As much as he would have liked to pin his actions down and call them duty, he knew he would be lying to himself. And no matter how many times he told himself she was his apprentice and that she was so young, too young, a part of him refused to listen.

His undoing had been her emotions, which flowed over their bond openly. In the beginning he'd felt in control of the situation, but he had not accounted for the feel of Meri in his arms and the response it would invoke. 

When his lips first moved over her soft skin, he felt her tremble and her grasp on his shoulders tightened. He'd always known Meri was fond of him, but tonight something new had been revealed and in the most disconcerting way and at the most inopportune time. The bond between them, normally very strong as it was, had throbbed and pulsed with an entirely new light. She had tried to block him at first; Alex had felt that. And it was her final release of those emotions that had shattered any figment of control.

For while Alex had barely been holding onto himself, the bottom line was that he had been succeeding by telling himself any such advances in real life would be unwanted, besides improper. He hadn't counted on their bond and he hadn't known just how strong things between them had really grown. 

He had never experienced a more enlightening, arousing, overwhelming connection with anyone. With every touch and caress the bond between them was flooded with her emotions, her confusion and insecurity, but most of all her feelings for him.

And that perhaps was the most shocking of all.  With the waves of her emotions surging through their bond, Alex's defenses had been obliterated, and for timeless minutes he had forgotten where they were and more importantly who they were as he lost himself to her.

He had just made the biggest mistake of his life.

As he ascended the grand staircase to the upper level, one hand ran thoughtlessly through his thick hair, the other rested lightly on the hilt of his lightsabre, which he had moved to its proper place at his side. 

Through force of will, he pushed the thoughts of what had just occurred to the back corner of his mind. How many times as a padawan had his Master taught him on the evils of distraction? Indeed, how many times had he himself lectured Meri on the very same. Distraction for a Jedi was their downfall and he would do well to practice what he taught, no matter how tempted he felt to let his mind wander.

Right now he had to focus on his mission and finding the missing knight. What he had sensed earlier could not be taken lightly. The knight was in grave danger and though he had not mentioned it to Meri, he feared it might be too late for the one they searched.

At the top of the stairs he paused, casting out through the Force while his vibrant blue eyes performed a search of their own. The corridor that stretched out before him was silent and seemed to be abandoned of any life forms. Most were down at the party, he hoped. It would make things a lot easier if they didn't run into anyone.

He proceeded slowly, and silently, an accomplishment that at his size had always, to a certain extent, baffled his apprentice. Alex didn't have to enter any of the rooms he was passing; sifting through them with the Force he knew they were empty and devoid of life. Reaching the end of the corridor he was faced with two options, that of turning right or left, but he paused again. Something was telling him he wasn't any nearer his goal and that in fact were he to continue he would be going the wrong way. 

Before he could make any sort of decision there was a flare of something from Meri through their bond, almost as though she had been startled. Then he felt his com link silently vibrating against his hip and he jerked it up, thumbing it on.

"Master?!"

"Yes," he answered quietly with a quick glance around.

"I've…found him." 

Meri's voice wavered slightly with her words, a fact which caused one dark brow to rise in concern. There wasn't much that could shake Alex's levelheaded apprentice. 

"Stay where you are. Wait for me," he said evenly, trying to infuse his words with a calming effect. Replacing the com link at his side, the knight quickly headed for the stairs, wondering what exactly he would find at his destination.

***

Meri peered out from behind one of the large, gray stone pillars that made up the dark floor she was on. It was damp and cold here, and her exposed skin was flushed with goose bumps.

It had been one of the first things she noticed. That and the filth and smell; never would she have guessed that only a few floors could make such a difference. In the shadows she could see things moving…. spidery legs and quick sharp movements. Automatically she was wary of this unknown, but all her focus was pulled from these things at the sight that had greeted her in the center of the room.

The figure was still and disturbingly silent, but by the tattered tunics and robe, and the flickering of his Force signature, she knew him for the Jedi he was. He hung heavy from the chains that held him, his head dipping so that it rested on his chest.

The sight of the young Jedi knight shook her so that her hands fumbled when she reached for her com link. After contacting Alex, she stayed hidden, as he had commanded, but something began building in her the longer she looked on. She could sense that the young man's last tenuous grasp on the Force was slipping and her eyes took in the chains that held him up. It shouldn't be so.

Gripping the hilt of her lightsabre tighter, she slipped quietly from hiding place and stepped out in the open. Cautiously she made her way over to the Jedi, her heart feeling bruised at seeing a member of her order treated so. There was only the briefest flash of lavender light as her lightsabre cut through the chains, releasing their burden.

Meri just barely caught the knight but was unprepared for the dead weight and was driven to her knees in the filth. Carefully she shifted him, so that he was lying with his head in her lap.

"Master…"

The words came from the knight's cracked lips as little more than a breathy whisper, but Meri sensed he wasn't aware of her presence. Gently she drew a hand over the grimy forehead, brushing off the hair there in a calming gesture. "It's okay now," she offered, feeling the hollowness in her words. They were all she had to offer him in his last moments. That and her presence. 

Seeing one of his hands twitch, the fingers curling slightly, Meri reached down and took the hand in her own, her heart clenching almost unbearably tight. She squeezed his hand tightly, tears welling in her eyes as she realized what she was witnessing. There was only a hint of return pressure from the Jedi and then the raspy and shallow breathing stopped and all was incredibly still.

 ***

The sound of dying thunder rumbling away into the distance outside pulled Meri out of her brief lapse in concentration on her surroundings. Pulling her legs under her, she prepared to stand, an action that was quickened when she felt a sharp sting on her wrist. With a quickly indrawn breath, she brushed away the dark speck that had been crawling on her arm and vigorously rubbed the offended area of skin. 

Meri could sense her Master approaching and wished he would hurry, but before she was even give more time to do so a tingle of her senses alerted her to something or someone approaching who was not on their side. 

Whoever was responsible for this was coming. Somehow they had found out the Jedi's' presence. She could sense that as well.

_Meri!_

The call was like a lightening bolt across their bond and she responded without hesitation, springing into flight, her steps light and quick as she rushed up the stairs she had descended such a short time ago. The bond between Master and apprentice was flooded with urgency and Meri used the Force to quicken her steps.

Reaching the next floor up, she slid across the slick marble in effort to slow her momentum, and was helped when Alex quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him. Without any word of greeting or warning the tall knight pressed her into the tiny storage room behind him, the only room on that floor.

It was musty smelling, filled with storage containers and had scant space for them to fit in, but somehow they managed.

With his apprentice's back pressed firmly against the containers, Alex still just barely fit in the storage room and only just managed to get the door closed behind them. From shoulders to thighs, their bodies were pressed together, a situation that was entirely too intimate for the both of them, considering what had happened earlier.

Meri couldn't help the shudder that ran through her at the contact. If they never had another mission such as this one, it would be entirely too soon for her. It took everything within her not to move at the pressure of his body covering hers, but she couldn't help the slight wriggling that she did allow.

At the slight movement she made, Alex gripped her arms tightly; almost as though he were attempting to hold her still and she couldn't help feeling the way he tensed.

"Don't," he breathed quietly near her ear in the barest essence of a whisper.

Concentrating on keeping his breathing even, Alex listened as voices approached outside, they were coming from the higher floor and moving downward to where Meri had just returned from. 

The long minutes it took for them to do so were extremely uncomfortable for the two hiding inside the small storage room. The second they had gone, Alex backed out quickly and Meri followed taking in a much needed deep breath.

Without another word to each other they both moved as quickly and silently as possible for the higher floors. Their mission had been accomplished now they needed to get out.

Alex didn't have to ask Meri about the state of the Jedi knight. He had felt his passing and knew it was too late for them to do anything other than get out and alert the Council to their findings. 

A sense of relief fell like a curtain over the apprentice as she concentrated on following her Master silently. No more dressing like a scamp, no more averting the eyes and best of all, no more forcing herself to pretend she was feeling things for Alex, when in truth she wasn't pretending at all!

Meri edged to a stop behind Alex as they reached the main floor. Everything had quieted down and he only paused briefly before moving silently towards the nearest exit. They would only have a limited amount of time before whoever it was found out they had been there. With all things considered, the getting out unnoticed ended up being the easiest part of the whole night. It was obvious they had, to a certain degree taken their enemies by surprise.

It was a simple matter of getting to their transport and heading back to the city. Once safely inside, a heavy silence fell between the two and Meri concentrated on squeezing the water from her hair from the drenching rain that had returned with the night. She'd gotten drenched in their brief dash for their transport.

"Did you move him?"

Dark eyes danced upwards at his voice and a sudden pang of apprehension sparked through her.

"Yes, Master," she murmured glancing aside. She knew she shouldn't have, and was regretting it. Perhaps had she not moved him, he would not have died. Perhaps there was something her Master could have done to help.

"No, I sense he was too far gone," Alex answered the un-addressed concerns. "However, now they know we have been there. Before there would have been no proof we were."

"I'm sorry, Master," Meri apologized softly. He had told her to wait for him and she hadn't.

Silence descended again and for the first time in a while it was an uncomfortable quiet between the two.

Meri risked a glance at Alex as he focused on navigating through the city. His black hair was just as drenched as hers and she forgot she was staring as she watched the water drip off his hair to trickle down the back of his neck. The few strands that normally hung over his forehead held tiny droplets that reflected the lights of the city outside.

Suddenly his blue eyes shifted and caught her staring. One black brow rose in inquiry. "Do I look like a drowned nerf?"

Meri was thankful for the darkness as heat infused her face and she was able to hide the evidence of her embarrassment. "Something like that," she had to fight to put her usual dryness into the answer. "I'm sure I don't look much better though," she said without thinking.

The sudden gaze that was directed her way made her remember what she was wearing and on top of it all, that it was now drenched and clinging to her even more. His expression however, was as inscrutable as always and this prompted her memory of something he had said earlier that night which she fully planned on getting an explanation for.

"I have a question, Master." Her voice was full of false bravado, for she certainly didn't feel as comfortable as addressing this as she sounded.

Alex glanced at her quickly before refocusing his eyes on where they were going. "Yes?"

"What did you mean tonight, when you said that about Obi-Wan? I mean, what were you implying anyway?"

There was silence while Alex parked the speeder near the establishment they were staying at. Meri shivered in the cool air, goose bumps rising over her arms and she absently rubbed them briskly, purposefully avoiding her Master's eyes.

A warm hand caressed her forearm. "Let's get inside and dry, before we speak about this. I would like to catch transport back to Coruscant as soon as possible."

Meri nodded and wondered at his expression when she had mentioned Obi-Wan, yet she was apprehensive about this talk they were to have.

***

When Meri stepped out of a hot shower, she was feeling only slightly better about this talk they were supposed to have. It didn't help matters when she looked in the reflective glass and saw an odd patch of discoloring on her neck. 

_What the...._her thoughts trailed off as it became obviously clear just where she had obtained the mark and her cheeks flooded with color. She let her eyes slide shut in mortification. _How am I going to hide this back at the Temple?_

Just then there was a pulse of concern and inquiry over the bond with her Master and she knew he had felt her sudden upheaval of emotions. Taking in a cleansing breath, she expelled it and shrugged into the soft robe that had been placed out for her.

When she exited the 'fresher she avoided glancing at Alex, but she felt his eyes on her and she unconsciously tightened her hold that held her robe closed around her neck. Just what she didn't need was for him to see what he'd unknowingly accomplished. It could only cause more embarrassment for them both. 

Moving quickly, she went over to her bag and knelt to retrieve an outfit to wear. No doubt Alex would want to leave as soon as possible, before anyone could trace them back to where they were staying. It took a few minutes of rummaging; the entire time she held the robe close to her neck aware of the eyes burning into her back. What she wasn't aware of was that Alex had moved to stand directly behind her, and when, in one movement, she stood and took a step forward she almost crashed into him. 

"Master!" the word was breathed sharply as the pile of clothing she held fell to the floor between them. 

For a moment their gazes locked, but then Alex's eyes shifted to her neck and Meri wished she could simply disappear. 

Slowly, Alex raised his hand and lightly brushed away the material covering her neck. 

Meri inhaled shakily and allowed her hands to drop away, revealing the light purple discoloration on her neck. She could feel her cheeks flaming. 

"I'm sorry." His voice was low as he brushed his fingers lightly against the mark. 

Meri couldn't find the words to speak and her heartbeat skipped before starting a mad dash. Instead, she found her eyes traveling upwards until they found a harbor in the bright blue orbs above her. 

The knight's fingers settled to rest comfortably on her smooth skin, curling to cup her neck lightly. 

Meri knew she should distance herself, but the pull between them was undeniable. Trying to hide the effect his touch had on her, she closed her eyes, but they snapped open immediately when she felt something caress her lower lip. 

It was his thumb…resting against her lower lip, and every second or so he rubbed it softly against her lip. She looked up only to see his normally bright blue eyes had changed color and were focused on her mouth. _Odd…._ she couldn't help thinking even in the midst of this maelstrom of emotions. His eyes were a dusky violet. 

She could feel her pulse fairly jumping as her breath became erratic and noticed, too, that his breath had also quickened. 

This time there was no breaking the heavy gaze and slowly Alex moved his hand up her neck to cup the back of her head firmly. 

Allowing her eyes to drift shut, she tilted her head up in anticipation. Her whole body quivered in delight when she felt the warm softness of his lips against hers. The touch was feather light at first, almost questioning and explorative, yet hesitant. It was not an overly intimate kiss, but it felt right, the best thing she had ever experienced.

Every thought and concern faded away in importance and Meri gave herself up to the sensations being stirred within her.

Her heart was racing madly and she found her arms had somehow inched their way around Alex's neck. He, in return pulled her closer and she reveled in the pressure of his body against hers. But the kiss seemed to last only an instant. 

Meri felt lightheaded as Alex broke the kiss, pulling back only far enough to rest his forehead against hers, their lips barely touching. They were both breathing more heavily than before and the feel of his warm breath caressing her lips sent a shiver down her back. 

Shyly, without thought, Meri moved her fingers from the base of Alex's neck, upward, into the thick black hair she so adored. Caught up in sensation of running her fingers through his hair, Meri was startled when Alex groaned lightly and let out a breath that was closer to a sigh. 

"Meri…," his voice was husky and heavy with some restrained emotion, halting her movements, her fingers still entwined in the black locks atop his head. 

Lifting a hand, Alex rested it on her slender wrist then ran his strong fingers slowly down her arm to the slope of her shoulder. Like her other garments, the robe wasn't cut for modesty and still exposed much of her skin. Something, it was obvious, the knight couldn't help noticing. 

Neither one was thinking of the consequences of their actions or what they were really doing. In an instant, the spark that had been between them for so long, at long last began to slowly smolder. Any thoughts of status fell to the wayside as they became caught up in finally allowing themselves to explore each other. 

Leaning down closer to her once again, Alex nuzzled where the curve of her neck met her shoulder, inhaling deeply. Ever since Meri had stepped out of the 'fresher, the scent of wild Alderaanian roses had teased his senses. Now, at such close proximity the scent of her was enough to drive him crazy and her skin still held traces of the heated dampness of her shower. 

Moving his hand up to her hair, he threaded his fingers carefully through the mass of soft, dark curls. The action, along with his continued nuzzling elicited a quickly expelled breath from Meri, almost a gasp. 

The emotions that had been gradually growing between them were becoming unbearable. For so long they had denied it, denied this and the pressure without release had become agonizing.

Taking in a long breath, Alex raised his head until they were posed face-to-face, inches apart. There was a deep longing within him, within them both, but both were afraid of giving into it. It was in their eyes as the heated gaze continued. 

Tenderly Alex brushed a thumb across the soft skin on the curve of her cheek, debating. But it was only for the briefest moment. 

For the second time that night his lips moved over hers, taking them, much more insistent than before and more demanding for surrender. The passion that had been simmering just below the surface exploded with a brilliant haze that clouded the mind. 

Briefly, before attempting to deepen the kiss, a fleeting thought occurred to Alex of how Meri how responded to Cillian...but the thought trailed off into nothingness as the sweetness of her mouth intoxicated him. She hadn't reacted to Cillian this way…. 

As her mouth responded in an awkward, but obviously open invitation against his, it became his last coherent thought, as well as hers. The bond between them was a molten cord of heat, pulsating with every quickened beat of their hearts.

A sudden crack of thunder outside shook the very building to it's core and pulled the two apart with a guilty start.

They were both breathless; Meri stared at him with wide eyes, startled by his depth of passion, and Alex focused his eyes on her, wondering what he'd just done, realizing with sudden clarity something he'd been denying all along. He was in love with her.

***

The sound of rain pounding relentlessly on the roof dominated the room as the two occupants stood motionless, almost as though frozen in the reality of what had just occurred between them.

Finally unable to bear the silence any longer, Meri took an insecure step back, away from Alex. The twenty-five year old had dropped his gaze, his hand rubbing at his forehead as though in pain. At her movement he glanced up.

At the sight before him he wanted to groan. His breath caught anew as despair at what he'd done clenched painfully inside his chest. "A Dhia, thoir cobhair," he whispered barely loud enough to be heard, his voice heavy with regret. She was standing before him and looked as though she were ready to bolt. Where she would run, he didn't know, but the only thing that registered was that he had caused this. He had just broken the Master/Padawan trust; he had just done the unthinkable and the unforgivable.

He turned, took a step away and did something that pained him more than he ever thought possible. He closed their bond from his end until he couldn't sense the turmoil of his apprentice's emotions.

"Alex?!"

Her voice was clear, yet high with alarm, pain, and confusion, but it was his name that hit him like a physical blow.

He turned slowly; resolve stiffening his spine. He had to amend this mistake, no matter how much it hurt the both of them. Some things just were not acceptable in the Jedi order. 

"No, Padawan," he managed to get out, surprised at how his voice sounded so firm and in control when inside he felt like a part of him was dying. The pain only intensified as he saw her flinch visibly at the formal address.

"This was a mistake. A dire mistake. The other Jedi masters were right. I was too young to take an apprentice."

Meri backed up even more at his words and he thought for a moment she was going to try and run from him.

"They were right," he went on more slowly, "because I shouldn't have….allowed myself to feel this way. I allowed my affection to grow beyond what it should, beyond what is right." 

"No, no it's not…," she began almost frantically. 

"Yes, Meri," he broke in more firmly than he had intended. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. This is my fault, do you understand me?" He gazed at her pointedly, inside his heart breaking at the shattered look of hope on her face. "This mistake was mine and I will correct it. I will," he added firmly, sounding as thought he meant to convince himself as well as his apprentice.

Tears were glistening in her dark brown eyes and even as he watched they welled over and ran down the soft curve of her cheek. It took an immense amount of will power to restrain him from comforting her. She wasn't looking at him now and he didn't blame her.

"I'm sorry," he said again softly. "I'll fix this," he added resolutely. At his words she glanced at him and he saw the fear in her dark eyes at his meaning and the question. But he had no answer for what she wanted to know. If stepping aside were what was required of him for her to achieve her knighthood, then he would do it. She had too much potential for him to put that in jeopardy simply because he fancied himself in love, something that was almost unheard of among the Jedi.  A fact that he would, as it was, be spending much time and thought meditating on in the future. 

"I will return shortly, I am going to acquire transport back to Coruscant. Be prepared to leave when I return." 

There was no 'Yes, Master' or even any acknowledgement to his statement, but he didn't care. Eager for the escape from those dark, haunted eyes, the door shut silently on the sound of soft, broken crying.


	53. Chapter 53

Author's Note: I swear every time I turn around the policy for formatting these things for italics has changed. Grr. SO, as I'm on a new computer and this doesn't have Microsoft Word, things in // \\ are italics. Use your imagination. ;)  
  
**  
  
"Plant your feet and keep your hands in first position," a Jedi Master barked to his young padawan.  
  
Meri paused to watch as the master put the small padawan through his moves. Leaning on the railing that looked down over the vast training halls of the Jedi Temple, Meri contemplated her relationship with her own master compared to that of the pair she watched below. It had been a long while since things had been so simple beteween them, if they ever had, for Meri could not deny the strangeness their pairing had always seemed to hold.  
  
A hand on her arm brought her quickly back to her surroundings and Meri looked up to find concerned blue eyes watching her.  
  
"Obi-Wan," she said in greeting with a smile that almost, but didn't quite manage to reach her eyes.  
  
"What's wrong?" he questioned.  
  
Meri smiled faintly once more and turned her gaze outward. "Am I so transparent?"  
  
"You've been avoiding everyone ever since you returned," he pointed out as he too leaned causually over the railing, hands dangling over the floors below. "And now I find you looking fairly troubled....about something. I've known you long enough, Meri, to know that something is amiss. Did something happen on your last mission?" Obi-Wan turned to look at her, his braid dangling freely as he leaned on the railing.  
  
His question tripped through her mind over and over again as if in mockery. A rush of emotion slammed into her at the thought of exactly //had\\ happened. In the past few days since their return to the Jedi Temple life between the two had become almost unbearably tense and strangled. Something that neither one of them was used to in their relationship. She was worried about what Alex's words had meant that night and afraid now to give him the chance to speak. Would he request another master for her?  
  
"Is it something to do with Alex?" Obi-Wan tried again when it was obvious his friend had fallen back into thought.  
  
At hearing Alex's name, Meri quickly shifted her gaze to Obi-Wan, an expression fleeting across her face so briefly it could almost have been imagined by anyone who saw it, but Obi-Wan saw it and knew he was correct in his guess.  
  
"We are having....troubles," she said, her expression shuttered.  
  
Obi-Wan observed her for a few long moments and then asked, "What sort?"  
  
Meri sighed. "The sort you wouldn't understand," she said, hoping to stave off any more questions.  
  
Obi-Wan, however, was not going to be deterred. "Try me," he said softly.  
  
"No, really you wouldn't, trust me," she said with a hint of irritation in her tone.  
  
"I've had my fair share of problems with my master, Meri. Your problems can't be all that different from the rest of us."  
  
Meri was silent at this, thinking just how different they were. She would willingly stake her life on the fact, that most padawans didn't have to deal with handling the matter of wanting, more than anything, to have their master hold them and kiss them. But most of all wanting him not to stop when he did.  
  
"Come on, Meri, maybe I can help?" Obi-Wan implored.  
  
Meri allowed her gaze to wander back to the pair below in thoughtful contemplation before answering. "Have you ever wanted to do something, felt there were actions you were incapable of holding yourself back from doing, but knew it would damage your relationship with Qui-Gon?"  
  
Obi-Wan looked thoughtful at this and nodded slowly. "The Medlida/Daan situation, I'm sure you recall that?"  
  
"How could I forget?" she asked ruefully. She had thought to never see her friend again.  
  
"I felt I had to help, despite knowing the tension it would cause between Qui-Gon and me."  
  
"Do you regret it?" she inquired softly, her brown eyes shifting to rest on him.  
  
"No. I know that probably sounds odd, but I believe it strengthened what was between us. I didn't know that things would work out, neither of us did, but by struggling through that hard time together we learned to put more trust in one another and our bond."  
  
Meri didn't answer, but seemed to be thinking on what he said.  
  
"Alex obviously cares about you, Meri. I can see that. Do you? Don't you trust him?"  
  
"Yes." Her answer was quick and sure.  
  
"Then things can't get so bad, Meri. Not as long as you put out the effort to make things work and trust in what you do have."  
  
Meri thought for a few moments longer before straightening and turning to face her friend. "Thank you, Obi-Wan."  
  
"You always were stubborn," he laughed lightly. "Nonetheless I know you'll do the right thing." Pausing he took a moment to study her face before a small frown creased his brow in concern. "Are you feeling alright?"  
  
Meri nodded but rubbed her arms trying to ward of the chill she'd been fighting the past day. "Just slightly chilled, why?"  
  
"You look pale," he commented brushing the back of his hand across her cheek. "Very pale, in fact."  
  
"I've just been a little tired lately," she assured. Obi-Wan had the tendency to worry about her just as much as Alex. She wasn't going to feed his paranoid nature any more by telling him the rest.  
  
He gave her an unconvinced look, but didn't press the matter. "Hmm. Well how about we go get a bite to eat. Then maybe you should retire early. I still think you're not feeling well."  
  
"Sometimes I think you should've been a healer. You would've been a terror to rival Master An-Paj." Their laughter at the irony of her statement rang down the corridor.  
  
***  
  
Meri held back a groan as she curled on her side and drew her legs up further, willing the rolling of her stomach to settle. She had ended up retiring early as Obi-Wan had suggested, but the queasiness that had been in her stomach the last few days hadn't abated. Instead, ever since she had returned to the queit quarters she and her master shared the feeling had grown steadily worse.  
  
She didn't know how long she lay there, dozing in and out of a fitful sleep. She came to sometime later, a cold sweat on her brow with a viscious twisting pain in her middle. She sat up suddenly, before lurching to her feet and stumbling toward the small 'fresher that adjoined her room.  
  
The door rolled open silently for Meri and she paused at the entrance, one hand bracing herself again the doorjam. Her legs buckled as the world around her tilted sharply and the floor came up to meet her. She woke up some time later sprawled on the floor, her arm bent at an awkward angle underneath her and chills running over her body so strongly that she was shuddering with the force of them.  
  
Again the overwhelming sensation of being sick threatened her and she crawled forward just in time to grasp the edge of the toilet and pull herself up before she was violently sick. The automatic flush sounded like a dull roar in her ears as she collapsed back to the floor, blackness sweeping over her vision.  
  
*  
  
Alex set his cup of juice carefully on a round table while casting a curious look around the ominously silent quarters. He knew Meri had been avoiding him and wondered if she had again left early for some reason or another. The twenty-five year old had been almost certain he had risen early enough to catch her. He had meant to talk to her this morning. Sighing, he sank into the chair behind him and stared thoughtfully straight ahead. The real reason he wanted to speak with her was because he had made his decision. It just couldn't work.  
  
He loved her. It wasn't something he could make his mind up to change. Things would never again be the same between them and they couldn't go on pretending nothing had happened. If he requested another master for her, he knew in time the seperation would cool what was between them. She would be able to focus on attaining her knighthood without the distraction of what was between them.  
  
// You'll be put up for evaluation by the Council.... \\  
  
The thought was another unpleasant factor he knew he would have to face. The Jedi Council would want to know why he could not go on being her Master. At her advanced stage of apprenticeship it would have to be a rather large offense to ensure that his request would go through. The truth would in all inevibility be reveiled. The rumors that would arise from this would undoubtedly sweep the Jedi Temple like wild fire. He wouldn't be able to even stop and politely enquire of her health without new rumors cropping up. The distance that would come between them until her knighthood would be a necessary factor.  
  
// Necessary or an escape? \\  
  
Pushing the conflicting thoughts aside, Alex focused on trying to find his apprentice. Stretching out his awareness in the Force, Alex settled himself in a meditative state in order to find his apprentice within the thriving Temple. Before he got far however he felt a faint flicker of her essence, much closer and oddly irregular. Pausing, he focused his attention there, and in concern embraced her essence closer to him, ignoring the shock of heat that traveled back through their bond at the intimate touch.  
  
Sapphire eyes snapped open and quickly he pushed himself to his feet, striding down the short corridor to his apprentice's room. Without pausing to ask for entrance he activated the door and stepped through as soon as it rolled back. A quick glance toward her bed showed it empy, but with the sheets dragged off and half on the floor. Fear began to coil in the pit of his stomach as he hurried to palm the controls to the 'fresher door.  
  
The sight before him sent a pang of fear, that was all the sharper for his acknowledged love of Meri, through his being and he rushed forward to her prone form on the cold tiles. Gently he turned her over startled to see her dark eyes blinking slowly up at him as if fighting to stay open.  
  
"You didn't knock," she whispered with a hint of haughty reproach in her tone. "I could've been naked....," her low words turned into a moan as she curled into a ball on her side, shivering.  
  
"Meri? Look at me, when did this start? Meri?" He wrapped his robe around her as he spoke, but she didn't answer him. Gently he ran the back of his fingers over her cheek and then rested his palm on her forehead. She was burning up, he could feel it.  
  
"Meri?" he used the slightest touch of the Force to get her attention with a firm tone as he tilted her chin up. He could see her struggle to open her eyes and when she did they were unfocused and she quickly lost the battle of keeping them open. This wasn't anything normal, he could sense it.  
  
"I'm taking you to the infirmary," he said decidedly, hefting her gently into his arms.  
  
She groaned and took in a quick breath as he stood suddenly. "I'm going to be sick all over your perfect little robe...." she threatened faintly, turning her head away from his chest as he moved quickly out of her room.  
  
"No, you're not!" Alex said firmly, his concern evident as he palmed the controls to their quarters.  
  
"I'm afraid it's not something you can control," she answered faintly as her eyes drifted closed once again.  
  
"Meri??" he looked down at her as he increased his pace to the lifts. "Meri, come on, stay awake, mhaiseach*."  
  
There was no answer as he felt her go limp in his arms. She hadn't fallen asleep, he could feel the difference between a restful sleep and losing consciousness. And it worried him. Alone in the lift, he held her close to him and rested his cheek against her forehead. "You'll be alright, mo chridhe**. I promise," he whispered softly, wishing she could hear the love in his voice and know that he would always be there for her, even if he couldn't always be her master.  
  
*  
  
// Voices....arguing...familiar voices.  
  
One insanely calm, yet firm. The other, the more familiar voice, louder, more insistant.  
  
"Let me see her. It's been too long, she's getting worse, I sense it!"  
  
"I'm sorry, but NO, I can not allow that. You should know better. Until we have this thing under control I don't think that would be wise."  
  
"You know what's wrong with her?"  
  
It was then, through the thick murkiness that seemed to hang over her conscious that she realized who it was she listened to.  
  
"Alex....Alex..." her weak voice sounded panicked to her own ears. Ignoring the biting pain still coiled in her middle, she reached blindly toward his voice.  
  
There was a brief sensation of floating and then a jarring impact, a sharp fleeting pain as something was jerked out of her wrist and then the sound of feet hurrying towards her as a sharp, wailing alarm sounded.  
  
"Alex, NO!"  
  
An-Paj she realized....just before she felt the nausea sweep over her and she began retching.  
  
Arms were reaching around her supporting her until the wave passed and then lifting her, placing her back on the bed.  
  
"Meri...."  
  
He was scared, she could hear it in his voice and it in turn scared her. She couldn't see and she could feel the panic rising in her even though she somehow knew she shouldn't be. But with the pain and confusion clouding her mind....  
  
"Get him out of here, now!" An-Paj was commanding, his voice sounding hard just above her. There was a grunt and a scuffle of feet and then silence.  
  
"Alex..?" Her chest was heaving with exertion at the effort of speaking and she curled into herself when the pain didn't abait.  
  
"Hush, Meri." Cool hands settled comfortably on her brow. "Be calm, everything will be alright."  
  
"No, noo," she panted deleriously against the pain gripping her.  
  
"Relax," the command was given with a powerful surge of the Force and it swirled around her, easing the pain and quieting the misplaced panic.  
  
"Just relax now," his voice was calm now and soothing as his hands moved. There was a sharp prick to her wrist and then her limbs became heavy and then nothing as darkness rolled up to claim her. \\  
  
*  
  
"...only you, Meri," the voice broke through her dreams, pulling Meri reluctantly to consciousness.  
  
"Did you think Obi-Wan was getting too far ahead in his visits to the infirmary that you had to catch up?" A hand caressed her brow and then down her cheek and the tingle it sent down her spine would have alerted her to who it was, even if his voice hadn't already.  
  
For a brief moment she was afraid to open her eyes, wondering if the blindess had only been a dream. If in fact it had all been a dream. Her body felt heavy, tired, exhausted beyond anything she had ever felt, even, but there was no hint of lasting pain. She was lying flat on her back, head only slightly propped up by the pillows under her, her hands lying motionless on the stiff starched sheets that covered her.  
  
"Or did you just want to scare a few years off my life? Perhaps make me pay for what we've both been going through?" the voice softened as he continued. The words were almost a whisper as he took her left hand in his and began to trace his fingers over her palm.  
  
Wanting to see the expression on his face at this admittance, Meri slowly opened her eyes and was relieved to be able to see Alex clearly where he sat close by the bedside.  
  
The young knight wasn't looking at her as he spoke, but his face was pained as he stroked his thumb across the center of her palm.  
  
Automatically she moved to reach for him with her right hand only to jerk to a stop when a sharp pain bit into her wrist. Turning her head weakly she noticed for the first time that something was attached to her wrist, a tube and without thinking she began to pull her left hand from his to scratch at the spot where it had been inserted as the pain had dulled, leaving behind a fiery itch.  
  
There was a soft intake of breath and then Alex gripped her left hand to him firmly. "No, don't touch it, Meri. Crude it is, but necessary."  
  
She turned to look at him then, noticing the dark hollows under his eyes, the worry lines on his forehead, and she wondered how long she had been out.  
  
Alex smiled then, the expression lighting his face and erasing the exhaustion on his features as he resumed caressing her hand almost thoughtlessly. "I was so worried about you..." he let his words drop off as his eyes focused intensely on her and she could see the fear that had been in the blue depths, the worry and something else he wasn't bothering to disguise in the solitary confines of the infirmary room.  
  
There was none of the heat that had been in their previous encounter, only an aching bittersweetness as the emotion that flowed unchecked between them and through their bond was now undisguised.  
  
Meri returned the smile and squeezed his hand before attempting to speak through the dryness of her throat.  
  
"No, wait," Alex squeezed her hand lightly, then placed it back by her side before leaning forward to help her prop the pillows up behind her and then help raise a cup of cool water to her lips.  
  
"How long have I been...?" she trailed off, uncertain of how to frame the question.  
  
"Too long. Three days, since I found you." His eyes narrowed slightly then as he looked at her. "Why didn't you inform me you weren't feeling well, Meri?"  
  
She averted her eyes at the question, knowing why she hadn't. It had been immature of her, in hindsite. She hadn't been feeling well since they returned but in part had brushed it off as nothing. It certainly hadn't felt serious until that one night. On the other hand she hadn't been willing to share anything more about herself with Alex at just the moment. It was something she had been fighting all her apprenticeship, running from conflict. She had actually, after her talk with Obi-Wan, finally planned to discuss things with Alex, to talk with him and would have mentioned how she was feeling, but fate had taken that out of her hands.  
  
"I'm sorry, Maste," she said instead, not knowing how to begin the monumental discussion she knew they needed to have.  
  
The door suddenly hissed open and An-Paj stepped through, his blue antenna shifting gently as he picked up the tension in the room. Deciding to ignore it, he walked to Meri's bedside. "I'm glad to see you awake young lady." He picked up her limp right hand and checked the bandage holding the tubing in place. "Been itching at it have you?" he asked noticing the reddened skin.  
  
"No," she replied calmly. "I just didn't know it was there to start with."  
  
An-Paj chuckled lightly as he smoothed the medical tape on her skin. "Well don't. This technique is fairly crude for our times, but it was the only way open to us." He didn't explain further as he concentrated on entering something into the data pad he'd brought with him.  
  
"So are you going to tell me what was wrong with me?"  
  
An-Paj looked up from the pad, one white eyebrow arched as he took in his patient, who was staring at him questioningly.  
  
"Before I answer that, tell me. Do you remember being bitten by some insectoid while on your last mission?"  
  
Meri frowned at this question, her brow furrowing in thought. Then she remembered. The skelatel looking things crawling around and over Knight Lavyin and how it felt like one had bitten her. She nodded slowly in answer and then told him what she remembered.  
  
"Ahh. It's just as I thought, though you gave us a few hours of panic when we couldn't figure out what was attacking your system. The poison is very aggressive, however it affects individuals differently. In your case you responded to it rather quickly, which in the end is most likley what saved you. One can be bitten and not begin to show the symptoms of this for many months. Had that happened we would have been searching blindly for what was causing it." He didn't need to add that the delay in finding out what was attacking her would have killed her.  
  
"I see," Meri said wearily.  
  
An-Paj patted her shoulder in a fatherlike gesture. "Get some rest." He tossed a warning glance at Alex before retreating from the room.  
  
There was silence in the room after he left and Meri closed her eyes wishing she could fall asleep to escape the oncoming confrontation, but her thoughts were going wild and she couldn't relax.  
  
"Meri..," Alex began as she felt him take her hand again.  
  
Releasing a shuddering sigh, Meri opened her eyes wearily and focused them on Alex.  
  
"We need to discuss this, Meri," he said even more quietly. "But I don't know what to say and I don't know how to fix this without hurting the both of us."  
  
Her dark eyes widened at his words. "What do you mean?" she questioned shakily. "Why is this something that must be fixed?" So many emotions were welling up within her. // Why does he think our love is wrong...how can it be wrong? Why is it a problem that needs fixing? \\  
  
These questions and more raced through her mind as she watched Alex fight to get his words out. She'd never seen him speechless before, never seen him in a situation where he didn't know what to do or how to handle it, but it was painfully obvious to her that he didn't know how to handle this or them.  
  
"The Code is against relationships between master and apprentice, Meri..... No..that's wrong. They're not just against them, they are not allowed!"  
  
Meri watched the young knight carefully as he fought in frustration to get his words out and confusion swept through her.  
  
"I don't understand...," she admitted freely watching him closely. What 'was' he trying to say? They could just go on like they had before, couldn't they?  
  
Alex released her hand to run his fingers through his dark hair. "You're making this hard on me." The words held an ominous tone that was belied by his matter of fact statement.  
  
"I don't understand what you are trying to say, Master," she admitted with the first tendrils of fear snaking through her middle.  
  
"I can't....," Alex paused, drew in a deep breath as if to steady himself then continued. "I can't be your master anymore, Meri."  
  
The words fell like a weighted stone to the floor between them.  
  
"W..wha.at? she managed to stutter amidst the storm of emotions within her, the reigning being hurt.  
  
"I have decided to request a new master for you." His voice was low and he kept his eyes focused on his hands as he spoke.  
  
His words couldn't have done more damage to her had they been a vibro blade shoved into her heart. Fighting for the control and serinity that a Jedi should have, Meri struggled to calm her eratic breathing as she turned her head away from Alex, not bothering to shield her reaction. A shock of pure terror jolted through her at the thought of breaking their bond. She honestly didn't know if she could handle another breaking of a master/apprentice bond. She was closer to Alex than she had ever been with Ariana and the painful memory of that bond being torn caused her body to tremble involunatarily. // He's abandoning me....he's leaving me. He promised me he wouldn't. He said he never would. \\  
  
The thoughts were no sooner through her head than Alex growled in frustration before jumping to his feet and pacing the few small feet the room allowed him. "NO, Meri!" Then much softer and closer. "I'm not abandoning you," the words were accompanied by a brush of his hand across her wrist as he tried to get her to look at him. "Meri..."  
  
She refused. "Aren't you?" she choked through the tears welling up. She felt him take a seat on the bed and clenched her eyes shut tight, tears slipping down her face. Strong fingers grasped her chin, turning her head back to face him, but she wouldn't open her eyes. Gentle touches brushed away her tears.  
  
"Look at me?" Alex's tone was at first demanding, but then softened. "Please, Meri," he pleaded softly.  
  
Pushing back a sob, she opened her eyes to find Alex's bright blue ones focused on her. His handsome face was pinched with agony as he moved to craddel her face in his hands.  
  
"I love you," he said slowly, yet so softly that if he hadn't been so near she wouldn't have heard him.  
  
// This is cruel, \\ Meri decided as confusion and pain swept in together, trying to drown her. The impulse to run had never been so strong as it was now, with Alex leaning over her, his heart bared in his eyes and declaring he loved her, yet in the same breath telling her he was abandoning her. The urge to rip out the small tubing in her wrist and try to make it out of the room was strong, but she stamped it down.  
  
"Did you hear me, Meri?" The knight's voice was slightly husky, but his eyes were puzzled at her lack of response.  
  
Her anger flared and she wrenched her head out of his grasp. "I don't understand you," she said sharply amidst her tears.  
  
She could feel Alex's pain through the Force at her action and his hands dropped to the bed.  
  
"Why?" she managed to get out, her anger fueling the need for answers.  
  
"I can't be your master and feel this way, Meri. It just won't work!"  
  
Meri's brow rose slightly at the agitation she sensed in Alex's tone, but she didn't hesitate to fire another question at him. "Why not?"  
  
Alex shook his head, rubbing a hand restlessly though his hair and down the nape of his neck. He looked lost for words. "The Code forbids it," he said finally as if that explained it all.  
  
And maybe it should have. But for her it didn't and the rebel inside of her reared up at this restraint. Staring ahead, her thoughts whirled and finally without looking at him she spoke. "Can I ask you something?"  
  
She glanced at him then, brushing the tears off as he nodded slowly. "How long have you felt this way? And I don't mean when you recognized it for what it was, but how long you have actually felt this way."  
  
He studied her, his bright blue eyes warming with a tender light entering them. "I think maybe I've been falling since I set eyes on you. It has only grown with every year that has passed."  
  
Meri fought the fresh wave of tears his confession brought. "Then why now? Why can't you be my Master just because we've finally acknowledged what is between us?"  
  
Alex paused as if contemplating her question, and his eyes lost some of their warmth. His broad shoulders sagged as if a burden too heavy had been laid on them and an expression of extreme exhaustion creased his youthful features. "It would be wrong," he allowed finally. "I am here to guide you, train you to be a Jedi knight." A sardonic smile twisted his lips. "That doesn't include teaching you the art of kissing."  
  
"You're better than Cillian," Meri commented distractedly, wiping tears away with the back of her hand and trying to push the fear away that was crowding her.  
  
Alex snorted in derision. "I should hope so. I didn't even think I was in the same category." He sounded affronted.  
  
"You're not," Meri said morosely, thinking how surreal it was that she was having this discussion with her master right in the middle of one of the most important arguements they'd ever had. When she turned her eyes to glance up at him their eyes locked.  
  
His bright blue eyes were shifting colors from one moment to the next, the violet appearing like dye swirling in with the blue, but not blotting out the bright blue entirely. She saw his jaw muscles clench as he stared at her and she knew what he was fighting and she was suddenly aware of the warmth his body was emmanating from where he sat perched on the infirmary bed.  
  
She bit her lip and dragged her eyes away. The heat of the attraction between them still shocked her.  
  
Alex drew in a hoarse breath. "It would be wrong," he said again pulling his eyes from her face.  
  
"Wrong for who, Master?" she entreated, ignoring what he was implying as she fought to sit up straighter in the bed. "For those who sit on the Jedi Council? Beings who don't know you or me or our circumstance? You've taught me for four years, and I am a senior padawan now. I don't want anyone else leading me to knighthood. I don't think I could bear for it to be anyone else," she added pushing back the memories of Ariana's death. She took a breath, fighting back the exhaustion that was creeping up on her, realizing she was fighting for something much more important. "Obi-Wan 'loves' his master. In a fatherly way, yes, but he loves him. Why can't we go back to what we had before? Was that wrong?" She collapsed back onto her pillows after speaking, her breath coming short. She had probably pushed herself too far considering her condition, but she didn't care.  
  
"You're too weak for this, I should have waited. I'm sorry," Alex said with regret as he worriedly brushed a hand across her still warm brow.  
  
Meri lay back and allowed her heavy eyelids to drift shut. "Don't do this to us, Master, don't do this to me....please."  
  
She felt the bed shift, then felt a feather light kiss brushed her forehead. "Rest, Meri."  
  
"I need you." Meri's voice sounded faint to even her own ears...and broken.  
  
"Sleep, mo chridhe. I'll be here."  
  
And though it wasn't the answer she needed to hear it was enough and she gave into the exhaustion  
  
***  
  
*beautiful ** my heart 


	54. Chapter 54 End Part Two

_Author's Note: This chapter concludes Part Two and the next chapter will begin the last part, Part Three._

***

Alex settled himself wearily into the chair by Meri's beside, his eyes never leaving her sleeping features. All he kept seeing was the pain that had been in her eyes at his declaration. It took him back to the four years before when he had first met her. She had been a thin, small girl at fourteen; long dark hair and eyes that appeared too big for her face. Her dark eyes had been what captivated him during that first meeting. That is, when she had finally looked at him. The incredible amount of pain in her eyes when she'd looked at him for the first time had caused his heart to ache and all of his good senses take leave, apparently. 

What was it about her that had made him make such a rash decision as to take an apprentice at age 21 and so shortly knighted?? Yes, a Council member had pressed him, but he wouldn't have been forced and his decision in the end had been anything but forced. In fact, had anyone been against his desire to take her on as his apprentice he very well might have fought for that right. Their connection was such that it had begun forming before they even bonded. Did it have anything to do with what she had asked him...about how long he had felt this way? 

His answer to her had been true, however. She had intrigued him at 14, so proud, so stubborn and unwilling to let him help her. Theirs had been a battle of wills and he had fought long and hard to gain her trust.

_Are you willing to lose that trust?_

The question troubled him. The road to gaining Meri's trust had been long and trying. At times he had wondered if things between them would ever improve. He'd offered to always be there for her, if she needed him, and it had taken the young apprentice a long while before she had actually done so and put her trust in him. Earlier, her almost panicked thoughts of thinking he was abandoning her had almost made him renege on his decision. The impressions he had received from her had opened his eyes to the consequences he was going to face if he chose to go through with this.

_She really doesn't think I'll go through with it…_

Perhaps it was this realization that allowed him to see just how much Meri did in fact trust him…and how if he did do this, it would obliterate that trust; break it beyond repair. 

_Am I strong enough to break it?_

_To break her,_ he realized. For undoubtedly it would. The breaking of Meri's first bond had traumatized her beyond anyone's expectations, for she'd had a bond with Master Caer since her infancy. _Is our bond not equally as strong? _He wasn't sure how to answer this internal line of questioning. Who was he to say that they held a stronger bond? On the other hand, he knew for a certainty this bond they held was tenfold stronger than the one he'd held with his own master, and he'd thought that bond incredibly strong at the time.

The sudden dimming of the lights in the room jerked Alex out of his thoughts. He'd forgotten that after a certain, late hour, the lights in the infirmary automatically switched to low. 

With a long sigh, Alex pulled his hand out of his hair, briefly wondering when it had become such a bad habit for him. It had become a fidget during times when he was deep in thought or restless and now very apparent in a situation where he didn't know what to do.

Leaning forward Alex rested his elbows on his knees for a brief moment as he again stared at his apprentice, then reaching forward he picked up her hand in his and marveled at the smallness of her hands compared to his.

_She is right, _he mused as he caressed her hand with his thumb. He didn't know what to do. For the first time in his life, perhaps, he really didn't know what to do, which path to take.Always, even as a padawan, the Force had shown him the clear way.He may not have listened to it in his youth, but the answer had been there.As a young knight things had seemed to fall into place, he'd never been left wondering if he was doing the right thing, he had always been convinced his decision was the correct one.

A sad smile lifted the corners of the young knight's mouth as he lifted the hand he held and placed a gentle kiss on the back of her hand. His decision was made and now he needed to think and plan. His mind needed to be clear for this; he needed to meditate.

Rising quietly to his feet, Alex leaned over his apprentice and watched her for a few long moments. Finally, he bent and placed a light kiss on her mouth, brushing away the dark hairs that framed her pale face before turning and quietly leaving the room.

***

**Few hours later**

Dark eyes stared listlessly up at the plain white ceiling shrouded in darkness.

_Sterile,_ Meri thought, her eye movements sluggish as she glanced around the empty infirmary room. Even the darkness of night couldn't hide the crisp colors of white and silver. They were incredibly boring to look at. She blinked slowly, fighting off the sleep that was demanding her attention and instead returned her gaze to the empty chair at the bedside. She frowned.

"Why aren't you asleep?" The voice that came out of the darkness startled Meri from the light doze she'd fallen into while staring sleepily at the empty seat. 

The form that stepped out of the shadows was easily identified as An-Paj and he moved smoothly to her side. "I gave you enough to knock even your hard headed master out," the words were muttered almost to himself as he began to gently remove the tape holding the tubing steady. "What's bothering you?" the healer questioned as he worked gently to remove the tubing.

"Nothing," she said slowly, blinking lazily up at him.

"Right," An-Paj nodded clearly unconvinced as he placed a sterile gauze pad over what she only felt as a sore spot on her wrist before he carefully began wrapping it. "Your entire will is set against getting any rest, I can sense it. You are too drugged up to hide that, padawan."

Meri didn't feel unduly concerned by his observation. Rather she was occupied with thoughts about Alex and wondering where he was. Yet her mind was fuzzy, drugged then, as An-Paj had just so casually pointed out to her. She hated the feeling, there was something important she needed to be doing…or saying? She couldn't quite make up her mind which it was…but it centered around Alex. There was an almost panicky feeling in the pit of her stomach and the last thing she would let herself do was sleep.

"I wan t'get up," Meri was frustrated by the slur her words held and looked accusingly at the healer standing over her.

The tolerant expression of putting up with a small child was on the healer's face as he gazed down at her, along with a hint of a worried frown at her anxiety.

"If it is Alex you are worried about, he promised to be back before morning, though I told him that wasn't necessary. You'll be sleeping until morning. Now," he added.

Meri tried to frown, but already An-Paj's face was blurring and her eyelids were drooping. She barely got as far as framing the word 'no' on her lips when exhaustion coupled with whatever the healer had given her put her to sleep.

***

Alex swept the small stack of data pads into his hands as the students he'd been lecturing filed quietly out of the cavernous room. Sweeping his robe aside, he moved agilely down the steps and hurried for the egress, blind to the curious stares of the younglings who lingered in the training hall watching his hasty exit. Some of the older and female of the species were grouped together talking and giving covert, admiring glances his way, but he was as oblivious to these as he was the curiosity.

His mind was set on getting back to his own padawan, whom he'd had to leave in the infirmary. True she had been asleep when he left, just as she had been the last few days, but according to An-Paj she wasn't resting despite the fact she was for lack of a better term, asleep.The healer had brought this to his attention that very morning before he'd had to excuse himself to give the lecture to the students.

It had been burning in the back of his mind the entire time he had lectured. Even under the influence of administered drugs, Meri wasn't getting the peaceful rest she needed, and he had no misunderstanding on the reason why. Things lay between them, unsaid. He had been afraid to address anything of the sort after the exhaustion she had displayed after their last conversation. He could wait, but apparently she was still distressed about the outcome of what had been brought up. It was not an issue that could or needed to be discussed in that tiny excuse for a room in the infirmary.

"Excuse me, Master Arieh?"

The uncertain voice of a young man broke through his whirlwind thoughts, stopping the knight mid-step in the corridor leading to his quarters. Looking up, recognition lit his eyes. "Padawan Kenobi," he greeted politely yet succinctly.

"I just wanted to ask how Meri was doing? They won't let us see her," the young man added softly with concern, his hands twisting nervously the strings of a small, soft bag he held. "And I was wondering if you could give her this, for me?"

Alex nodded, taking the bag from Obi-Wan and giving into a weary, but relieved smile. "She's doing much better, but sleeping all the time hence the reason she can not entertain visitors. I will make sure she gets this," he promised.

Obi-Wan nodded understandingly. "Thank you, Master. That is all I wished to know, I can see you are in a hurry." The apprentice gave a respectful bow before turning and heading back toward the lifts.

Alex gave a brief nod to the padawan before turning and resuming his quickened pace. He needed to speak with An-Paj before the afternoon was out.

*

"I don't think this is wise," the blue-skinned healer said with disapproval. 

Alex inclined his head in acknowledgment of the healer's statement. "I understand your concern, An-Paj, but you have already said that all Meri will be doing, for the next week at least, is resting. I don't wish to do this, I assure you, but it is necessary for reasons I would rather not discuss."

He could feel the healer's pale blue eyes studying him at this declaration. It must indeed sound strange coming from him of all people. Alex usually was only too willing for his apprentice to stay as long as necessary in the infirmary. He didn't avert his eyes, but met the healer's gaze straight on.

An-Paj broke the gaze and then moved to stand behind his desk. The young knight watched as the healer placed his hands on his desk as he moved slowly to sit down.

"You have cause then, to believe Meri will rest better if allowed to return to your quarters?"

Alex noted the speculative light in the healer's eyes as he said this. Probing no doubt for the real source of his request. A dry grin tugged at the corners of his mouth at An-Paj's blatant questioning, but he did not give into the urge to smile. "I know she will," he said confidently. 

One white brow rose at his assured statement, but at last the healer nodded."Alright then. You are aware she will probably need help in getting around for the next few days?"

Alex didn't even flinch from this line of questioning. He wouldn't have a problem with it and didn't think Meri would either…at least not much. "I'll take care of it, An-Paj. I promise I am more capable than I was that time she was 14."

As he had expected An-Paj smirked at the memory. "Good. Bring her back in a few days for a check up and call if anything comes up."

"Of course," Alex gave curt nod in farewell before turning to leave, his thoughts already on his apprentice who was just down the hall.

It wasn't to any surprise of his that he found her asleep on her side, but the tightly furrowed brow told him she wasn't resting soundly and he could sense her unease. Stilling the urge to smooth out the wrinkled frown she wore, he shrugged out of his robe and laid it on the end of the bed.

Pulling back the sheets he reached for his robe to wrap around her so she wouldn't get chilled on the journey. Then with cautious gentleness he picked her up, cradling her carefully in his arms, resting her head against his chest. When he felt her beginning to struggle toward consciousness he used the Force to calm her. It would be easier if she remained asleep.

Turning to leave, he saw a healer apprentice standing in the doorway holding a container in his hand. 

"The Master healer requested that these be given to you. You're to give them to her for any lingering pain. They'll help her sleep too," added the padawan staring curiously at Alex.

"Thank you," he said ignoring the odd looks he was receiving. He knew they wouldn't be the only one's that he would get, carrying his apprentice through the halls of the Jedi Temple. But all that mattered to him was getting her back to their quarters.

*

_I'm dreaming_, Meri thought vaguely; sleep still hanging like a mist over her mind. In this dream she was surrounded by warmth and comfort. The sterile smell of the infirmary was gone and in its place….

Meri startled awake as a heady scent she'd come to love filled her senses, in fact seemed to be surrounding her. _Alex…?_

Prying her unwilling eyes open, Meri found darkness covering whatever room she was in, the only light that which spilled in from the open doorway. She heard muffled sounds outside the room about the same time she came to the conclusion that she was in Jedi quarters. Turning groggily on her side she found herself tucked into a much bigger bed than the narrow infirmary bed she had occupied for the last few days. And the sheets and coverlet were saturated with the scent that was uniquely Alex's. 

Her confusion rippled out through the Force coupled with advancing disappointment that Alex wasn't actually with her; the brief spark of hope died and her heart constricted with pain.

"Meri?" the sound of his lilting voice carried from the direction of the doorway. "Awake at last?" he asked as he entered the room and raised the lights.

Meri didn't trust herself to say anything, feeling suddenly vulnerable at the conflicting emotions within her. She was in his room and in his bed and she found herself still lamenting that she didn't understand this man.

Seeming to see the confusion in the dark depths of her eyes, Alex came closer and sat on the bed. Without words he reached for her, causing shivers to shoot down her spine as he smoothed the flyaway hairs from her face.

"I was going to put you in your own bed, but the sheets needed cleaning," he offered.

"Oh," it was all she could think of to say when every aspect of him seemed to be flooding her senses. She dropped her eyes, unable to hold his steady gaze.

"Meri?"

The tone itself caught her attention, even if his gentle touch bringing up her chin hadn't. It was filled with so much emotion. She was afraid of what he was going to say….afraid as she never should be as a Jedi apprentice. She found herself trembling then, not certain if it was because he was openly invading her space or because she feared what he was about to tell her. _Please don't send me away!_ She pleaded silently.

"I can't…" he whispered roughly then, and pulled her into his arms. "I have never defied any Council rule in my life, but for you….," he trailed off and through their bond Meri heard the rest. _I cannot let you go,_ _mo chridhe…_

Meri shuddered in his arms then as a relief so strong swept through her that she would have swayed if she'd been standing. Burying her face in his chest, she inhaled shakily and clutched at him.

Long minutes passed and then Alex cupped her face with one hand, bringing her eyes up to his. Then he looked at her….and looked…as if trying to find something.

"You don't love Obi-Wan?" he asked then.

The question couldn't have shocked her more. _Love??? Obi-Wan?_ She wanted to laugh aloud at the very thought, but could see Alex was serious. How could he think it? This was a side she hadn't seen, but he wasn't jealous; it was asked in almost wonderment.She remembered then the words he'd whispered on their last mission just before he'd done all those things to her neck with his mouth. _"Just pretend I'm Obi-Wan," he'd_ said.

Looking up finally, she caught the slight pain in his eyes at her hesitation and reaching up, she explored his face tentatively with her hand. "I love **you**." The words were soft and she felt such a relief to finally be able to say it…to admit it to him.

Her heart felt immediately lighter as Alex gently gathered her tighter in his embrace, nuzzling her neck with tenderness. But at this, Meri stiffened and tried to pull away, color infusing her pale face. She felt dirty, she hadn't bathed in days and she knew she didn't smell fresh or sweet, she'd been sick.

Alex pulled away, an understanding light brightening his crystal blue eyes and a warm smile lifting his mouth. "Would you like to bathe?"

Meri nodded, thinking how feeling clean again would make her feel almost normal. It wasn't unit she tried to stand with Alex's help, that she found her legs were going to be completely useless. She felt like a newborn nerf. She was clinging to Alex's chest and his arms held her firmly to keep her from falling. 

Alex smiled gently as he looked down on her upturned face that held a frustrated frown at her lack of control over her body. "Don't worry, we can do this together."

A brief jolt of surprise went through her at his words. _He's going to help me?_ She wondered. _Well…why not? _Came the next thought. She would undoubtedly have had a healer apprentice helping bathe her back at the infirmary, though the difference there was it would most likely have been a female. She had another revelation as she realized the idea wasn't as appalling as she might have thought in the past. Not as embarrassing, even though she would be extremely shy about it all.

"Does this bother you?" Alex wore a concerned expression and Meri shook her head.

"No," she said firmly though her cheeks flushed with color.

Alex didn't comment on it, though his soft smile widened ever so slightly. He insisted on carrying her into the 'fresher; there he sat her on the counter while he got the hot water running and the temperature right.

The next half hour passed in a blur for Meri; Alex was careful with her and every bit the gentlemen, keeping his eyes averted as much as he could as he helped her wash her long hair and lather the soap over her body. By the time the shower ended, she was beginning to feel exhaustion creep up on her and almost fell asleep as Alex wrapped her in two warm, soft towels, rubbing her hair with one until he was satisfied enough dampness had been removed. She was practically asleep in his arms by the time he was through with her and he had to shake her awake to help her dress. Instead of going all the way to her room, he had instead grabbed one of his oversized tunics and helped pull it over her head.

Dressed, clean, and incredibly warm, Meri was almost unaware as Alex carried her back to his bed. She felt ready to sleep for a month, but stirred as Alex moved away. "Wher'are you going?" she managed to ask sleepily.

"It's my turn now," he commented as he moved away and Meri woke a little as she watched the 'fresher door close behind him. Some time later, _a little longer than he usually takes,_ she thought groggily; he reappeared, dressed for sleeping, looking relaxed.

She found herself surprised when he sat on the bed and then stretched out alongside her under the sheets. "Come here," he murmured and his brogue was thick.

She tried as much as she was able, but he ended up moving to her, pulling her closer, draping an arm around her waist and she did likewise, cuddling up to his warmth as she wondered at what he was allowing. As their combined body heat created a cocoon of warmth, Meri found herself falling into a contented doze; she almost feared to sleep lest she wake and find this all only a dream. The last few days had been a torment in and of themselves as her very nerves had been on end. She found herself needing this and wondering if it was only a figment of her very creative imagination. 

"Go to sleep now, Meri. Dinae worry," he said softly, his accent deepening. Then lowering his head, he covered her lips with his, sucking gently on her lower lip before pulling away.

Meri sighed, and had she not been so exhausted she might have at least tried to kiss him back. As it was all she could manage was a sleepy smile at the burr in his voice and then the kiss. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this way. She drifted into her first real deep sleep of the last few days with the feel of his heartbeat under her palm.

Alex watched her dark lashes come to rest on pale cheeks and marveled at the sensation his unleashed emotions were causing him. Never in his 25 years had he felt something so right and been so content. The Force throbbed around them, pulsating between them through their bond. There was almost no mental barrier between them where he ended and she began and that was a far more intimate thing than anything he could imagine; as far as the intimacy between them could go, until she was a knight. He had broken the rules for her, but he would not shame them both. As much as his body longed to take her and make her truly his, he knew this wouldn't be right. Right now, holding her was enough, would have to be enough.

As he fell asleep he couldn't help wondering how this was going to affect their lives, but found he looked forward to every day by her side and every day the Force gave them.


	55. Chapter 55Part 3

Part Three of The Long and Winding Road

Meri age 19

Alex age 26

****

_**Time frame--Winter Solstice:**_

_A/N:_ _Solstice is a day observed by the Jedi in which they celebrate the life in all things. Different species observe this time in different ways. For some it is a time to ask forgiveness for wrongs done, to others it was a time to exchange a gift to one you love, be it a gift of the force or something material._

Every Solstice Meri had made a habit of going to her favorite gardens and meditating on the previous months of her training and what she had learned and those in her life. Usually she did this alone, after the evening meal, for it was most likely that the Nocturnal Gardens would then be unoccupied. As was their custom, Alex parted with her after the evening meal, promising to see her soon, but she hadn't noticed the unusual glint in his eyes as he had spoken this time around.

Now she sat drinking in the fragrant air around her, enjoying the scent of the large, white, night blooming blossoms on the vine that was creeping up the wall next to her. The blossoms were easily the span of Alex's hand when in full bloom and put off such a strong intoxicating scent that it could almost make one feel heady. 

Hours could pass when she was in here and it would seem like mere minutes. She loved the entire atmosphere of the room. The dark shadows of the trees and bushes and the vibrant white flowers that stood out when the artificial moonlight illuminated them in the dark. 

Running a fingertip over the soft petals, she marveled at the velveteen touch, before tugging the blossom closer to breathe in the flowers perfume. She was so lost her observation of the flowers, that she missed the approach of muted footsteps.

"Meri?"

The smooth voice couldn't have startled her more, and Meri shot up off her seat on the stone bench, a hand held to her heart.

"Don't DO that," she hissed, embarrassed at being caught off guard…yet again.

Alex merely laughed low in his throat as he stepped into the shadows by her side, forcing her to look up to meet his gaze. "You weren't paying attention," he admonished in a decibel that was almost a whisper as his eyes tenderly caressed her face. It was obvious his thoughts weren't on what he was saying.

Meri's breathing deepened at the look he was giving her and a shiver went down her spine at the heat in his gaze. "You were shielding…you snuck up on me," she accused, hating the breathless sound of her voice. For the past months Alex had restrained himself so that these kinds of moments between the two were rare. Such an intimate moment hadn't come between them in so long that Meri had recently been longing for his touch; wondering if his love for her was dimming.

"Maybe I did," he admitted giving her a look from underneath thick, dusky lashes. He grinned lazily and Meri's eyes focused on his mouth until she felt his fingers caressing her jaw line and then her dark eyes slid shut in anticipation.

"I brought you something," he said lightly and his hands dropped away from her face sending a sharp spear of disappointment shooting through her. Frustration welled up in her when she realized that he wasn't going to touch her any more intimately then that. With a strangled sigh, Meri forced her feelings down and turned bright eyes up to him.

"Oh? Well I would have been content with just you," she smiled naughtily. She knew he had sensed the surge of emotions within her and felt he was teasing her. Well, she could tease back if he wanted to be that way. She had learned she was the only one who could break through that aloof facade he carried as a Jedi.

Alex laughed, but pushed his robe aside to retrieve something out of a pouch on his belt. Meri caught a sparkle in his hands as whatever it was he held reflected the moonlight.

"I know I've never gifted you before on Solstice, but this time things are…well," he paused and turned his gaze on her, his blue eyes appearing almost silver. "…different," he breathed and this time she knew he wanted to touch her, but was holding back.

"Alex…" she whispered in the pause, reaching up with one hand to caress his face and then slid it around his neck. To her surprise he reached up and unhooked her arm.

"Not yet. I have to give you this first," he said gently.

_Not yet…_

Meri wanted to demand he bypass the gift giving for now and just touch her before she went crazy. But when she turned her eyes up to look at him, the expression on his face erased those thoughts immediately.

With a movement that was almost hesitant, Alex brought his hand up between them and slowly opened his hand, presenting her with what lay in his palm.

Meri looked curiously at his palm and then back up to the sliver gaze that was watching her intently before she reached out to pick the object up. When she did, she gasped as she lifted up a delicate sliver necklace and hanging on it was the most beautiful pendent she had ever seen. It was small and delicate just like the chain. The pendent was in the shape of a star and set in the center was a sparkling gem of the most beautiful blue. It dazzled the eye and Meri had never seen anything like it before.

"Ohh," she breathed as the gem reflected the moonlight. Finally she tore her eyes away from the necklace and looked up at Alex in disbelief.

"Do you like it?" he asked huskily. 

He almost looked like he was afraid she'd say no. "Ohh, Alex…it's beautiful…I love it," she finished turning her gaze back down to her hands. She couldn't believe he'd gotten something so…so extravagant for her. Jedi weren't supposed to have material possessions like this…were they?

"Turn around, let me put it on for you," he offered, taking the necklace from her hands.

Meri complied, turning and lifting her hair and padawan braid out of the way as he slid the cool chain around her neck and fastened the clasps. She felt his hands settle on her shoulders and then shivers were racing down her spine as he placed open mouthed kisses on the back of her neck.

"Hmm," she sighed, leaning back against the hard solidness of his chest. _Yes…finally,_ she thought in rapture, tilting her neck in open invitation. Goosebumps prickled her skin as his warm mouth moved over her skin and his hands dropped to settle on her waist.

_I'll be keeping my hair down for the next few days,_ she thought hazily as he lingered overly long on one spot. But suddenly he was catching her elbow and with a swift twist had turned her to face him and pulled her close until their bodies were fitted together.

"Meri," he breathed, his eyes appearing dark silver in the light. Her pulse raced as she gazed up into his eyes and saw the heat there. She could feel his heart pounding beneath her hand that was splayed over his chest.

With a subtle movement Alex pushed her deeper into the shadows near the stone wall and bent his head to take her mouth possessively. The bond between them immediately began throbbing with the heat of their encounter and for the next few moments Meri forgot they were in the gardens. In fact the thought didn't return to her until she felt her back hit the stone wall behind her with so much force that she was temporarily winded. 

Any concern was swept away however as Alex began trailing hot kisses across her throat and then began dropping kisses along her jaw line, until he reached her mouth. The pressure of his mouth lightened then as he trailed his lips over hers until it was just a gentle friction across her mouth, teasing her. 

Curling her hand around his neck she tugged and taking the hint, Alex's tongue flicked out, teasing her lips before sliding in to claim her mouth. Meri moaned low in her throat as she returned the kiss with equal fervor.  Leaving her mouth, Alex began trailing kisses down her neck again; this time more aggressively as his hands began to roam…neither of the two Jedi sensed the new presence in the garden so caught up were they in their passion.

**

Obi-Wan stepped into the Nocturnal Gardens, his eyes quickly adjusting to the low lighting of the room as he began ambling down the path. He had come hoping to catch sight of Meri. He'd been away the last few months on a mission with Qui-Gon and they had just returned the day before. He knew she came here every Solstice alone and had decided that it would be a good place to catch her and have a good talk. 

He had some things he wanted to tell her…

The thought went completely out of his mind, however as he turned the bend in the path.  At first, he wasn't certain what he was seeing in the shadows…two dark shapes moving slowly, until at times they almost seemed to blend into one.  Then the moans and heavy breathing reached his ears as he took a cautious step forward trying to ascertain, without using the Force just who it was he was seeing. There may have been rules in the Temple, but not all followed them. It was probably a few padawans getting carried away…

That thought trailed off as he saw the long, dark hair that was tumbling down the female's back and the hands of her taller companion running through it. A brief spark of doubt crept up…._that can't be Meri…_

When the realization came of who he was seeing, he stumbled backward, so shocked he found he couldn't breathe properly. He remembered only barely to conceal his presence with the Force.

Meri and...**_Alex?_** Jerking his eyes away, Obi-Wan tried to argue that it was impossible. _They are master and apprentice…I've known her for…how many years?_ His muddled mind couldn't compute the answer right then so he settled for just thinking long enough for him to know better than to even let his mind think such a thing. _It's impossible,[/i] _he decided._ It is just someone who resembles Alex, there is certainly no way it could be her master…_

"Ohh…Alex...yes," Obi-Wan stiffened as the breathy moan reached his ears, the voice though husky, was distinctly Meri's and brought the inner conflict within him to a sharp halt.

In morbid fascination, Obi-Wan looked again, his eyes widening. He had never seen such passion between Jedi displayed so openly, much less between Alex and Meri of all people…the tall knight had Meri up against the vine covered wall, her heels locked around his waist and was kissing her. And from what Obi-Wan could tell, enjoying it immensely.

_Ohh bloody hell…I can not believe I am witnessing this…_

_I really, really should leave,_ he thought, but he found himself frozen in astonishment at the sight of the Jedi Master, the usually quiet, subdued, stern Alex. This was a side he hadn't seen….no, this was a side he hadn't known ** existed.**

Though they were both still fully clothed, a fact he had quickly made note of concerning how they were moving, the astounded padawan could see that things between the two were quickly escalating. 

_Getting out of here now! _Obi-Wan thought and pivoted on his heel as the sounds that reached his ears caused his face to flush red from the neck up. Before when he had thought it a few wayward padawans it hadn't bothered him, but now he knew it was Meri…and her **_Master_**…Alex….

The noises behind him faded as Obi-Wan rushed headlong for the exit. Just as the door opened there was something akin to a shriek behind him then silence just before the door closed behind him. 

**

A sharp pain flared through Meri's hands as she tried to catch herself as she was unceremoniously dumped onto the ground and she couldn't help the brief shriek of surprise that escaped.

_He dropped me_

For a moment she was too stunned to think, pulled off the brink of passion it took a moment for it to clear. Looking up, all she could tell was that Alex was standing with his back to her, looking intently toward where she knew the exit of the room to be. Something about his manner alarmed her and the guilt she was sensing flooding their bond was tangible.

"What…," she began to ask, lifting her hand, but the flare of pain stopped her words.

"Ouch," Meri hissed, bringing her hand up before her, trying to see in the dark what had caused the pain. She could feel damp stickiness around the area of pain but before she could examine it further, Alex was kneeling in front of her, gently taking her hand in his.

"I'm sorry, mo chridhe," he breathed as his hands found a piece of shale embedded in her hand. Quickly he pulled out the paper-thin rock and cast it aside, staunching any blood flow with the corner of his robe. Removing it a few moments later he peered at her hand closely.

"It's not too bad," he assured as he looked up to meet her gaze. Then, "I sensed Obi-Wan just now…I think he saw us."

Meri's dark eyes widened at his words. She had been so caught up in the passion of the moment she hadn't sensed anything at all. "I'll talk to him," she offered quickly. "He'll understand…he won't tell anyone."

Alex stood and paced a few feet away, obviously disturbed by what had just occurred.  "I'm sorry, Meri. I shouldn't have gotten so carried away…I was careless." he turned to her and his expression was conflicted. "Another mistake like this could ruin everything. I'm sorry," he repeated.

Meri stood easily and moved until she was standing so close to him he was forced to look down. "I'm not…in fact," she paused, biting her lip and then reached up with her good hand to caress his cheek. "Let's go back to our quarters." Though the words sounded innocent enough, her tone wasn't.

Alex's eyes had slid shut as her hand caressed his face, but at her words they flew open and she could see the startled expression in them. "Meri, no, we can't," he was quick to object, but his voice was uneven. 

She frowned at this. "Why not? I want this…I know you do."

Alex closed his eyes briefly as he ran a hand restlessly through his dark hair. He knew it too; his blood was still running like molten lava through his veins from their previous encounter and the way Meri was standing so close to him now was not helping him. She didn't realize how tempting she was. He would love to do what she asked of him, especially in light of what he had given her earlier that night, though she didn't know.

"Because…you are not a knight, yet." He wasn't prepared for her answer.

"But I'm a woman," she said defensively, as if it needed proving.

Whirling away from her, Alex took a few hurried steps before half turning to face her again, his composure almost shattered. "I realize this," he said roughly. More than she knew. He turned his gaze on her, allowing his eyes to roam her figure openly, conveying the heat of attraction he felt for her in his eyes. He knew he had accomplished it when she shuddered under his scrutiny. 

"Alex..."

"Meri, no!" His voice was firm. "As much as I want to consummate want we have—and you have no idea how I struggle daily against giving in knowing you sleep just down one of the shortest corridors in the Temple—we can't!" He Paused and took a breath, his hand running nervously through his hair.

"Not only would that compromise my honor as your Jedi master, but if it was found out after you were knighted that I had been sleeping with you, you could be striped of your rank. And they would probably throw me out of the Temple." He silently willed her not to push this issue, for if she did he wasn't certain where they would end up that night.

"I'm sorry, Alex. It's just I…" she trailed off and looked frustrated.

_We're both frustrated,_ the knight thought shifting uncomfortably on his feet and with a subtle move making certain his robe was pulled closed. 

"This is just so…so hard," she finally sputtered.

Alex didn't even fight the grin that tipped his mouth at her choice of words. _Yes and it's all your fault,_ he thought wryly.

"I know, Meri," he moved to take her hands in his and looked down on her. "Never forget how much I love you, even though I can't show you…yet," he added with a playful sparkle in his eyes. As he looked down into Meri's eyes he saw her dark eyes soften and he couldn't help raising his hand to gently cup her cheek.

 "I think you need to go talk to Obi-Wan, mo chridhe. He's probably traumatized," he managed to joke lightly when all he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and kiss her until they were both breathless.

Meri nodded with a smile. "I guess I should go now, before it gets too late in the evening. Don't want him telling Qui-Gon," she added lightly.

Alex frowned at the words. Qui-Gon Jinn while known as somewhat of a maverick would never take such news lightly. He could make trouble for them if he found out. "I'm worried about this, Meri. I hope you know Obi-Wan as well as you think. This could all be torn out from under our feet for my one careless act."

"It wasn't just your fault, Alex. We both were carried away, more than we should have been," she added, though it was obvious to knight that the words were hard for her to admit to him. He knew she had been longing for his touch as much as he had longed to assure her of his love.

"We'll both be more careful in the future." His eyes never left her face as he lifted her injured hand. Finally he dropped his eyes and studied the jagged gash. Lifting her hand, he placed a feather light kiss on the cut. Then, "I think you better go now and put some bacta gel on this hand before you visit Obi-Wan," he finished, focusing his blue eyes on her warm brown ones.

"Yes, Master," but her words held a teasing note as she stressed the word 'master'. 

Alex grinned as she withdrew her hand and after casting another 'look' at him over her shoulder, turned and moved gracefully out of sight. Something told him that when the time came for them to take their relationship that step further she wasn't going to play the timid part.

"Insolent padawan," he murmured good-naturedly before making his own way out of the Nocturnal Gardens.

**

"Master Jinn is Obi-Wan available?" Meri inquired politely of the tall Jedi master.

Qui-Gon smiled at the young women before stepping back to allow her to pass. "He's in his room, Meri. Go right on in."

Meri smiled back and nodded her thanks before moving past the master, her hands clenching in the folds of her robe. She couldn't deny to being nervous about trying to explain all this to her best friend.

When she stepped into the open doorway of his room, Obi-Wan was lying on his back on his bed, hands under his head as he stared up at the ceiling. A frown was furrowing his brow. At the movement in the doorway his eyes were drawn to her and he sat up quickly, his face masked of any emotion.

"Hi," she offered finally amidst the silence. "Can I come in?"

Obi-Wan nodded and Meri stepped in, palming the controls so the door slid shut behind her. For the next few minutes they simply stared at one another….an uncomfortable silence Meri hadn't experienced with Obi-Wan in years.

"I thought you two might have been a little preoccupied to notice me, but I guess I was wrong," he finally said.

"Alex noticed you," Meri began her cheeks flushing.

Obi-Wan scrubbed his face with his hands as though to rid his eyes of the image that was burned into his memory. "Meri tell me I was hallucinating…that I didn't see you and…and Master Arieh…" he trailed off in disbelief.

"I can't Obi," Meri fidgeted with her hands. "Because you weren't."

Obi-Wan stared at her incredulously and intently as if trying to discover what madness had come over his best friend. He had noticed over the last year some minimal changes in her, but he'd never thought this. She seemed to glow with happiness and he had to admit he hadn't thought to connect it with her master, even though the two had become almost inseparable. There was a light in her eyes now that caused them to shine and her cheeks were flushed.

"You're in love with him!" he gaped at the sudden realization.

"Yes," she admitted quietly. 

"And he's…"

"In love with me," Meri filled in for her shocked friend.

"How?"

Meri frowned at this but Obi-Wan hastily amended his question.

"I mean how did this happen? Isn't he a bit…old for you? How old is he, anyway?"

"I…I don't know! It just happened!" She gave him an exasperated look before continuing. "He's only twenty-six, Obi-Wan. And it's not as if we planned this."

"Well I should certainly hope not! This sort of thing…well the Council would never approve. The aspect that you're his apprentice doesn't even enter into it, though I'd almost trade my lightsabre for a look at their faces if they were to find out!"

The young woman gave him a disapproving glance for his last statement before her dark eyes turned serious, lending one the feeling that her age was greater than her nineteen years. "I've found, Obi-Wan, love isn't something you can control. Neither one of us chose this path and we both fought it, for a time."

Obi-Wan shook his head, his padawan braid swinging with the movement. "Meri be careful. I don't know about love, Jedi aren't supposed to love the way you two proclaim to love each other, but I do know that the Council would not hesitate to react swiftly to such news. Being thrown out of the Order might be the least of your worries," he added softly.

Meri took in a deep breath before answering. "Yes we [b]both[/b] know all of this, but Obi-Wan we couldn't be separated," her voice wavered as she spoke. "I don't think I could bear to lose another master and they would have torn us apart!"

Obi-Wan's blue-green eyes softened and he didn't add that they might still if they were found out. He knew she spoke the truth. He had been there when she'd been devastated by her first master's loss and he'd never felt so helpless. "Well, you'll accomplish that yourselves with doing that sort of thing in public! I would think your master would be more careful!" This time it was Obi-Wan's turn to blush.

"I know, but we didn't mean to go that far," Meri assured quickly, her own face flooding with color.

"Do you normally?" 

"What?"

"Go that far?"

Understanding dawned and Meri was thankful that Alex had stopped them from going further like she had wanted. She could see her master was right now. "No, Obi-Wan. We haven't gone that far before, it was just," she sighed longingly. "We hadn't allowed ourselves much contact in the last few months and it was like letting a dammed river loose."

Obi-Wan grinned for the first time since she arrived. "Interesting analogy," he quipped. 

"I know it's hard to understand, but please try to Obi," she pleaded.

"I'm still trying to decide how I feel about my best friend and her Jedi master being lovers, but if you're asking if I'll tell anyone you know better than that. I won't tell anyone, I promise."

Meri smiled in relief, but her cheeks were tinged pink again. "We aren't lovers yet, Obi-Wan. We are waiting until I am a knight."

"Interesting concept of waiting you have there. Pardon me if I term what you two were doing as being lovers," Obi-Wan shot back, his lips twitching.

"You're teasing me now!" Meri accused, her own lips turning up in a smile.

"I have the right! I don't think I'll **_ever_** be able to get that image nor the sounds out of my head! I'm corrupted for life."

Meri bit her lip and only turned a darker shade of red. "You always did have rotten timing," she said finally. "Why were you there anyway? The Nocturnal garden is usually abandoned during Solstice."

"I could tell you both thought so," Obi-Wan replied drolly. "Actually I was looking for you. See if you had heard the latest news?"

Meri frowned and shook her head. "News? I guess not."

"Well I can see how you've been occupied lately," Obi-Wan teased, which earned him a 'look' from his friend.  "The Council has decided to try and help the image the Republic have of Jedi as reclusive and withdrawn from society."

"And how are they going to do that?" Meri's eyebrows had climbed at this revelation.

"Apparently they're going to begin a program of sorts that isn't unlike an exchange program."

"You mean allow non-Force users to live in the Temple?" Meri's voice was incredulous.

Obi-Wan nodded. "From what Master Qui-Gon has told me, yes. I haven't heard all the details, those are being kept pretty quiet yet."

"Sounds like a bid to pacify those in the Senate who say Jedi are hoaxes and recluses who practice an outdated religion," Meri said with a touch of sarcasm.

"It was the Council's decision," was all the younger padawan said in return. And the unspoken was glaringly obvious, even if neither one really believed it. If the Council had approved it, then it must be the will of the Force. 


	56. Chapter 56 Discovered

_A/N: The character Rani Veko was created by the writer Rani Veko. From here on out most of these post will be a mix of my writing, Rani Veko's writing and Derisa's writing. The reason for this, was that this storyline was originally created in a round robin and these two authors had a part in my storyline. A few other characters will be introduced that are not mine as well, i.e. T'lor Kaden…these are the creation of their authors. I'll inform which post are mostly written by who at each posting. In this case, the first post with Meri and Alex was written by me, the other parts with Rani were written by RV. Thanks for reading and replying. --MI_

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The next few weeks that went by weren't easy for Meri and she sensed it wasn't any easier for Alex. The tension that had sprung up between them was a living thing. They fought it daily, hourly, minutely when they were together alone in their quarters and at night Meri would lie awake, alone in her bed thinking of how close Alex was and how she wished she was curled up in his arms. At times she almost wished she hadn't experienced that one night when she was ill and had slept in his embrace. It only made the longing sharper. 

She knew he always sensed these bouts of insomnia because he was usually awake too. Their bond was so strong now, that every thought or emotion was in some way sensed by the other and this, while incredible to experience, wasn't helping matters in the least. They were hanging on a thread of control and Meri well knew it. 

_Your thoughts are so loud they're keeping me awake,_the mental voice that wasn't Meri's slipped into her chaotic thoughts. 

Meri smirked in the darkness of her room and hugged her pillow tighter. _Sorry, I have a lot on my mind…_

_I can tell,_there was a pause and then, _Why don't I fix us both some hot herb tea? _

Meri knew she should decline, late at night alone with Alex in their quarters, but she couldn't resist. _That sounds wonderful, actually. I'll be right out. _

There was only a wave of acknowledgement in return, though she sensed a bit of hesitancy on his part that echoed her own. They both knew they were playing with fire. 

Sliding out from between the sheets, she paused only a moment to push her heavy mass of hair behind her shoulder and comb her fingers through it to arrange it in some semblance of order. With that she padded bare foot out of her room and headed down the corridor where she could hear Alex moving about. 

"Obviously I'm not the only one who couldn't sleep if you were listening in on my thoughts," Meri teased as she entered the room. 

Alex glanced up as she came in and the smile he sent her way was warm enough that it caused her stomach to flutter. "You have to admit, it is an entertaining pass time," he replied, eyes laughing as he worked to heat the water. 

Meri didn't reply to this, instead took a seat and placed her chin in her hand as she watched the man opposite her work. His hair was mused and she had a sneaking suspicion he'd been running his hands through the midnight black locks. As usual a few stubborn locks hung down over his forehead aiding the boyish look about him as he also padded barefoot around the room. She couldn't help but smile at this. 

"Quit staring at me," Alex ordered as he poured the hot tea into two cups, then, "And what are you grinning at?" 

"You," she laughed lightly, taking the steaming cup of liquid he handed her. "Your hair is all mused…you've been running your hands through it haven't you?" she accused, amusement lacing her tone. 

Alex grinned as he sat opposite of her, his hands cradling his hot tea. "How would you know? I **have ** been in bed you know? One's hair does tend to get all mused during that activity." 

Meri's eyes narrowed as she playfully studied the knight's hair. "No," she finally decided. "That is definitely the work of your hands, so what's up?" 

The knight suddenly breathed out and his expression became serious. "I've had much to think on, Meri. You know Rani Veko's master has been missing for some time now?" 

Meri nodded her eyes never leaving his face. "Yes, I'm very sorry for her, I know something of what she must be going through." 

"Yes I'm certain you do," Alex nodded and he smiled tenderly at her before continuing. "Since I'm her close friend I've been asked if I would be interested in helping her prepare for her trials as she is close to achieving that goal and I have agreed." 

"I hope they find her master…I can't imagine going through my trials with the knowledge that you were missing." The very thought sent a shudder running through her. 

"I'll do all I can to help her of course, but I'm worried about how this is effecting her. Our first session is in the morning, so it is heavy on my thoughts." 

Meri sipped her tea, before smiling at Alex. "I'm sure you'll be just what she needs. You two have always been such good friends." Meri cocked her head to the side and thought a moment before continuing. "How long have you known Rani, anyways? I know you knew her when you first took me on as an apprentice, but how long before then?" 

Alex grinned at the question and leaned forward in his seat. "Oh well, let's see. Rani and I go back to our early padawan days. She's changed a lot in the last few years, growing older and maturing I guess. I have to admit we haven't always kept in touch since I became a knight and master." 

Meri's brown eyes sparkled playfully. "Oh, early padawan days indeed? Sounds like she'd be a good resource to hear about you in your younger days! All those best kept secrets? " At the look Alex gave her, Meri laughed. "I'll have to ask!" 

Alex gave a brief snort of laughter. "I had no secrets as a padawan." 

"Hmm," Meri mused, lacing her fingers around the hot mug and pretending to look thoughtful. "No secrets as a padawan?" her delicate eyebrow arched playfully. "Then you must have some now for certain." 

Alex grinned. "Maybe." 

"So I should ask her?" Meri questioned lightly, a faint smile still tilting her lips. 

The look he gave her then absolutely smoldered. "Rani doesn't know my best kept secret." 

"Oh?" 

"No." 

Meri could feel the fine hairs on her arm standing on end at his expression, but continued to play along. "Secret? There is only one?" 

Alex grinned boyishly then and she could see, even in the dimness his eyes were a dusky violet. "**You** are my best kept secret, mo chridhe." 

Meri smiled at this, the expression brightening her face as she twirled a lock of her dark hair around her finger. "And you are mine," she promised. 

A few minutes of silence passed where they simply gazed at one another and then Meri slowly rose to her feet. "I think I'll return to bed now, Master." There was a slight inflection on the word master that was meant to remind them both of the role they were supposed to be playing. 

Alex caught it and the intense light faded from his eyes. "Yes I think that would be best." 

**

Rani made her way quickly down the corridors, glancing at her chrono more often than necessary. _I can't believe I slept in...*again*! He's going to *kill* me!_ Pushing past an oncoming group of initiates, she finally arrived at her destination: Training Room 4. She paused only to collect herself before pressing the button to open the door. 

Alex was kneeling in the middle of the room, lightsabre laid neatly at his side. His side was to her, and hands placed calmly on his thighs. Rani held her breath, wondering for a moment if she should disturb him, or if he was even aware of her presence. 

"You're late," came the lilting accent, the man's eyes still closed. 

"Sorry, sorry," she said as she quickly moved to the bench to remove her robe. 

"Punctuality is a trait the Jedi Council looks highly upon for students training for Knight hood," he said in a teasing voice. 

"So is patience," she teased back, circling around to face him where he knelt. "I'm sorry...I overslept. Did you hear? T'lor passed her Trials this morning!" she said, brightening in her excitement. 

"Was there much doubt she would?" The lids lifted from his crystalline eyes and he shot a glance at the Padawan. He drew in a breath, and his brow tightened in a momentary frown. "Have you slept at *all*?" he asked, concerned. 

"Sure," she shrugged, "Like I said, I *overslept*...I was up briefly at dawn with Master Dway to meet T'lor when she came out, but I went back to bed after," she fingered her lightsabre. "So, are we going to *do* this, or do I have to stay a lowly padawan forever, huh?" she said with a laugh. 

"Well, the braid does suit you..." he said slyly, then his face broke into a broad grin. "What was it you were saying about patience?" he asked as he rocked his toes under himself and rolled smoothly to his feet. 

"Oh, very funny, Alex," was all Rani could think of as a return jibe, and she shook her head. "Katas first?" 

"Of course. You did well enough yesterday, so we'll just warm up with a few of them," he said, moving to give Rani room. He rolled his shoulders and assumed a three-quarter posture to the wall, Rani following suit. When she was in position, he nodded his head, and ignited his sabre, placing both hands on the hilt in a stylized gesture, and stepped into the first attack and defense combination. Rani was a half-second behind him, and he paused as he reassumed the guard stance, right arm across his chest and sabre to the side, so that its glare was not in his eyes. Together they moved through the second and third strokes and steps of the slow kata, their blades humming in the still air of the practice room. 

Breathing slowly and evenly as one, the two Jedi stepped in unison, blades singing out simultaneously, attack and defense, double steps forward and back, and then returning to correct guard stances. The slow katas were a focusing exercise for the mind and body, the precision of each stroke and footstep being guided by a thousand years of tradition. 

Alex sent an approving look her way, saying only, "Let's do the four winds kata, now, half speeds." The pattern was to use the same series of strokes in all four directions with a transition step between, and was one of the best basic training katas for its grace and efficiency, as well as the careful control needed to place the blows precisely. Done at full speed, the lightsabre became a blur of brightness, while the Jedi wielding it seemed to stand still but for miniscule movements of his arms. At half-speeds it was easier to see the minimal arm movements, and there were clear halts in the flow of the sword's movement. 

As they worked, a smile came to Rani's lips. It was just like old times, she thought, reminded of the year she spent working doubly hard just to remain in the training her Master had intended for her. Alex had been there for her then, a padawan of nineteen, teaching the sixteen-year-old what he knew best. Nothing had changed, except that Alex was a Master with a padawan of his own, and now T'lor was a Knight. The smile disappeared into a frown as that reality hit Rani, and she tried to regain her focus on the moment, mirroring Alex's movements. 

This time they started the kata at the exact same moment, flowing through the simple patterns with ease, their blades' twin images of purple and azure, and the air smelled of ozone from the heat of the weapons. When they had resumed their guard stances at the end of the second kata, Alex turned to face Rani and gave a small smile of satisfaction. "That last was good," he said, "Very clean." 

"Thanks," she grinned back. 

"Feeling up to a spar?" he asked casually. 

"Bring it on!" she said with a note of challenge in her voice. She knew she couldn't beat him, but the idea of trying was satisfying enough: it had been too long since she had held a sabre hilt instead of a cane. 

Her answer brought a gleam to his crystal blue eyes, and he quirked a brow at her cocky tone. He stepped towards her, dialing down the heat of his sabre, and gesturing for her to do the same. When their blades were at half power, he assumed the two hands forward offensive stance, facing his opponent but just outside of striking distance. Rani drew a tight breath and stepped into her position, and the mock combat began. 

** 

Alex glided forward, tilting his blade towards himself with a push of his lower hand, then pulling quickly with the same hand to lick out a fast stroke at Rani. Her bright blade caught his in a crashing buzz as she blocked the preliminary blow with ease, letting her movement deflect his sword away from her body. Alex flowed with the movement and stepped in closer, pressing his physical advantage, but still gearing up in speed as he brought his blade up and around for a side on stroke. Rani remained guarding her middle, a style that allowed her the most coverage while she assessed her opponent. It was a conservative tactic, but a very effective one, favored by many of the Jedi Masters, for excellent reasons. 

Alex continued to press forward, still not going as fast as he could, so he was surprised when a simple feint to Rani's side proved successful. She fell for the feint to the right fully and blocked a stroke that was reversed before it had even been placed, scoring instead a clean cut to her left flank, which startled her. Her clothing was plenty to protect her from the momentary contact of Alex's blue blade, but Rani's blue eyes were wide with shock that she'd missed the block. 

Alex pulled his weapon up into the guard stance and looked at her quizzically. "That was a very basic feint, Rani." he said, raising an eyebrow at her error, "You aren't focussing nearly enough if that can slip through your guard." 

Rani's forehead lowered into a frown of concentration, and she gave a small nod. "It was just..." 

"We'll just try it again. I'll start back a few strokes. Wait for it, all right?" he asked, keeping his tone light. 

_He's right. Got to focus. Concentrate!_ she commanded herself as she resumed her guarding stance. 

Alex shifted his grip to loosen his wrists, more to give his sparring partner a moment to tighten her focus, and then he stepped back into the striking range. A few of the same attacks he had used earlier, and he again threw the feint and shot combination to her left side, a little faster than before, aware that she may over-block. He stopped his blade before it contacted her side, stepping back and switching his sabre off as he eyed Rani. She'd missed the block again, the exact same pattern of strokes. 

"I'm sorry...let me try it again," she said quickly, flustered even more this time. 

"Rani, you need to focus." Alex's eyes locked onto the young woman's face, "This is a *simple* feint. Would you like to meditate for a few minutes, balance yourself?" 

"No. That's okay, really." Rani's face took on a pained expression, "Could we just try again? I know I can do it this time." 

Alex shook his head. "I really must insist that you at least try to center yourself before we go through that combination again," he said firmly. 

"Oh for...-" but she stopped the curse as she caught his determined look. Resisting would get her nowhere, she knew. "All right, all right..." she relented as she powered down her sabre and placed it on the floor. "This might take a while..." she warned as she knelt on the mat. 

Alex regarded the padawan as she took a deep cleansing breath and closed her eyes. She rolled her shoulders back and relaxed herself, finally settling into a motionless posture. Over the next few minutes, he could sense her repeated attempts at reaching an inner calm so that she could center herself with the Living Force, but each time she came close, her frustration would drive it away, and with each failure came more frustration. Finally, Rani opened her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. "I guess I'm having an off day," she remarked bitterly. 

"Would you like me to guide you through?" he asked gently. As she squirmed a little at the invitation, he said confidently, "I do *have* a padawan, you know. I have had some practice at guiding meditations." 

"I don't know," she said with slow uncertainty, "To be quite frank, I feel a little stupid...I haven't needed meditation guidance since I was..." 

"A distracted, hormonal teenager?" he asked with a wide grin, enjoying the blushing response his teasing evoked. 

"Oh, that makes me feel *so* much better, thank you," she shot back dryly through her embarassment. 

"Rani, it's not so much help, as a friend along the path, someone to walk part of the way with, as it were." Still he could feel her hesitation, and he sighed, "Oh, stop being such a baby about it, it's me, Alex? We've known each other for years. If you can't trust *me*, then..." his blue eyes were sincere as they met her own. 

"All right, fine, just knock it off with the eyes thing already," she said in an annoyed tone, though her smile told him she was teasing right back. "Men!" she said with a huff as he knelt down across from her. 

Alex grinned at that, and then his face relaxed into a serene expression. "Are you done?" he asked her quietly. At her nod, he signaled for her to close her eyes, and then paused. When his voice came again, it was a low, mellow tone. "Breathe with me. Long and deep and slow, in…and out. Feel your body relax into that simple rhythm, in…and… Good." The words flowed as easily as the katas had earlier, and Alex radiated an aura of tranquility. "Now I want you to go deeper, open yourself to a sense of the Force around you. Let it flow around you, feel it's presence even as you feel mine." 

Rani felt rather silly at first, her mind hearing only a patronizing tone from the Jedi Master. It was no different than the words and tone her own Master had used when she was a youth, but Alex was much younger than Davin, and Rani was far from being fifteen years old anymore. 

"Rani, relax." Alex told her, a mild admonishment in his low voice, "Trust me." 

_I do trust you, _ came the quiet reply in his mind. _I'm just... _

_I know. _ Alex replied, more of a rush of understanding and acceptance than any distinct words. _Follow me this way then, _ and he let his mind open to the flow of the Force, so that she could feel his connection through the open portal of his thoughts and feelings Like a wind, the Force blew through him, linking him to every living thing in the Galaxy. He soared on that powerful connection, holding out a tendril of his mind to his friend so that she might share in his perception. 

Only gradually did Rani allow her own shields fade, so accustomed had she grown to keeping them firmly in place. Reaching out with her own thoughts, she tentatively grasped the link he offered, and she marveled at the experience as though it was her first time feeling it as an initiate. When faced with the connection to everything the Force touched, it was impossible to take it for granted. 

Alex could feel the wonder from his friend and knew she had finally been able to reconnect with the Force for herself. _Rani, _ he called to her, _You have had a hard time with this for a while, haven't you? Do you want me to help you? _ The thoughts were accompanied by such a flow of sincere concern and an eagerness to help her through whatever was troubling her, that Rani was momentarily breathless with the richness of the feeling. 

_I honestly don't know why... _ she called back, almost desperate, _It's like it gets harder and harder every day, Alex! It's been over a week... _ Rather than answer his offer of help directly, her shields eased carefully, granting him the access to her mind he required. 

Alex's presence was a gentle pressure, and his own barriers were minimal as he sought for any probable cause of her difficulties. He soared lightly over the contours of her mind, finding two connections to beings outside of herself. The first was a strong forged link, and he could feel the traces of T'lor's presence along it. It pulsed with life, though was quiet for the moment. T'lor was asleep, exhausted from her Trials. 

The second bond was far more transparent and tenuous, as though the bond had been stretched very thin. In spite of its fragility, it seemed to pulse still with the Force. Alex dared not examine it closer, knowing full well with whom Rani shared that second, perhaps more important bond. 

He searched through Rani's being, finding many, nearly overwhelming feelings of helplessness and bitterness, feeling abandoned and unloved…alone. Then something drew his attention: an opaque veil tucked in the corner of her mind, blocking off access to a part of her that seemed too large to be kept so isolated, even from herself. _I think I have something here... _ he sent to her, and began to gently tug at the edges of the mental curtain. 

_No...**NO!** _

Her command came too late, for the veil shredded under his mind's now-firmer touch, and he was suddenly immersed in a wave of powerful emotions. His amazed thoughts turned immediately to one for whom he felt the same, and a mere second later his eyes were wide and staring into Rani's, both of them too shocked to speak. 

_Rani...why didn't you tell me? _

_H-how could you? Alex, she's your *padawan*!_

The two mental voices passed between them almost simultaneously, both carrying weighty amounts of disbelief and dismay. 

Suddenly Rani's shields slammed into place, cutting off the last remnants of the meditative link they had held that had had such disastrous results. 

_Rani, don't! We need to talk about this... _ Alex tried to send to her, but he could not penetrate those powerful shields. "*Please*, Rani! We need to deal with this, now!" his voice was urgent, and he reached out a hand to her. 

Rani leaned away from him, throwing her weight onto her arms behind her and scrambling away and to her feet. "Don't touch me! I can't believe you did that...I never wanted you to know, damn it!" She was mortified at her true feelings being exposed, and of all people to learn of it, Alex himself was by far the worst. 

"Rani... I don't understand why... why didn't you tell me?" his voice was pained, and his blue eyes stared up earnestly into hers as he knelt before her. 

She grabbed at her padawan braid, holding the end of it in front of her face for emphasis. "Because I have one of *these*, that's why! But I guess I've been a real idiot all this time, thinking that something as trivial as being a Jedi Master would stop you from loving a padawan, even your own!" 

Alex's gaze slid away from hers, and he looked down at the floor. "Rani..." he tried, but the words came hard, "It's not... I can't help who I love, only what I do about it. But I never thought... *you*..." His brow was furrowed as he lifted his eyes to meet hers again. Braced with one hand, he rose to his feet and stood waiting, unable to find voice for the whirl of confused thoughts in his mind. "I thought you were over this harmless crush years ago? We teased you about it all the time, you-…" 

"Another perfect reason to not tell you," she snapped. "And the crush did end years ago. This is way more than that." Her eyes narrowed, "What about *you*? Do you consider your feelings for Meri a harmless crush?" 

Alex shook his head slowly, and answered with a quiet, "No, I don't. I see your point." 

"Just tell me you're not...that you and Meri..." she shuddered visibly in disgust. 

"Of course not!" he replied sharply, his face expressing pure shock at the idea, "How could you think that, Rani? I may not be able to control my heart, but I *do* control my body!" 

Rani shook her head, not taking her eyes off him. "Does she know?" 

"Yes, of course she does." he replied, his voice modulating to a gentler tone. "When she is knighted, Meri and I..." he let his voice trail off. 

"Congratulations. I'm sure that the ends will justify the means," she said coldly as she bent to snatch up her sabre. 

"Rani!" he remonstrated her, his eyes flashing with a hint of anger, "She did the right thing. She *told* me, at the very least. How long have you kept your little secret? Did you ever mean to let me know?" 

"Yes...I meant to *let* you know, after I was Knighted...I hadn't planned on you coming along and ripping it out of my skull!" she said harshly, as her eyes began to glisten. 

"I was trying to help..." Alex whispered, his face tight with tension, "Rani, I never meant for you to be hurt," he said slowly, reaching out towards her again. 

"Don't...don't do that..." she held an extended arm and forefinger towards him, partly accusing, partly to keep him away. "It doesn't matter now. It never did. And I don't want you thinking I asked you to help me train now because of how I feel, either." 

"We still don't know why you've been having so many problems... it can't be because of this?" 

"No. I've...felt that way since I passed my probation...five years maybe. It can't be that, and right now, I really don't care what is," she clipped her sabre to her belt and stalked past him to the bench to gather up her robe. "Can we please drop this?" 

"I am so sorry, Rani." Alex stated simply, rubbing his hands along his nose. "I truly didn't mean for this to happen..." 

"Thanks for sparring with me," she said as though she hadn't heard him, "But I think under the circumstances, it better be our last session," she said as she moved for the door. 

"This isn't finished between us, Rani," he said carefully, "We will need to talk about it again, soon. You do realize that, surely?" 

When she turned back, the tears were falling down her bright red cheeks, "How much do I have to be humiliated, here? Please…just...leave me alone?" she croaked, her eyes pleading. 

"You're too much alone, Rani..." he replied, looking at her steadfastly. 

Her look turned hard all of a sudden, and she repeated far more forcefully, "Leave me alone, Master Arieh!" She force-shoved him backwards a few steps, then turned away again and disappeared through the door. 


	57. Chapter 57

**_ Authors Note: Well you guys just don't kill me if this doesn't have a happy ending *grin* just be reassured that there IS a sequel. Okay, second part of this Rani wrote, the rest is mine._**

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Alex stood for a moment, staring after the distraught padawan in disbelief. He had never thought Rani's feelings had gone any farther than a schoolgirl crush, and even then, that was years ago. He never meant to hurt her. 

He was pulled out of his temporary shock as he felt Meri sending a questioning pulse over their bond. She wasn't prying, only questioning, concerned. A flood of affection for her came over him and he groaned softly. What he had told Rani was the truth; he had never meant to fall in love with his padawan. In fact, he had fought it for a long time, because of who she was, and her youth. He'd never thought it would be this hard to distance himself from Meri. It was becoming a daily struggle, in fact, and a more difficult one as the days passed. 

He had been caught off guard when Rani had questioned if they had already acted on their love in a physical way. _That is what everyone else would think too. That Meri and I have been..._ he pushed the tempting thought from his mind before finishing it. They hadn't, but people wouldn't believe them, of that much he was certain. _She won't tell anyone, not Rani. As much as I didn't seem to know about her, I know this._

Automatically his hand threaded through his jet-black hair as his eyes stared at the floor. At least he hoped he knew. The words he'd spoken to Meri a few nights earlier came back to him suddenly. Over the last few years, it was true, he and Rani hadn't kept in touch, maybe she had changed…or was it that he had changed? 

Either way, he didn't think she would reveal what she had learned to anyone for the simple fact that if she were to do so, she would also have to reveal how she found out. And from what he sensed, Rani wouldn't want anyone else knowing about her hidden feelings. 

He wasn't even certain he could tell Meri. The way Rani had reacted to his and Meri's relationship had been strong. He could still hear her mental voice in his head, the flavor of her tone that dripped incredulity and something else; _'she's your **padawan!'**_

The emphasis put on 'padawan' had made him wince, flavored, as it was, with slight disgust. Whether this was because he was Meri's master and she his apprentice or because Rani was disgusted by the fact he had found out, he wasn't certain he wanted to know. But he thought he knew which it was, and he wouldn't hurt Meri…not for anything. She didn't deserve anyone's disgust anymore than he. They returned each other's love passionately and one couldn't be faulted over the other for acting on it. 

Already Meri had shown signs of being fearful of how others would receive their relationship. It was one of her traits Alex found endearing in a way. She was always and had always been so willing to please and hated for anyone to look down on her with disgust or pity or any sort of disfavor. It was the trait that had driven her to be excellent in many areas of her life. It was also a trait Alex struggled to understand in his apprentice. 

While Meri was confident in many areas of her life, in fact appeared a very confident padawan on the surface; it hid that fear of displeasing anyone, especially her mentors. Alex thought he knew what it stemmed from. The breaking of her first bond; when he had first taken her on as his apprentice he'd had to be extremely careful with how he handled her, always reassuring her she was doing okay. One harsh word from him would have crushed her. 

Though this trait had receded over the past few years, he knew it was still a part of her. Especially in the area of their relationship; he still remembered the feel of her mouth beneath his the first time he'd kissed her. Even through his passion he had still sensed her hesitancy and the reason behind it, her feelings of inadequacy and fear that she wasn't worth his attention; and finally her surrender to her own feelings for him. 

A few times since when he had covered her mouth with his, he thought he sensed the same and it had always flooded him with the need to show her just how much she was worth to him and how much she meant. It was always those times that he had a hard time stopping himself from going too far. 

Exhaling a large sigh, Alex extracted his hand from his hair and bent to retrieve his lightsabre, which he had placed by his side during his meditation with Rani. 

Meri was stretched out on the floor in the main room propped up on her elbows and entering something in a datapad when he entered. As he stepped through the door, she glanced up and smiled at him. 

"Back already? Is something wrong?" she asked as she sat up. 

Alex made his way to a seat near her and sat down without answering her, his hand automatically reaching to run nervously through his hair. He had to tell her Rani found out, that he knew, but he couldn't tell her of Rani's feelings. It wouldn't be right. Painfully he remembered feeling Rani's shame and her humiliation, and he knew she would never forgive him for sharing her secret with someone else, especially his padawan. 

"Alex?" Meri's voice was concerned now and she placed a hand on his knee as she rose up to her knees at his feet. "What's wrong? Did things go badly with Rani?" 

Alex looked at her then, his expression almost blank. "I was helping her meditate, she's been having such a hard time focusing. She missed two feints, the same moves, when we were sparring and so I had her meditate." 

Meri nodded encouragingly, her hand still resting comfortably on his knee. 

"She was having such a hard time that I helped lead her further and…," he trailed off suddenly uncertain of how to tell her without letting out the truth about Rani's feelings. "She wanted me to help her find the reason she was having such a hard time focusing, and I thought I had found it, the reason she was having trouble. It wasn't, but it was someone she had feelings for and without realizing it, I thought of the person that I feel that way about…"

His blue eyes softened as he saw Meri's dark eyes widen in comprehension and he reached out and caressed her face gently. "I should have been more careful," he murmured. 

"Was she….well how did she respond?" 

He didn't want to answer her question, it was going to be difficult enough to try and smooth things over with Rani, he didn't want Meri getting upset too. 

"She was rather upset…," Alex began, but stopped as he saw Meri's wry grin at his words. 

"I suppose that is putting it mildly," Meri commented upon seeing the questioning expression on Alex's face. "She never approved of you taking me on as your apprentice in the first place. I remember the first day she came back and you told her." 

As Alex's brows shot up in surprise, Meri nodded. 

"I wasn't as lost in my misery as I looked. I was watching to see how your taking such a pathetic excuse for a padawan would be accepted by your peers," again the harsh words were accompanied by a smile that told Alex the words were describing how she felt about herself then and not now. 

It struck him then that Meri had matured over the past few years and it was showing in how she was handling this situation. He didn't sense any fear in her that they would be separated, only concern and a little worry, but she wasn't letting it dominate her. 

"Should I pack my things?" Meri tried to ask lightly in effort to lighten the mood, but the words caused his gut to twist sharply. 

"I don't think she'll tell anyone, Meri," he paused and studied her face and then his expression hardened. "I wouldn't let you go." 

Meri sat back on her heels and returned his look. She began to feel the first tendrils of discomfort at his conviction in those words. They comforted her, yes, because she wasn't certain she could live without him. She wondered if he understood the impact of what he was saying. 

"I mean it," he said roughly picking up her thoughts easily. 

"You would throw away everything you've ever stood for?" 

There it was out. The question that their relationship seemed to hang on. It was only in extreme or rare cases that Jedi had relationships. The Jedi Council and the Order looked down on it. Alex being her master made it blasphemous. What he was implying would end up getting them both kicked out of the Order. She didn't want him giving up what had been his whole life for her. She would rather lose her own life than end up someday with him bitter against her because he gave up who he was. 

Alex blinked, startled at the suddenness of her question and hesitated as he realized what she was asking him, wanting to carefully frame his words. He would and never look back. 

"Never mind, I don't want to know that," Meri said quickly as he hesitated. "What are we going to do about Rani?" 

Alex shook his head as she swiftly changed paths. "Wait…let me answer that." 

"No, Alex I don't want you to. I don't need to hear that right now. Besides, it wasn't my place to ask you." 

He saw the sincerity in her eyes; she didn't want to know, but he didn't understand why she had asked if she didn't want to know his answer. 

"I need to speak with her again, she ran out before I could smooth things over, but I'm going to try and catch her at T'lor's knighting ceremony. I am almost certain she won't inform anyone about us, Meri. Too many other things are bothering her; the continued loss of her master is affecting her heavily. I only wish she would let me help her." 

Meri reached up and playfully swept the black bangs out of his eyes. "You always want to play the hero," she teased in effort to lighten his mood. 

Alex caught her wrist and placed a soft kiss on her pulse point. "I can be your hero," he whispered pulling her gently up into his arms. 

Meri wrapped her arms around him and rested her head against his shoulder. "You already are," she whispered back before turning her head and placing a warm kiss at the hollow of his throat. 

Alex inhaled deeply and tightened his arms around her, content for the moment just to hold her. 

***

Alex smiled at Meri as he left the huddle of knights around T'lor, having said his words of welcome to her. His Padawan was waiting patiently near the edge of the arena, her hands fingering something hidden by her tunics and he realized it was the pendent he had given her. 

A motion caught his eye from somewhere in his periphery, and he turned his head to see Rani shaking her head as she watched Meri watching him. She turned her head to glance his way briefly, but the moment their eyes met and she realized he had seen her, she turned away, as if trying to seem she hadn't noticed him there. 

His forehead lowered into a frown, and he turned back to his padawan momentarily. "Meri, I need to talk to Rani. You go congratulate T'Lor, I'll only be a few minutes." The young woman's head followed his gaze to the other padawan, who was making her way towards the door with determination, and she bit her lip as she nodded. Alex stepped past her, and strode after the dark-haired girl. 

"Rani, wait!" he called softly as she neared the further door. This side of the arena was nearly empty, everyone being clustered up near the door to the antechamber, or near the refreshment tables across the width of the arena. If he kept his voice low, this was a better place than most to talk to her about what had happened earlier that day. 

He saw her slow her step, pausing only when she reached the doorway. "What can I do for you, Master Arieh?" she asked in an all-too-formal tone for his liking. 

Alex felt his ire rise at the use of his title. "Look, you can stop that right now, Rani. I'm Alex, I'm your friend. Don't put me in that position when we have to talk this out as equals." 

"Equals..." she scoffed as she echoed the word. "I think we've said all that needs to be said...Alex." 

Reining back his temper with an effort, the Knight drew a deep breath. "Rani, I know you're angry with me, but I was just trying to help you. I didn't know..." 

"Didn't you?" she met his eyes finally, drawing up one eyebrow in a not-so-subtle hint. 

He cocked his head at her, his voice low as he answered, "I knew about the crush. You and T'lor both. But what I found tucked away in your mind was no simple infatuation, Rani." 

"I am trying to forget about it, but you keep wanting to talk. How am I supposed to forget about this...about *you*, if you won't leave me alone?" she finished in a very irate tone of voice. 

"I am trying to salvage something of our friendship, Rani," he informed her sharply. "You keep ducking out of this, but I'm not willing to bury that long-term friendship when all we need to do is talk about it." 

"*You're* not willing? Don't I get a say in this? Looks like us being equals is just a matter of convenience for you, *Alex*." 

He winced at the edge in her voice as she said his name so pointedly. "Rani, is that what you really want? To walk away from all those shared years that the lot of us have been through together? Over *this*?" 

"You make it sound like such a little thing. Something that can just be talked away. Well, it's not a little thing to me, and all I want right now is to forget the whole thing ever happened. It's my problem, not yours, and I'd rather not talk about it, all right?" He could tell from her voice that she was getting angrier. 

"No. It's not a little thing, and no, it's not all right," he told her firmly. "This doesn't just involve *you*, Rani. You are one of my closest friends, one of the people I have trusted for a long time. I thought you trusted me too, enough to have told me something like this, at the least. It's not a small thing, but I think our friendship is bigger, that's what I'm trying to say." 

"Spare me the 'I just want to be friends' speech, okay? I *do* trust you, but what difference would it have made if I'd told you? Reject me five years ago or reject me now, it makes no difference! At least if I was able to admit it to you as a Knight myself, I might have stood a chance with you..." She looked towards the door, shifting her weight slightly. "I think that's all that needs to be said." 

Alex shook his head, "No, it's not. Rani, I'm sorry... I can't let this be the ending of a friendship that's lasted since we were young Padawans together. I will not let that happen." 

"Well, since it seems I don't have a say in this, I guess I better just listen to you, hmm? So what do you suggest to settle the matter? What's the punishment for a Padawan falling in love with a knight, two hours in the corner?" 

His eyes pinched shut momentarily as his mind flew back to his Padawan, as guilty as Rani of that particular error, if that's what it was. They snapped open again with a flash of blue fire as he realized she was baiting him. "*That* was uncalled for!" he snapped back at her. "I did *nothing* to encourage this. I am doing the best I can deal with it fairly and justly, Rani, *all* of it!" his pointed emphasis told her he meant both situations she was referring to. 

"And that is the last time I want to hear any comment from you on the matter of Padawans and Knights! This," he gestured between the two of them, "Is between you and me, and that other is *not* your affair!" His voice was cold and hard as ice as he delineated the boundaries of their conversation. 

The girl backed up against the wall as he spoke, her eyes wide in reaction to his harsh tone and fierce manner. She seemed frozen for a moment, unblinking, frightened, before turning her head away so he couldn't see her face. "You didn't have to encourage it. With me..." she paused, then continued in a barely audible voice, "Or her. You're just *you*. I don't want you to deal with it, I just want it to all go away, be forgotten," she cried. 

His anger dissipated like smoke on the wind, and he took an involuntary step towards her, reaching a hand out to touch her arm, "Oh Rani... it's not going to go away. I can't forget, and neither can you. Please, I just want to work this out as best as we can-…" 

She snatched her arm away, then instantly looked like she regretted it. He watched her as she pressed herself tighter against the wall, looking around back into the room in desperation, almost like some trapped animal. "I...I can't. I don't… know… how," she said through a tight sob, and covered one hand loosely over her mouth and nose, the other arm wrapped around her, gripping her opposite elbow. "I can't think...it's so *loud*! I...A-Alex...?" 

Alex reached for her again, shocked by her sudden fragility and wanting only to shelter her from whatever storm she was facing. Both hands rose to her shoulders and he drew her into his arms, his heart pounding with concern and fear for her. Her face was so pale and she seemed far too narrow and spare as she leaned heavily against his chest, taking a deep, shuddering breath and closing her eyes. But the moment of comfort was short lived, for in what seemed like moments after she settled into Alex's embrace, Rani wrenched back with a gasp of realization. 

"Oh, Light, what am I doing?" she cried as she stumbled back along the wall, edging away from him, "I...I'm sorry! I didn't *think*!" He could suddenly feel the shame and confusion rolling off of her. "I can't handle this...I have to go!" she choked as she turned to leave. 

"No, Rani, it's all right!" his voice was reassuring but insistent as she tried to elude him, "There's nothing to be sorry for. Just let me help you..." 

She didn't seem to hear him, as he saw her shaking her head back and forth, her hands pressed hard against her temples. It was as though she were in physical pain, caused by some unperceived sound. "NO! I have to go!" she cried again, and she quickly rolled off the jamb of the entranceway and fled down the hall, one hand still to her head. 

Alex took two steps after her, and then stopped himself, aware that he was more likely to make things worse between them if he went after her now. He shook his head, trying to fathom her extreme reactions, and frustrated that there seemed to be no way he could help her. _She needs time, but how much? How can I help her if I can't even talk to her?_

**

Meri wanted to decline attending T'lor's knighting ceremony with Alex. Despite her words to her master she wasn't sure she wanted to face Rani. She had never been close to either T'lor or Rani, though she knew them to be Alex's friends since his padawan years. 

She'd always gotten the impression they had never approved of Alex's decision to take her as his apprentice. And now that Rani knew about them she couldn't help feeling a bit of apprehension. 

The attendance for the ceremony was small, only those who were close to T'lor were invited and as Alex's apprentice Meri had been expected to come. She'd also sensed Alex wanted her to come. The thought that he might need her support to face Rani was reassuring. 

They stood shoulder to shoulder as they watched the ceremony and as T'lor's master cut T'lor's padawan braid, Meri felt Alex allow his hand to slightly brush against hers where it hung by her side. Standing as they were with their backs to the wall, and a row of spectators in front of them, their hands were relatively shielded from sight, aided by the long billowing sleeves of their robes. Knowing this, Meri reached out and returned the caress with her fingers. She had to fight a smile as without even glancing at her, Alex grasped at her hand and held it tightly, his thumb brushing lazy circles over her skin. 

His touch affected her as it always did and she wasn't certain she should allow him to continue, standing as they were, surrounded by other Jedi knights. Suddenly she felt his grip loosen and she almost gave a sigh of relief until she felt his touch return, this time his fingers brushing lazily across her wrist. 

Snatching her hand away, Meri shot him a look only to find him focused on what was happening in front of him as if nothing out of the ordinary had just gone on. Through their bond however she felt his acute amusement at her reaction. 

_Relax, Meri…_

Meri gave a measured sigh before folding her hands safely in her sleeves._ Is that what he's trying to do? Get me to relax….that is the wrong method,_ she thought to herself while her fingers busily scrubbed at the area that was still tingling from his touch. 

_I could do better…_he sent and Meri wasn't at all certain she liked his tone. 

She was just about to answer him through their bond when she felt a firm, Force given pinch to her backside and she straightened abruptly, fighting not shoot him a glare. The small glance she did get revealed he wasn't even grinning. His face was as stoic as any Jedi master's should be. He was practically laughing through their bond however, his amusement was so strong. 

Meri didn't even dignify his action with an answer, afraid if they kept this up she would either burst out laughing or slap him. Either of which would draw attention to the both of them. 

As the ceremony drew to a close there was a surge of knights and masters who moved forward to accept T'lor into their ranks, including Alex. Meri stepped back and watched him as he greeted T'lor and gave her a brilliant smile and swift embrace. They exchanged a few brief words before Alex turned and began to try and make his way back to where Meri stood. 

He gave her a small grin as he navigated his way through the small throng of people who were clustered around the new knight. Suddenly as if sensing someone, he turned his head and she followed his gaze to see Rani staring at them. 

The look on Rani's face was like an unexpected blow to her middle. Her expression as her eyes lingered on Meri was something akin to disgust. Quickly Meri turned her eyes back to Alex only to find him still looking intensely at Rani. Turning her eyes back to Rani, she saw Rani briefly meet Alex's gaze before turning away. 

Alex glanced back down at her quickly. "Meri, I need to talk to Rani," he touched her hand briefly. "Wait here." And then he was gone, striding after Rani who was hurrying towards the exit. 

Meri's eyes followed him briefly before her gaze fell to the floor before her. If she wasn't to worry about Rani why was he so worried? It was quite obvious he was very worried about something. Rani was the first person, other than Obi-Wan to find out about she and Alex. And from the looks of it, her reaction was nothing like Obi-Wan's. 

Uneasiness swirled inside of her as she thought about it. Slowly she raised her eyes and saw both Alex and Rani standing on the far side of the arena. They looked to be in a somewhat heated conversation, judging from her master's stiff posture. 

Quickly she made her decision and started walking briskly along the side of the arena. Carefully and quietly she slid up along the adjacent wall to the doorway and hid behind it, carefully shielding her presence. Her master was so preoccupied with Rani he didn't even notice her approach. The voices were low, but she could hear them easily from her position. 

"Well, since it seems I don't have a say in this, I guess I better just listen to you, hmm? So what do you suggest to settle the matter? What's the punishment for a Padawan falling in love with a knight, two hours in the corner?" 

The harsh words were like a physical blow and all color drained from Meri's face. She'd known Rani was upset, but hadn't been prepared for such hostility against her or her relationship with Alex. 

"*That* was uncalled for!" she heard her Master snap back sharply. "I did *nothing* to encourage this. I am doing the best I can to deal with it fairly and justly, Rani, *all* of it! And that is the last time I want to hear any comment from you on the matter of padawans and knights! This, is between you and me, and that other is *not* your affair!" 

Even though it wasn't directed at her, Meri cringed at the harsh and cold tone of voice her master used, yet a sense of relief filled her at how strongly he was defending them. Rarely had she heard him use that tone with anyone, much less her. But what did he mean? She was thoroughly confused. Something started nagging persistently at her, but she pushed it away as a totally insane idea. She had to strain to hear Rani's answer, but when she did she almost forgot her shielding. 

"You didn't have to encourage it. With me...Or her. You're just *you*. I don't want you to deal with it, I just want it to all go away, be forgotten," 

Those simple words were enough to make Meri understand the element in their conversation she had been missing. Words previously said, and facts she knew, all fell into place to tell Meri one thing. Rani was in love with Alex. The pain she felt flowing off Rani, the hurt, and the way her voice was full of so much agony. It all spoke to her and told her what she had previously not been willing to see. She heard her master reply, his voice much softer now, and all traces of anger gone. 

"Oh Rani... it's not going to go away. I can't forget, and neither can you. Please, I just want to work this out as best as we can-..." 

Rani's reply was bit out in sobs, and Meri cringed at the waves of uncontrolled confusion and pain that rolled off her. Meri wasn't certain what to think anymore. The situation had gotten doubly complicated and now she had new doubts, and some old that had previously been buried but had now sprung to life. 

Meri shook her head in a vain attempt to clear it and pushed off the wall. With quick and quiet steps she headed out of the room, trying to regain control of her wild thoughts while still maintaining her shielding. Soon she found herself heading towards the lifts, and boarded one quickly. When she finally stopped walking she found herself at one of the highest levels in the Temple, in an observatory room that allowed a spectacular view over Coruscant. Folding her arms around her chest, Meri stared unseeing out the floor length windows at the ever-busy Coruscant traffic, her thought whirling. 

It had come with great surprise to learn that Rani was in love with Alex, yet at the same time it made perfect sense. She was a little confused as to why Alex hadn't told her. He had only told her Rani had found out about them, not that he was the one Rani was in love with. Just now, sensing Rani's humiliation and shame she could maybe understand a little bit of why he hadn't told her. 

After all, if Alex had found out she was in love with him, but hadn't returned those feelings, it would have crushed her. She didn't think she ever would have had the guts to tell him if he hadn't made the first move. Her fear of his rejection would have been too great. 

As it was Rani's reaction to their relationship caused something within her to cringe, even though she knew she shouldn't care. But there was no way she could have missed the open look of disdain on Rani's face as she had looked at Meri. 

It was clear Rani disapproved of her and of their relationship. She was worried about the reaction she'd seen in Rani and wondered how the rest of the Temple would react if they were to find out. If a mere padawan had shown such disgust, she couldn't even begin to fathom what would happen should a Council member find out. The thought was more than a little daunting and a little bit terrifying. 

_What am I doing?_ She wondered. Deep down, she'd always known she should never have allowed herself to fall in love. What made it worse was that he was **her** master. What normally would have been a complicated situation was doubly so. And now it not only affected them, but also was affecting those around them. The feeling of Rani's pain through the Force had been acute. 

Meri bit her lip at the thought. Over the past few weeks she'd been doing a lot of thinking on their relationship. The fact that Alex alluded that he would give up being a Jedi for her had made her feel distinctly uncomfortable. She loved him for who he was and knew he was dedicated to being a Jedi. It would tear him apart to leave the Order. Of that, she had no doubt. And the thought of what the Jedi Council would do to them, should they find out, caused her stomach to twist in knots. 

"What are you doing all the way up here?" 

Meri squeaked and jumped, her heart taking off at a mad pace as she whirled around. She let out a sigh as she saw Alex standing in the entrance to the room, his expression one of concern and puzzlement. For a moment she just stared at him before she began to realize he was still waiting for her to answer. 

"I…well, I needed to think, master," she answer quietly, though even to her own ears the answer sounded weak. 

Alex's black brow rose as he looked at her before he took the last few steps that brought him in front of her. "Master?" he questioned, reaching out to push the hair behind her ears before gently grasping her chin and tilting her head up. 

"You're upset," he observed quietly, his eyes scanning her face and she felt him reach out and touch her mind through their bond. 

She didn't say anything or shield her thoughts of what had just occurred, or of what she had just found out as he continued to look at her silently. Finally, without saying a word, he pulled her into his embrace, accepting and understanding her fears and concerns of what had just happened with Rani. 

"Is it _**that**_ wrong Alex?" she finally asked, pulling away far enough to look up into his face. 

His brow furrowed in confusion as he lifted his hand and began to gently trace her features with the tips of his fingers. "Is what wrong, Meri?" 

She looked down, silent again, trying to compose herself enough to speak; she was afraid to ask, and afraid of the answer. 

"Meri?" he questioned softly, his fingers stilling on her face. 

"Us," she finally whispered so quietly that he had to strain to hear the single word. 

She felt his fingers tighten on her jaw almost imperceptibly. 

"Look at me..." 

Meri took in an unsteady breath at the command in his whispered tone before slowly raising her head to look up into his eyes. 

"Rani doesn't understand, give her time, Meri. There is more going on with her than either you or I know," Alex emphasized, his eyes tender as he looked down on her. "It will be alright, Meri. You'll see. Give Rani time, she's just confused right now." 

"She's in love with you," Meri said, twisting slightly to pull back farther from him. 

Alex paused, one black brow arching at her movement. "Yes. Does that bother you?" 

Meri looked down again as she shook her head. "No, it's just I feel…," she trailed off. 

He tilted her chin up again. "You feel guilty?" 

Meri didn't answer, but apparently Alex didn't need her to. 

With one hand, he fingered her padawan braid as he slipped the other around to the nape of her neck. "Don't be…neither one of us could have stopped this." Slowly he lowered his head until their foreheads almost brushed. "I would never have believed I could feel this way about my apprentice…I love you…so much," he finished, his words no more than a sigh against her mouth as he allowed his lips to brush hers before he instinctively deepened the kiss. 

Meri allowed his kiss to act like a balm against the emotions that had been battering her heart. She wished that his embrace could also erase the sudden feeling of trepidation that had crept into her being and would not, for all his words of assurance and love, go away. 


	58. Chapter 58

**_Authors Note: First part is by Rani, the second part, starting with Meri's POV is mine, and the last with Alex's POV is by Derisa. Thanks for reading everyone!_**

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"Master..." her cry was breathless, "She's... she's not there...!" 

"What?" He moved to her as his concern suddenly grew, and held her gently by the shoulders. "T'lor, we will find her," he tried as she desperately looked around the empty air around her. "You must calm yourself. Focus now…" he coached her gently. 

T'Lor forced herself to relax and reached along the bond again, but gave up after too long a stretch, with a worried shake of her head. "The bond is there, but she's too far away... like she's a kite, tethered to me but so distant I can't see her. And I pull on the line and try to drag her closer, but I still can't see her..." Her eyes locked on her former Master's, looking for answers, and her tone again grew insistent and concerned. "She's *too* calm, Master...beyond distant. Almost…disembodied?" 

"When did you last see her? At the Solstice gathering last night?" Gi'den voice had a definite edge to it. At her nod, he quickly continued, "The Temple gates were closed after curfew. She couldn't have left unseen by the security, and we would have heard about a missing shuttle or fighter..." 

"So she has to be here, in the Temple. Somewhere." T'lor finished the sentence for him. "The roof. She used to go there when she needed to think. Or the Healers? If she wasn't feeling well..." as she tossed out possibilities, T'lor's outward seeming grew calmer, but she could not still the ache of the lack of contact from her best friend of many long years. 

"I'll stay here, and start placing calls on the comm," Gi'den decided. "Someone might call here, or she may return on her own. You go look for her in the places she normally goes…you know her better than I do…" he said the last with a tinge of regret in his voice. T'lor could see that Rani's surrogate Master was struggling with a sense of failed duty to her. "We'll find her, Padawan, don't worry," he smiled confidently, perhaps for her sake. 

The new Knight scoured the Temple, checking every place she could think of for her missing friend, trying with all her considerable powers to get some sense of where she might have gone the night before. At length, her analytical mind returned to her last memory of her friend. It was the at the party the night before, and Rani had walked away, had stopped to talk to... Alex. 

T'lor's steps were nearly running as she headed for the Master Jedi's rooms. If anyone could help her, Alex would. She breathed a sigh of relief to find him at home as he answered the door, and quickly told him of the situation, finishing by asking for any insight he might have into why she would fail to come home the night before. 

His brow pinched into a frown, as he considered how to respond. "She was upset last night," he said carefully. "I... We had words, " he broke off in a sigh. "I can't imagine where she's gotten to, T'Lor... Where have you looked already?" 

T'Lor cast a concerned look at him, but pushed the question burning at the edges of her mind away, to answer his. As she outlined everywhere she had checked already, Alex nodded, and reached for his robe. "Perhaps we should check the lower levels?" he suggested. "The Dome, the Library?" 

The worried young Knight exhaled tensely, grateful for his assistance, and then cursed whoever felt that the Jedi Order required such a sprawling complex as the massive and convoluted Temple on Coruscant. They decided to split up, Alex doing a sweep of the lower levels and Library, while she checked the Dome, and several other places that occurred to her in that quadrant of the Temple. "I'll comm you immediately if I find her," he promised, and headed towards the lift. 

The rest of the search was a blur until she got that comm, less than an hour later. Alex had called from the infirmary, where he and Kaline had taken the comatose padawan immediately, and where they both waited with T'lor and Master Dway the two hours until An Paj allowed them in to see Rani, tubes and life monitors all in place and horrifying. 

The girl at Rani's bedside was brought out of her reverie by her new and unfamiliar title of only four days. "Knight Kaden," the blue-skinned Master Healer said gently from the door to his patient's room, "I can assure you that while Padawan Veko would be touched by your show of dedication, she wouldn't want you to become a patient here yourself, admitted for exhaustion." She turned to see a slight grin on his mouth that matched his dry sense of humour. 

"I worry less when I'm here with her, Master Healer," she replied. "Is there any change?" 

"None yet, I'm afraid," he answered as he entered the room and began checking the I.V. bag hanging from its hook. "But she's stable, and we know what is causing it now, and may be able to save Master Kern in the process, thanks to Mind-Healer Halle." 

T'lor looked back to her unconscious friend, as if able to read on that ghostly face what was happening to her. "Rani is still directing a healing Force along her bond with her Master, then?" 

"Very likely. There's no telling how long she's been doing it, but according to Reis-An Halle, Rani couldn't have been doing it consciously, otherwise she would have just known where her Master was and told the Council to redirect the search teams to the Akessiae system. It's no wonder they hadn't found Master Kern yet, they were looking on the wrong blasted side of the Inner Rim!" 

An Paj shook his head as he glanced at his patient, "She's probably been either healing him or at least keeping him alive for weeks, and she didn't even realize it..." his voice trailed off as he shook his head again in wonderment of the powers of the Force. 

T'lor looked over at Rani again, guilt rising with her concern this time, as the Master Healer worked around her prone form. She saw the thinness, the angles of bones that should have been properly hidden by healthy muscle and fat, not jutting under the girl's papery skin. The pang that rose in her caused her to bite her lip, finding it hard to accept that she had not seen how changed her friend had become over the last six weeks. 

An Paj eyed her carefully, his sensitive mind picking up easily on her self-accusatory thoughts. "Go and get some sleep, T'Lor. You will feel better for the rest." he ordered her gently. "Rani's always been a stubborn young lady... but she would never blame you for what's happened." 

T'lor gave a wry half-smile that didn't reach her eyes and rose from her chair. "I'll check in later, Master An Paj." She surveyed her friend's still face, but there was no change in the slack features. Rani remained in a deep coma, her body being nourished through tubes in her arms, and her bond still stretched tight from T'lor's mind to where her own had fled. 

The young Knight gave her friend a soft stroke on the hand, and sent courage and support flowing down the link, to disappear down the cord of life that stretched between them. "Good night, Rani...I'll see you tomorrow," she told her. 

**

The floor under him was warm in the early afternoon sunlight, as Master Alex Arieh slowly brought his awareness back to roost in his body from its soaring flight on the airy currents of the Force. His sky blue eyes slowly opened, and he drew in his first aware breath in a while, his meditations having flown him far from the concerns of his body. 

Those demands had grown more insistent of late, leaving Alex questioning whether he had made the correct choice in taking Meri as his Padawan when the enforced closeness of that relationship only reinforced her necessary distance from him. And coming on the heels of the discovery of his friend's secret love and then her collapse, Alex found himself fighting harder to keep that safe distance from his Padawan. 

Even now, he could sense Meri, moving about their suite, her graceful, slender form padding noiseless on the smooth polished floors, and his breath deepened momentarily as her sweet thoughts touched on his with that quiet serenity she exuded. But, no: he must restrain himself ever more, or risk losing that one person closest to his heart. 

And that another, as well as Meri, should have felt similarly for him, and hidden it all this time... that she should know of his feelings for his own Padawan... He had to remind his ego to be still, that this could have played but little role in the older Padawan's eventual collapse, she was more heavily weighted by the burden of her constant feeding of healing energy across the bond to her Master. 

He recalled his surprise when they had learned what had caused the young woman to waste away to almost nothing, so that when he hefted her in his arms, there in the dust of her Master's deserted rooms, she hung in his arms, little more than skin and bone, and her unruly dark curls the only lively thing about her. He felt her phantom pulse once again, thin and thready under his fingers, but in his stomach lay a heavy stone of worry for this frail creature, his long time friend, Rani Veko. 

At the naming of her image in his mind, with all the weight of his years of affection for her behind the simple syllables, Alex felt his Padawan pull back from his mind, and he frowned outwardly at the withdrawal. He slowly slid to his feet and drew his robe over his bare shoulders, turning to seek that well-beloved connection again. 

"Meri." His voice was soft, but the edge of his confusion flavored the name. She looked up at him, her eyes almost too bright. "Meri...? What's wrong?" 

"Meri, I feel responsible, and-..." he was interrupted by the door alert sounding, and after startling, Meri practically ran from the room to answer it. 

Alex drew a deep breath, and released it as a sigh, before absentmindedly closing his tunic and resettling his belt over it. "Master!" Meri's voice called from door, and he felt a flash of the importance of the message from her, and he raced to the door, to learn what it was that had his Padawan so suddenly on edge. 

"They've found Master Kern!" 

Within moments, Alex was following T'Lor down the hall to the infirmary. With Davin Kern found, the search team could place him in stasis and it was hoped Rani could be brought out of her coma by the mind healers with no danger to either her or her master. He sensed Meri let the door slide closed and then lean heavily against it, her emotions in turmoil. The last thing he had set into her mind was the thought, he had hoped would reassure her, that they would talk more later. 

**

In the moments after Alex left, Meri remained leaning on the closed door, eyes tightly shut, her emotions churning. She bit her lip nervously as she slid slowly away from the door and moved into the main room. In her mind's eye she could see the scene that had just taken place, and her heart constricted painfully. The day had been going well, up to now. Over the past few days, Meri had been trying to bury any memory of the information she had found out that night about Rani, but it was hard. 

Hard because every time she'd managed to push it away--the worry, the concern, the guilt--it would be brought back to mind when through the strong bond with her Master she sensed him thinking of the other padawan. Coupled with this was the fact that in the last few days Alex had become extremely remote. Coming on the heels of what had occurred with Rani, this caused Meri no little worry. It was constantly in her thoughts. Was he upset with her, she wondered? Had she done or said something wrong? 

She had pretended to ignore it at first; she lied to herself, told herself it didn't really matter. But today had been too much, and when an especially emotion filled thought of his friend came across their bond, Meri had pulled back, too confused to deal with it any longer. However, not without consequences. 

Sinking down in the sunspot her Master had previously occupied, Meri tried to reign in her wild thoughts. Alex knew something was the matter, he had sensed it finally today. 

'What ifs' flooded her mind. What if he had became angry with her? What if the fear in the furthest corner of her mind was true? And he did feel something for Rani? She shied violently away from the thought. It couldn't be true. She fingered her pendant at the thought…no it just couldn't be, so it must have been something she'd said or done to displease him. He had never acted this way before….seeming to avoid her whenever he could, placing a distance between them that was entirely foreign to Meri since they'd acknowledged their love for one another. 

The wedge between them had only become more apparent when they were asked to house one of the exchange students for the program the Jedi Temple was instituting. The girl's name was Vail D'Ka and to Meri it seemed that Alex used the girl as an excuse to place even more distance between he and his apprentice. Thankfully Vail seemed to have a gift as a healer and spent most of her time down at the infirmary. Yet still, her Master treated her in this strange manner…as though she'd displeased him in her training or some other thing. 

Oddly enough, she wanted to tell Alex all of her worries. Some little voice told her to tell him how she felt, but on the other hand, she feared what his response would be. He had almost requested another master for her once…was he thinking of this again? 

A moment before he'd left, he had sent a thought winging across their bond saying they would talk later. She wasn't sure if this was meant to reassure her or if it should worry her. After the tension of the last few days, however, Meri was ready for whatever was going on between them to be brought out in the open. At least if she'd done something wrong, she wanted to know about it. 

As the sun shifted lower, it continued to pour over the padawan sitting in the sun's shinning path, her head bowed in deep thought. 

**

Alex's footsteps were hurried as he left the infirmary, his thoughts occupied by the padawan he'd left in turmoil some time earlier. The distance he'd been struggling to put between he and Meri wasn't working. Meri didn't understand why and he knew that as a result of this she'd been hurt. That hadn't been his intention at all! 

After seeing how Rani had reacted to his and Meri's relationship, one of his closest friends, he began to wonder at what would happen if anyone else found out. This led to him resolving that their relationship could never be revealed. And he knew that unless he forced himself to pull back from Meri, someone else **would** find out. The only reason he knew others hadn't found out was because the thought or idea of a master and apprentice having a relationship was not even considered by another Jedi. The idea would've seemed ludicrous to anyone else. But if anyone had chosen to look and really see, Alex didn't know how they couldn't have seen what was between he and Meri. It was a living thing and becoming stronger by the day. 

In a vain attempt to control the temptation, Alex had requested to house one of the students who had come to the Jedi Temple for the exchange program. This forced a necessary distance between them. He had thought Meri was coping and hoped she hadn't suspected anything, but today her rush of emotions across their bond had told him the truth. She was afraid she'd done something wrong and Alex ached to make it right between them. He longed to hold her in his arms and reassure her that everything was alright, that he wasn't upset with her and he loved her more than life. 

Suddenly a voice broke through the haze of his thoughts, pulling him back to the present with a sharp jolt. 

"Master Alex, please..." A padawan he recognized as Ane Oligi was the one calling him, reaching for the other man's arm as he moved up the corridor to the door, "I need your help." 

"Ane," Alex Arieh chided, "I am somewhat occupied at the moment. Can it wait?" but he noted the urgency in the boy's troubled face. He inhaled a steadying breath, and drew on the Force, letting it lift him. "What is it, Ane?" 

Relief at being heard out at last suffused the Padawan's face. He had spent an hour, likely more, searching the halls of the Temple for someone who might be able to help him without getting him in worse trouble that he already was. With a deeply indrawn breath, he embarked on the tale of how his friend had disappeared. 

Alex's only clear reaction came when Ane told him who he had been with, watching the suspected technician, Carik, of sabotage. "Ciaran Ui'Niall?" he asked, and as Ane confirmed it, the Jedi Master felt a whisper through the Force, an ephemeral foreboding. While at the infirmary, he had learned of Ciaran's disappearance. After his talk with Meri he had planned to offer his help in the search for the missing padawan. He nodded for the young man to continue as he drew on the Force for serenity, in the face of his growing certainty that all was not well with the youth that was being sought. 

"...so he sent me to get someone, only I..." Ane's voice trailed off. They were headed back up to the technician's quarters, quite a long walk from the rooms the Padawans of the Order shared with their Masters. 

"I understand, Ane. You had been barred from the hangar, you already said. And with your predilection for trouble..." The Master let the slight rebuke in his tone speak the rest of the words for him. Ane hung his head. "How long ago did you leave him?" Alex asked. 

"An hour, maybe a bit more," the Padawan confessed, in a clearly penitent tone. Alex shot him a chastising look, sharp from the Master's deep blue eyes. His lips tightened as he lengthened his stride. 

Strained silence reigned between the two Jedi as they arrived where Ane had last seen the other Jedi Apprentice, only to find the corridor empty. 

"I swear, I left him right here," Ane pleaded, "Carik's room is just over there-" 

"Which one?" Alex interrupted, moving around the corner to survey the row of doors. Ane directed him to the door, but there was no answer after Alex's authoritative knock. Without hesitation, the Jedi Master moved to the activator panel and keyed in an override code, and the door slid open with a quiet hiss. 

The quarters were devoid of life, obsessively neat, and Alex shook his head as he headed back out of the door. "Ane, go down to the Archives and get Knight T'lor Kaden. If you see Dama Kaline, inform her of what has happened here tonight, and tell her to comm me if she comes up with anything. Do you have all that?" 

"Yes, sir!" Ane replied quickly, almost cringing under Alex's severe gaze as he headed back down the corridor, but the Jedi Master was no longer thinking about Ane Oligi in the least. Rather, he was reaching into the strong pressure of the Force blowing all around him, and casting his spirit higher, to gain some height, and perhaps a different perspective on the situation. 

He let the Force guide his steps as he moved down the corridor, the opposite direction from the Padawan he had sent on the errands. It was as if he were being pushed gently, faintly, one way and then another, but always guided forward, out of that wing, and down, to the levels of the street accesses of the Temple. 

A little-used door opened before him, and Alex Arieh was outside the Temple, and standing, inhaling the Coruscant night. Along with each breath came a faint scent of foreboding: a cold and delicate miasma of... 

Fear. 

Jedi Master Alex Arieh drew himself up straighter as he identified the taint of dread rippling in the airy currents of the Force, like a faint cloying scent in the night air. 

_I have nothing to fear_ he calmed himself. _I am a Knight and Master of the Jedi, in the full flower of my strength._ His self-confidence had always been a strong point for him, and Alex knew how to use it to achieve a better balance within himself _I am just seeking a lost child of the Temple, and I *will* find him soon._ The image of lost Jedi children reminded him of his own padawan, who was also so much more to him. Meri Irhanah had once been lost, hiding away in her own mind at the death of Ariana, her first Master. It had taken all the patience and compassion of the handsome Knight Arieh to coax her out of her self-induced catatonia and set her back on the path to becoming a Jedi Knight. 

Alex sent a fond thought her way, and then rededicated himself to his task. He found the gradual strengthening of that ill wind of fear disconcerting, and he was more than relieved when his commlink alerted him to an incoming call. 

"Alex? It's T'Lor. Ane just found me. Are you onto something?" 

The Jedi Master smiled grimly, pausing in his progress through the levels of Coruscant's night-lit streets. T'Lor had always been one of the most focussed Jedi Alex had ever met, a characteristic he was appreciating very much just now. "Yes, T'Lor, but I am having difficulty navigating through the wash of things. I could use your help." 

"I'm on my way to the hangar now," T'Lor informed him, but Alex quickly interjected a protest. 

"Some of the padawans have been looking into suspected cases of sabotage, T'Lor, and I don't have time for you to fully inspect a ship. I'm only a few minutes from the Temple, come on foot." 

"All right," she assented. He could hear the surprise in her voice. "Where are you?" 

"Level fifty-four, approaching the Diplomatic Sector. The distraction is growing stronger, though, T'Lor," Alex admitted. "I am not sure how much longer I'll be able to trace Padawan Ui'Niall like this." 

"What do you mean by distraction?" the new Knight asked, and Alex could hear the cadence of her quick strides as she spoke. He had a clear picture of the petite Knight striding along with her characteristic resolve, compensating for her lack of height with immense determination. 

"I am sensing a great deal of fear on this trail," Alex informed her, "It's clouding things for me." 

"You can track by the fear itself, Alex, if you are sure it's coming from him." T'Lor's voice reflected no amusement as she informed him of this, but Alex took a breath. 

"That's why I need you, T'Lor. *You* have the training to do these things, not I." 

"I'm on the way," she assured him, before logging off the commlink. 

Counting his blessings that he had an able assistant, Alex continued along the streets. He was used to working as a part of a team, and while he had never done a mission with T'Lor, he knew her skills were sharp and he trusted her judgment. They had done innumerable training exercises together as padawans, and he easily recalled how superb her tracking skills were. They were among the several excellent reasons she had been selected for the Intelligence arm of the Jedi. 

With a long, steadying breath, and a renewed link to the Force, Alex once again focused his attention on its faint urgings, and set his foot to the trail of the ill-fated Padawan, Ciaran Ui'Niall. 


	59. Chapter 59 cue the spooky music

**_Authors Note: This is mostly written by Derisa, I only tweaked parts of Alex's POV on Meri. Thanks for reading everyone!_**

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"I see what you mean," T'Lor commented as she joined Alex. "That's definitely distracting if you are tracking through the Force as you are used to doing." She paused, and looked up at the tall Jedi at her side, his eyes shadowed in the dim light of the streets. She had caught up to him on the thirty-eighth level, and another three blocks closer into the Diplomatic Sector. He was moving very slowly and deliberately, his focus obviously very tight to his task. 

""But you have other means at your disposal?" Alex asked with a raised brow. 

"Indeed." T'Lor centered herself with hardly an effort, and wrapped her senses around the miasma of fear that lingered where the Padawan they sought had walked. "He was terrified, but determined to find...something. Ane said he was following someone, a tech?" T'Lor looked up and caught the glint of Alex's usually genial eyes, now unsmiling and stark. 

"Yes," he replied, "Our saboteur. Let's hope he hasn't managed to do more damage." The Jedi were unaware of the final outcome of Carik Agren's night's work, the crippling of the ship that carried Ieron, Melina and Yara on their outing. Even as the two Jedi Knights walked further along the trail they were following, the injured young ones were being carried back to the Temple. 

"How certain are they that it's him? And what is he supposed to have done?" T'Lor asked, returning her eyes to the street to catch any faint trace the missing padawan may have thought to leave. While the streets looked bare to her sight, her other, inner senses read a whole history of tracks, people who had walked there in the day, their stronger emotions laid out behind them like streamers on the wind, or the trailing limbs of water plants in the current of the Force. 

Alex watched her, quietly grateful he could withdraw his sensors back into himself, as it had been harder than he would have thought possible to keep reminding himself that the fear was not his own. Ciaran Ui'Niall obviously felt things very strongly. "Ane explained some of their points to me, things that a few of them are investigating. He was following young Ui'Niall's lead in this, it seems they all were, but Ane was quite certain who was to blame for most, if not all of the recent Jedi ship crashes in the last several months, from Davin's disappearance on to Kit's accident, and Tobias's mishap." 

T'Lor gave him a long considering glance, then gestured for him to continue, keeping tabs on her tracking as they walked. 

"I am not sure who all is involved," Alex went on, "But likely those two girls Dama Kaline mentioned..." he let his voice trail off as T'Lor lifted a hand and drew herself up. "What is it?" Alex asked in a whisper. 

"Why is Ciaran so frightened of a simple technician, Alex?" T'Lor asked with a pointed look. "He is a well trained young Jedi, especially in dealing with emotions, as his special abilities require extensive training in that area. So why? Why is he so afraid?" 

Alex shook his dark head, before drawing up the hood of his robe. "I don't know, T'Lor. I really don't know. Where is the trail leading?" 

"Straight into the Diplomatic Sector," she replied. "But lower, down a few levels. Your call as to what we do." 

Alex considered a long moment, weighing the benefits of going back to the Temple to make the Council aware of what was happening, just calling back to the Council for back-up, or continuing on with their tracking of the Padawan. 

"We keep going," he decided at length. "We'll call back to the Temple when we find him." 

T'Lor nodded her acquiescence, and Alex pondered whether his own padawan was involved in this, or whether she had had the good sense to steer clear, as they continued about their task. 

_Meri would have told me if she had been a part of this,_ he realized, _Besides, she has been too busy over the past few days, what with T'Lor's Knighting, and that whole mess with Rani...and now this misunderstanding between us._ Alex's thoughts revolved around the events of the past few days, and as T'Lor focused her considerable training and skills on following the traces Ciaran had left behind, Alex longed to be back in the Temple, with Meri close in his embrace. 

**

T'Lor wrapped the fading stands of fear about her mind, tugging gently to find out which way they led, but holding them separate from her self. The intensity of the emotion was powerful, and she caught that the boy who had produced the feeling was not worried so much about himself, as he was the Jedi as a whole. _The whole Order...? What can have the boy so worried?_ she wondered. 

Suddenly, the emotions she traced with those mysterious inner senses expanded, blooming outward at a phenomenal rate, almost swallowing her with their sudden encompassing growth. She drew quickly on the Force to guide her, and pulled together the strands of fear and dread and terror and... loneliness? She looked about them, catching Alex's eye and nodding towards an alleyway, where the cable of interwoven feelings led. It was clear the other Jedi had caught something of the abrupt increase in powerful emotions in the trail they followed. 

They turned the corner into the alleyway, all their senses extended to the maximum. 

The alley was empty, and after a few strides into the middle of it, T'Lor stopped short. Alex took two more steps and slipped a little in something dark and wet on the duractrete paving. 

He turned back to catch the other Knight's eye, but she was casting about the alley, seeking the line they had followed thus far, but it was gone. The trail of powerful emotion ended, she traced her steps back to the middle of the alley... *here*. 

She was standing next to Alex, and he met her eyes with a horrified expression. Both of their gazes slid to the ground, and the dark, wet stain at their feet. 

"No..." Master Alex Arieh whispered, his eyes sliding shut in sadness. T'Lor drew in a steadying breath, and her face bore and expression of cold judgment. A Jedi apprentice had died this night, a very precious life snuffed out, and she would not tolerate the killer escaping justice. 

Alex met her stark look, his brilliant blue eyes seeming to shine with their own light in the dimness of the alley. She nodded towards his commlink. 

"Jedi Temple, this is Master Alex Arieh. Knight Kaden and I were tracking the missing Padawan, Ciaran Ui'Niall. We request some support, as we believe he has been murdered." 

An unfamiliar female voice replied to the Jedi master's request, that the Temple could send no one at this time, as they were in the process of recovering some injured padawans who had been involved in a surface ship crash. T'Lor read Alex's expression as he acknowledged the Temple's reply. 

"We're on our own." 

"So it would appear, T'Lor," Alex replied quietly. "But there's no trail to follow, so..." he let his voice trail off, as he noted his companion closing her eyes and drawing heavily on the strength of the Force, pulling it within her, and expanding her sphere of senses outward, like a cloud of steam expanding outward. 

She stood at the very spot the fear had died along with the body of the Padawan, and set her prodigious skills to some trace of his killer. Within moments she had found something, and she met Alex's eyes with a look of grim distaste, before leading them out of the alley, and further into the depths of the Diplomatic Sector. 

He raised an eyebrow at her, and she frowned as she replied to his unasked question. 

"She *enjoyed* it." 

**

"Where is Akessiae?" T'Lor asked, as Alex returned his datapad to a hidden pocket in his robe. He had used it to access the city-planet's address directory. 

They stood off to the side, eyeing the large building where the trail of vileness T'Lor had been tracking led. The door was marked with alien symbols, and a Basic inscription proclaiming it to be the "Regal Akessiae Ship Storage". 

Alex searched his memory, but he couldn't answer T'Lor's question. "I don't know, but I doubt I'd want to vacation there," he replied dryly, as they moved in closer to the building. "You are sure the trail leads there?" 

"There's no doubt of it. What's more, she wasn't monitoring herself. She was savoring her victory, and her thoughts were unfocused..." T'Lor's voice trailed off. 

"The question is, is she still unfocused?" the Jedi Master at her side asked rhetorically. T'Lor withdrew the mental probe with which she had been following the trail, briefly wondering if she'd ever get the slimy feel of it out of her mind, as she took a customary position to the right rear of Alex. He smiled as he looked back over his shoulder at her. 

"T'Lor, you *are* a Knight, now, you know. You don't need to stand in the place of a padawan anymore," he reminded her. 

"I know, Alex, but I think... these are the positions we are both better accustomed to, and right now..." her pretty face wore a calculating expression, as though she were weighing how best to voice her thoughts, "Right now, I think it best to take what precautions we can." 

Alex tilted his head in agreement, but he smiled indulgently as he did so. "T'Lor, whatever happened to Ciaran, he was young, not yet a full Jedi. Here we are, two well-trained and adult Jedi: are we to be afraid of the same things as an untried youth?" 

"There is no fear-" T'Lor began, but she swallowed the rest of the rote phrase, recalling the depth and strength of that emotion she had felt from the trail of the boy who had died. Instead of finishing the phrase, she stared up at Alex, a look of challenge clear in her eyes and stance. "But it appears there is pride and overconfidence," she chided him, speaking clearly, so that he could not doubt her intent. 

Master Alex Arieh cocked his head and raised an eloquent eyebrow in surprise at the rebuke from one who had been still in training only a few short days before. T'Lor almost grinned: her old friend looked like nothing so much as an eagle whose honor has been called into question. 

There was a pause as he formulated his reply, but it was not the sharp comment T'Lor was half-expecting. "Point taken, *Knight* Kaden." There was no mistaking that he had conceded the point, but there was a subtle reminder that she ought recall how recent her right to that title was. 

T'Lor bowed her head, and they proceeded into the building. A small reaching of her inner senses, and T'Lor looked up again in sudden shock. She reached for Alex's sleeve, and he turned to face her. 

"She's here." T'Lor mouthed, "She's here, *now*."

Alex nodded his understanding, a faint chill of foreboding running through him, and scanned the room they could see. They stood in an entry foyer to what appeared to be a warehouse, and through a tall sheet of transparisteel, they could see several immense stacks, running back until their length was lost in darkness. The dimness on the sides of the cavernous chamber was thicker, marking ship bays. 

"Something like a hangar, bays for repair and storage...?" T'Lor remarked, and got a nod from Alex in agreement. He drew on the Force to focus himself, and observed T'Lor pick up the trail of the creature they were tracking. 

"She went this way," the young knight gestured, heading around to the door leading to the wide stack of shelves on the far left of the room. Alex paused as he entered the room, his connection to the Force lifting him up and along, it was as though he flew, looking down on the room from above. 

He shook his head as T'Lor started down the aisle way. She was not getting the same sense as he from their situation, and all of a sudden, the Jedi Master wanted to keep T'Lor safe from the danger that lurked in the secret silence of the warehouse. 

"No, T'Lor... I'll go this way." Alex replied. His companion turned to eye him questioningly, but there was something in his posture and voice that brooked no argument. He was the Master, after all, and it was his call. He headed down the central aisle way as T'Lor moved like a panther down the other. 

_She is here, alright._ Alex forced himself to move towards that darkly luminous presence, like a hawk battering through a gale, so thick and heavy her malevolence roiled within the Force. 

Midway down the rank of shelves, there was an open area, and three figures stood within the pool of light cast down from above, two tall, scaly-armored warriors flanking a more petite third. It was this central figure, swathed in robes of an opulent red material, from which that evil disturbance within the Force emanated. 

Even as the Jedi Master realized it, she turned to face him, lifting her hood away from her face, and Alex was stunned by her sheer exquisiteness of feature. Her skin was so pale and the lines of darker scaling along cheeks and jaw were delicate, sculpting a subtle, intoxicating beauty. 

He was sure others had been snared by her, but all Alex Arieh had to do was recall his padawan's clear brown eyes, and he felt again the sweetness of her soul, her slim form in his arms. It woke in him clear awareness, and he knew the physical loveliness he faced was a dark sham, a brutal betrayal of the truth of beauty that lay at the heart of Meri Irhanah, the young woman he loved. This... thing *was* evil embodied: unadulterated, pure, steaming, violent hatred, clad in too shallow a skin. 

His lightsabre was in his hand, and he was deeply immersed in the Force as she sent her minions to battle him, a tiny sly smile curving her lips in a reptilian expression: the hunter toying with her prey. 

Alex had always been an exemplary combatant, his awareness of the Force as air currents that shifted under his pinions showed him where to watch for the next blow, and the two hulking guardsmen were no match for that intimate connection with the universe. But they were fast, impossibly fast, and he had his hands full warding off the blows from their energy pikes. 

When one crouched and then leapt high into the air above his head, spinning and twisting to land with a heavy double thump, as clawed feet and thick tail hit the floor behind him, Alex felt a tremble from within and he stilled the sudden seed of fear, drawing more strongly on the wild blowing strength of the Force, and swung his sabre over his head to catch the incoming pikepoint before it could shear into his spine. 

The riposte left him open along his front, and he swung his body sideways to make himself as small a target as he could, barely dodging the incoming lunge from the deadly point of the other warrior's weapon, but he recovered quickly enough to slash the pike's haft before the huge reptile warrior could withdraw it. He caught the sudden flash of terror in the creature's tiny eyes, and then that died, and the air was suddenly thick with the stench of burned meat. He pulled his shining blade of light free from the creature's ruined heart, and let the body slide to the floor. 

His sabre was suddenly heavy in his hands, and he turned to face the creature who had been controlling the warrior. His breath came hard. He allowed his body to fight on, his reflexes blocked the continuing attacks from behind him, as he brought the fight closer to the one who he held responsible for that life, and the other he would have to take this night. He met her cold dark gaze, and let his eyes bore into hers, even as he parried more strikes from the enemy behind him. 

She drew herself up, and her ophidian eyes gazed into his, unblinking, unafraid, and suddenly there was another in his mind, a chill, oily voice that sighed with corrupt pleasure at the contact. 

_Ahhhh, at lassst. A *real* Jehhhhdiehhhh..._

The sudden violation of his inner silence by this... *thing* shook Alex and his eyes slid closed as he forced her from the sanctity of his mind. As a result he only barely blocked her guardsman's next lash-out with the energy pike, and he was forced to extricate himself from the onslaught. 

With a slight shift of his balance, Alex brought his humming blade up to catch the energized tip of his opponent's weapon above his head. he held it rigid, avoiding the superheated edge from singing his sable hair. Once the pike contacted his 'sabre blade, he spun, leaping back a full meter to put the two reptilian figures at the opposing points of a triangle, able to keep both of them in view at once. 

He held his lightsabre in a classic guard stance, perfectly upright and to the side, so that its shimmer did not interfere with his vision. His eyes keen on his opponent, Alex breathed in the Force and paced towards the pikeman. The creature's eyes narrowed, and its lipless muzzle curled back in a vicious parody of a smile. Alex knew a threat display when he saw one, and he softened his elbow, in preparation to lash out with a lightning-fast counterstrike to the blow he could sense coming. 

A quick exchange of blows, a flurry of attack and defense, strike, block and counterstrike, and the two withdrew again, eyes still locked together. Alex's assurance faltered as he felt again that defiling caress, and heard her voice in his mind. He felt soiled from within, and he clamped down on the sudden, almost physical revulsion that rose in him at that touch. 

He knew he could hold off her creatures, even destroy it like its brother, if he could keep *her* out of his mind. An effort, and he lifted himself again within the Force, his defense strengthened by Meri's eyes, Meri's hands, Meri's voice in his memory... she was his strength, his love for her was his shield in this soul-deep battle. As long as he could hold her in his mind... 

**

T'lor sucked in a breath and set off at a run. She could feel the sudden whirling within the Force, and heard the vibrant buzz of Alex's lightsabre. _He'd only ignite his 'sabre if he was in immediate danger!_ she was aware, but Alex's own connection to the Force was so different than her own, she could catch only a hint of his state. Her alarm grew as she sensed the number of opponents he faced, and she knew he had underestimated the danger. 

T'lor thought back to her various studies, and recalled passages mentioning Force-sensitives being trained to exploit their darker sides, their anger and hatred and fear. They would hone these black emotions into weapons to defend, but more often to attack. T'Lor was very much afraid that what they had encountered here, in this warehouse, was one of these. There was a word for them, those who believed that the Dark Side of the Force was the more powerful, a word that had not been heard in many years: *Sith*. 

She sprinted down the length of the aisle, stretching on into the depths of the huge, echoing building, and spun around the corner of the aisle where the Jedi Master was fighting. Her caution took over, and she made her way along this aisle at a stealthy run, senses swollen with the Force and her 'sabre hilt in her hand. Feet silent on the duracrete floor, her cloak made the only sound as she ran, and it was like the whistle of an eagle's wings. 

She approached the figures at full awareness, and could see the red-robed one circling the combat. _That's *her*_ the new Knight realized, _She's the one who murdered Ciaran, and who knows how many other Jedi before him?_ The evil one moved like a raven circling a battlefield, winged in blood, only waiting for the last victim to fall before she alighted and began to gorge herself. 

With that grim thought, T'lor saw Alex's foot slip, and the charged end of the energy pike contact his shoulder with a sudden flash and flare of energy released along his nerves. He let out a small cry, and crumpled, the blade of his lightsabre collapsing as he went down, at the feet of the scarlet-robed Sith-Witch. 


	60. Chapter 60

**_Authors Note: This is written by Derisa, Rani and I. You ARE going to notice this is written by different people. I really can't help that and I certainly can't go back and rewrite these people's characters. Just remember this last half was originally a round robin and I had to do a LOT of sizing down to get it to fit in, without bringing in more peoples characters. Thanks for reading and the patience in between updates._**

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Selorissa was *hungry*, starved for the dark exultation of another's mind in her possession, the wonderful opiate of *real* power. 

The Sith-Witch watched the Jedi avidly, his movements as effortless as a bird in flight, that wonderful clean grace to his steps and vibrant swing of his ignited blade. She savored a smile of sheer anticipation as her guardsman drove the black-haired Knight back, but his retreat appeared too controlled. _You are not fooling *me*, Jehdieeeh_ she whispered into the still, airy vault of his thoughts, and she almost laughed as his brow creased in intensified concentration. 

_Fight me harderrr, Jeh-die... oh yess! I will so *enjoy* devouring you... _ Her eyes glittered with lust for revenge; for her, and for those of her people also barred from entering into Jedi training, regardless of their sensitivity to the universal power of the Force. _Too many of we Sellirri are abandoned to die in the wilderness of Akessiae, all to salve Jedi pride. Taste of our vengeance, Jeh-diehh... and know your Order to be doomed! _

She swung with him as the fight swirled around her, keeping her reptilian eyes locked on the face of the battling Jedi. Selorissa knew her minion would last only as long as he could: the Jedi was a superb warrior, his blade a shimmering blur in the dimness of the Ship Storage warehouse. Her henchman was weakening too quickly, his magnificent reptilian form too brawny to hold out for long against the faster, slighter Jedi warrior he faced. 

The Sith-Witch drew in a breath and filled herself with the throbbing power of her hatred, the sharp bite of her hunger. The Jedi were an abomination, weak, encouraging the Force to divide itself further and further, diminishing its might with their petty manipulations, their mind-tricks and minor manifestations. There were too many Jedi, and Selorissa was pleased with the success of her efforts to eradicate them, but it was time to escalate the offensive, she felt. Her Master was wrong, too cautious, too... *political*. 

_What need have we for politicssss, Jeh-die? *Thisss* is how we are meant to be: creaturessss of powerrr... give into it, beautiful one... give me your powerrrr... _ she slid out a sinuous tendril, a spell to ensnare the Jedi warrior, who was struggling hard with his discipline, and his own emotional detachment. 

_What has you so unfocussed, my pet? _ she asked him, her question a silent shard of oiled ice in his mind. 

She caught a sudden flash of memory in answer: the clear, brown, doe eyes of a girl, a Jedi girl, her hair a fragrant cloud, her skin a fine, pale alabaster, soft and smooth as silk...her lips honeyed... A *Jedi* girl: his... Apprentice...? His mind's barriers rose again, rallying around the thought of this girl, and Selorissa knew she had to use what she had: turn The Jedi's own shield into an edged weapon *against* him... 

_What a succulent morsel she issss! _ the Sith-Witch purred into his mind, savoring the burst of protective anger from the Jedi Master. His control was slipping, and she slid herself further into him, insinuating herself throughout the corridors of his thoughts, so that wherever he turned, there she was, smiling sensuously back at him. She felt his panic flare, and his connection to the wild airy reaches of the Force slipped even further away. 

With his mental control went his physical enhancements, his channeling of the Force into muscle and synapse, and he was trapped in a battle he could not win. With a last twist of the Sith-Witch's powers into him, the Jedi's foot slipped out from under him, suddenly unable to carry the weight of his retreat from the whirling energy pike, and his eyes turned to hers. Blue as the sky they were, and wide with the pain of the jolt against his shoulder, until they fluttered closed and she took possession of his mind. His lightsabre winked out, and she closed in for the kill. 

Selorissa hovered over him, one clawed hand clutching his limp shoulder. He was... intoxicating, his essence struggling even through his unconscious state as she drove her mind into his, drinking his rich memories as though she were parched. 

_Ahhhhh... _ a silent sated sigh, as she drew back her resources, before diving in again, to drink as deeply of his memories, his power, his *self*, as she could. 

When she had drained him dry, she would rend his mind, ripping his soul free of the husk of flesh that housed it, and the Galaxy would be free of one more Jedi. 

***

The dead silence of her room unnerved her and more so, the feeling of emptiness that seemed to have crept in. The shadows of the room seemed to appear darker this night and the young woman shivered, unsure of what she was sensing. 

A pillow clasped in her lap, Meri sat on her bed fighting sleep. She was waiting for some sign of his return - a sound at the door, or the light of his presence banishing the chilling darkness of their quarters. 

Her earlier feeling of anxiousness hadn't dissipated, but instead had expanded, and she longed to know where her Master was at that moment in time, to be by his side. 

Minutes stretched to hours, and seeking reassurance, Meri pulled the warmth of their bond around her, reveling in the connection. It, at least, told her that Alex was well. 

As the evening wore on, the apprentice's thick eyelashes began to flutter against her face. Finally she slid down to rest on her side, still disturbed by an elusive shadow of apprehension. Unable to fight her own weariness any longer, she drifted off into an uneasy sleep. 

The quarters of the master and apprentice slipped into a foreboding silence, disturbed only by the soft breathing of the young woman. Then, gradually, almost imperceptibly at first, it changed tempo, becoming shallower, more frantic. 

The heavy silence was suddenly broken, a desperate, agonized scream rising to shatter the stillness. 

Meri woke to the dying echoes of her own anguished cry: his name, torn up from the depths of her soul as a connection that should have lasted a lifetime, snapped. 

Sitting bolt upright in her bed, her face twisted in terror, Meri grasped frantically within her mind for the bond that should have been pulsing with the vitality of the Force. She found no sign of it, as though it had never existed. 

She commanded herself to wake up. She had to be trapped in some nightmare, inspired by the darkest moment in her young life. This could not be happening again. The Force wasn't this cruel. Her master couldn't be dead, not *Alex*. 

Stilling her panic, she again reached consciously for her bond, that tether that had tied them inseparable, but she found only emptiness, and Meri was slammed back into herself by the icy realization that she was once again, *alone*. 

Surrendering to her own terror, the girl began again to cry her beloved master's name, as though she could somehow summon him back from being one with the Force. Instead, Meri's voice was choked out by the hysterical sobs, and the horror that now gripped her senses, held her mind hostage. 

***

It was soft and dark where the Jedi was, a true and safe haven. She had floated there for a timeless time, wrapped in peace and tranquility, feeling the Force ripple through her like the familiar vibrant, comforting heat of a hearthfire. 

How long had it been since she had reveled in that warmth, letting it penetrate into her being for her own sake, rather than channeling it for the sake of others? Before, the effort had exhausted her, depleting her of her ability to function and focus as a Jedi is trained. Now the Force surrounded her again, restoring her strength slowly, bringing her the balance that had eluded her these past months. 

Rani felt a well-acquainted tug, luring her to watch some of those welcome fires dance a little closer, and then closer still, until she saw *through* the flames, and into...a dimly-lit, cavernous room, sounds dulled and indistinct amid the vast spaces arching overhead. 

In the centre of a pool of light, a blood-red figure hunched over a slumped heap of Jedi robes. The pale flesh and seamless beauty of the scarlet-robed female form exuded a miasma of directed malevolence towards her victim, sprawled on the floor at her feet. She extended her hand in a possessive claw over the suddenly familiar head of tousled black hair... 

Alex. 

The figure shot an unimpressed glance at the advancing Jedi, and with a flick of her wrist, directed her minion to face off against the female Knight. He was a hulking reptilian warrior, clad in scarred battle-armor and armed with a fully charged energy pike, which he had already used to excellent effect on the fallen Jedi at his Mistress's feet. His scaled lip curled up in a threat display that would give most other opponents distinct pause. 

The flame shifted again, but Rani clung tightly to her bond, knowing by a power beyond normal understanding that her friend needed her, more than she realized. 

//_T'Lor…_// The name was not so much a word as a series of images, a collage of feelings, memories and emotions: mischievous teasing companion, diabolical genius of a thousand childhood pranks, respected and admired...Friend. 

//_Rani!_// came the instantaneous response through the fire that was her mind's interpretation of the Force. 

With a snap-hiss that seemed too quiet in the cavernous vaults of the ship storage facility, T'Lor brought her weapon to bear on the advancing reptilian warrior. 

***

_Ahhhh, yessss, fight me, Jediiieeeehhh...you *are* a strong one, aren't you?_

Selorissa savored the slowly weakening struggles of the Jedi's mind, as he tried to defend his very essence from her onslaught. He was so sweetly protective of his Apprentice, so defensive of his feelings for her, already she was losing herself in the pleasure of pulling those memories out of him. She almost laughed aloud at the sudden flail of panic that raced through the fallen Jedi when he realized what she was doing to him. 

One by one, she drank his memories, day by day, month by month... year...by...year... 

She felt a ripple of warning, some danger nearby that threatened to interrupt her depraved feast, and the witch opened her eyes just in time to see the robe-clad female ignite her lightsabre with a snap-hiss. 

With a brief gesture of her hand, the last of her puppet guards stepped forward to engage the diminutive woman. Selorissa could tell even from where she stood that this Jedi was far less a threat to her than the one at her feet had been. This one was less experienced, less disciplined in her thoughts and feelings, less...masterful of the Jedi ways. At best, the so-called Knight would make a disappointing aperitif once the witch was finished devouring the mind of her current victim. 

_Sssoon enough, little girl...all in good tiiiiime...._

Seeing the reptilian catspaw square off against T'lor and preventing further interruption of her sensory repast, she turned her attention once more to the limp and unconscious form of Alex Arieh. Scenes of training with her, the one called Meri...oh, how deeply he loved her! Further back in time, their first meeting...how tender and patient he had been with her! Truly, this was something to savor in its destruction. 

Selorissa was lost in the euphoria of it all as another year dissipated from his memory: the humiliation of his youthful appearance as he yearned for the respect that more aged knights received...his awkwardness in relationships with his former peers...Ah! His feelings for his own Master...the exquisite bittersweet blends of sadness and pride at the cutting of a braid, and a bond... 

Another ripple of alarm interrupted her a second time, and the witch howled in her anger and frustration at this intrusion of her meal, at the very moment she was about to truly taste of his raw, undisciplined youth. 

The glowing blade sunk deep into the reptilian's chest, piercing through his back but missing his alien heart and lungs. It was a pointless hope that it would continue to fight off her Jedi attacker, the witch realized, as the girl adjusted her grip on the sabre's hilt and drew it up and angled, cleaving the guard from left breast to right temple in one clean and definite stroke. The young Knight advanced even as the lizard creature crumpled to the floor, its cauterized wound still hissing within the lifeless, scaly corpse. 

The witch Selorissa drew herself up to her full height, focussing the powers of the Dark Force to erase this nuisance once and for all. She would not even bother to savor this one's memories...brutally swift and simple erasure would be more efficient, as well as fitting. Perhaps she would leave this one alive? Yes, an empty and useless shell to send back to the temple as a tangible warning to the despised Knights that the Galaxy was theirs no longer. 

She stalked forward, her fingers clawing at the air between them. A smile parted her lips as she saw the young Knight hesitate, eyes wide as she obviously felt the witch's probing thoughts slithering over her mental shields, seeking a hold, some crevasse or weakness to help her tear them down. _Jediiiieeehhh...your training cannot help you now...it could not help your deliciousssss friend, nor any of the others I've takennnn…_ she called to the young woman's mind as their eyes locked with each other. 

The Knight's only answer was a steady and determined step closer, and a raise of her lightsabre's blade to an attack position. 

Selorissa's smile melted away. Something was wrong. She should at least be sensing *some* fear or anger, some weakening of the girl's defenses, but there was nothing...a total silence and solid focus from the Jedi, as though she had not even *heard* the witch's taunts in her mind. The blade came closer as the Knight took another confident step forward. 

Fighting her own panic, the Sith-trained woman tried again, this time at full force, to attack T'lor's mental barriers like a psionic battering ram. 

She sensed, rather than saw, a sudden and violent wall of flame erupt at the edges of the Knight's mind. The witch yanked herself back both physically and mentally, her psychic tendrils burned at touching the firey curtain that protected her attacker. 

This was not possible! How could this young, inexperienced Knight possibly ignore her attack so easily, when the Jedi Master at her feet could not? She did not even have him to help her...she was alone, outnumbered... 

_No, not alone! Someone is helping her! How?_

Desperately, Selorissa retreated a double step, stumbling backward over the body of her previous victim. The girl before her advanced, filling her view, the glow from her lightsabre blinding her to any clear view of the darkened room beyond, but the witch knew no one else was there. _Who is aiding her?_ her mind raced as she brought her arms up to channel the Dark Force for a more physical counterattack. 

Even as the lightning began to crackle across her hands, her focus was shattered by an answering voice in her mind borne of pure flame. 

// LEAVE HER ALONE \\ 

The Sith witch let out a screech of surprise and pain, and clutched at her ears in vain. Steeling herself, she closed her eyes and drew on her dark energy once more. If she could reinforce her own shields enough, perhaps she could ignore the Jedi's unseen defender and yank the lightsabre from her assailant's hands using the Force. 

// DAVIN, CIARAN, ALEX…I WON'T LET YOU TAKE HER TOO! \\ 

Selorissa matched the telepathic "shouting" with her own audible scream of fury, and shut her eyes against the firey psionic barrage that held her at bay. A moment later she opened them, and saw the lightsabre blade arcing down upon her... 

**

The blade snapped down, searing the air between them, and the Sith-Witch leapt back frantically, evading T'Lor's first sweep with the cohesive blade of light. 

"I am the Representative of the system Akessssiae," the woman cried, her voice panicked, "You have no say in these matterssss, Jehdiehhh! I have... " she searched for the words, then smiled evilly, "Diplomatic immunity." She gathered her defenses again, and her smile grew ugly as she built up her resources to hit the Jedi with every ounce of hatred in her petite form. 

"Too many have suffered at your hands," T'Lor said coldly, as she faced the real source of all the losses the Temple had seen in the past several months. The Knight frowned determinedly, "No more." 

Her hand was wrapped around the sabre hilt, its weight and familiar vibration comforting in her hand, and the buzzing of the lightbeam an anchor to her soul. T'Lor shared her vision with Rani, her perceptions filtered through the curtain of flame that guarded the sanctity of her mind. 

She stepped past Alex's prostrate form and advanced on the Sith-Witch. T'Lor consigned her sorrow at another life given the living Force till a later time, and focused her awareness on her adversary. 

Another stride forward and the two faced each other, and T'Lor repressed the swell of satisfaction she felt at the sudden flash of fear in the Sith-Witch's eyes. Her raptor eyes tightened on her quarry, and she drew up her weapon for her final attack. 

A sudden, panicked gesture, and the Sith-Witch had her guardsman's pike in her delicate hands. She used the shielded length of the weapon to direct a flail of Dark Side energy. Again she lashed out, her mental attacks growing more violent, more viscious, even as the Dark Force powered lightning whips to flay at the young Knight. 

Pain burned through T'Lor, her nerves afire, but with Rani's help, she quickly rerouted it to a reservoire where she would deal with it later. She would have to: later, but not now. 

T'Lor inhaled a deep breath as she stepped forward, sweeping her lightsabre up and across her body to clash sharply against the shielded length of the energy pike. There was a crackle of conflicting energies, and T'Lor's Force-enhanced muscles slowly began to bear her foe back. 

The Sith-Witch managed to block another blow, but only barely, her untrained body beginning to fail under the onslaught of the Knight's honed skills. The sorceress could not keep up the flow of Dark energy towards the Jedi and maintain her concentration enough on the combat to block the sabre-blows flashing down on her in a sizzling rain of light. 

Rani's presence in her friend's mind was a fiery well of energy for her to draw on, enhancing her connection with the Force so that T'Lor could focus on destroying this creature of the Dark Side. She felt the reassurance of her soul sister as she drew her arm back and tapped the shaft of the pike. Its shielding shunted aside the cutting edge of the lightsabre, but not the force of the blow, and the Sith-Witch's strength failed her at last. The long-hafted weapon was knocked from her stunned hands, and T'Lor's blade slid, shimmering, home. 

In the breathless pause that followed, the only sound in the dim reaches of the Akessian ship storage, buried in the heart of the Diplomatic Sector, was the buzzing hum of T'Lor's lightsabre, sheathed in the black heart of the Sith-Witch. 


	61. Chapter 61

**_Authors Note: This is written by Derisa and I.Thanks for reading and the patience in between updates._**

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"Your request has been logged, Knight Kaden," the tinny voice came across the commlink, "But we are swamped with calls at present, we will attend when and as we can." 

"You are not *hearing* me," T'Lor told the voice, "I have a Knight down, no transport, and we are less than an hour's walk from the Temple: I insist you send a transport immediately." She had no difficulty controlling her voice tone, but for a fervent moment she wished the mind-trick she had mastered were effective over communication beams. 

"Is Master Arieh alive?" 

T'Lor adjusted her hold on Alex's wrist, monitoring his thready heartrate. "Yes, he is, but I have no idea what's been done to him beyond a full discharge from a neural weapon. I need some help and I need it soonest. This takes priority over whatever else you have going on. Send me a shuttle, and have the healers standing by the moment we arrive." There was no room for argument in her demands. 

The person standing duty on the communication links for the Temple finally confirmed T'Lor's order, noting the location of the fallen Master and his companion, even as a ship was dispatched to pick them up. T'Lor clicked off her commlink with a sigh, tightening her grip on Alex's shoulder and cradling his lolling head in her lap. 

"Hang on, Alex. Just hang on." 

**

It was late when Vail slipped into the apartment she shared with Master Arieh and his padawan. Quietly she tip-toed through the doorway, the sound of it swishing closed behind her faintly reaching her ears as she crept forward. 

An unsavory word popped into her mind as she tripped over an unseen piece of furniture in the main room. Biting her lower lip to keep from mumbling aloud, she wished for once that she had the Jedi's almost feline-like grace. She had no doubt that any of her Jedi companions could easily navigate a dark room without second thought. As it was she hoped the keen ears of the Jedi master or apprentice wouldn't hear her stumbling about. She didn't want to awaken either at this late hour. 

No sooner had the thought passed through her mind than a hair-raising scream ripped through the silence. Vail froze at the entrance to the short hall that led to the two bedrooms and 'fresher. She had only time to wonder what was going on when the heavy stillness was torn by another scream of terror; this one broken off by panicked sobs. 

Vail startled, then stumbled her way quickly down the hall to Meri's room, expecting at any moment for the tall Jedi Master to come racing out of his room as well. 

Tripping through the doorway, Vail paused at the entrance and palmed the lightswitch as the sound of choked sobs reached her ears. The lights flashed on, momentarily blinding Vail with their brilliance. When her vision cleared, Vail turned violet eyes towards the sound of broken crying, finding a disturbing sight. 

Meri sat huddled on her bed, back against the wall, with her knees pulled up to her chest. The apprentice was trembling violently and tears streamed down her shockingly white and terrified face. Even as Vail looked on, she noticed Meri was having trouble breathing. In fact, it looked like she was hyperventilating... 

Rushing over, Vail placed a steadying hand on the older girl's shivering arm. "Meri? What's the matter? Are you okay?" 

Her concerned questions elicited no response in the distraught apprentice. It was as though Vail weren't even there. 

"Meri?" she questioned again louder, this time shaking the other girls arm slightly. Meri barely responded, her eyes only flickering towards Vail as the other girl tugged on the padawan's arm. 

In her dark eyes Vail could see fear and she thought it was because Meri couldn't breathe. She needed to get her to the infirmary, but there was no way she would be able to carry her. 

Pulling away, Vail ran down the hall to the master's room, only to find it empty when she palmed the switch. Where was the Jedi master at **this** time of night? 

Racing back to Meri's room, Vail took one look at the deteriorating apprentice and knew something was **very** wrong. 

"Can you walk, Meri? Please try?" she cajoled as she tugged again on the apprentices arm. 

To her surprise the older girl stumbled to her feet, but within a few steps, crashed to the ground, holding her head in her hands, fighting to regain her breath. 

Grasping for something to do, Vail thought instantly of An-Paj. Turning on her heel, she left Meri struggling for breath and hurried for the Com unit. 

Her hands fumbled and Vail had to force herself to slow down in order to key in the right number. Impatiently she waited for the Com to connect; twisting her hands, she stared at the blank screen, willing it to come to life. 

The screen finally flickered to life, with a rather sleepy looking An-Paj standing before the Com; one hand running through his white hair standing on end, and his other holding his robe closed. It suddenly dawned on her that it _was_ the middle of the night and she had just called him at home, but remembering Meri, she suddenly didn't care. 

An-Paj took one look at the young woman's face and instantly came fully awake. "What is it, Vail?" he asked in a calming, yet firm voice. 

Vail didn't hesitate. "It's Meri, Master An-Paj," she said earnestly, her voice quivering with worry. "Something's wrong." 

"Just keep calm," he soothed. "Tell me what the problem is." 

Quickly Vail explained what had happened and how the apprentice was acting. 

"Where is Alex?" An-Paj finally interrupted the girl; the whole situation sounded all too familiar to the healer. 

Vail shrugged helplessly. "I don't know, Master! He's not here! She is so unresponsive and I couldn't even get her to her feet…" 

"I'll be right there," he said curtly with a grim expression, cutting off any further words from the alarmed girl. The transmission was ended so quickly Vail was left staring at a blank screen. 

**

When An-Paj arrived, he had to give the near hysterical padawan a light sedative in order to calm her. Vail hovered in the background and watched as the healer briefly attempted to get Meri to answer him, without any success. 

"I'm taking her to the infirmary," he told Vail finally as he gently picked up the unresponsive apprentice. 

As the healer traveled through the halls, the young woman in his arms struggled to surface to reality. She became aware of the Temple lights flashing past in a surreal way, the taste of salty tears on her lips and the unfamiliar arms holding her. Again she reached for the reassurance and warmth of her bond with Alex and was thrown back by the raw, overwhelming pain of its absence. 

She whimpered and with a soft, hiccuping sob, retreated to the shadowed paths she had trod once before in her past. 

The bright glare of lights foretold their arrival at the infirmary, along with the distant, concerned voice of Healer Leona. The last thing Meri heard before everything faded into gray, was the worried tone of An-Paj, the Temple's senior healer, "**Where** is Alex?" 

**

T'Lor followed the gurney that carried the unconscious form of her friend, Master Alex Arieh. Finally, here in the safety of the Temple, she felt her tension draining out of her, released at last into the Force, and leaving in its wake sheer and utter exhaustion. 

"T'Lor, I can't tell you how happy we are to see you," Healer Leona spoke quietly but heartfelt. They brought Alex's padawan down a half hour ago." 

"What's wrong with Meri?" T'Lor asked the Healer, as the others rolled Alex into an isolation suite to begin his diagnosis and treatment. 

"She suffered some kind of a breakdown a short while ago. Master An Paj guessed something happened to her bond with Alex... what happened to you two? Last I heard you were looking for that missing Padawan, and that's just what Kaline told me when she came down to talk to one of the girls who was hurt in the ship crash earlier." 

"Obviously it's been a busy night," T'Lor replied curtly. "I have to get some sleep, Leona. Take care of Alex, I'll be down first thing in the morning. I need him up and about before I talk to the Council about what happened." 

"The Council?" healer Leona's brow rose in surprise. "Yes, well, we'll do what we can. You have no idea what was done to him?" 

"Some kind of mind attack," T'Lor replied, trying unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn. "I don't honestly know, and the one person who could tell you is dead." 

Leona startled at this news and T'Lor felt badly that she had shocked the gentle Jedi Healer. "I need to rest. Leona, I'm sorry." She made her way along to her quarters and stepped in, very happy she had resisted getting her own quarters so soon after her Knighting. She would not have wanted to be alone after all that had happened. 

She ran herself a hot shower, as hot as she could stand. Anything to wash the slimy stain of evil from herself, even if only symbolically. She knew she would need to meditate intensively to settle all the aspects of the momentous happenings of the night. 

At last, clean and warmed, T'Lor threw herself into her welcoming bed and collapsed into a dream-haunted sleep. 

***

"Meri, wake up, it's all right." The sandy-haired Padawan looked up to check with the Master Healer that he was doing alright. Meri and he had once been very close, but much time had passed since then, and they had become so involved in their own lives. "Come on, Meri, come back to us. It's all right, Alex is here, he's alive." Obi-Wan's voice was soothing and quiet, and there was a flicker of response from the prone Jedi on the bed before him. 

"Keep it up, Obi-Wan," An Paj murmured, "It's just what I thought: somehow her bond to her Master has been broken." 

Obi-Wan controlled the shudder this thought brought out in him. The training bonds between a master and apprentice were a link of more than learning, and he recalled how shattered Meri had been by the breaking of the bond from her first Master. He did not even want to consider the same thing happening again, but this was different. Master Arieh was only a few cubicles away from his catatonic Padawan, not dead. 

"Meri, it's Obi-Wan. Master Alex is here, he's been hurt but he's alive, he's here-" 

The slender young woman sucked in a huge breath of air, as though she'd been drowning. "Why can't I **feel** him?" she cried hoarsely, her eyes still locked shut, as though she were fighting coming back to consciousness. 

Obi-Wan started in surprise, but pulled her hand more tightly into his own and grinned up at An Paj. "I don't know, Mer', but he **is** here and he's going to be just fine, right Master An Paj?" 

"That's right, Meri, he's going to be fine," An Paj said reassuringly, keeping his uncertainty unspoken. _As soon as we figure out what happened to put him in this state, we'll know what to do about it. _

Meri's eyes fluttered open. "I want to see him. I want to see Alex." 

Obi-Wan met An Paj's eyes, and the Healer gave a slow nod. The two Jedi helped Meri sit up, but she shook them off determinedly. "I can walk. Take me to him." 

_She wants to know, for certain, that he is here, and physically going to be alright._ An Paj escorted the tottering Padawan to her Master's bedside. Healer Leona had just finished laying bacta-soaked strips of linen around the wound on the Jedi Master's shoulder, and she looked up in some surprise as An Paj brought Meri in. Obi-Wan waited outside the door. 

Meri's eyes were locked on her master's face, his too pale-skin contrasted by the thick black hair lying in an unruly mass, the brows and lashes so stark against the whiteness of his face. Even his lips seemed bloodless. 

She gestured to the bandage. "He is injured." There seemed to be a note of accusation in her voice as she turned to An Paj, and the Master Healer was reminded how fragile her mental state was. 

"He took a shot from some kind of energy weapon: the nerves were shocked and he has a large but not too serious cut, Meri. Nothing life-threatening, that is certain." 

Meri's eyes questioned the other Healer in the small room, but Leona merely nodded her agreement with the diagnosis. "Why is he unconscious?" 

An Paj and Leona exchanged glances, and Leona replied slowly, "We don't really know, Meri. He shows no sign of head trauma, but the sleep he's in is unnatural. It's almost a trance, but not quite. We are sure he will come out of it on his own, when he's ready." 

_He simply has to,_ An Paj thought darkly, as he helped Meri settle into a chair at her Master's bedside. _Too many of us have been lost of late. _

The two Healers showed Meri where the call-button was, in case there was a sudden change in Alex's disposition, and left her there to attend him, much as Obi-Wan had attended her earlier. An Paj clapped a grateful hand to that young man's shoulder as he left the room, letting him know his help in calling Meri back to them was appreciated. 

He watched the Padawan depart, returning to his Master's rooms, and allowed himself to relax, for however short a space, even as he sat to consider the state of the Jedi Master now in his care. _The second odd trance-state in a week: first Rani, now Alex Arieh._ He pondered this for a space, but no answers presented themselves, and in the end he wrote it off as an odd co-incidence. 

_But perhaps Rani can help, when she is better_, he thought, before recalling the padawan's powerful resentment of the healers, most specifically of An Paj himself. _If she will help._ He censured himself for the uncharitable thought almost immediately: Rani Veko, however natural a healer she might have been, had made her decision, and made it plain. With her master due to return early in the morning, she would soon be back on track and ready to complete her Trials to become a knight. 

That reminder of the expected events on the morrow brought An Paj's awareness back to his interrupted sleep._ I need to get some rest, it's going to be a busy day tomorrow. _"Leona, can you handle things from here?" he asked the other Master Healer. 

Leona gave the blue-skinned Healer a quiet smile. "Of course. Go back to bed, and take care not to wake your wives, Master An Paj. You need to sleep." 

His antennae waved an amused agreement at the human healer, and he took his leave of her, making his way back to his rooms. The night was more than half fled, but he'd make what use of it he could. 

***

Meri sat numbly by Alex's bedside, an air of unbelief still permeating her entire being. Her fingers, which were curled tightly around his hand, began to cramp their protest after long unmoving hours. 

He was really here, she was holding his hand and could see his chest rising and falling. But everything inside screamed at her that it was not true, that it had to be some kind of mirage. 

For the first time in five years, Meri couldn't sense her master at all, though she sat not less than three feet away from him. Oh, she could sense him as one could sense another's life force, but to her that was nothing. To a Jedi it was ordinary, commonplace and one of the most basic abilities. 

It was almost more shocking now for her to be cut off from Alex than it had been with Ariana. She'd never wanted to experience such a bond loss again. Yet here she was, going through it all again, the same feelings, the same emptiness and loneliness. 

The bond she'd held with Alex had been on a deeper and more intimate level than she'd ever held with Ariana. She and Alex had been totally open with one another and at all times each could sense the other in their mind. Every nuance, every flicker of emotion by one could be sensed by the other. Thoughts could still be kept private, but emotions were almost impossible to hide. 

Meri took in a long shuddering breath and rubbed her thumb lovingly over the hand she held. She knew her bond with Alex wasn't a normal connection. It had all changed the year she was 18. Up until that point, the bond with her Master had been relatively ordinary. Except maybe that what they were both coming to feel for each other wasn't a simple Master/Padawan relationship. At age 18 it had all come out in the open. He had kissed her. 

Since then, the Master/Apprentice bond was strengthened a hundredfold and without either of them noticing, it began to turn into something else. 

Stripped away now, Meri felt like her heart, her very soul had been turned inside out. And it hurt. 

Hey eyesight suddenly became blurry as tears pooled in her eyes before spilling over, warm drops running down her pale face and dripping off her chin. 

She cried silently for a long while, having given up on trying to reach the comatose knight. The reaching out was too painful and only reinforced the agony of the broken bond. 

Huddled in the uncomfortable chair, Meri pulled her knees up to her chest, one hand still clutching Alex's motionless hand, the other wrapped around her legs. 

Burying her head in her knees, Meri let the tears fall faster and thicker, wanting only to be held and comforted by the one person who couldn't respond. 


	62. Chapter 62

**_Authors Note: This is written by Derisa Rani and I.Thanks for reading and the patience in between updates._**

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Rani was awakened by tears. Not the sounds of quiet sobs, for indeed her small private space was quite still, or by any rippling through the Force's fiery curtain, but by the actual sensation of ghostly tears sliding down her own cheeks, and the unheard shattering of a heart. Her wide blue-grey eyes opened, and she drew a slow, deep breath to still her own stir of emotion in response to what she sensed... no... **felt**. She was called to do whatever she could to help ease that desperate heart's anguish. 

Silently, but strangely steady on her too-thin legs, Rani found her way to a cubicle lit only by the slow-growing daylight that crept through the curtained transparisteel window. A dark-haired girl sat at her master's bedside, her tears drying on her pale face, and she turned at the subtle shifting of air currents that announced Rani's presence at the doorway, raising large dark eyes to meet the older Padawan's concerned gaze. 

"Meri." Rani's murmur broke the stillness of the sickroom, and the younger woman drew herself up, clutching the remnants of her dignity about her as a shield against whatever might come between her and her master. 

"What?" Meri asked quietly, her voice rough with emotion, "What do you want?" 

"To help you," Rani answered simply. "You are so... sad." 

Meri's reply was a weak scoff, a poor attempt at a laugh: "Sad. Good word for it." 

"May I... help?" Somehow, Rani knew all she had to do was lay her hand on the distraught Padawan, and she **could** help her, ease her of some of that terrible burden of loss and fear, of penetrating despair that she bore. 

But Meri withdrew, her dark eyes suspicious, holding her upper arms in a tight embrace, and drawing the Force between them, a very effective insulation from any sort of contact. 

Rani drew her hand back, not wanting to force the younger girl, and leaned up against the jamb of the door. Meri sprang to her feet, almost reflexively, when she was thus reminded of the older girl's debility. "Please, sit," Meri said, halfway between a plea and an order. "You shouldn't be up and about yet, I'm sure." 

"Like as not," Rani smiled warmly, "But since when has that stopped me?" 

As Rani took the proffered seat, Meri sucked in several calming breaths, of which the last evolved into a long yawn. Rani observed this, and noted as well the deeply engraved lines of worry and exhaustion carved into the younger girl's face. "Meri, you should get some sleep," she frowned, although she was careful to keep her tone as neutral as possible. 

The protective Padawan shook her head adamantly. "Ale- my Master needs me. I'll stay awake until he is... better...?" 

Rani caught both the slip, and the hesitation there, and allowed her newly awakened empathic senses to pick up Meri's vibrations of uncertainty and confusion. Withholding her sigh at the younger woman's determination, she made the only offer she could. "Well, take a quick walk then, Meri: get some air and stretch your legs. You aren't going to do him any good all pinched up and cramped, are you?" She kept her tone light but serious. 

Meri pondered this suggestion for a few moments and then looked back down at her beloved's face, his face frozen in a cold parody of itself. She bit her lip. "I can't leave him like this," she pleaded, and Rani felt the full meaning of those words._ She's sure he's really **gone**_, the older Padawan realized. 

"Meri, I'll stay and keep watch for you," Rani offered gently, adding "It's okay, he's here, he's safe." 

Meri looked towards the door, and Rani could read the flight reflex within the younger woman fighting with her sense of duty, and her deep love for the Jedi Master that lay near to her side, insensible to the wrenching internal battles being fought within his padawan. 

Rani felt, like a wind adding flare to a slow-burning fire, the sudden knowledge that Meri needed privacy to get her thoughts and feelings in order, or the storm of despair that hung dark about her would sweep her from her moorings and open her wide to her darker side. 

After another breath, the padawan made her decision, and nodded to Rani. "I'm going to get some air, and something to drink. I won't be gone long at all." Rani nodded, although it was difficult to tell, from the angle of Meri's head, whether she addressed Rani, or her own, prostrate master. She gave a decisive nod of her dark head, and Rani felt a flow of affirmation from the Force, emanating from the younger girl. She knew her decision was good and right, and the steps towards the door seemed to be like her first sure steps in far too long. 

Meri left, and Rani finally turned her attention to the prone body of her sore-beset friend, mentor, and object of an old infatuation that seemed to have faded from where it had once burned in her breast. 

She lifted a long-fingered hand, and took his own, too pale and too cold, into hers. She let her eyes explore the familiar planes of his handsome face, and let her mind wander as she spoke in a quiet, serene voice, a soft patter of words, like the subdued crackle of sparks in a fire, warming chilled flesh and giving comfort freely and easily. 

"Oh, Alex, you have to come back to us. Not for my sake alone, but for all those who love you. You are a precious light, my friend, and you are still needed." 

**

His perceptions were hazy and dim, as though he was moving through a cloud of darkling mist, and he could only sense vague, ominous shapes moving around him by the currents of air that brushed against him. 

He shook his head as if to clear it, but found that only made the echoing, not-quite voices worse. These were full of a sibilant hissing and seemed oily with malice, and the young Jedi had to steel himself to avoid moving closer, so strangely enticing was that alien speech. 

He caught sight of a patch of brightness and moved slowly towards it, each step an act of will as he waded through the murk. He could hear a voice, a friendly voice calling his name, but he had to get through to that pool of light that beckoned to him through the darkness. _Wait, I have to get *there,* first,_ he thought back at the caller. _I have to see…_ But as he neared the pool of light, he could hear the evil voices getting louder, and now they... no, wait, there was only one, but she was laughing, and he shuddered at the possessive sound. 

He tried to back away as a form coalesced at the center of the pool of light, a face carved of alabaster: so beautiful, but with a mouth full of sharp teeth, and her lips seemed made of blood. She smiled even wider, and her laugh echoed around him: he was trapped! 

His lightsabre was in his hand, its vibrant light piercing the gloom, but the evil vision before him did not flinch. Her laughter grew louder, and he looked away from that awful mouth, only to see that she wore a sick parody of a Jedi's robes. Hers were woven of blood, the blood of his Order. 

He backed away in sudden horror, his lightsabre falling from his hand, and suddenly all around him was deep, dark, oily blackness, and an echo of sickly, sensuous laughter. 

"Over here!" came the voice of his friend again, and he reached out for that comfort and clung for all he was worth. This new voice was female as well, but warm and caring. It lifted him up, helped him find his wings, and guided him home. 

Unused to dreaming, Alex awoke from the nightmare with a start, and he sat bolt upright in the bed, sudden pain flaring in his right shoulder. 

With a breath he released the flash of fear that the pain had brought with it, freeing it through the Force, but he couldn't quell the uneasiness he felt. Something wasn't right. 

He turned his head and met Rani's wide blue-grey eyes, noting offhand that her face seemed far to pale and thin, before he realized why everything felt off-balance. Something was missing, something necessary and powerful, and sustaining, and Alex's brilliant blue eyes widened as he realized what it was he was lacking. 

He groped for the bond, unable to breathe for the fear that held him immobile as his mind frantically flailed for that vital connection, master to padawan, that he had not been without for so long… But no! It was gone, somehow, irreplaceably severed, and that realization hit him like a wall of ice. 

"Nooooo!" Alex Arieh cried out in terror and pain, shocking the whole of the infirmary, "Master! Where are you?" 

**

Eyes the color of sky turned to meet Rani's wide, surprised gaze, and she instinctively reached for her friend. At the touch of her too-hot hands, Alex blinked, as though her touch had shocked him. He winced, and Rani could feel the ghostly burn as the pain from his shoulder injury flooded along his neural pathways again. Like a lesson understood, but only half-remembered, Rani knew what she had to do. She laid her hand to his shoulder and drew his pain into her, a wave of _rightness_ rolling through her, affirming her actions. 

The pain that glazed his eyes gradually eased, but the confusion marring his handsome face remained. "Rani?" he asked, as though he were unsure of her identity too. "Where is my Master?" There was so much simple loss in the question that Rani felt the salt burn of a tear trail down her cheek. Half-sitting in his bed, the confused Jedi rested his head in his hands, as though he were afraid to look around him. When his hands encountered the short hair at the nape of his neck, another flood of panic rushed out of him, "My braid! Who cut my braid?" He lifted his eyes, braced on the slip-face of panic. "Rani, what's happened?" 

Before she could answer, there was a flurry of activity out in the corridor, as healers and other infirmary personnel bustled about in answer to the cry the newly awakened Jedi had released as reality had penetrated his mazed mind. Rani widened her arms and drew him in, holding the shaking young man as Healer Leona and her assistant entered the room quietly but hurriedly. 

"Awake at last, are we?" the gentle-voiced Healer asked, reaching a hand for the trembling young man. Alex flicked his worried gaze from her to Rani and then back to the Healer. "Someone cut my braid." His voice was edged, the confusion fading to a flare of anger, quickly released to the Force. 

The Healer raised an eyebrow and nodded. "Somewhat confused? What day is it, Alex?" 

He opened his mouth to reply, but stopped himself, his gaze turning inward as he felt the wrongness of the answer that had leapt to his mind. His forehead creased and his eyes closed. "I... I don't know." 

Leona shot an anxious look at her assistant, who tapped in some notes to the datapad he carried. "Do you know your name?" 

Alex frowned at her. "Of course. Alex Arieh, K'ben Oren's padawan. Well, for another week, until I take my Trials." His lips curved into a smile at the well-loved name, even as hers and Rani's expressions froze in shock. "What is it? Rani? Healer Leona, what's happened?" 

"Alex?" a concerned voice interjected, and Rani looked over her shoulder to see Meri Irhanah, standing in the doorway. She brushed past Healer Leona's assistant to stand an arm's length from the bed. 

Her brown eyes were wide and worried as she approached, and saw the expression on her Master's face. "Alex, it's me, Meri. Don't you know me?" 

The confusion stayed in place on his face, Alex looked from the young woman who stood before him, to the familiar face of his friend Rani, and then slowly, he shook his head. 

**

Master?" Meri questioned again. Surely the shake of his head didn't mean he didn't know her. _He was just confused.._. she reasoned. _He must have knocked his head…they forgot to tell me…_

But instead of answering her, as Meri had expected him to, Alex turned to Rani, who's arm was still supporting the young man. His bright blue eyes wide with confusion, he glanced between Rani and Meri, finally resting his eyes on the more familiar face. 

"Rani, who is she?" he asked quietly. 

Dead silence invaded the room at his words. 

Meri took a step back as though she had been physically hit, fighting to comprehend what she had just heard. For long seconds the only thing she was aware of was the pounding of blood in her ears...and then...it hit. 

Shock rushed through her body like liquid ice, draining all color from her face as she took another step back, followed by another. The room began to fade around her, contrasted by the sharp focus of the figures before her. 

Suddenly Healer Leona took a step forward, a hand held out to the apprentice. "Meri," she said cautiously, now ignoring Alex. 

Meri froze, looking at the healer, but not really seeing her. She took another step back, before realizing as though from outside her body, that she was shaking badly. 

"No," she whispered in a shattered tone. Looking up, she glanced again at her master and harsh reality hit even harder. 

Leona was now advancing in quick steps and overcome with anguish, Meri turned and fled, ignoring the call of her name. 

In blindness, she rushed through the infirmary, trying to escape the empty feeling within and the unbearable pain that ripped at her insides. 

Lost in her own world, Meri didn't notice the blue figure standing ahead, but he noticed her. 

With a small movement of his elbow, he clipped her in passing and spun her around. 

Through the advancing fog, Meri recognized An-Paj's concerned face as he gripped her arms, holding her steadily in place. 

"Meri, what is it?" he asked gently. The tell tale sign of her dilated eyes told of shock. 

She shook her head unable to answer, unable to voice the words, "He doesn't remember me." But with the thought formed in her mind, she realized something else, almost cringing as it seared across her mind. 

_If he doesn't remember you...he doesn't love you... _

With this final straw, her delicate hold on reality cracked, and Meri went sliding into darkness. 

**

An-Paj caught the limp form in his arms, as Meri collapsed in a dead faint. Over her dark head, he could make out Healer Leona hurrying towards him, her face lined with worry and the fatigue of a long night. 

"Thank goodness," the healer said softly as she approached him. 

"What's happened?" An-Paj questioned grimly as he hefted the apprentice into his arms and carried her to a near by bed. 

It may have been a long night for Healer Leona, but for him, it had been a very short night indeed. Having spent hours in the infirmary that wasn't his shift, and then not being able to sleep for his concern for his patients—this patient—he hadn't got enough rest. 

"Alex awoke," Leona stated softly. 

An-Paj raised one brow in question, but said nothing. 

"He doesn't remember her," the healer said, coming directly to the point. 

An-Paj straightened stiffly and looked sharply at Leona. 

"He's just awoken, but so far we've learned he thinks he's still a padawan, just before his trials. He is distraught that his braid is missing and that his bond with his Master is gone. He," she paused and glanced down at the comatose young woman. "He didn't recognize her when she came in the room. He asked Rani who she was." 

An-Paj shook his head at the words. "In her presence?" 

"She was standing not three feet away." 

The healer's blue antennae swirled ever so slightly in distress, conveying just how much this news disturbed him. Meri's mental state had been delicate before hand. To learn of her Master in such a way had put her in shock. Thankfully he didn't sense that she had retreated behind any inner walls again, only fainted from the shock. 

Reaching for the standard gray blanket of the infirmary, An-Paj tucked it around the apprentice before turning his attention back to Leona. His pale blue eyes held within a sudden weariness that hadn't been brought on by his lost night of sleep. 

"I have recently learned that Reis-An Halle is at the Temple," he paused, glancing at the small healer. "I suggest we call her in immediately." 

Leona's somber face did not change expression at the familiar name of the mind healer, but only nodded grimly. They both somehow knew that by the time all was said and done, the mind healer's services would be more than called for. 


	63. Chapter 63

**_Authors Note: This is written by Derisa,and I. You ARE going to notice this is written by different people. I really can't help that and I certainly can't go back and rewrite these people's characters. Just remember this last half was originally a round robin and I had to do a LOT of sizing down to get it to fit in, without bringing in more peoples characters. Thanks for reading and the patience in between updates._**

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The Mind Healers were one of the most specialized vocations of the Jedi Order. These precious few individuals could sense the patterns of energy flowing within an individual's psyche, and, using the Force in the most delicate of manipulations, could guide it back to more healthy channels. For generations, the Jedi had maintained a facility on a small, out-of-the-way system, where healing arts of all kinds and types were learned and practiced. Called Sanctuary, the chief Mind-Healer's domain was an isolated island, tranquil and serene and surrounded by lush life in all its myriad forms. 

Foremost teacher and practitioner of that esoteric calling, Reis-An Halle had breathed in the Force for almost eighty years, although she did not show her physical age in the petite lines of her frame, or in her serene visage, wise if mostly unlined. She was not, and never had been a pretty woman, but her calling and her outlook had granted her a certain, regal calmness of presence, and many had noted how the Force seemed to swirl through her, as though refining her with every breath: sifting through the core of her being and carrying away the dross with every exhalation. 

Her whole life, she had been where she was called to be, where her particular skills and talents, her Gift, would do the most good for the most people. She was disturbed that she was needed *here*, of all places, but since arriving, she had felt the disturbances in the Force's usual even flow. _Disturbance creates disturbance, and the cycle builds,_ she thought as she moved down through the levels, sending out her personal peace like a herald before her, and leaving it like a wake of soothing energies behind her. 

She moved through the Temple's corridors, like a freshening breeze, heading for the Infirmary, where she felt a roil of disruptive emotions: fear and terror, confusion and sorrow reigning. She reached the infirmary and was ushered into the Master Healer An Paj's small office. 

"I cannot tell you how glad I am that you are here at this time, Master Halle," he began, to open the conversation. His antennae quirked and through whatever esoteric and undefineable sense the Jedi accessed to touch the life-Force of the Galaxy, Reis-An could see him filtering bits of information from the flow of the Force around him. She gave a contemplative nod. 

"I am, as always, wherever I am needed." She drew another deep breath, and nodded for the Temple's Master Healer to continue. "Whatever else has happened to lead up to the present situations, is important, but more, I need to know. What is happening now, and who are the people I must see to?" 

A half-sigh of relief at her directness seemed to help the blue-skinned Master Healer refocus, and he detailed the situation surrounding the amnesiac master and his distraught padawan, touching on Meri's history, and letting the Mind-Healer know about the other losses and injuries the ranks of the Temple Jedi had suffered in the previous two months. 

Once she was fully cognizant of the situation as it now stood, the Mind Healer drew herself gracefully to her feet and thanked An Paj for his help. "Would you come with me to see the master, Alex, was that right?" 

An Paj nodded, relieved that this puzzle would soon be solved. "It is quite unlike anything I have seen before, Reis-An," he reiterated as he led her into the infirmary proper. The Mind Healer stepped through into the small room that housed the damaged Jedi, Alex Arieh. Two others sat in the room, a too-thin, older Padawan who quickly moved to offer up her seat to the Mind-Healer, and a medical aide, who was checking the invalid Jedi's vital signs. 

As usual, the moment she had dedicated herself to treating a patient, all other stimuli in the room may as well have ceased to exist. She focused in so completely on her patient, that she was only conscious of the others in the room on the periphery. 

Alex Arieh seemed to her to be a wounded bird, a fledgling eagle who had forgotten how to fly. It was not that he could not, but that he, who had once used the Force as a strong wind under his pinions, suddenly could not remember how to soar. 

His eyes opened, and she looked into them, the color of a water world from space, glazed with an ice of spiritual pain. She sat down next to him and began to speak in a low voice, the words unimportant to the actions of her particular Gift in the Force. 

"Alex. I am Reis-An. I'm here to help." He looked to her with confusion, but as she continued, he began to open up under the caress of her mind against his. An old scar, where his bond to his Master had been cut, which had been well-healed, had been recently aggravated. Furthermore, although his presence in Force denoted a Jedi well-used to the Force's flow around him, and he seemed as developed as a knight and master should be, there were gaps in his memory pertaining to his training and passing his Trials, much of his past few years, gone, ripped from his mind as though they had never been. 

Reis-An had not treated many amnesiacs, especially those who suffered no physical brain trauma. The Dark Side had ripped this man's mind, but not of his own volition, and it was that fact that she held to, as a gentle steady breeze of hope to the injured Jedi. The memories that he had held closest to his heart, laid out in the most highly charged emotional areas of his mind, had left behind ragged traces. He had fought to hold these separate and sacred from whatever cruel trick had wrenched them free, and so there were some small remnants left. But more encouraging, the Jedi's memory patterns remained: the synapses and nerves of his mind still held the shape of those memories. 

"You will be whole again, Alex," she said at length, having detailed to him what she had sensed as they had spoken, Alex's voice haltingly hesitant, but trusting as he felt that famous tranquility the Mind-Healer projected. "I will show you how to regain as much of yourself as you may. Will you do this?" 

Alex's brow furrowed. "Of course. Why wouldn't I?" he asked. 

Reis-An smiled. Like so many dedicated Jedi, Alex did not see the crossroads of decision he had been placed at. He could, at this point, decide not to be a Jedi. He could choose instead a less perilous path, still doing great good in the galaxy by virtue of his training, dedication, and basic nature, but off of the front lines in the battle for peace and justice in the galaxy. "I'll let you answer that, young man," she said easily. "Why would you choose to redo all of the training and Trials that brought you to this point? Why would you throw away a second chance to be a normal sentient of the galaxy, rather than a misunderstood servant to some indefinable Force?" 

There was no hesitation in his answer. "Because it is right. I am meant to do this." 

For all the terrible trauma he had suffered, his vocation was intact. Alex Arieh was a Jedi. 

"Then I shall come up with ways for you to rediscover how to do it," the Mind Healer reassured her patient. "For now, I wish you to meditate. Nothing strenuous, just try to recall the joy of flight, and let the Force buoy you up. I shall return once I have looked at your options. You will be whole again, I promise you." He smiled up at her, calm for the first time since he'd awakened to the terrible knowledge that his life was not as it should be. Reis-An smiled back, feeling the ripples of his calm spreading outward from him, and most of the Infirmary relaxing as a result. Oh, there were still hot spots of tension, but this powerful young man's confusion had created much chaos. 

She raised her slim hand like a benison over him and left the small room, gesturing for the Master Healer and the wraith-like young woman to join her. 

**

"He is damaged, but there is hope." The Mind Healer stated quietly. "I will have a look at the other now, the padawan?" 

"Meri," An Paj supplied, escorting Reis-An toward the cubicle where the young woman lay insensible to the word moving around her. "We sedated her. It seemed to be the best thing to do, under the circumstances." 

"I understand." The empath turned her head and cocked an eyebrow at the young apprentice trailing the two Masters. "You need to rest more." 

Rani drew herself up, unable to argue with the Mind-Healer. The woman raised an auburn brow and Rani suddenly felt the caress of that well-trained and vibrant mind against her own. Her shields slid into place, but the reaction was not what she was expecting. Instead of surprise and shock at being denied access to the young Jedi's mind, Reis-An Halle merely smiled, as though Rani had just confirmed some suspicion she had. 

She said nothing, however, leaving Rani to wonder at what she might have been thinking. Instead, she turned her attention back to the blue-skinned Master Healer and followed him into the padawan's cubicle. Meri was being watched over by the silent, strawberry blonde-haired form of Obi-Wan Kenobi, who bowed out at the Healers' arrival. An Paj gave him an encouraging smile, and said in an undertone as the Mind-Healer moved past him to assess the stricken young woman, "At least you're actually having to make an effort to come down here, padawan." 

Obi-Wan smiled and nodded his head, " I was just checking to see how she was doing. I heard about what happened earlier... just thought she'd need someone familiar around." 

Rani wanted to stay and hear the rest of their conversation, but she felt herself drawn into the cubicle instead, irresistibly, as though her heart were tied by an unbreakable thread to the Mind-Healer and whatever mystical thing she was doing with Meri. 

The padawan lay still on the flotation bed, her eyes closed, and rimmed by purplish bruising from lack of sleep. Even as Rani watched, Meri's face contorted by some great sorrow, and the other Padawan recalled her deep, and hidden feelings for her Master, and sighed inwardly as she realized fully just how terrible Alex's loss of memory must have affected Meri Irhanah. 

The Mind-Healer stood over her and rested one pale freckled hand on Meri's still arm. Rani relaxed her shielding and allowed a tentative tendril out to follow what the Mind-Healer was doing. 

Warmth and a healing golden light pulsed through the Force, from the healer to the stricken padawan, and she seemed to gently infuse her self into Meri's own Force patterns. Rani's brow wrinkled: there was no way she could follow along with all the fine nuances of the Mind-Healer's explorations. She could only wait and observe, hoping to learn by proximity to the renowned Master. She recalled how Ciaran had shyly sung the Mind-Healer's praises. If he had trained under the wise Jedi healer, perhaps she could learn from Reis-An as well. 

Rani watched and waited, keeping all her senses open to more fully observe, and she became affected by the wonderful peace the Mind-Healer was exuding, not just through the small cubicle, but out and into the whole of the Infirmary, to slowly pervade the whole Temple. 

Gradually, Reis-An pulled herself out from the quiet form of the padawan, leaving Meri's face more relaxed now, in a peaceful and comfortable sleep. She looked over Rani's shoulder to contact master An Paj, and inform him of Meri's condition. 

"She is greatly hurt, but it is emotional pain, there is nothing physiologically wrong with her." The Mind-Healer paused, and seemed to consider for a stretch the options of treatment she could recommend. "Put her with her master," she decided at last. 

"With Alex?" An Paj asked incredulously, "But he-" 

"He needs her near him, to remind him that he is not where he recalls," Reis-An chided gently, "She needs to be near him, to work through this pain in her own way, and to be of help to him. He will remember her, if he is given enough encouragement to do so. Keeping them separate will not help either of them." An Paj paused to consider, and for the first time, Rani could sense the movements of his antennae sifting through the currents of the Force, as though he were testing the Mind-Healer's assertions. 

He nodded, bowing his head before the wisdom of his colleague, and she graced him with a gentle smile as he came to the same conclusions she had. The two Healers preceded the padawan from the room, and Rani paused as she reached the door, turning back to consider the padawan of her wounded friend. 

_They're going to be all right,_ she thought, breathing in the new peace in the room, before turning back to follow the healers out into the corridor. 

_There's hope. _

***

Meri was pulled back to awareness by the sound of low voices. At first she didn't pay them much attention, drifting in and out of consciousness, fighting the thick fog that seemed to cling to her thoughts and muddle them. Gradually her thoughts cleared enough for her to wonder why she was feeling drugged. It wasn't an alien feeling to her, rather one she recognized all too well. 

Suddenly memory came crashing back in at the same time the sound of Alex's voice registered in her mind. 

"Why did I take such a…young apprentice?" His tone was uncertain and slightly skeptical. 

"Alex, I'm not the one who should be telling you about this." 

It was Rani speaking with Alex, Meri realized and she lay perfectly still, concentrating on keeping her breathing even as though she were sleeping. Pain clawed at her insides at the memory of what had last occurred, and she fought the urge to jump up and run from the room. However, experience told her she wouldn't get far with the effects of a sedative still running through her system. 

There was a long silence, and then Alex asked slowly. "You…disapproved?" 

There was a pause and then Rani replied quietly. "That's not important, Alex. What is important is how do **you** feel about it yourself, now?" 

Another heavy silence ensued. "If you're asking me if I would do it again…if looking at her now I want to take her as my apprentice, Rani, then the answer is no. I don't understand why I would take someone so close to my own age…she doesn't look that much younger…," he trailed off, his voice sounding thoroughly confused, but Meri was no longer listening. 

The words had the same affect as a physical blow thrown by his own hand. Past the point of caring if they knew she was awake, Meri turned on her side, back to the two Jedi and curled into a small ball, her nails biting into her hands as she clenched them, silent tears running down her face. Despair was a knife of pain so strong it almost took her breath. 

"Alex, don't say that. You have to remember you're not 21 anymore. You're 26 now. I know that is hard to understand, but just give it time. You were a good Master to her." 

"Was I?" His voice was broken and confused. "I don't remember….I don't remember anything…," he trailed off. 

"I'm sure they'll give you the records Alex…you had a good reason to take her as your apprentice. You made a difference in her life, you'll see." 

"I'm not ready…Rani…I don't think I'm ready to have an apprentice, for whatever the reason. I don't even know who **I** am anymore." 

Every word pierced Meri through like a vibro blade and with each word she became number and number, feeling lost and completely alone. She fixed her eyes on the wall in front of her and tried to push all the pain into the small corner of her mind. She knew how to do this. She'd done it before when Master Caer died. The only feeling left was numbness…numbness that left her limbs shaking with cold. She closed her eyes and tried to drown the voices out…but despite her efforts they filtered in, like the words out of a nightmare. 

"Alex don't worry about this now, you're still recovering; just concentrate on getting well and finding that out, who you are. You can deal with having an apprentice later," Rani urged, trying to dispel the brokenness Alex displayed in his expression. 

"It's hard **not** to think about it when they have her in here with me," he murmured quietly. 

"Are you hungry, huh? Do you want to try and eat something?" Rani asked, ignoring his low words. 

Running a hand through his thick, unruly black locks, Alex nodded. "Sure, I guess." 

"Okay, I'll be right back then." 

Meri tensed as she heard footsteps approaching her bed. Rani placed a comforting hand on Meri's shoulder, but Meri shrugged her shoulder stiffly before huddling closer into herself. "Leave me alone," she whispered only loud enough for the older padawan to hear. 

Rani sighed and shook her head sadly before making her way quietly out of the room. 

***

An-Paj's thoughts were elsewhere when he entered his patient's room that morning, but he was quickly brought to focus by the sight of the knight sitting in the bed, cradling his head in his hands. 

"Are you doing alright, Alex?" he questioned evenly. The last few days had been strenuous on the younger man as he fought to balance the reality of his situation with what he recalled. 

Alex slowly lifted his head, giving the healer a clear view of the uncertainty filling his bright blue eyes. "I'm not sure," he returned hesitantly. 

"Well, tell me how you're feeling." It was obvious to An-Paj that something more was bothering the knight then just his current situation and the following question didn't come as a surprise. 

"Do you know very much about the bond between a master and apprentice?" 

An-Paj smiled in encouragement and nodded. "Some." 

"Well I…," the knight began somewhat haltingly, pausing to run a hand through his hair. 

An-Paj had to hold back a smile at the well-known gesture that usually signaled how uncertain or nervous Alex was. 

"I, well I just feel as though something is missing. Or…it's not, it is just veiled by a blank wall and I can't reach through it." 

"You can't rush this, Alex. Remember what Reis-An told you. You won't recover everything over night and some things might take years to recover if at all. You must have patience." 

Alex relaxed back against the pillows behind him, his expression confused. "It just all feels so wrong…as though I'm missing something that I should be able to see clearly! Is it my bond with my Master…?" he trailed off uncertainly. 

Any amusement faded at the question and the healer thought quietly for a moment. He knew Alex was not referring to the bond he had held with Meri, but to the bond he had long ago held with his own Master. 

"Alex," he began gently. "Before this incident occurred you had been a knight and Master to a padawan for five years. The bond you held with your Master was dissolved when you became a knight. 

Now while what has just happened has reopened you to feeling that loss, it is not what is dominating these feelings of yours." He paused to see if Alex was following what he was saying but was met only with a blank look. 

"The loss you feel is caused by the bond that was broken between _you_ and _your _apprentice. Not your Master." 

A look of understanding crossed the younger Jedi's face and An-Paj felt his heart, already heavy, become more leaden at the thought of Meri. Shortly after she had been placed in the room with Alex she had managed to sneak out. No one knew where she was and no one could find her, despite the fact a few small searches that had been done. She was either shielding heavily in a good hiding place or had actually left the Jedi Temple. The latter was a sobering thought for everyone. Meri had still been somewhat under the influence of sedatives when she left the infirmary and he wouldn't have called her mental state entirely stable. Combined there wasn't much of a chance for her in the darkness of Coruscant. 

"Then she feels this way as well?" 

An-Paj looked up at the question, trying hard to control any expressions that would give away just how much she felt and how serious it was. "Yes, Alex," he said simply, deciding against mentioning she probably felt it one hundred times more than he because of her past. 

"Is she…" he began as his eyes actively searched out the stranger that was his apprentice. Finding the room empty, the gaze turned back to the healer. 

An-Paj laced his fingers together. "She's having some trouble dealing with all this. It seems she thought she needed time to be alone and think." 

"I understand." While the words were sincere, An-Paj could see that the tone of his words and what it implied hadn't slipped by Alex . 

No, An-Paj didn't know where Meri was, but right at that moment he very much wished he did. 

**

Obi-Wan moved carefully through the deserted wing of the Temple, noting how his feet made imprints in the heavy layers of dust covering the marble floors. The eighteen year old had been searching for his friend off and on since hearing of her disappearance. The few who had searched for the apprentice had about come to the conclusion that she had left the Temple that night. Obi-Wan felt differently. He didn't know why and didn't have a reason to back it up. He should have thought to look here sooner. As children he and Meri used to come play here, though it was restricted from initiates. 

Turning a corner he came upon a blackened hallway. The lights in this section had been off for some time, but before searching the deserted corner of the Temple, Obi-Wan had requested they be turned on. He found it odd that this lone corridor was dark, but just figured maintenance hadn't been keeping up. 

Entering the first door on his right he began again to search the empty rooms. It wasn't until he was halfway down the corridor, five rooms later, that he sensed her. 

Relief flooded through him and he moved slowly into the dim room. He didn't think he'd ever seen more barren or depressing rooms. They were dust laden and devoid of furniture. The lights were usually kept off, but the plumbing was left as it was. He didn't know what state he'd find his friend in, but he hoped she had at least been drinking water. 

He paused when he finally saw her, sitting on the floor unmoving. "Meri?" 

She jerked at the sound of his voice, but did not turn around to face him. His was the first voice she had heard aloud in what seemed like a long time. She felt him draw closer and then drop to a knee at her side. 

"You certainly picked a gem of a place to hang out, Mer," he commented lightly as he removed a flask of water from his belt. Without any words he handed it to her and watched as she drank. 

"We've all been worried about you." 

"I had to get away and think," was all she said in explanation. 

Obi-Wan settled himself onto floor in front of her so that he could look her in the eye. "Did you get it all sorted?" 

"Yes," she replied faintly, raising her eyes so that her gaze just skimmed the top of his spiky hair. 

Obi-Wan frowned at the expression on her face. He'd seen it before when her Master Caer had died. "Meri…you are going to speak with Alex, aren't you? After everything settles down?" 

Except for the twitch of one eyebrow, her expression remained blank. "No. Why would I? What's to…speak about?" 

Obi-Wan felt a clenching in his stomach at the broken look in her dark eyes. "You are in love with him for one thing…aren't you going to tell him that?" 

"No." The answer came so fast on the heels of his words; he knew she hadn't even thought about it. 

Meri clenched her eyes shut, trying to block out the searching look on her friends face. It may take others longer to realize, but she knew already. She would never forget it. Without his memories…robbed of the years that made Alex who he was, to her and as a master, he was a stranger now. A completely different man and one she no longer knew. 

In her mind, it was set in stone. Alex Arieh, the man she had once known, _was_ dead. 

She felt a hand on her arm then. "Meri…why not?" 

Opening her eyes she released a deep breath and gave him a shaky smile. "Obi-Wan…you don't understand. He…Master Arieh," she began formally. "He doesn't know me…and he doesn't want me…not anymore. I'm just a burden." 

"Meri, no! That's not true." 

"Yes, yes it is. I heard him say so himself…they thought I was asleep Obi-Wan. If I were to tell him now…what has transpired between us, he would disapprove…he would find it revolting and request another master for me. That is, if he isn't planning on doing that already," she hung her head trying to hide the tears in her eyes. She'd made so many mistakes over the past few years and she vowed she would never make them again. 

Her first mistake, of course, had been allowing herself to fall in love. Jedi weren't supposed to love. That could only be because of the attachments formed, which caused such heartache. She'd concluded that she had made that mistake with her first master as well. Not only should Jedi not love, it naturally followed that she never should have formed such a strong bond with her first master and made a dire mistake in doing so with Alex. 

Rani had been distraught over hearing about their love and it had been nothing but a sore in Alex's side. He was always struggling to do the right thing, to uphold his Jedi ideals and obey the Jedi Council, all the while totally in love and fighting its hold on him. Just the past few weeks she had felt this struggle rising to its zenith. Bonded as strongly as they were and in love so deeply, it didn't come as a surprise that she'd felt his resistance. 

When the whole thing had started between she and Alex, he had made a decision in order to stay her master; that until she was knighted, he wasn't supposed to touch her intimately. They'd come close several times, especially in the last few weeks. She'd felt his growing struggle through the bond and his attempts at holding himself in check were crumbling. For a split second during the heated embrace at Solstice, she had thought he wasn't going to stop and she wouldn't have cared one bit. She would have given herself to him the moment he asked and they both knew it. 

Maybe this was the Force's way of showing her its path for her. _What better way to solve all these problems?_She thought bitterly. It was her punishment. Everything had been solved. Rani wouldn't have to worry anymore, because of his mind wipe now, Alex wouldn't remember finding out she'd always been secretly in love with him. That whole messy problem was solved. And she'd definitely learned her lesson about bonding. That problem too was solved. He was no longer in love with her. How can you be in love with someone you don't remember? How can you desire them or their presence? 

Yes the Force had known what it was doing. This was the will of the Force. Meri had been properly chastised and she wasn't going to make these mistakes again. Ever. She was a Jedi…and that was her path. In dreams she would remember what they had once shared, for only in dreams would that love survive. 

Yes everything made perfect sense now she'd had time to think about it. Right now it was hard to grasp, but this was all for the best. She would just **have** to accept that. 


	64. Chapter 64

**_Authors Note: This is written by Derisa. Thanks for reading! Only Two chapters left I think._**

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The pale form on the gurney bore only the slightest resemblance to the Master she'd grown up with, and Rani felt a sudden surge of anguish. The cool hand of the Mind-Healer on her shoulder helped her focus, and release that violent emotion to the Force, cleansing her of the indecision and pain it caused her. 

An Paj finished his examination of the comatose Jedi, and then carefully reviewed the data they had from the rescuers. "He has been in a hibernation kind of trance, but he is yet beyond our reach. There is little we can do for him." He looked to Rani, his antenna swirling through the air above his forehead, and she bit her lip before replying. 

"I can see that, Master An Paj," Rani said quietly. "It is a question of time?"

An Paj lowered his gaze to the stricken Master before him. "Rani, no amount of time will save your Master. His essence has fled. He is tied to his body by only the thinnest of threads, and it is not enough to keep him here." 

Rani stood taller as she eyed the Healer. "You mean I'm to lose him, even now? After all that we've been through? An Paj, he's *here*! Is there nothing you can do? Or is it *will* do? Why won't you even try?" 

The Padawan's accusations hit hard at the healer, and he shook his head sadly. "Rani, I cannot heal what does not wish to be healed. It has been too long. He has been kept to his body by a force outside of himself. The body will die the moment that force ceases." The Master Healer paused, but he had to make her understand there would be no happy homecoming for her Master. "Rani, the state of sympathetic trance we found you in, in your quarters after the Solstice... you must have been reaching out to him all this time. We can only assume that it is your action over these past several weeks, your unconscious support of his life-signs that has been keeping him alive."

Rani stood trembling at her Master's bedside, unable to answer. She looked down at his pale face, his eye-sockets so deeply sunken that she knew he would never look out at her again. Tears began to flow, silently, as she realised what she had done. "I did this?" she asked, her voice breaking. "I tied him to a body that can't live?" 

The Mind Healer spoke for the first time. "Rani, you have kept him alive, over great distance, and in a way that is only ever spoken of as legend. Your Master wanted you to reach him, or he'd not have tied himself to you so." 

"But... But that means I have to untie him. Doesn't it? I have to sever the bond!"

The two healers exchanged heavy glances, and then An Paj nodded. "It is up to you Rani. You will have release him." 

Rani shook her head, and dashed at her tears with her hand. "I cannot!" She bent over the frail body of her master and a cry wrenched out of her, colored by the depth of her grief and anguish: "I cannot do it! I just got him back. There has to be some hope..." her words dissolved into tears. An Paj would have reached for her, but the Mind Healer shook her head, and ushered him from the room. With a gesture, she threw up some powerful shields around the small cubicle, to prevent the others resident in the Infirmary from being disturbed by Rani's powerful flood of feelings. 

"Leave her be, An Paj. She will come around on her own," Reis-An reassured the healer. He looked at her, his doubt shimmering through the Force between them.

"You don't know Rani Veko as well as I do," he replied. "She is-" he was cut off by the arrival of a straight-backed blonde Knight, whose robes swirled about her like mist. She bore a look of sharp determination on her eagle-eyed face, and moved past the pair of them to enter Master Kern's room without a word.

"Who was that?" Reis-An asked with a rare show of surprise. The young woman had not spoken a single word, yet she'd known exactly where she wanted to be, radiating only purpose and determination. 

"T'Lor Kaden, newly Knighted, and in the thick of this to-do with the Darksider," An Paj answered with a gesture to the door. 

"She's the one? She's the knight who was with Master Arieh?" An Paj nodded, and Reis-An moved back towards the door. "She's the only one of them with whom I have not spoken. Excuse me, please?" She made as though to re-enter the stricken master's cubicle, but An Paj stopped her with a word. 

"Wait, Reis-An. T'Lor and Rani... they are the best of friends, sisters of the soul, if you will. I think it would be better to let them have a few moments alone with Master Kern." 

Reis-An searched his face, and then the petite healer smiled to him, and seated herself outside the cubicle, to await the two young women. 

** 

Rani waited outside the door of the newest Council member, hoping she would be alone for the interview. She needed to consult with the Council member over the order and timing of her Trials, and she couldn't stomach the idea of being overheard by anyone. Fortunately, the Knight appeared to be alone in her suite when she motioned the apprehensive Padawan in. 

"I've just put on a pot for chai, shall I put out an extra cup for you?" asked her hostess. Rani considered for a second before answering in the affirmative. At least it would give her something to look at other than the earnest dark eyes of the beautiful Knight. Adi Gallia was not wearing her usual Tholoth headdress, and her long braids hung down past the belt of her tunic. 

Rani looked around the Knight's quarters with a casual interest. Adi Gallia favoured tribal sculpture for her decorating, balanced with superbly executed holoscapes. Rani was examining one showing purple sand dunes shifting slowly under the light of a pair of soft blue moons, when her hostess rejoined her and beckoned her over to the tall counter. 

When they had both taken their seats, Rani added her usual sweetener to the chai, and then wrapped her hands around the handleless cup, absorbing the deep warmth of the earthenware. Adi Gallia spoke first: "How are you?" 

Rani drew a deep breath, the steam from her chai flavoring it with spices. "I am well enough, I suppose. I mean, my Master's back, sort of, and I have to face my Trials in order to free him. I'm not physically fit, but somehow, in everything that's happened, I've found some kind of equilibrium." She looked up to make certain the Councilor understood what she was trying to say. "I mean, I seem to be at a fulcrum of decisions, don't I?" 

The Knight nodded. "It sometimes happens that way, Rani," she said quietly. "What guidance are you getting from the Force? Where are you feeling drawn?" 

Rani gave a sardonic smile at that question. "For the first time in a long time, the guidance of the Force is pretty clear to me," she said, and could feel the calm that flowed from that confirmation. "I should take my Trials as soon as possible, and do what I must for my Master, and then... well, it's not something I'd considered before, but I intend to take the mind-Healer up on her offer, and go to Sanctuary to receive additional training." 

Adi Gallia's eyebrows rose and she cocked her head to the side. "I was under the impression that you most heartily disliked Healers, Rani..." she began, then let her voice trail off, in hopes that the Padawan might fill her in. 

"I... don't. Not really. Before all this happened, I was angry with Master An Paj, and I blamed him for a lot of the problems I'd been having, but... The truth of the matter is I have some abilities that I need to learn to use, and I can't learn that here. I am *not* a Healer, I *will* be a Knight, but it took meeting Padawan Ui'Niall to realize that the two weren't mutually exclusive." 

Adi Gallia nodded, and then picked up her cup and sipped delicately. Rani followed suit. "The Council has determined that you *are* ready to face your Trials. Physically, you are not as fit as we'd like, but all the other requirements have been met. Are you certain you wouldn't prefer to wait a few weeks to fully recover your strength?" 

Rani shook her head quickly. "No. The sooner the better, for my Master's sake."

"Alright. Well, in that case, we'll be testing you with two others. It is not unusual to test several candidates at the same time, but there are two peculiar cases involved here. K'vel Kaelson, you know, I'm sure, is in the final stages of his preparations for examination. His Master determined his readiness last week, and he will be your partner in some of the tests. In others..." she paused and drew a calming breath, " Alex Arieh will be tested alongside you." 

Rani's eyes flew open wide at the mention of Alex's name. "But... he is a Master!" she exclaimed in surprise. 

The older woman nodded. "Yes, but he doesn't recall that. He still thinks of himself as an older padawan. It is symbolic, really, more than anything, but serving two purposes at the same time. The first is that it may remind him of his real Trials and Knighting, giving the Healers a lever into his locked memories. The other is that if he is to return to functioning as a Jedi Knight, he needs to *know* that he deserves to be one." 

Rani absorbed this information, her own thoughts about the subject of conversation rapidly swirling around in her mind. Alex Arieh, re-testing for his Knighthood, with *her*... she had no idea what to say, what to tell the Councilor who sat before her. There was no way she could let any aspect of the many secrets between her, Alex, and Alex's padawan Meri slip free, to fall under the scrutiny of those who would test for the Trials. She veiled her thoughts carefully in protective shields. 

The knight, relaxed and open here in the safety and privacy of her own quarters, felt the subtle shift in the balance of the Force between them, and she narrowed her gaze, eyeing the padawan carefully. "Rani? Is there something wrong with the Council's plans?" 

"No," Rani said quickly, "No, not at all." She steeled herself with the knowledge that her Master needed her to complete her Trials as soon as possible, and it could be months before she might be able to test if she did not take this opportunity now. 

"All right," Adi Gallia said, "Then you may sit vigil tomorrow night, and the testing will begin at dawn the day after." 

** 

The cliff-face loomed over the candidates' heads, the crest obscured by the heat of the red sun at their backs. Rani's breath caught in her throat, even as K'vel began uncoiling the rope to attach the grapple hooks. _They *would* have to choose climbing for the physical test, wouldn't they?_ she thought with a mixture of bitterness and trepidation. She stared up at the edge of the plateau, and their mission objective which lay somewhere far beyond. _The Council knows our weaknesses too well. _

"It's at least a hundred and twenty meters up," Alex informed them as he joined them at the foot of the cliff, tucking his macrobinoculars back into his pouch. He gave Rani a reassuring grin, and she felt her heart give a lurch at the handsome face smiling at her so trustingly. At least it wasn't as powerful a lurch as she'd felt in the past: perhaps the intensive changes of these past few days had changed something within her. 

She raised her eyebrow in silent reply, and Alex's smile broadened even as he dropped his gaze. Rani shook her head in bemusement at the one thing she was certain hadn't changed in Alex since his mind-wipe of most of the last five years: his complete obliviousness to her feelings. "Have we enough rope to get that high?" 

"Yes, Ma-...Alex," K'vel corrected and glanced across at Rani, who gave him a teasing wink. The two padawans had both taken classes from the young Master, but K'vel had not spent much time with Alex when he was a junior padawan, so he found the change in him very hard to compass. Rani had known Alex since their time in the Creche, so she was adjusting to the odd circumstances somewhat better. "We'll do it in stages," K'vel outlined, "I'll take point, Rani will follow, and you'll take the other grapple and come up last?" 

Alex nodded his agreement to the plan, and K'vel began helping Rani tie herself into a harness made from a smaller length of rope, and the sliding knot which would keep her attached to the safety line should she fall. Even though they were in a holo-sim chamber, she knew the safeties were switched off, and had to be in order for this to be a real Trial. If she fell again, especially from near the top, she could be far worse than temporarily paralyzed this time. 

This part of their Trials had been placed on the final day in order to give Rani and Alex the most time to recover their physical condition. In the previous two days the candidates had been tested individually on their mental acuity, diplomatic skills, Force manipulation and augmentation, and a variety of other skills and techniques. Keeping her focus on the testing had not been as hard as Rani had thought: it seemed her recent tribulations had gone a long way towards maintaining the disciplined approach she had needed to get through these examinations. 

Rani set her hands to the warm rock face and began her climb, waiting to see that K'vel had made the first cast. His grapple anchored, the cinnamon haired padawan gave the signal for the three of them to begin their climb. 

The physical exertion of the climbing required Rani's complete concentration on the task at hand. Her body ached and strained to pull her weight up the cliff-face, and she kept her focus tightly on the here and now as they climbed. At one point, twenty meters above the floor, her hand slipped from a hold, and she had to squelch the sudden temptation to reach out for the warm solidity of her bond with T'Lor. With an indrawn breath and renewed mental resolve, Rani drew on the Force for strength and regained her hold. _If that's the worst of it, I'll pass my test of fear without a problem,_ she thought wryly. 

Rani could hear the calm and focused breathing of K'vel above her, and the more labored effort of Alex across the cliff-face from her, and her own rhythm neatly fit between them, as, with each exhalation, they climbed together. 

Pausing on a ledge, Rani looked up and noted that K'vel was within fifteen meters of the top. She was about to reach for another hold, when the rope connecting the candidates was jerked tight, and Rani caught her breath and braced herself against the sudden change in weight distribution. Alex's grapple had slipped and he was dangling at the end of the line, cradling his arm to his side. His grapple clanged as it bounced down the rock-face before being stopped short on its tether. 

"K'vel, hold on!" Rani called urgently, "Alex is hurt!" She glanced back down at Alex, who was struggling to grip the cliff with one hand. She recalled the energy-pike wound Alex had suffered, a great gaping hole seared into his back. Before K'Vel could have issued the order, Rani slipped down the line towards the injured Knight. She helped Alex to a precarious perch on a ledge on the cliff side, and probed gently at his wound. Her fingers came away bloody, and Alex's face was a white mask of pain. 

"K'Vel, can you carry take Alex's full weight?" Rani called up to the leader, "He's reopened his wound. He can't climb the cliff like this." 

"I'm near enough to the top, Rani," K'vel confirmed. Slipping free of her own makeshift harness, Rani set about retying Alex into a passive harness, for K'vel to bear him up the cliff. 

"I'm sorry, Rani," Alex said quietly as she worked around him, and then he offered to stay behind to let Rani and K'vel reach the objective without him. 

"It's alright, Alex. We have a better chance of reaching the objective together, so we stick together, alright?" He answered her with a tight nod as she secured the last knot, tugged on the line to let K'vel know he was secure, and then gave him a boost up the cliff face. 

She followed close behind, throwing the grapple and allowing herself little slack as she worked to stay with Alex, but even weighted as he was, K'vel was an efficient climber, and soon, there was tension on the line between her and Alex, and K'Vel was having to pause for precious seconds in his labors. 

After the third call down to ask her to drive herself a little harder, Rani shook her head. Her breathing was coming fast already, and she knew she could make the climb, just not under the pressure of staying with Alex. "Alex, cut the line," Rani ordered him, "I'm slowing K'vel down and he can't be expected to bear your weight for any longer than he must. I can make it," she interrupted his half-voiced protest, "I just have to go slow and do it right." 

K'vel was too pressed holding to his own grapple to offer arguments, and soon Rani felt a slackness in the line above her. She balanced herself against her grapple, catching the line as it fell, and looping it to be tied to her belt.

The sun beat down unmercifully on her cloaked back, and Rani sucked in a breath salted with her own sweat, pausing to wipe her hands again on her trousers to absorb the excess moisture. She was alone on the burning rocks, and she must climb. I hate being alone. She swallowed her fear, a great dry lump in her throat, and pushed on. 

Some stretch of time later, Rani heard a shout from above. Her grapple in her hand ready for her next throw, she peered upward against the glare of that sere hologramatic sky, squinting to see what was happening at the cliff top. She caught the barest glimpse of a flare of Alex's robe at the top, some twenty meters over her head. But as she leaned back ever so slightly, her heel came down on a rounded pebble, slipped, and all of a sudden, she was falling. 

Her eyes wide open with the shock of her mistake; Rani knew a blinding, paralyzing moment of sheer, unutterable terror. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think, she couldn't even close her eyes to brace for the inevitable impact. All she knew for that one harrowing instant was that she was utterly alone: no one could help her now. 

"Rani!!!" The shout echoed off the cliff-face and woke the Padawan's dazed consciousness. Her eyes that had been frozen wide in panic blinked, and she sucked in a breath to scream back a desperate plea for help. 

Even as the cry left her throat, Rani gritted her teeth against it, strangling it. There was nothing they could do: she had to do this herself. She spun her body and snaked the grapple out towards the cliff, letting the rope burn through her fingers. With an exercise of will unlike anything she'd ever tried before, Rani drove the metal hook into the crevasse she knew was there, catching at the crumbling rock and holding... firm! 

With a twist of her wrist, Rani wrapped the rope around her arm and her whole body snapped like a whip as the grapple caught her weight. There was a sickening lurch as the grapple slipped, but with a singular exercise of will, she forced it to hold steady. She was slammed hard against the cliff face, but kept her grip on the rope and her wits. She turned her body and caught the next impact properly, her shoulders and elbows absorbing the energy. With desperate hands, she scrabbled for and found a hold on the rocks. 

She could hear the calls of the two men at the top, as though across a vast distance, and she sent a pulse of reassurance up through the Force, the psionic communication coming easier to her than any verbal form in her current state. She felt their relief roll back down to her, flowing like cool water down the hot stone of the cliff. She was touched by it, but caught up in an eddying whirl of growing realizations. Looking up, she could hardly believe how short a distance she had fallen, and yet what a vast depth of fear had she plumbed in that time.

Once she'd caught her breath, Rani began the hard work of climbing again, reach after inexorable reach, always upwards against the might of gravity. Her body working harder than it ever had in her life, Rani found herself in a curious state of mental clarity. She breathed evenly, and let her mind examine recent events, tracing back many of her actions and decisions to that one basic and hidden motivation: fear. 

She had been terrified of falling, and unaware of this fear that had lodged itself within her. Now, she had beaten back that cursed independence that could have cost her her life, and laid the ghost of that first disastrous fall to rest. But there was more. 

She hated asking for help: a powerful urge to prove herself worthy had long been a factor in her actions, and the root of that was the fear that if she needed help, others would find her needy and... leave her alone. *Alone*. 

Her dark, unspoken terror of being alone had spoken, had indeed paralyzed her with direst dread at the most critical moment. She realized she had always been afraid of being alone, since T'Lor had left her in the creche when she had been made Gi'den's Padawan, and Rani had remained behind, unchosen... It had been a powerful director of her actions since her Master's disappearance, and she tasted the bitterness of defeat that it had so controlled her, goading her into irrational anger against everyone, from An Paj to Alex. The fear was always at the back of her mind, held prisoner, buried, but there, and a factor in her decisions, she was sure of it. 

Rani made it up the last few meters of the cliff-face with the one clear thought that put a sorrowful smile on her face. Even if she were to pass every aspect of her Trials, she would yet be unworthy of Knighthood, by reason of that fear she had let control her. 


	65. Chapter 65

**_Authors Note: This is written by Derisa,and I. Thanks for reading and the patience in between updates._**

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Standing at the top of the precipice, Alex Arieh felt a brisk rush of elation that quickly turned into trepidation. He had always loved heights, but this wasn't a pinnacle overlooking some spectacular vista. It was a sheer, dangerous cliff that plunged down a high precipice into a chasm of unknowable depth.

It felt like nothing so much as a trap. 

Looking over the cliff with him, Rani drew his attention to a small projection. "There's a ledge down there, Alex," she told him, "Easily in reach of the ropes." Alex retrieved the map from her belt pouch and consulted it. 

"Yes, it's marked here," he replied, "And there's a tunnel leading off it. We have to go down there." Rani gave him a calm smile, and he responded in kind as she began to uncoil the rope from her belt. Since she had told him as they walked across the plateau of her injurious fall, that had left her paralyzed and suffering a long slow recovery, he'd been appalled that she had suffered so much. Now facing another steep climbing challenge, he watched her for any signs that she was uncomfortable, but she seemed cool and competent as she unreeled their line and tied the pulley rig for them to rappel down the cliff. 

Alex rolled his shoulder, controlling the urge to wince in pain. Rani gave him a sharp glance, and Alex responded with a wry grimace. _There's no keeping secrets from her, is there?_ he found himself wondering when she had learned to use her natural empathy so well. The Rani he knew..._ is five years older now, Alex,_ he reminded himself firmly, _She's sure to have picked up a few tricks in that time._ But this was his physical Trial too, and it would be counter-productive to allow the two younger Jedi to do all the work. He tested his shoulder again, but it felt strong enough for the rappelling. 

It was the work of a few short minutes to anchor the pulley rig to the top of the cliff overlooking the ledge and tunnel entrance, and then Alex led the way down the rockface to the tunnel, with Rani following shortly thereafter. They left their rope in case they needed it to get back to the top of the bluff for their pick-up and the end of the Trial. As the two proceeded down the tunnel, Alex felt again that sense that they were heading into danger, and he gestured for Rani to stay back a bit while he scouted up ahead. 

The air was close and hard to breathe, and a gaseous fog clung to the floor of the tunnel, swirling sluggishly as they moved forward into the dimness. Alex consciously slowed his breathing and inhaled more deeply. He didn't remember these careful controls coming so easily before, but they were. Perhaps that was another mark of the time that had passed. 

Ahead in the gloom, around a long arc of the tunnel, he could make out a bright beam of light, coming down through the mass of the mountain overhead, to illuminate a small circular area of the passageway. The light gave the fog that crept along the floor of the tunnel a greenish cast, and Alex squinted, niggled by an inaccessible memory. He shook his head to clear it, and frowned again at the bright spot in the distance. _That's where it will come,_ he realized, _When we're half-blinded by the glare._ With a mental flash, he showed Rani what lay ahead, and continued on without waiting for her. 

This time it was an effort of will to slow his biorhythms to better utilize the dearth of oxygen. A faint aftertaste from the stale air tickled again at his memory, but when he tried to follow it back to its origin, it stopped dead at that blank wall that blocked off a part of him. All his probing had failed to find any gap in it, and he bit back his frustration. It was clear his senses were trying to remind him of something from those memories that had been ripped away. 

Focusing back on his task, he made a mental note to tell the mind-Healer of this phenomenon, as it seemed to corroborate her explanation of the two kinds of memory. The years that had been stolen from him had been conscious 'made' memories, but he still retained the physical evidence of those years, and that included an unconscious memory. He'd lived those lost years, and in the living had experiences his mind might not recall, but his body certainly did. This scent trigger was likely an example of his physical memory at work. 

He looked back as he neared that circle of light to see where Rani was. She had just rounded the curve of the tunnel, and stopped in her tracks when he gave the signal. He followed it up with a single mental word: Trap! He directed her to keep her eye on the light and then turned back to his original goal.

And **she** was there. 

A tall shapely figure in flowing robes of blood, reaching for him with clawed hands, a feral smile revealing wicked points on her white teeth, and an oily presence roiling out from her like the low mist that clung to his legs. He'd never been so scared. 

His sabre was in his hands and he went for the apparition, igniting the coherent light blade with a reverberating snap-hiss as he charged. He felt like he was moving through treacle, each instant perfectly separate from the next, time slowed to a crawl, heavy with inevitability. Another insistent tug snapped his mind to that blank wall in his head, and then _through,_ and he remembered her. 

Her hands were talons reaching for his throat, clutching for him, and he paused as his viewpoint changed. He was suddenly unsure if she reached for him in attack or in supplication. Then the fog rolled back from her and revealed was a slender form, fallen at her feet. Obviously female, and obviously young, she had a padawan braid tied in her dark hair and wore a Jedi tunic. 

"Ssso succulent she isss, Jeh-diehhh..." came the sibilant hiss, straight out of his nightmares, "Such a sweet morsssel..." 

When he stepped in to attack her the image of the padawan disappeared, and he heard a voice from behind him: "ALEX!!!" He looked back down the tunnel, and saw clearly a beautiful dark-haired girl running towards him with happiness on her face and love shining clear in her dark eyes. His resolve hardened and he turned back and swung his sabre with all his might, but with no fear or anger in his heart. 

From within this clarity beyond any fear, he saw the superhot blade slice the phantasm in half with hardly an effort, and he dropped to one knee, a hungry sharpness cutting into his injured shoulder. As he collapsed, Alex saw Rani's face, her concern reverberating through her soft blue eyes. 

Sliding down into the onrushing darkness, Alex was confused for a moment... her eyes were the wrong color... the girl who had run towards him had had _dark eyes... _

** 

Rani lowered Alex slowly to the floor, and scanned him through the Force to see if he was injured. He'd obviously seen something and had fought it furiously, but he hadn't re-injured the shoulder, at least. However, his mind was muzzy, as though he were drugged, and she felt a powerful pang at the last image in his mind: Meri's pale face looking at him with such love- She slammed a door on that thought. _None of my affair,_ she reminded herself harshly, _Literally_.

Kneeling beside the stricken Knight, she finished her probe. Alex was suffering the effects of some inhaled compound, she realized, even as the greasy mist that fogged the floor of the tunnel began to clear. _I wonder what they used,_ she thought to herself, eyeing the suspicious wisps as they dissipated. As if in answer there was a chuff of fans and the air cleared more quickly. 

Rani looked up to see K'vel approaching, carrying the chest that had been their objective for the physical Trial. With a sudden rush of relief, she realized they had finished the physical portion of their Trials. The sensory hologram faded before her eyes and she had to draw a calming breath and relax as the change in her perceptions revealed the simulations chamber, and the approach of the Councilors who were overseeing this last phase. 

Adi Gallia led them at a half-jog, heading straight for the prone form of Alex Arieh, but he was already groggily pulling himself up into a sitting position. "Are you alright?" the Council member asked before Rani got the chance. 

Alex nodded slowly, and probed with curious fingers for his hurt shoulder, seeming surprised by the lack of any serious wound. "It hurt," he said quietly. He leaned on Rani's proffered arm to rise, but it was more of a friendly gesture than a needed aid. "I'll be alright," he reassured her, with a gentle smile that threatened to break her heart all over again. She clamped down a powerful shield on the pain, and then burnt it to ash in the furnace of the Force. 

The Council awaited their attention. "Retire to the meditations chambers assigned you, you will," Yoda creaked, and the three candidates bowed before taking their leave. A careful assessing of their actions in this Trial would follow, and Rani was rather looking forward to the debrief, as she had come to some clear conclusions about this exercise. 

As she made her way to her assigned chamber, she considered her theory. The more she thought about it, the more sense it made. Of course if she was wrong, they would still have to face their individual tests of fear. 

** 

Rani remained kneeling in her meditation posture when the door hissed open to admit her examiner, but her mind was sharp and focused, turning over the events of the Trial with a careful eye for details. Depa Billaba accepted her bow of respect with a grave nod, and then joined her on the mat, kneeling to face the older Padawan. 

"Your impressions, Rani? How do you think you did in the physical Trial?" 

Rani gave a sly smile. "I don't know, I haven't faced it yet." She looked up and met the Councilor's raised eyebrows with a direct look. "Have I?" 

"Of course you have," Depa replied, but Rani shook her head. At length the Councilor inclined her head and added, "There was more to it, of course." 

"That was an emotional Trial," Rani said succinctly. She made certain to keep her voice free of accusation or anger at the deception. 

"You have it exactly right, Rani," the dark-faced Councilor conceded easily, but with some surprise in her voice, at the astuteness of the Padawan. "The test was less physical than it was emotional. It was designed to place each of you in a separate circumstance where you would have some deep insight into your own greatest fears." 

"How does one pass these tests, then?" Rani asked Depa pointedly. "We judge ourselves?" 

Depa smiled gently. "Can you think of a more fair way? No one knows you as well or as deeply as you do, Rani. Did you face your fears?" 

Rani's eyes narrowed in a characteristic expression of suspicion, but after she thought through the Councilor's question, her brow cleared and she nodded. "I did. They surprised me." 

"They always do. You see, all we can do is put you in the way of your fears, and allow you to meet them in an unguarded moment, so that you truly *face* them." Her glance gave this all the significance Rani sensed about the events of the candidates physical trial. "For humans, the test usually involves falling: it's the most basic fear reflex we as primates have evolved. There's a reason we say that someone has 'fallen' to the Dark Side." 

"What's to prevent someone from claiming he did even if he didn't overcome his fears?" Rani asked. 

Depa answered her with another smile, this one less enigmatic. "The hallucinogenic gas mix contains Verisol as well, perhaps you've heard of it?" 

Rani recalled finding something familiar about the scent of the gasses that clung to the tunnel floor. Verisol was a relatively long-lasting truth drug, sometimes used as a muscle relaxant in the infirmary. She could recall hearing some interesting stories when she was on her probation, told by people under the influence of the gas. After a nod of agreement, she returned to the issue at hand. "So I passed. What about the others?" 

"K'vel Kaelson took the chute separator, and encountered his fears in the tunnel on the way to the objective. From our monitoring of his vital signs and our visuals, there is no doubt he faced his fears there," Depa explained. 

"He passes too?" Rani asked, and Deepa gave a nod of confirmation. Rani sought to meet the Councilor's eyes, her blue-grey gaze sharp and hard as durasteel. "What about Alex? Was it really necessary to put him through that?" 

Depa cocked her head to the side, looking away from Rani. "He needed to know he could face his fears, as a Jedi must, before he would consider himself a knight again. We did not know the shape those fears would take, in light of the recent horrors he has suffered, but he responded very well, and there is no hesitation on the part of the Council to pass him in this last Trial." 

Rani exhaled audibly, and then leaned back on her heels. "Then we will be Knighted tonight?" her voice was almost a whisper, but the relief in it was immeasurable.

"The Council will call you before them this afternoon to present the findings of the examinations. If you have passed all aspects of your Trials to the satisfaction of the Council, you will be knighted." She could not contain her smile of pride, and Rani had to close her eyes to maintain her focus, as the idea that she might be this close to the goal threatened to flood her with an undue amount of emotion. 

"Thank you, Councilor Billaba," she stated softly. "I will meditate until then."

**

_ In the hour after sunset, in the Lower Arena, Two new Knights will be accepted into the ranks of the Jedi Order. K'vel Kaelson, Padawan to Kirstan Orion, and Rani Veko, Padawan to Davin Kern, Will take their earned place as Knights of The Jedi. All Masters Knights and Padawans are invited to attend, and witness as well the re-dedication of Master Alex Arieh to his calling. _ ** 

"Hold the lift, please!" Alex called as he loped down the corridor, his robe flying out behind him. His boots slid on the low-pile carpet as he slowed enough not to careen into the Knight holding the lift door controls for him. 

"Where are you heading?" a half-familiar voice asked him once he was inside, and Alex turned bright blue eyes to meet Perrian Thenceor's raised eyebrow. He dropped his gaze in a habitual bow to the slightly older Jedi. Perrian's Knighting was one of Alex's last clear memories, before the fall of that impenetrable white fog blocking out the last five or so years of his life. A hand crept up to his collar to smooth his Padawan braid, and he had a flash of sorrow by its unexpected absence. 

"Up..." Alex replied, suddenly unsure where he should be going with the news of his imminent re-Knighting. "I guess. To my suite?" 

Perrian gave him a long look as he keyed in the floor request. "Have you been back there yet? I mean since..." 

Alex shook his head, stiff and silent. "I've been in the Infirmary, and then... testing." He looked down at his boots, unsure what to say next. "I passed," he informed the Knight before he could ask. 

"Of course you did," Perrian seemed surprised that it was ever in doubt. "The Knighting is tonight?" 

At Alex's nod and indrawn breath, Perrian's face expressed amusement. "Nervous, are you?" he asked. 

Alex paused, as he shot the Knight an intense look. "Well, yes, quite frankly." 

Perrian gave him a gentle grin. "You were last time, too." 

"I was?" Alex asked, quite stunned by the revelation. But of course, there had to have been people in the Temple who had witnessed his Knighting, who had known him as a Knight and as a ... Master. Alex had to admit that as alien as that concept seemed to be, there was some internal recognition of 'Master Arieh' as a name he responded to. 

"Yes, you were. I was too. I imagine it would be quite harrowing to go through the same thing again, or was it harder the first time?" 

Alex shook his head. "If I could remember enough to compare, I wouldn't have needed to retake the Trials," he reminded the Knight with a wry grin. At Perrian's nod of understanding, he recalled that the Knight had known him during those years missing from his memory. He longed to know what was expected of him now: _What about this Padawan, Meri Irhanah? Would he have to renew his oaths to her as well?_ Perhaps Perrian could help him find the answers. 

Before he had the chance to ask, however, Perrian took advantage of the lengthy pause, and changed the subject. "Have you heard the announcement from the Council?" 

Alex frowned and signaled that he had not. "I've been in testing since early this morning. What announcement?" 

"The exchange program has been terminated," Perrian informed him. At Alex's look of incomprehension, he was given a quick review of the program and some of the consequences it had had. "I think it was the Mind-Healer's input and the Exemplars' testimony that swung the Council. The incident with the creature that cost you your memory was marginally related, but certainly weighed in as well, so the experiment has been called off. I'm on my way to speak with Qui-Gon Jinn about whether we can get some exceptions made for a few students who have found a place here." 

"Why?" Alex asked, and Perrian cocked an eyebrow. Alex couldn't believe his own temerity, questioning a senior in the Order so bluntly. 

He was about to apologize for his forthrightness, but Perrian forestalled him with a smile and a wave. "You are a Knight, Alex, whether you can recall it or not. You have every right to speak plainly." There was a thoughtful pause before he answered Alex's question, "Qui-Gon and I have shared the tutelage and hosting of one of the girls who was in the exchange programme. She hasn't really got anywhere to go if she leaves the Temple, and she has found a niche here. There are other non-Jedi like her who serve the Order, and I think it would be a great wrong to send her away. 

"Then, there is another of the candidates comes from an abusive family, and her talents for research and learning would only be squandered if she were to return to that harsh environment. She has only just begun to trust again. Master Chian spoke to me about the young woman she had hosted, and I think a case may be made there as well." 

He eyed Alex, and then continued. "We have a responsibility to these children, since we have taken them under the wing of our Order. They are good people, and I won't stand by to see the Council simply drop them when they become inconvenient," he finished. 

"Ah. Thank you for updating me," Alex said quietly, his mind turning over that single word that stood out at him: _Responsibility._ "I had no idea any of this was going on." 

Perrian gave a thoughtful nod, and sent a speculative look towards the younger man. "Your Padawan had made a few friends among the students, you know. You even hosted one of them for a while, one of the ones we're trying to get accepted. Does the name 'Vail D'ka' ring any bells?" 

Alex frowned. "No, I'm afraid not. But I wish you luck in dealing with the Council. You seem... committed." He swallowed and then drew up his courage, feeling the cool uplifting power of the Force guiding his next words and actions. He pressed the next floor's panel on the lift, and Perrian eyed him with some surprise, as the lift door irised open to one of the meditation and teaching levels below the Knight's quarters. "Forgive me, Knight Thenceor, I'm hoping you can help me." 

Perrian followed Alex to a nearby meditation room, and seated himself on the round, cushioned platform, while Alex paced the small room's confines, trying to find the right words. Finally he knelt on his own short pedestal and faced the older Knight, and drew in a careful breath. "What sort of a Knight will I be?" he asked, at last. "I mean, what was I like, before?" 

The brown eyes of the Knight widened and then lowered to watch the floor as he composed his reply. Alex waited, releasing his impatience with a previously noted unfamiliar ease. When Perrian's eyes met his again, he stilled his trepidation and listened to the words, and the truths behind them. "Alex, you are a good knight. You are wise, and gentle, compassionate and caring. You have a deserved reputation for not just speaking the words of the Jedi ideals, but living them." He turned his head to consider the vibrant glow of the traffic roaring in Coruscant's nighttime skies. "And you have been a good Master to your padawan, after the tragedy that had befallen her first Master." 

Alex nodded. An Paj had told him, very perfunctorily, why he had taken a padawan so soon after his own knighting, and given him access to the records that detailed the unusual circumstances. He had not yet had the courage to read up on the matter. At least the Mind-Healer had helped him realize he should listen to his own inner voices that counseled against him learning too much too soon. But the time was nearly upon him when he must make a serious decision regarding the young woman who was his particular responsibility. At last he had to face the thing that was making him more nervous than his own Knighting.

"It's just that I don't know if I am ready to be a Master," he tried to explain, "If there is some other way-" he stopped when he noted Perrian's critical eyebrow raised at him. 

"Alex, you already _are_ her Master. And she has suffered through so much of late, I hardly think it just of you to even consider any other option," Perrian stated, only his gentle tone keeping his words from cutting. There was a long pause, and Alex looked up to see if he had anything further to add. Perrian had obviously been waiting to catch his gaze again, and regarded him seriously across the small space between them, before making his final point. "Meri Irhanah needs her Master back, Alex. She needs you." 

The Knight's words did not have the heavy effect on Alex he'd half expected, the weight of an unfair judgment, or an unwelcome burden, rather he felt lighter. Perrian had spoken with all the authority of the Force's guidance, and Alex could sense how much better it would be to move with that updraft rather than fight it, looking for an easier current. He drew in a full lungful of air and then exhaled, feeling more comfortable with the decision. 

"Thank you, Perrian," he said sincerely as they rose and made their way back to the lift. 

The other Knight smiled and gave a small shrug. As the lift door slid open again, this time at their shared destination level of the Knight's quarters, Alex requested the Knight's assistance for one further matter, freeing his minor embarrassment to the Force as he did so. With a quirk of his lips that was not quite a smile, Perrian complied, and escorted Alex to his door. 

Having been shown the route to quarters he couldn't quite recall on his own, Alex thanked him again, bowing in gratitude. As Perrian Thenceor moved down the corridor to Master Jinn's rooms, Alex barely caught his response. 

"Anytime, Master Arieh." 

He didn't question the title until he entered his quarters, and caught sight of a slender female form poised as if to flee, standing on the other side of the door. 


	66. The End

**_Author's Note: Thank you, everyone, for reading and staying with me throughout the posting of this fic. Before you panic, there WILL be a sequel. I won't leave everything hanging out like this. However, it might be rated a little higher than a pg-13. We'll see. _**

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The door hissed open and at the other end of the hall, Meri froze, her eyes wide with sudden trepidation. She turned her head and peered down the hall, and caught sight of a familiar silhouette stepping gracefully through the door. "Meri?" came her Master's voice. Her heart frozen in her chest, the young woman couldn't breathe... was it really him? Did he remember her? Did he remember... everything?

When he stepped into the light, her breath shuddered from her audibly, and her knees nearly gave way. She could see something in his clear blue eyes, something she recognized... 

"Meri!" He was at her side, catching her as she sagged back, fighting the feelings that roiled through her. She was safe. He was there, at last. 

** 

Alex gently lowered the unconscious girl to the floor, and shaped her limp form into a recovery position, whipping off his robe to pillow her head. He checked her pulse, it was a little fast, but fairly strong: she would be alright. _She hasn't been eating,_ he noted, and didn't question how he could tell, _It's low blood sugar, and an emotional shock... I should have commed before I came up... _

He settled onto his haunches, waiting for her to come around. He smoothed a tendril of hair back from her brow, a habitual gesture he didn't care to trace back, knowing he'd only find that same blank wall. His hand tucked the tress behind her ear and encountered the thin pattern of her Padawan braid. He pulled it free from where it had become trapped in her collar and laid it flat against the fabric of her tunic, smoothing it with a careful thumb. He could tell by the few escaping curly wisps that some of his own coarser sable was tied in with her own straighter, finer dark hair. 

His apprentice. His student, his responsibility. _Meri._ As he sounded her name in his mind there was a deep twinge of... something, a sense of many layers of feeling and meaning to her simple name. He searched after it, but shook his head when no answers came. 

After a relatively short pause, her eyelids fluttered and opened, and he was staring into deep, mossy brown pools. "Alex?" she asked, her voice soft and questioning. 

He bent his head towards her as he answered her. "Padawan." 

She struggled upright and bowed her head in a semblance of a proper gesture of respect, but her eyes were pinched shut, tight, as though she were blocking out a sight that gave her intense pain. "M... Master," she acknowledged, but the word seemed wrenched out of her. She wouldn't meet his eyes again. 

Alex sucked in a breath, and felt the wind of the Force at his back, buoying him up. "Meri. I... we have much to talk on." He rose in a fluid motion and held a hand out to her to help her to her feet. Her eyes flashed to his in surprise, but as quickly, she turned away and pushed herself off the floor. Alex felt his forehead lower into a frown as he felt her rejection, but he schooled his thoughts and stepped away from her. He headed back down the hall to the entry to the lounge. 

He paused in the doorway, and surveyed the room. The couches were a soft blue, and looked very comfortable, high seats deep with cushioning. The walls bore a few flat holos, one a seascape with high clouds scudding serenely past, and the other a more abstract rendering, sweeps of deep dark blues accented by a sharp slice of a vibrant yellow. They gave the room a tranquil but open feeling, an unseen current of movement underlying the whole. He wasn't sure if he liked it.

Turning to his Padawan, Alex gestured to the nearest seat in a clear invitation. Meri moved past him and perched nervously on the farthest piece of furniture, and Alex cocked his head, trying to figure out if it was a token of defiance, or a symptom of some fearfulness in her. He took the nearest seat to her, and composed himself to begin. She surprised him by speaking first. 

"Master, I should not have run away. When you were in the infirmary-" 

"Meri, that isn't important," Alex interjected. "I think I understand why you did it, and I think you did what you had to. I've spoken with Master An Paj, about your first Master, and everything. I do understand." He folded his hands inside his tunic's sleeves, and studied her face, but Meri kept her eyes carefully averted. "That isn't really important now. 

"Meri, I passed the trials they set me, I will be renewing my vows to the Order tonight, in just a few minutes, in fact... but before I did so, I wanted to talk to you," he paused, and this time she looked up. He caught her gaze in his own. "Just us. You and I." 

There was a flicker of something in her deep brown eyes, and she nodded, hesitantly, her graceful neck bowing like a flower on a stem. Alex couldn't contain a small smile, which broadened when a delicate upturning of her lips answered him. 

"So, anyway, I wanted to see... if you were willing, I mean," he caught his lip between his teeth, and then gave a somewhat nervous chuckle as she arched a brow at him, a tiny gleam of humour deep in her dark eyes. "I am to renew as a Knight, perhaps I could renew as... your Master, too." 

Meri's mouth closed and her smile vanished completely, as if it had never been. Alex was gratified that at least there was no hesitation in her nod of acquiescence. At her silent agreement, his own breath left him in a deep sigh: he was unaware he'd been holding it in. 

"We should..." he shrugged as he struggled with the words. He hoped this sort of verbal bumbling was off-putting to her, although he also hoped that other, unremembered self would have been more facile, smoother with words. "We should make some sort of, erm, bond..." 

Her eyes widened again, and he was stunned by their expressiveness. He held out both hands to her, one palm up, the other palm down, in the unique manner he'd long used to request a Force rapport, and he was surprised to see her answer in kind, settling her hands cautiously over and under his, palm to palm. _Of course she would, you ninny, you taught her..._ Shaking his head to clear it of the clutter of such thoughts, Alex drew in a settling breath, and then locked eyes with the young woman. 

He could tell that Meri was afraid, but struggling to master her fears: her hands trembled minutely in his own. He projected strength towards her, and then waited to see if she would accept the gift. He began to sense her presence as a warmth in the wind of the Force, a rich, subtly-scented breeze. She reached for him tentatively, and opened herself slightly to receive the gift of his strength, offering back her own form of fragile trust. 

There was a hint there of something more, as the tendrils of thoughts touched and mingled, the shattered bond being rebuilt, strand by strand, but when he quested after it, she turned him away, with a saddened look. _No, Master,_ he heard her voice in his head, _Not there. Not yet._

He respected her privacy, and pulled back, offering instead some other piece of himself to her, and the sharing continued, until they were pulled out of their trance by the insistent buzzing from the commlink. A quick glance at his chrono told Alex what was so urgent: he was due in the arena in only a few minutes, and he'd not even changed into the clothes the Council had advised he wear.

"I'm sorry, Meri," he said quietly, and her eyes refocused on his. A shock of hot recognition shot through him, and he quickly looked away. "I... I have to go... the ceremony..." 

She nodded, releasing his hands, and Alex scrambled to his feet. He turned back to face her, wanting to ask if she knew what had just happened, but she had already turned away, and was looking out the window of their quarters. Her face was reflected in the transparisteel, her eyes mirroring the darkness beyond the window. _Dark eyes..._ the image haunted the soon-to-be-affirmed Jedi knight, as he gazed at his padawan's straight and slender back. 

Alex watched her for a few moments, wishing indefinable things, but time pressed at him. He moved silently out of the room, to change quickly before heading down to the arena. When he'd done so, Meri followed him out into the corridor, assuming her customary place slightly to the rear of his right side. 

Together, they moved through the Temple's many corridors and cathedral halls: master and padawan, reunited, but with many questions unasked, and unanswered. 

** 

Alex Arieh congratulated his friend, noting for the first time a bizarre overlay of his senses. It was as though he were seeing from two subtly different pairs of eyes, perceiving the events around him from separate but similar points of view. He tried to separate them, tried to see Rani or T'lor from only one point of view, to draw the memory images closer to the present ones, but it proved too difficult. His glance shot to his apprentice, and all of a sudden, one of those perspectives was removed. He repeated her name mentally, turning it into a mantra so that he would not forget her again: _Meri Irhanah, Meri Irhanah... _

When things in the arena had calmed somewhat, he was beckoned forward by the stubby green finger of the Council's eldest and wisest. He stood before the assembled Jedi Council, meeting each of their eyes in turn. He resisted the urge to kneel, for he was not a padawan about to be Knighted: he was a Knight and Master, reconfirming his dedication to the Jedi Order, and to his apprentice.

She was a warm presence at his side, her name a quiet song in his mind. He stood before the Council, and focused his gaze down on the most senior member of the Order. He was somewhat startled to catch a glimpse of some fleeting emotion in the Jedi Master's jade gaze, like the silver flash of a fish under green water. 

_Pity?_

Yoda's eyes closed, and when they opened again all such traces were gone, freed to swim in the channels of the unifying Force. It was all the answer he would give.

The affirmation proceeded, the young Exemplar the Council had spoken to about researching such ceremonies had been thorough, and it went smoothly. It wasn't until Meri stood before him and locked her eyes with his, that Alex felt again somewhat disjointed. There was such intensity in that dark gaze, such hidden depths that Alex felt himself drawn in, almost magnetically. He pulled back out of respect for his newly affirmed status as her Master, blinking to re-gather his thoughts and watched as she looked away in a graceful movement and tight control.

For all that she was his padawan, he felt he might never _know_ this enigmatic young woman. They spoke the words, renewing an Oath that had been made before, and then ripped from his memory.

When her eyes met his again, he felt a cold stab in the realms hidden under the white fog of his amnesia: there was something dying in her eyes, some familiar and necessary light fading. Too soon, it was gone as though it had never been. 

_Hope._

His mind's eye saw the image of a slim form collapsed at the feet of the Sith Witch, and his heart was filled with that same need for justice to be done. 

He felt swollen with curious, half-identifiable emotions, and it was with a pang of regret for reasons he could not identify, that he released them to the Force. They rushed forth from him, superheated air from a vent, and he was left feeling cleansed, but also strangely empty, as if he were a hollow shell of what he had been before.

**The End **

_Coming Soon... "That Which Is Remembered" _


	67. That Which Is Remembered Teaser

**_Author's Note: Here is the Teaser for the sequel. *grin* Oh, these aren't in the sequence that they will appear in the story._**

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**_That Which Is Remembered: Teaser _**

~~~ 

Jedi Temple~Meditation room 

"Meri?" 

The voice cut through the chaotic thoughts of the wounded young woman and immediately her posture melted into the front of a poised Jedi even as she turned to face the familiar voice. 

"Why do you do that?" Obi-Wan asked sadly as he stepped out of the shadows. "Do you think I don't see?" 

Meri carefully kept her expression neutral as her long time friend Obi-Wan Kenobi stepped closer. "And what do you see, Obi-Wan?" she asked allowing only a hint of emotion to show. Without waiting for his answer she turned back to the floor length windows, her gaze fixed outward. 

She could feel his eyes studying her and she flinched visibly when he touched her cheek softly with the back of his fingers. 

"I see someone who never grieved for a loved one. And it's eating them inside." 

~ ~ ~ 

**_Knighting ceremony _**

The void growing within her at the phantom bond's sudden absence was like an empty dark hole, sucking in everything else and Meri faltered as she attempted to understand the aching, gnawing pain. Her lips tried to form words to protest what he had just done…the betrayal he had just committed. He'd stolen her Alex…the real Alex from her…he had no right to do that. This wasn't supposed to happen…he wasn't supposed to touch that bond. 

Faintly Meri heard the applause as she was introduced as a knight to the order and vaguely she realized this was a prompting that she should rise to her feet. It was expected of her…wasn't it? Suddenly she wasn't sure of anything any more. The room reeled and dark spots alternated with bright flashing globes in front of her vision as the pain flared to a new height. Her hearing began to fade in and out as the murmur of concerned voices grew. 

She didn't notice how deathly still the room had become, nor the fact that Obi-Wan was about to break protocol and rush to her side. She didn't even notice when Adi Gallia approached, her questions sliding over the new knight like water as Meri fought the unbearable pain inside. 

The concerned questions never reached her ears as she toppled forward, unconsciousness a welcome darkness without pain. 

~ ~ ~ 

**_Jedi Temple~ infirmary _**

"With all due respect, Master, you don't know what you're saying," the healer began. "Meri Irhanah cannot be sent away, not now. I specified that in my report, you can't…," 

"Master Healer," Mace interrupted firmly. "We have read your report and we have come to a decision. Knight Irhanah **will** be sent to Urukier." 

An-Paj stared dumbfounded at the Councilor before him for long moments. And then it began to sink in. The Council didn't want this revealed. If it were, they would be made to take a more forceful course of action, ending in expulsion for one or both of them. They needed Alex Arieh… 

However Meri….An-Paj's jaw hardened at the realization of what they were doing and everything within him that was healer cried against it. 

The Councilor's dark eyes were full of remorse as he shook his head. "Master An-Paj, the Council has made its decision and I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" An-Paj questioned, his blue skin beginning to flush almost purple in anger. "You are willingly killing one of our own and you are sorry?" 

~ ~ ~ 

**_Jedi Center~Urukier _**

Obi-Wan inhaled a clean breath of the salty fresh air on Urukier as he walked alongside Dylan. "You say she often comes here?" he questioned curiously. 

Dylan nodded, and Obi-Wan thought his expression was almost worried. "She spends a lot of time on this beach, alone." 

For some reason the words made Obi-Wan uneasy, but he forgot this as he spotted his friend up ahead. She was wading out, thigh deep in the water, and as he hurried forward he missed the gasp of his companion as Dylan saw Meri.

The older man stopped and watched as the two Jedi embraced, but he didn't miss the small expression of shock on the young man's face as he got a good look at his friend, nor did he miss the strange expression of frustration mixed with relief on Meri's face when she turned from the deeper water. He had told her about the water before…and something told Dylan she hadn't forgotten that if you waded out too deep the undertow would pull you under. 

~ ~ ~ 

The sun was setting over the ocean, as Dylan stepped up to the silent and dark abode. He hadn't seen Meri all day and he was worried. He had said something wrong…he knew that, but hadn't meant to. 

It was just he hadn't seen a Tizrah stone in such a long time and was certainly surprised to see a Jedi, much less Meri wearing one. It had been only natural that he asked who she was to marry. But apparently Meri hadn't known what it meant to wear such a thing around her neck…and from what he'd seen, the pendant was behind the grief and anguish etched on her face. 

She turned deathly white when he had told her and he hadn't seen her since.

"Meri?" he called when she didn't come to the door. There was nothing, only silence and suddenly a queasy feeling of uneasiness crept over him. Without pausing to think it over, Dylan activated the door and stepped through as soon as it slid back. 

Everything was dark inside and the uneasiness inside grew as he slowly made his way into the quarters. 

"Meri?" Again there was no answer, but he heard the softest noise in the room up ahead and he instinctively quickened his pace. 

Dylan stepped hesitantly into the darkened room, but stopped short at the sight that confronted him. 

"Meri! NO!" 

~~~ 

**_Jedi Temple _**

Meri stopped abruptly in the hall, her fragile, neutral mask on the edge of shattering. 

"Excuse me," she said coolly, fighting the impulse to take a step back and away from the knight before her. 

"No, I don't think I will." 

Meri's hands clenched her robe and her mouth twitched at the amused but cocky tone. He was enjoying this. 

She sighed as though in resignation. "Fine. What can I do to indulge you?" Her tone was condescending and one narrow brow rose in haughty question. 

"Talk to me?" 

His voice softened slightly with his request and Meri felt her heart clench painfully in answer. For a brief moment she simply looked at him, a fleeting expression of pain in her dark eyes. 

"I have nothing to discuss with you." 

The knight took a step forward and she automatically took a step back. 

"I would like to get to know you, Knight Irhanah." 

For a brief moment Meri's facade cracked as her eyes slid shut in agony of the question. He was around nine years too late. Buoying up the last of her confidence, she straightened. 

"I'm sorry, Master Arieh. But I **don't** want to know you."

With that she turned on her heel and left.

~ ~ ~ 

**_Jedi Temple~Training Arena _**

"Master Arieh?" 

Alex looked up from correcting the stance of a young initiate before him at the call of his fellow instructor. 

"Could you fetch me that training helmet?" 

Alex nodded and headed over to the rack on the wall. Just as he was reaching out to grab the small helmet, an odd sensation began to spread through him causing him to falter in his movement. 

The odd sensation turned to a phantom pain that sliced across his wrist and gasping he pulled his arm to his chest. Behind him others were beginning to take notice of the knight's odd behavior as he hunched over his hand as though he had injured it. 

"Alex? Are you alright?" 

~ ~ ~ 

"Obi-Wan…I can't do this!" 

"He's remembering things, Meri." 

Dark eyes widened in astonishment at this. 

"No! He can't be!" 

"You sound as though you don't want him to remember the past…remember you!" 

Meri took in a harsh breath before shaking her head. "I don't! He can't!"

"You won't be able to stop it and when he does," Obi-Wan trailed off, leaving her to finish the thought that shot shards of pain through her heart. 

~ ~ ~ 

"You're supposed to tighten that bolt first." 

Meri clenched her jaw and shot the dark headed knight a glare that went unnoticed.

"I know how to assemble this and I require **no** help from you!" 

"I was simply informing you of a simpler and might I add, much shorter route."

Meri felt ready to hit the obstinate male over the head with the tool in her hand. "You might not believe it, but I have done this before," she muttered out between a clenched jaw. 

"Have you always been this stubborn?" 

"Have you always been this pigheaded?" she shot back immediately. His distinctly male attitude was driving her mad. Even though she knew what she was doing, his continuing comments on her techniques were irritating to say the least. She supposed it just went back to the male belief that they always knew the best and shortest route, despite the fact the other person had done it just as many times."Of course you have, what am I saying?" she muttered more to herself than him. 

Alex looked taken aback by her outburst. "I don't remember us arguing this much…" he trailed off as what he was actually saying registered.

Meri shot him a startled look as the tall knight ran a hand nervously through his hair before turning and walking out. 

**_That Which is Remembered… _**

Coming Soon 


End file.
